Driven from Normal .

Simon McKenzie started his week normal enough, but after a series of events he found himself standing in a bar wearing a cocktail dress. Chapter 19.

After my initial reluctance at Mels suggestion to just rock up to Chalkys meeting tomorrow in Simone mode, I eventually agreed, only after she had offered some solid advice on how to proceed with the plan. My biggest concern was how to have a shower before bed without all my extra accessories dropping off and ending up on the floor.

Turns out that wasn't a biggy, just cover them with kitchen wrap and as long as I was quick, the glue should hold on. Mel was a little surprised sounding when I mentioned they hadn't just pulled off easily before, she thought I just might not have tried hard enough. Probably just as well really if I was going to need them again tomorrow morning anyway. The wig glue she had used was totally waterproof and I could even leave it on, as long as I wasn't too rough. Mel did say I shouldn't wash it though because I’d never get it styled right.

So that was that then, another outing dressed as a girl, and my biggest concern was keeping my fake tits in place, who would have thought!

Mel wanted me to video call her in the morning so she could give me pointers on makeup and clothing choices, which suited me, I'd need all the help available. My meeting wasn't until Eleven, so I had pretty much all morning to get myself sorted without needing to panic, but nevertheless Mel wanted me ready to go on the dot at Nine, so she could work her magic remotely.

With my eyes starting to feel lik I needed matchsticks to keep them open, we said our goodnights and ended the call. After plugging my phone into the charger cord beside my bed, I opened up my case and dug around for the bag of cosmetics Mel had given me. I also gathered all the washing up into a pile then chucked it in the machine while I got ready to mask myself up for a shower.

Ben still hadn't come home and probably wouldn’t now tonight, I’m picking he was staying at a mates or something, so no need for modesty. I spent a stupid amount of time just standing in the buff at the kitchen bench trying to find the end of the friggen plastic wrap, then keep it flat while I tried to cut off a few squares big enough to cover my false bits. A brain wave hit me as I was trying to make sure the top edge was going to stay stuck down. I dug around in my old sports bag and found a roll of sports tape then ran a strip around the edges of the wrap.

The shower felt soooo magnificent, warm water washing away a full-on day's worth of yuckiness. I made sure the ol’ undercarriage was washed thoroughly, it had a fairly hard time in those hot PVC pants. I didn't spend anywhere near enough time in the shower as I wanted to, being in a constant state of fear about losing a lump of body to the shower water. After shutting off the water I stepped onto the bath mat and gingerly removed the first strips of tape,

“So far so good!”

When I had a small messy, balled up heap of wet plastic and tape on the floor I started to pat myself down with a fresh towel, avoiding any needless rubbing over the prosthetics. They still seemed to be very well attached when I carefully tried to slide a finger nail just under an edge of the pad attached to my thigh, it was stuck as good as it had ever been and pulled my skin up without any hint of releasing.

I had deliberately kept my head out of the water and my hair was still mostly dry, just a bit damp from the steam. I slipped my bathrobe on and headed for my room.
Mels bag of cosmetics and goodies was rammed full of sample bottles of various potions, I found the suitable moisturiser and applied that to my legs and arms as she had instructed earlier, then again for my face using another bottle that to me, looked and smelt exactly the same as the other one.

I never been a fan of sleeping in the nude, something about it never sat right with me.
What if there was a fire during the night or worse, a surprise attack from a boogieman, maybe even boogiemen!
Nope, not worth the risk… a trusty old tee-shirt and my boxer shorts would be the ultimate in safe sleeping protection.

Once again my pretend boobies battled with the teeshirt, making it ride up, as did the boxer shorts that insisted on riding up over my hips, far higher than I would ever normally wear them. I headed for the now finished washing machine, digging the boxers from the crack of my bum with each step. I couldn't be arsed fluffing around this time of night, so the whole lot went into the dryer on a low heat, gentle cycle, and after a quick once around the house making sure everything was locked and turned off I climbed into bed. What a glorious experience that was, after being away for a week in unfamiliar beds.

At the risk of sounding like a show-off, the speed at which I fell asleep was pretty epic. If getting to sleep was an Olympic sport, not only would I have got the gold, there would have been a ballad written about it as well. I don't think I even moved during the night. Once again the sleepwear did its job with no reported boogiemen attacks. I woke feeling fresh and relaxed as the morning alarm dragged me away from a dream.

I just lay there for a bit, staring up at the roof, thinking about the day ahead, then about Mel, then about the small spider web beside the light fitting on the ceiling, before tossing the covers aside and swinging my legs out and onto the floor.
I wiggled my toes on the carpet focusing my gaze on the black polish, then I briefly studied the pink polish on my fingernails before standing to begin the day.

I headed to the dryer, plucking the boxers out from my bum again. I walked butt naked into the laundry room, gathering the fresh, clean garments out and into the basket. I tipped it out over the end of my bed and rummaged through the pile looking for suitable undergarments.

Bra, check! Knickers, check! they didn’t match but who cares. Gaff, it was the Gaff that I couldn't be bothered with, the mere thought of another day with my down-stairs department being bound up in one of those things did nothing at all for my mental well-being.

After the fresh white Bra was on, I wondered if I could just get away with the knickers only. Worth a go I figured. I slipped them on, stopping at my knees before tucking the gear away, hopefully good enough that the black panties would hold everything in place, hopefully!

The dryer may have shrunken them a wee bit, they seemed much tighter than last time, which was good, as it should help more in keeping everything held in place better without relying on the Gaff. However, I wasn’t confident enough to think they’d be up to the task if I was to wear a dress or skirt, you know, just in case of a poorly timed escape attempt. I sure as shit wasn't going back in those PVC pants, so I hunted through the selection of stuff I’d brought yesterday for an idea.

Shorts? Nope.. The tights Kamyla sold me?, mmm, not really suitable for a meeting and too tricky keeping things in place with no Gaff. That really only left the pair of Jeans I had purchased.
“Light blue, ripped wash denim. 7/8th tapered leg” the tag still on them said. The only reason I had brought them was because of how good my bum had looked in them, the cut really accentuated the curves I’d been given at Anna's.

I pulled them up into place just above my hips with the bottom of the cuffs finishing mid-shin, making my legs look much, much longer. They had a slight bit of stretch in the fabric that helped with the comfort, but the crotch was still tight enough that it also helped keeping the boy bits in place.

The first choice I found in tops was perfect I thought, a baby pink, loose fit, sleeveless tank top. It sat nice, covered my bra straps and left my belly button exposed. I thought I looked great, but of course I’d need the final ok from Mel when I called her soon. The necklace I bought with her completed a very solid styling effort in my opinion, and all on my own, and before Nine A.M.

With one minute to spare I placed the video call through to Mel, she answered straight away with her usual warm, bubbly greeting,

“Ohhhh, don't you look pretty. That colour really suits your skin tone Babe!”

“Right, get to a mirror and let's sort your make-up out” she ordered.

I already had the array of cosmetics and other stuff lined up neatly on the bathroom counter top.

“What a perfectionist! All the stuff lined up in order there. Not much of a girl, we just spread it out everywhere” Mel laughed as I waved my phone camera around the room.

“Have you moisturised? “ was the first question.

I confirmed with a nervous nod and Mel set right into the realtime online makeup tutorial. She told me to get one thing after another. I seemed to be able to select the wrong thing every single time without fail, but we got there in the end. I had a very light coat of foundation that was also a sunscreen it turned out, a soft pink lipstick that almost perfectly matched the colour of my top, and two coats of “Volumising” Mascara. That took a couple of goes to get that up to Mel’s standard and it felt like I had big feathers or something hanging off my eyelashes.

“Ok!, cool, now have you got a full length mirror so I can see the whole package?” she asked.

“Sort of….” I replied while walking towards the mirror at the end of the hallway

“Stand back a bit, I can't see your shoes!”

“I haven't got any on yet?”

So, off back to my room we went so she could view the various options I had at my disposal. My first choice of the black Puma shoes, that I already knew would be vetoed straight away were out, followed by the second choice being the white sneakers…

“Mmmm, maybe, a bit too casual I'm thinking! What else is there?”

I held up the ankle boots which I was directed to put on immediately and show her in the mirror, another "maybe" Next up, the heels I’d worn for the TV shoot, hoping like hell she’d go back to one of the other easier options.

“Mmmm, I don't know really, I don't think any of those are right…. Didn't you say you bought shoes yesterday with your Mum, what were they?” Mel pressed.

“Ah yeah, I forgot about those… they’re over here somewhere, still in the box.”

I sat the phone down momentarily while I wrestled the box open and pulled out one of the new shoes.
I held the black pointy heel up by the thin ankle strap for her to inspect.

"Yeah, now talkin', put those on and let me see!"

I placed the phone down again and retrieved the other shoe, they had a wad of tissue paper stuffed inside that I realised when my toes hit it, they fitted a lot nicer with it out!
The little buckles on the ankle straps just about did me in with the added difficulty of my longer fingernails frustrating the shit out of me.
When I'd finished, I picked the phone back up and headed back to the hallway mirror.

"Shit yes, that looks primo. What a hottie" Mel yelled while doing a golf clap.

An hour that all took, I'm pleased we had started so early. I then had just just under an hour to get over to Chalkys, with coffee, for our meeting. I thanked Mel and said I'd call her back later, gathered some up equipment to load into my handbag and trotted out the back door to my car.

Driving in heels with no experience was a certain recipe for a crash. I only made it to the end of the driveway before stopping and taking them off to drive barefoot.

There was a reasonably good coffee shop not far from Chalky’s, one of those typical trendy brand new shops but full of old pretend posters and buggered furniture so it looks like it's old. Anyway, the coffee was good so I could tolerate the stereotypical decorating.
The only park I could find was just off the main street around the corner, Chalkys was within walking distance, so I didn't need to piss around with my shoes after I managed to wage war with those tiny buckles getting them back on again.

It was damn near impossible to get the little fuckers sorted in the front seat of the car. The steering wheel and fake titties all added to my growing anger as I tried my hardest to do it all by feel. Anyone that walked past must have thought I was trying to steal the car with the time it took, and the cursing.

After that ordeal I was in no mood to deal with the uppity bullshit attitude the little hipster bitch behind the counter started at me with. I shut her down faster than she could react, quickly giving me the single coffee I had ordered for Chalky. I forgot to order anything for myself after getting all pissy with her. Fuck her and her stupid hat all covered in cat hair!

Lucky for me the extra walk I now had to Chalkys would calm me down before I arrived, the heels made my normally quick walk pace slow down needing to take much shorter strides. For brand new shoes, and high heels, they were actually pretty good to walk in, mind you, for what they cost they should be perfect!

“C. Hawke and Co. Limited'' read the sign on the small office space, placed above a phone screen repair shop in a new retail building complex. I carefully negotiated my way up the flight of stairs, maintaining a firm grip on the handrail all the way, just in case a heel decided not to play the game.

Every time I came here and saw his sign, I thought to myself how much of a lame nickname it was, he really must have been last in line when they handed out nicknames.
Christopher Hawke, C. Hawke, Chawke… wow, so clever.

Chalky was pretty old, as I like to remind him constantly. It must have been two, or maybe three ago? that he’d had his Fortieth birthday party, so yeah, pretty old, but Gez, he could drink like a fish. I don't think I have ever seen anyone that pissed and still be able to stand, like he was that night. I say stand, but it was more of a severe lean.

He spotted me walking up to his glass office door and stood half up as he squinted his eyes trying to work out who was approaching, his expression turned to a huge grin as he worked out it was me.

“Well, fuck me! What the hell have we got here then?” he bellowed between huge laughs.

“What?” I replied acting coy.

“Sit your arse down there and start talkin’” he said grabbing the coffee cup I’d offered him, still shaking his head in disbelief.

Chalky continually slapped his desk as he gasped for air, tears rolling down his face in laughter as I ran through the events from the last few days. I may have added a little bit of garnish to the story for comical effect, but mostly stuck to the facts.

"....and I told her that her hat looked fucking stupid, took the coffee, and walked here"

"Ahhhhhhh, shitbags! That's fucken gold, absolutely fucken gold!"

Chalky pulled a hanky from his pocket, wiped his eyes then blew his nose. He finally managed to compose himself to the point where we could actually discuss the plans for me in Taupo for the next few days.

"There's all your flight details, I've emailed it as well. Pretty standard stuff really. You and Mitch takin' a few punters for either hot laps or on the skidpan in the new MG on Friday and Saturday. There's the fancy launch party on Saturday night. Black tie doo, so take ya Tux. Then home Sundee morning."

"Cool! Am I going to do the hot laps or skid pan?" I asked Chalky, desperate to hear it was the hot laps.

Another full day on the Skid pan again sounded as boring as bat shit. Spending all day on a wet concrete pad demonstrating the difference between having the ABS, Traction control and Vehicle stability systems on or off was fun for about five minutes.
I much preferred taking the hot laps around the full race circuit. Even in a standard road car you could experiment, to a point, with different race lines to get the best entry and exit corner speeds.

"No idea, you might need to fight him for the hot laps" Chalky said, closing the brown folder with all the printed off info then handing it over to me.

"Right, that's all that sorted! Now onto….. where the fucks that gone?"

Chalky shuffled through a stack of papers trying to locate the sheet he needed.

"Got ya, ya little bugger!" He said triumphantly holding up the located piece of paper.

"So…. After this job there's not a lot that's been confirmed for the next few weeks, there might be another TV gig next month, just waiting to hear on that…. But some other good news…."

Opening his lap top Chalky winked at me and made a few sort of humming noises as he waited for info to appear.

"Due to your recent exploits in cross dressing… "

He looked up waiting for my reaction, which was a single finger.
He smiled as he continued…

"There are some possibilities that you need to have a good think about…"

I leaned forward for a better look at the laptop screen he had turned for me to see easier.

"We've had a few requests for Simone. Most of them are a waste of time in my opinion, but this one…" He said tapping the screen.

"This one here sounds like a real good wee earner…"

I pressed him for the details,

"An unnamed, nationwide sports retailer, that I'm pretty sure is Rebel, wants you for their summer campaign. Print, Press, In store, billboards and social. Pretty much the works."

"Frig!" Was all I could manage to get out.

"It's a big deal, a big commitment for you, and a big payout for a day or two's work" A very serious Chalky mentioned.

"How much are ya talking do you think?"

"I need to do a bit more work yet, but because they've come to us, I'm going to see how far they'll let me squeeze them…"

"I'll start at fifteen.. " he said.

"Fifteen hundred?" I replied feeling very excited as the little dollar signs danced in my eyes.

"...and this is why you pay me to get a deal."
Chalky said, shaking his head side to side.

"No, Fifteen thousand!"