The Weekly Dormouse. (aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 3371 by Angharad Copyright© 2022 Angharad

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This is a work of fiction any mention of real people, places or institutions is purely coincidental and does not imply that they are as suggested in the story.
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Some things don't seem to change in this everyday tale of academic folk, well not in the university sense, they don't. Some of us have some knowledge and a large body of younger one don't. Essentially they pay me to share what I know with those who don't and to check at the end if they have learnt anything, if so we give 'em a degree and start the process all over again.

It ain't much but it pays the bills - and if you believe that, I may have a bridge to sell you. Simon pays most of the bills and I spend all my money on chocolate, well, wouldn't you? Actually, I do pay some of the bills and still manage to save some just in case Simon should get tired of me and want a bio female. i know he says I'm all he wants, but just in case he changes his mind, I won't be destitute. In fact, professors earn quite a good bit when compared to the average salary, but then I've worked hard to be where I've got and I've had some luck along the way as well.

I was busy signing about twenty million letters when my phone rang. Seeing as I'd been signing bit of paper for the last hour, I welcomed the intrusion. "Cathy Watts,"

I answered the phone as I usually do.

"I thought you were a professor?" said the voice, which was male.

"I am, but most people who ring me already know that, so why waste breath on something that is common knowledge?"

" Oh, your secretary said 'Professor Watts' office," said the voice.

"Well then, I didn't need to did I?"

"I suppose not," admitted the voice.

"Well, I am glad we settled that, goodbye," I said knowing full well that whatever it was he wanted to tell me or ask me, hadn't been voiced, so effectively I was teasing him.

"Wait," he called, "I haven't finished yet," he added, "I wanted to speak to you about my son."

"Do I know him?"

"He's in your department."

"So are a thousand others and it's impossible to know more than a few."

"Well you signed a letter telling him you no longer wanted him at your university," he sounded a little upset. Mind you I would be too if I'd blown £9,000 and achieved nothing."

"The computer signs those letters, we have quite a few each year."

"What? It sounds as if you don't care, don't even know his name."

"Actually, I care very much."

"A likely tale," he almost spat at me.

"I care enough to stop him running up even bigger bills before we sacked him."

"Oh, very caring of you."

"Would you prefer bills of £18,000 at the end of next year and him still having no chance of a degree?"

"No of course not, but I still think you have a nerve."

"Really, what's his name?"

"Why?"

"I can't discuss individuals unless I know who they are," if he's dumb I think I could see which parent passed on the stupid gene.

"Paul Matthews."

"Date of birth?" I asked and he gave it to me. I reached for a file with the names of those we told to leave, in alphabetical order. "Ah, we discuss each one of these before we send the letters. According to my colleague he has suggested better at partying than study when he can be bothered to turn up. His attendance is rather poor, only about forty per cent."

"Are you sure you have the right Paul Matthews?"

"Certain."

"He told me he was struggling a bit and said the staff were unhelpful."

"My staff are very helpful Mr Matthews, in fact, we try to avoid those letters and send one out before hand telling them to contact us if there is a problem or to pull their fingers out."

"You know about his dyslexia?"

"No, because he hasn't told us, nor has he sought any help."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive, if we learn that a student has an issue which could affect their grade, we invite them to discuss it with their tutor, if they feel they can't talk to them, we offer another member of staff or if it's very personal we suggest they see student health who can help with a number of issues or refer to various agencies like debt problems or pregnancy in young females. We do try our best to help them, but if they don't come forward we can't do anything because we don't know anything about their situation."

"Oh, I see."

"Look, Mr Matthews, I hear that you're upset and want the best for you son, I would in similar circumstances. I am prepared to have him back provided he resits his exam in a month's time and passes it and stops fooling about. If you can assure me he has learnt his lesson, I am prepared to give him a second chance but if he fails again, he's out, full stop."

"Right, I'll tell him."

"We give some of them a second chance on the assurance of the parent, but no third chance. Where is he now?"

"Still in bed, your letter upset him so much."

"I have been up five hours and worked for four of them. I think your son is just bone idle but maybe you can talk some sense into him, it's his last chance, goodbye Mr Matthews, perhaps you can prove me wrong, but I doubt it."

"Just for that I will, if I have to stand over him."

"Be careful you don't fall off the bed, goodbye." I rang off, the boy was obviously too lazy for his own good. At least his father no knows the score and may change the boy's attitude for him, I don't think, but at least he cared enough to ask us about it and I often give them a second chance which most blow but one or two get the message and knuckle down, some even get a decent degree.

I told Diane someone else could do the next call, there were two other professors who shared the burden with me when they could be bothered. I'd done three of these since the letters went out and my other mail wasn't being signed, so even though I had had a break from that, I had to finish them before I could go home, so my needs were paramount this time around. I continued using up the Quink in my pen on the letters, I usually sign them with a fountain pen, when the phone rang again. I rose from my seat as it continued to ring, "If that's another disgruntled parent, I'm not in," I called to Diane.

"It's not," she called back."

I quickly stepped into my room, I was wearing a skirt suit and heels, so couldn't rush. "Hello, Cathy Watts?"

"God, you give some almost impossible tasks," said Jim's voice.

"If it's god's fault why are you moaning to me?"

"What? he said.

"You told me that god gave you some almost impossible tasks, so why are you complaining to me?"

"God doesn't come in to it, you set me the job of finding this woman, not god."

"So I paid you to find her, it's not as if you did it out of the goodness of that stony heart, is it?"

"I beg your pardon," he said stiffly back to me.

All I said was, "Granted."

"What are you on about?"

"You said pardon, I acknowledged it."

"Looks like one of us forgot our medication this morning."

"Not me, I've signed about two trillion letters this morning and spoken to two awkward parents."

"Oh, perhaps it's me then."

"This isn't a helpline, so why are you calling."

"I think you'd be good at that."

"I have done my share of helpline stuff."

"See, I knew you'd be good at it."

"I didn't say if I was any good or not, just that I have done my share. I was probably useless but people used to phone to speak to the girl with the nice voice."

"See, a natural talent."

"I was living as a boy at the time."

"Oops."

"Why have you rung?"

"To talk to the girl with the nice voice."

"I kind of set myself up there didn't I?"

"Yep," he laughed down the phone.

"Look, what do you want?"

"I found where your missing lady was until three years ago."

"Oh well, that's alright then, I'll just get into my Tardis and go and visit her."

"Glad to be of service."

"Just before you go, where is she now?"

"Pass," he said back to my question.

"Pass what?"

"I don't know where she is, she just seemed to disappear again, but I will keep trying, the Salvation Army are yet to report and they're good at finding missing people."

"Keep trying, I've got to go to collect thegirls."

"Give them my love," he called and rang off. I dumped about five zillion letters on Diane desk.

"I'm off to get the girls," I said pulling on my coat, a duffel sort that I hadn't worn for years.

"Bye boss, any friend of Paddington's a friend of mine."

"It's the wrong colour, this red, Paddington's is blue."

"His is too small for a mature figure like yours."

"You saying I'm fat?"

"Wouldn't dream of it, just bigger than Paddington."

"He is a small bear."

"I was meaning the station, see you tomorrow." She'll have to go. I gave her one of my world famous scowls and she just ignored it, must be losing my touch.

When I got to the convent I walked towards the school to meet the girls at the earliest opportunity. Don't know why but I felt I wanted to see them again as quickly as possible. I was careful to try and avoid Sister Maria but her secretary saw me skulking in the corridor. "You're quite safe, Lady Cameron, she's out at a meeting." I nodded my acknowledgement of her message but said nothing. An electric type bell rang and suddenly the corridors were alive with children looking like clones in the identical uniforms. I suppose they did look uniform, which is where they get it from. See, educational innit?

Hannah spotted me and they came to me as a group, "You're early," declared Trish.

"I could always go home and get a cuppa and then come back," I offered.

"Uh, no," she said, "I want my dinner and David's doing something nice I expect."

"I'm not sure he's working tonight, so you might be stuck with what I feel like cooking." I said this knowing he was working today.

"Oh well, I expect what you cook will be just as nice," said Livvie.

"Just for that delightful comment, I'll try and find a soft shoe to use for the soup tonight."

"Yeah, but whose shoe?" asked Trish.

"Perhaps Danni's old football boot will make a tasty meal," I was well away into surrealism.

"Yuch," they all shouted including Danni.

"Oh well, I'll have to look in Daddy's garden shed, I'm sure his old gardening boots would be just right."

"Can't I just have bread and butter?" asked Meems.

"Of course you can, sweetheart."

"I'll have the same," shouted Trish and Livvie, to which I agreed.

"When we got home as we walked through the kitchen I said, " Just bread and butter for this lot tonight, David."

"Gone off cottage pie have they?"

"Hey, we were robbed," called Trish and Livvie supported her.

"I didn't say I didn't want it," said Danni.

"That's okay then," I added," I could kill for a cuppa."

"I'll get it, Ma," yelled Trish and she and Hannah squabbled over the tea pot. It's Friday and I have them for two whole days, wunnerful, just bloody wunnerful.