Margaritas, Beaches, and Bikinis

Chapter Two
Belk's Department Store

A few days passed. And the writer's block still held its firm iron grip on me. I still felt like I'd abandon all of my writing projects and I felt like I owed my readership a reason why there had been no new Emily stories. Or any updates on her many misadventures. But every time I opened up a blank word document  and told myself that now I was going to work on her stories I found my mind going blank. Blank like the word document I was peering at.

But I had more pressing concerns. I needed to update my closet. If I was going to spend the whole of my gifted holiday as Rebecca and then I would need more female clothes. And I knew only one place to go and buy some decent clothing. And that would be the Belk's Department Store, a regional favorite among Southern Belles of all ages. 

And given I was still new to shopping for female clothing I decided it would be best to do it early in the morning when the store had just opened for business and both floors of the department store were still void of customers.

Anyway I swallowed hard and I put my car in park. The drive from Benton to Ridgeland had taken only forty or so minutes and that was because I'd somehow got turned around somehow. Anyway, I leaned over the steering wheel and I once more found my mind going blank. My mission was simple. Get in, and get out.

“It can't be that hard.” I said unbuckling my safety belt. “Just get in and get out.” I said taking a deep breath as I reached over and unlocked the driver's door and then I climbed out and turned around and pressed the clicker a few seconds later the front headlights flashed for a few seconds. A sign that my car was indeed locked.

I then turned my eyes toward the front door.

I'm not sure what I expected, I kind of expected that all of my questions would be answered. That I would enjoy browsing the many racks of clothes. That figured a sense of euphoria would come sneaking up on me. And soon I would like the women in the posters, smiling a smile that reached from one end to my face to the other as I clutched tightly a collection of bags.

I was wrong. Instead I felt my old nemesis, gender dysphoria starting to sneak up on me. And soon he was right on top of me, not only was he on top of me, he was beating me down with his iron fist. Pounding me into the ground. My chest tightened and the palms of my hands started to sweat. And for a brief second I thought one of two things was possible. 

The first possibility was I was going to have a nervous breakdown right here in the middle of the store, the second possibility was I was going to have an asthma attack. And while I wrestled to get control of myself. All I could see around me were shadows, shadows of people that I knew were not there. But they were in a roundabout way very real to me.

I was tempted to drop the bundle of clothes I'd collected right there on the floor and to rush out to my car where I was sure I was going to cry myself to sleep. Instead though, I drew in a deep breath, reached into the pocket of my jeans and pulled out my phone slowly with trembling hands. I pulled up the 'Google' app and slowly I typed in 'Youtube' once that was brought up I typed in 'Little Victories, Treseella'.

Once the video came up. I felt like a huge burden had taken off my shoulders. The soothing melody of the song kind of made me feel grounded and soon my breathing became steady and that dark storm cloud that was hanging over my head started to vanish. 

Degree by degree I felt bits and pieces of my sanity starting to return to me. Slowly I found the strength to collect myself. Once I was sure of myself, I started to walk with trembling feet toward the cashier. 

And talk about anticlimactic. The cashier just casually pushed my items through the scanner. I even found myself getting a little offended by her whole nonchalant attitude. Once she was done she pressed several keys and then in a dull lifeless tone of voice asked me.

“Would that be cash or credit?” The cashier asked me.

“Credit.. debit.. really.” I said shuttering a little. 

“There's the same thing.” The cashier said with a small sigh.

“Credit I guess.” I said handing over my card.

She took the card from my hand. Entered my card information into her register and then handed the card back to me. And then as if she was just brushing me aside she said. “Our machines are old. Like we don't have card readers. We need to enter your information.. also it takes a few minutes to go through..” 

I nodded my head.

A few seconds pasted before the machine made a horrible ear splitting sound and a few seconds later it vomited up a long sheet of paper. The cashier shrugged her shoulders, reached down and snatched the sheet of paper from the mouth of the machine and handed it to me. 

“Here.” The cashier said, taking a deep breath. “And thank you for shopping at Belk's and have a good day or something?” And with that the cashier handed me the paper and two big bags. 
I was too stunned to say anything. Instead I just took the bag from the cashier's hand and then nodded my head. I mean I don't know what I was hoping to happen. I guess I was androgynous 
enough to pass as a girl And while I was not wearing overly feminine clothes, just a fading pair of jeans, a white button down shirt and a pair of white sneakers.

And why do I bring that up? Because I'd just brought three different styles of sundresses, a little black dress, and four different styles of bikinis, and of course bras and panties. All told I'd just spent around four hundred dollars. 

“I guess I passed..” I said, sighing a little as I started to walk back toward my car.