The Weekly Dormouse. (aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 3342 by Angharad Copyright© 2021 Angharad

---

This is a work of fiction any mention of real people, places or institutions is purely coincidental and does not imply that they are as suggested in the story.

####
I managed to speak to David and he agreed that we could do meat-free days and even try one or two meat substitutes but he was aware we would have to proceed with care or one of the kids will object and they will probably all do so.

I know Trish has expressed an opinion that we should try not to eat meat every day but saying and doing it are two different things, In all honesty, she is probably the most committed to going vegetarian but she can get her knickers in a twist very easily so I have to handle her with kid gloves, I wonder if other Mums have this problem?

At the evening meal she, Trish, that is, about eating dead animals - they'd had some debate about it in class. Livvie was of the opinion that we'd be neck-deep in them if we didn't eat them, I thought it would only be knee-deep and we wouldn't breed so many if we didn't eat them, so that would eventually sort it out, at least I hoped it would. In all probability we'd screw it up, we always do. Or am I becoming cynical?
The tea time debate roamed about a little encountering feminism as well as dietary needs, football - how did that get there? Oh yes, Danni had some comments about her football club, I forget what it was now. Am I going senile or have I gone there, because sometimes I think I'm on the way, I'm so crazy I've become sane again. Anyway, we broached the subject and there was no argument, nor did anybody die, so that must be good. I went to be alone that wasn't so good in all the time I've been married I spent more nights alone than I have with. I had nothing to do one night, and I couldn't sleep so I made a calculation of the two. I have spent more nights alone.

The next day I was met by Diane with a face like thunder. "What happened to you, lose a pound and find a bawbee."

"Why don't you ask me the same in English?" was her response.

"You know what I mean, just give me the bad news."

"Dr Rice has phoned in sick, he thinks he has Covid."

"Oh, poor chap I hope gets over it quickly."

"Sod, that who's going to do his lecture for him?"

"Who've we got?"

"We have just one person free."

"Fine, just ask them to do it." We'd had a problem before with the first year complaining of lack of tuition time, actual face-to-face stuff."

"They won't like it."

"So what, we pay people to do things not sit on their fat arses like you do."

"You ever tried typing while standing up?"

"Can't be that hard."

"Can't it, you try it boss lady."

"You're going to tell me you have aren't you? Well don't bother, just get someone to cover his lecture, ask them nicely but forcefully, like you do when you want me to do something."

"Will you cover Dr Rice's lecture?"

"You could be more forceful than that."

She smiled, "My idiot boss wants you to cover Dr Rice's lecture, will you?"

"Hey, I'm not an idiot just a bit soft to allow you to get away with a statement like that."

"Okay, how about my soft-hearted but idiot boss wants you to cover Dr Rice's lecture?"

"You still have too much levity in it."

"My overbearing but soft-hearted boss wants you to cover Dr Rice's lecture."

"Better, look we're going to be here all day at this rate, just tell them, okay?"

"Okay," she responded as I walked into my office and approached the mound of paperwork that was sitting there. I think I saw it smiling at me at one point. Perhaps I'm crazier than I thought, nah, mad people never think they are, so as long as I keep thinking it, I'm mad, I shall be all right. I had barely had time to put my bag down when my phone rang. Dumping down quickly I picked up the handset.

"Hello, Professor Watts," I squawked down the phone.

"My overbearing but soft-hearted boss told me to phone you to cover for Dr Rice, he has Covid and he should be lecturing in half an hour."

"You idiot, call the member of staff you want to do it."

"I did."

"No you didn't, you rang me."

"Exactly."

"What?"

"You're the only one available. Twenty-five minutes before you start, it's freshwater habitats, only two hours."

"Oh, shit, you're joking?"

"No, overbearing but soft-hearted, idiot boss."

"I'm going to strangle you one day."

"Best wait until I finished your typing then, though standing up I can only manage two letters an hour."

"Why are you standing up?"

"Because my idiot boss told me to."

"The same one you tricked into covering a lecture?"

"Yeah, but it's no trick. you are the only one available."

"Okay, do we have his notes?"

"No, but it's called, Freshwater Habitats."

"Okay, make me a cup of tea while I see what textbooks I have on it."

I found two or three and looked through them. I could manage to keep them busy for an hour or so, if we finish early so be it, just make them be grateful for small mercies.

By the time I'd drunk my tea I had a decent idea of what I needed to do and had written a quick list of habitat types. I'd make them work while we did it, should be challenging but not insurmountable and I have done work on habitats before as it happens to be one of the foundations of modern ecology.

I wandered down to lecture theatre one and spoke to the technician there, he had a list of slides that Dr Rice had requested, mainly pictures of different habitats but all freshwater ones, streams, rivers, ponds, marshes and so on. He ran me off a list and with that, my own list and my textbooks I blundered my way through it and had a stimulating time, talk about ad hoc, this was that with bells on. I extemporised and fed off the info I extracted for them, at one point I even asked them why habitats were important or were they? Thankfully I got back the answer I wanted and it went on like that,

I had apologised when I began that it was a scratch lecture because Dr Rice had rung in sick that day at the end a couple of students approached me to tell me it was good and they didn't believe it was a scratch lecture. I shrugged and told them I'm an ecologist and such things are the basis of understanding ecology, reminding them that the basis is the relationship between the organism and its environment including other organisms, then we incorporate ecosystems and then we follow the energy through the system, which involves solar energy and foodwebs going from simple autotrophs to level five predators, the superpredator like sharks and lions or man.

They asked me if was doing the terrestrial habitats and ecosystems the next day and it looked very much as if I would be. Back at my office still buzzing from my performance I was happy to be invited to lunch by Tom who wouldn't take no for an answer, not that I was going say it, so Diane and I accompanied Daddy to the restaurant to listen to his moans of despair about today's youngsters. I did try to point out it was ever thus but it was wasted on him, tomorrow would be different but today he had a moan and we listened.A