Within six months of her arrival Harriet had been completely accepted by the locals as Pete’s daughter rather than his niece. Gladys and Pete had been highly regarded for years and after it went around how badly Bert had treated Harriet when the couple adopted her, thanks to a casual word dropped here and there by Elle, they were even more highly thought of. The few who remembered Bert said he was an unlikeable young man with a bad temper and over ready to use his fists and that him abusing a child of his was only too credible. Bert had left Bearthwaite because his fists against those of dozens of decent men had resulted in a regular battering. He’d never won a fight because his temperament caused him to choose unwinnable odds, and in spite of being born of a centuries old Bearthwaite family he was not considered to be one of them. Vince the Mince,(1) the village butcher, summed up local opinion in a nut shell when he said, “For sure he won’t be made welcome if he tries to return here. Even as a kid he was a gey(2) ignorant(3) bastard that none liked.” None yet knew Harriet was trans and Sasha advised her to leave it like that for the time being.

Eventually when it did become common knowledge that Harriet was trans most already liked and thought well of her. All the women and girls of the village could see how close Gladys and Harriet had become, just like any other mother and daughter, for Harriet was completely feminine in her behaviour. That Sasha had said any who did not accept her were no friends of his had helped, but ultimately what had made the difference was Sasha telling Pete that if he felt making the situation regarding the mortgages on the Dragon public could help in any way then it was unkind to Harriet to keep the matter a secret. Gladys’ and Pete’s admission of their debts to Sasha concerning the Green Dragon and their opinion that all the folk of Bearthwaite owed him because elsewise the place would probably have become a clone of a chain brewery pub made all consider the matter with a greater degree of tolerance. When Gladys telt some of the ladies that Harriet was the next generation who was being trained to keep the Dragon a free house, those ladies put considerable pressure on their menfolk and reminded them why they preferred to drink in the Dragon rather than elsewhere. Even the men who lived outside Bearthwaite but drank in the Dragon considered the inconvenience of its isolated location to be a small matter as compared with its entire ethos and ambience, although it is doubtful that many had ever heard of either of those two words. That their wives raised no problems concerning an evening spent gossiping in the entirely feminine atmosphere of the Green Dragon’s best room whilst their husbands swapped lies, tall stories, jokes and reminiscences in the tap room meant the matter of Harriet was closed to further discussion.

~o~O~o~

“Harriet, have you the desire for GRS? And if so have you the ability to finance it?”

Harriet looked puzzled and embarrassed, but not willing to lie or prevaricate she replied, “Yes and no, Elle. Why?”

Elle pushed a piece of paper over to her and said, “Read it please.”

Harriet read it, but it had been prepared by a solicitor and was written in legal language that was unintelligible to her, so she asked, “Would you tell me in words I can understand what it means, Elle?”

“It says Sasha and I shall pay for any and all medical procedures you require and wish, whatever they be and what ever they cost, and we shall subsequently support you as though you were our granddaughter if in return if and when you eventually become the landlady of the Green Dragon you guarantee to keep its status as a free house and to only ever pass it on to one or more of your heirs, which obviously includes those by adoption, who will have to sign to agree to do likewise. This document means you and they can’t pass it on elsewise. It guarantees the independence of the Dragon in perpetuity. Though not in the document if you or your heirs are ever in need of finance I suggest you or they approach our heirs who will be willing to help.” That Sasha had set up the Green Dragon Trust Fund years ago specifically to do that Elle didn’t mention, though Gladys and Pete were aware of it.

Harriet stared into nowhere for a minute trying to understand why Sasha and Elle would be so generous for such a tenuous possibility of virtually no reward. Eventually she asked, “Sasha loves my stepmother doesn’t he?”

Elle didn’t take long to reply, “Your dad is like son to us, and no we don’t love your stepmother. We love your mother and the sooner you think of her as your mother and not your stepmother the happier your life and hers will become. I suggest you talk to your mum and dad about this.” Running her hand over Harriet’s hair Elle kissed her cheek and left as tears ran off Harriet’s face.

Harriet was still crying when Gladys found her. After Harriet had told her what Elle had said, Gladys explained, “I don’t know much about Elle’s early life. I don’t think any other than Sasha does, but for sure it wasn’t too good. I do know Sasha had a terrible early life. He’s incredibly intelligent and understands folk and life at a level few others can comprehend. Money and status mean nothing to him for he has huge amounts of money and even more status in every country in the world, yet he chooses to live here in a converted farmhouse which he converted himself and he lives just like the rest of us. I don’t actually believe there is such a person as Sasha or Elle because they are so close they function as one person. Listening to their banter most are tricked into believing they are just like any other married couple, but I believe that is a fiction they both work at to maintain. That they both usually use the word we rather than I is significant. You may think you’re talking to one of them, but I believe you are always talking to both of them. Sasha does, however, care about folk. His children are all clever, have well paying professions and have settled elsewhere. They don’t need their parents to look after them any more, so Elle and he look after Bearthwaite. He was the person who telt your dad to get you here, and I and your dad are glad he did. As you know your dad and I have a daughter named Delia, but she has turned her back on both of us. It was an acrimonious parting. I’m sad about that, but I accept it is her right. She seems to think she has a right to the Green Dragon when we are gone, but that is not so. We adopted you for many reasons, but to prevent her making your life difficult when we’re gone was one of them.

“Sasha owns more of the Dragon than your dad and I because he financed the original mortgage and the extension mortgage too. It’s a totally private affair. Sasha just wants the Dragon to be independent, a decent place for locals to socialise. As you already know the taproom revolves around the story tellers, the Grumpy Old Men’s Society as they refer to themselves. What you may not have realised is they are the major attraction of the place. Some of the men come from over a hundred miles away to listen and join in on Saturdays, and most bring their wives to enjoy the more feminine attractions of the room. Many couples book a room so they can enjoy Saturday evening to the full. The Dragon is unique and very old fashioned in that it panders to no modern views on gender. It has often in the media been accused of perpetuating gender stereotypes that elsewhere died out going on for a century ago, which is possibly true to an extent, but that is not just accepted by the clientele it is demanded by them, yet as you are aware in some ways the views of gender and sexuality it supports are ultra modern, for none of the clientele have ever treated you as aught other than the young woman you are. The Dragon is the way it is because the folk who pay to spend time here like it that way, and the upcoming generations of younger men and women are committed to making sure it stays that way. It’s not just the older men who keep a private supply of shady spirits in the cellar, many younger men, and not all of them are locals, do too. Even Sergeant Graham has a case of something. They’ll supply any outsider who asks with a glass, and the price is two pounds in the children’s Christmas party collection box. The place exists for locals, all locals, even the children. The taproom is a totally male environment and their womenfolk like it that way because it means they can enjoy themselves in the totally female atmosphere of the best side. A couple can go out together and both spend the Saturday evening doing what they enjoy most and return home in perfect harmony with each other. Sundays of course the men are shaved and spruced up escorting their wives in the room as tradition demands. Old fashioned maybe, but most of the ways folk think and behave go back to prehistoric times and haven’t significantly changed since, so I’d suggest it is actually right up to date. It is however absolutely up to date in that there is no tolerance of discriminatory behaviour here as I’m sure you have found out.”

“Yeah. I was talking to Gillian, black Simon’s wife, a week or so back. She said when he came to the UK as a boy from Jamaica he was used to a load of discrimination cos he’s black. When he got a job working at the village forge for Thomson, Gillian’s dad, he was amazed nobody cared. She telt me she virtually had to rape him to get him to take her seriously, cos he was so scared of what folk would do to him if he took up with a white girl. He was absolutely gobsmacked when Thomson said, ‘If your going to marry my daughter, that means you get up at six and I don’t have to be at work till eight. It’s your forge now, Son.’ At the wedding Thomson said, ‘If the boy can successfully forge weld two dissimilar metals, he surely knows how to weld a woman to his side.’ Thomson died over forty years since and they’re still together.”

“I know from my own experience too. I never expected to be so well treated. No one cares I’m trans, and Aggie said, ‘There’s an old saying that says, if it walks like a duck, swims like a duck and quacks like a duck then it is unreasonable to call it any thing other than a duck. What I’m telling you, Harriet, is, if it’s got the breasts of a woman, swings its hips like a woman when it walks and behaves like one then sure as God made little apples it is a woman. You’ve got the breasts, the walk and the behaviour, Girl.’ She reckons the only bad reactions I’ve had here are from girls who envy my figure and boys who resent any boy I've ever shewn any interest in because they think they've had access to it. She said, ‘It’s all just jealousy, Lass. Ignore the idiots.’ That was just before she gave me a load of kitchen work to do. She made me feel better when she said, ‘That’s all women’s work, Lass. I’ll send a couple of others to help you. The time to start worrying is when someone expects you to do men's work.’ She has a weird way of looking at things, but I suspect she’s got the right of it.”

Gladys chuckled before adding, “That sounds just like Aggie. She telt me once that she was sure this place has been responsible for many an after thought baby conceived on a Saturday night or early Sunday morning because couples have been so in tune with each other after their night out, and it’s probable a good few were conceived on the premises. Other than on Sundays the only men you’ll find in the room will be in the alcove at the back where the courting couples sit.

“Any and all changes in the tap are carefully considered by your dad and the older village men before doing anything. When it was extended Sasha insisted the new bit had to be just the same as the old part, the extra fire, the décor, the foot rail, the solid teak bar top, the sawdust, the benches for the dogs to lie under, even the dogs’ bowls had to be like the original ones too, a studio potter out Allonby way made the new ones. He even had a few extra brass spittoons made just like the original ones even though they haven’t been used for decades. A lot of things were custom made, and they cost a fortune, but he cheerfully paid for it all without including it on the mortgage. He fired one firm of carpenters on the spot for shoddy workmanship on the skirting boards. They were using stained soft wood instead of hard wood like the originals. It took him a fortnight to find an old man who could do the job properly in hardwood. It’s all polished hardwood in there, skirtings,(4) wainscot, hand rails, picture rails, door casings, architraves, the lot.

“The solid mahogany doors to the taproom are four feet wide and weigh two and half hundred weight each. [20 stones, 127Kg, 280 pounds] The old exterior door was made of soft wood and had started to rot. Apparently the weather had got into the bottom of the door which hadn’t been painted. Alf said the original door would have been hardwood. Anyway it had to be replaced, and Alf made a set of new doors for the carpenters to fit. He refused to tell me what the wood had cost saying, ‘Ask Sasha, the timber yard sent him the bill.’ I do know Alf didn’t charge for making them. A lot of the work on the extension was done for free by locals, women as well as men. All the soft furnishings, the cushioning and the curtains in the lounge were made free of charge. It took us weeks, but at least we got exactly what we wanted. The extension was a project that involved all of Bearthwaite and a good few other folks too. All the custom tea towels and bar cloths with the green dragons in various stances woven in were woven by Beatrice’s daughters. She let them design them and weave them for practice. They both want to be hand loom weavers like Beatrice when they leave school. There are a lot of folk with a stake in the place. If you remind me some time I’ll get the photo albums out shewing the renovation and extensions as they proceeded.

“Anything we spend on the place Sasha knocks off the mortgage capital debt. The entire debt is to be written off on his death. If you continue to run the place like your dad and I do, for the benefit of the locals he’ll give it to you. However make no mistake, he’s cleverer than anyone either of us have ever met, and he’ll know if you are putting up a front and will sell it out from under your feet to someone who will run it the way your dad and I want it run. I don’t doubt he’ll have a dozen such folk in his eye right now. I know you may find it difficult to understand, but Elle and he both love you as a granddaughter.”

~o~O~o~

“Mum, I’ve been here ages now and I want to do more than chamber maiding, waitressing in the restaurante and pulling pints. Dad says there’s not much more for me to learn about the books and dealing with suppliers, and now the other girls know how to do silver service properly they can shew any new staff how to do it without me being there. I want to learn how to do everything that goes on here and the only thing of any significance I can think of that’s left is learning how to cook.”

“Okay, Harriet, I’ll ask Veronica to have you help her to put suppers on. That’s the best place to start. You serious about this? Because if you are you could be the relief I’ve been looking for. I want someone to be able to do two days of breakfasts and lunches for Aggie and a different two days of dinners and suppers for Veronica. At the moment I’m doing what I can, and I’m having to make arrangements for the rest on an ad hoc basis.”

“That would be great. I love living and working here. I want to be the landlady one day. I’m sorry if that seems presumptuous, but it’s what I want. The staff are all kind and they appreciate what I do. They accept me as I am and treat me as an inexperienced girl which is all I could ask for. Aggie is brilliant. We’re making short crust pastry together tomorrow, and she’s going to teach me how to make flaky pie crust sometime. I’ve not done much with Veronica yet, but she’s nice and shewed me how to make meringues and puff pastry cream cakes. I’m really sorry I didn’t live with Uncle Pete years ago. I didn’t get it then, but I can see now he always loved me no matter what I was. I was a child of his brother, and I think he liked me because I liked him, and even though when I was little he used to give me money for sweets whenever he saw me I never saw him as a source of easy money. Even though he and my father didn’t get on, and my brothers and sisters were always trying to scrounge off him he always had special time for me. I didn’t realise it at the time, but when I ran away from home I should have asked him for help. At least that way I’d have finished my schooling and not had to go to evening classes to pass my GCSEs.(5)

“I don’t care about owning the Dragon some day I just want to be the landlady. I love uncle Pete, and I’m glad he said to call him Dad after the adoption. I love you too. I enjoy being your daughter and it’s lovely when I hear people say, ‘She’s Harriet, Gladys and Pete’s lass. Gladys as has the Dragon at Bearthwaite’ to people who ask who I am. I never called my mother Mum, because she never was. I only know which one of my father’s women was my mother because it’s on my birth certificate. Sometimes there were two or three living there at the same time. You give me more affection every day than any of them ever did in all the time I was living at the scrapyard which wasn’t much because none stayed there long and I’m almost sure my mother was one of them that disappeared long before I went to school. What’s best is about living here with you and Dad is I don’t feel frightened any more. I used to be beaten up at least five times a week, usually by my father, but here I feel safe.”

Gladys had always liked Harriet, but that conversation had telt her that she had a right to love Harriet as her daughter which was something that had always caused her a little unease at the back of her mind because she didn’t consider it proper to usurp another woman’s rightful place in Harriet’s heart. That there was no such woman in Harriet’s heart she’d been unaware of, and now she knew she was the only mum Harriet had ever had, and it was right and proper for mums to love their children, she was much relived at the loss of her guilt. The bleakness in her heart didn’t go overnight, but it wasn’t long before she realised she was happier than she had been for a long time and that that was due to to the presence of Harriet, her daughter, in her life.

~o~O~o~

It wasn’t long before Harriet became the acknowledged heir to the Green Dragon and staff started to ask her for instructions just like they asked her parents. When she turned twenty-one Pete had her name added to the licensees on the board over the door which was a court ordered matter concerning the licence to sell alcohol. Harriet was still twenty-one when she went on holiday with Gladys to visit distant relatives in Australia and New Zealand. However they did not return immediately but took an additional couple of months for Harriet to have her GRS and her subsequent convalescence. When they finally returned Harriet looked little different from before, a pretty young woman half a year older. Harriet was seen to be pretty, feminine and wealthy and it was the wealthy that caused her problems, for she attracted young men by the dozen from all over the county and she was intelligent enough to realise had she not been a licensee of the Green Dragon a lot of those young men would not have been interested in her. Now there was a distinct down side to folk saying ‘She’s Harriet, Gladys and Pete’s lass. Gladys as has the Dragon at Bearthwaite.’

~o~O~o~

“How do I know it’s me and not the Dragon they are interested in, Mum?” Harriet asked Gladys in distress after a particularly painful incident.

“I had much the same problem years ago though I wasn’t as pretty as you, Love. I’m trying to remember what it was about your dad that convinced me he was interested in me and not free beer, nor just a tumble with what he has always described as a bit of fluff young enough to be his daughter. I suppose it was a lot of things. He was hard working, doing all right and had his own place. Those terraced two up two down houses on Glebe street aren’t much, but the one he lived in was his and fully paid for. He certainly didn’t need me to put a decent roof over his head, for he’d completely modernised it, and it was very comfortable in a blokeish kind of way. I was impressed by the bathroom and loo, very clean and centrally heated like the rest of the house. I’d not been living with him long when I telt him I wanted to do a degree in psychology with the Open University. There’s many a working man like your dad would have objected, but he said if I wanted to do it just to get on with it. I think he considered it to be a hobby just like any other. He was tolerant of the time it took up, and he was proud as punch when I got a first class honours degree. When we went out he preferred to take me out somewhere else, so a date wouldn’t be spoilt by me having to help out here, but if I telt him I needed to be available just in case because Daniel was short staffed that day he was okay about it.

“His friends were of all kinds and ages too and they all struck me as decent men. Most of them still drink in the tap and tell lies on Saturdays. They all treated women decently, even the ones who didn’t come from here, and God knows there are still enough men around who think women are there to be abused with impunity. That he was completely unbothered by our age difference in the presence of anyone made a difference too. My parents didn’t approve of him because of our age difference, but it didn’t bother him. He just said, ‘They’ll come round in the end,’ and he was right. What finally convinced me he was the man I wanted for a permanent relationship was something Alf said. I’d been having problems with my car and like most Bearthwaite folk I took it to Alf. I don’t know what he did, but he fixed it, and when I asked him what I owed him he said, ‘Don’t be daft, Lass, you’re Pete’s missus. He’d kill me if I took money off you for something that didn’t take me fifteen minutes.’ It wasn’t long after that before I realised that in the eyes of everyone I knew your dad and I were a couple, so I suppose I never actually decided on your dad it was decided for me, which I don’t imagine helps you much does it?”

Harriet smiled through her tears and said, “Oh I don’t know, Mum. It gives me a place to start. It certainly enables me to cut out most of the crowd, and I think I’ll just wait and see what happens. It worked for you.”

~o~
~o~O~o~
~o~

Gustav was a student who had just finished his degree at Glasgow university. He’d decided to spend two or three months travelling round the UK before returning to Bavaria. He was the youngest of four brothers whose mother owned a huge inn just outside München, Munich. Their father had died young a dozen years ago and the boys all worked at the inn with their mother. Each had in turn studied a university degree abroad and returned to their home and Gustav was planning on doing the same.

It was a complete accident that led Gustav to the Green Dragon which had not long opened to the general public after the relaxation of the latest round of Corona virus restrictions. He’d entered the plush best room from the front entrance, but had followed the pretty barmaid into the taproom and had ordered a drink. He’d sat down watching her fill the dogs’ bowls with water and kibble. His English was good and he followed with interest the story telling though the odd word or expression peculiar to the local dialect escaped him. The barmaid, aware of his interest in her, had been watching him for a quarter of an hour from behind the bar. Seeing the look of puzzlement on his face she’d entered the tap room and whispered, “Vanya means nearly or almost. Where are you from? And what’s your name?”

“München, Bayern, that’s Munich in Bavaria, Germany. I am Gustav and you?”

“Harriet.” She turned to speak to the men. “Dad, Uncle Sasha, Gustav is from Bavaria. He’s enjoying the stories, but there’s Cumbrian he doesn’t get, so explain as you go will you?”

Sasha winked at Harriet, and then there was a flurry of German from him and a brief reply from Gustav before Sasha smiled and said, “Sit over here, Lad, so I can explain without disturbing the tale.”

Harriet blushing asked, “Shall I collect empties and bring another round, Uncle Sasha?”

The men looked around and Stan replied saying, “Aye please, Lass. On my slate.(6) What you drinking, Son? Lager or local beer?”

“I’ll try what you are drinking please. Whom do I pay?”

“I’m buying. Don’t worry about it.”

There was another flurry of German from Sasha and as Gustav flushed he said, “Thank you.”

~o~O~o~

Dave resumed his collection of lies, jokes, anecdotes, reflections and humorous observations, “Now a lot of folk believe that chess was invented in India maybe sixteen hundred years back. I’m telling you despite what most folk believe that is a lie. It was invented not far from here. In Wukiton(7) to be precise.” There were huge grins all around as all could tell a major shaggy dog tale was in the making. Gustav was looking puzzled. “Chess is a game that was invented by teenage girls and boys thousands of years since. The boys only get to play when they are too old for lowpin’(8) yats(9) (10) which they indulge in till their hormones demand more productive activities, and they start to worry about the consequences of an ill judged attempt.” Seeing puzzled faces Dave explained, “It’s not an accident steeplechasers(11) are all geldings and mares. Stallions aren’t too keen on jumping over fences. They’re not stupid, and the risk of catching their wedding tackle on a fence puts em off the idea. But back to chess, boys have to learn to play, but lasses are born knowing all the moves and strategies. They do actually know all the rules, but they always cheat. The classic opening gambit to a game of chess is the girls catch the eye of a boy they like, squeal and then run away giggling, but not too quickly, and usually to somewhere that affords some privacy. If that move works the boys chess(12) em, hence the name of the game. Once in close contact the girl is said to be catcht,(13) though they never try to escape. The boys assume that it is their superiority that has resulted in them catching the lass. Which is of course nonsense, for the entire proceedings from the catching of the boy’s eye to his catching of the lass has been carefully planned and choreographed by her. The ensuing middle game can take some time. Once the end game is reacht(14) the boy is said to be well and truly catcht, or in check as some call it. That inevitably leads to checkmate which some refer to as marriage. However, mating invariably takes place before the marriage which often takes place at the point of a shotgun at the insistence of the girl’s dad, since by that time his daughter is usually full of arms and legs.(15) Despite the girls’ sacrificial moves and the boys’ apparent initial superiority there is no known case of a boy ever having won a game.” There were roars of laughter whilst Sasha explained the tale to Gustav.

Dave hadn’t finished and said, “Just the one more, Lads. In a far away land called Tieland, that’s spelt tee eye ee not tee aitch ay eye, [Tie not Thai] lived the Strings and the Ropes and there was considerable discord if not actual enmity between the two ethnic groups. In the main the Ropes were northerners and the Strings were southerners, so the situation was entirely natural and explicable. I’m not over fond of talcum knackered southern jessies(16) myself. Now Tieland had its equivalent of the Lake District which was in a northern part of the country inhabited in the main by Ropes. However, a lot of Strings went there for walking and the like, for the scenery like in our Lakeland is magnificent. On the day in question three rather posh and wealthy Strings had been fell(17) walking, and just listening to them speak would grate on any Rope’s nerves, not to mention teeth, for they had such strong southern accents. One reason why the Ropes disliked Strings was because Strings regarded their speech as accentless and considered the Ropes to be uncultured barbarians who couldn’t speak properly. It was a hot day and the walking had been strenuous. The three Strings were sweaty and dirty and looking forward to a pint in the Dragon Ghyll Hotel which was famous for the quality of its ale which was brewed on the premises. It was highly recommended in their guide book. What the guide book didn’t mention was the landlord of the Dragon was a particularly stringphobic Rope and hated them.

“The first String who was the tidiest looking of the three said, ‘I’ll go in and get the beer. You sit outside at one of the tables.’ When he reached the bar he said, ‘I’d like three pints of bitter please.’ The landlord looked him up and down and asked in terms of total contempt a question he could see and hear the answer to, ‘Are you a bloody String?’ ‘Well yes, but I’d like three pints of bitter please.’ The Landlord turned away and said, ‘We don’t serve your sort in here. Piss off.’ The String went outside and explained the situation. The second String said, ‘I’ll bet you rattled his cage. I should have gone in for the beer. I’ll be far more diplomatic than you.’ The second String went in and at the bar asked, ‘May I have three pints of bitter please, Landlord.’ The landlord looked him up and down and again asked, ‘Are you a bloody String?’ ‘Indeed,’ replied the String, ‘but I would be extremely grateful for three pints of bitter please.’ ‘I telt your mate we don’t serve your sort in here. Piss off.’ The String went out and explained how diplomatic he’d been but alas to no avail.

“The third string said, ‘Well, I may as well try, but I have an idea. I think I know how to answer the landlords first question.’ The String who was the sweatiest and scruffiest looking of the three had torn his right trouser leg from the ankle all the way up to the knee on a sharp rock and it was flapping in the breeze as he entered the bar. He asked, ‘May I have three pints of bitter please, Landlord?’ Again the landlord as with the previous two Strings looked him up and down and going red in the face at the condition of the String’s clothing in his bar he asked yet again, ‘Are you a bloody String?’ Without giving the landlord time to say anything else the String replied, ‘No. I’m afraid not, and I’d like three pints of bitter please.’

It took Sasha quite a while to explain the tale to the totally perplexed Gustav who though he was familiar with the word knot had never heard of the word frayed.

~o~O~o~

When the laughter quietened and all glasses had been suitably dealt with Pete asked, “So how do you come to be sitting in the taproom of the Green Dragon, Gustav? Tell us your tale and the beer is free. Supper too. That’s the rule for all. Story tellers don’t pay.”

At the look on Gustav’s face Dave explained, “This is the Grumpy Old Men’s Society. We are an organisation dedicated to the telling of stories which may contain anything from zero to one hundred percent truth. Truth or lies it makes no difference because it’s entertainment. We meet here on Saturday nights to tell tales, drink and play dominoes. Pete here and his good lady Gladys who’s behind you are the landlord and landlady. That pretty barmaid is their daughter Harriet and Sasha here is the chairman of the society because he’s the biggest bloody liar any of us have ever met.”

The laughter at that took a while to fade, but before Gustav started his tale Gladys asked, “If you want a room for the night I’ll organise it.”

“Yes please. I would like a room for the night. I didn’t mean to come here. It was a mistake. I’d been looking at the harbour and other attractions in Maryport. The taxi driver spoke with a strong accent and I don’t think we understood each other very well. I was going to Baurwent Sallis to watch the sailing races tomorrow.”

“I’ll arrange a room for you,” said Gladys before disappearing.

“Ah! I see,” said Sasha. “It’s not uncommon for anybody not to understand a strong Maryport accent, Gustav. For sure I don’t. This place is spelt Bear-thwaite, but locally it is pronounced Burr-thet. However, tell us about yourself, Gustav.”

“I am from a small town not far from Munich in Bavaria Germany. My father died when I was quite young, but my mother is well. I have three older brothers and my mother owns a very large inn that we all manage together. One at a time we all went abroad to study and travel a little before going back home to the inn. I am the last and I have just finished a three year degree at Glasgow University. Studying was difficult with the lock down restrictions, so now I’m taking advantage of the easing of the restrictions, and I am doing a little travelling for the next three months or so.”

“What did you study, Gustav,” asked Denis.

“Micro-biology.”

Denis smiled and said, “A proper subject, Lads, not some modern nonsense of a Mickey Mouse degree.”

Stan asked, “Why did you come in here, and not stay in the best room on the other side? Most outsiders, especially those of your age, don’t like the idea of open fires, dogs all over the place and sawdust on the floor.”

“At home in most small villages in the Alps there are many inns such as this though not as large as this one. There are to be found open fires, sheep and cattle dogs and sawdust so working men can drink with their muddy work boots on. It is a practical arrangement so men and dogs can get some thing to eat and a drink in the warm before having to go back to work.” Gustav flushed as he admitted, “I followed the barmaid in here and watched her feeding the dogs.”

Sasha winked and said, “At your age, Lad, I’d have done the same. What are your plans for the immediate future, say the next few days?”

“I don’t know. I just wanted to travel in Britain for a while before going home to what will eventually become a quarter share in the inn which while it is profitable and I’ll always be okay for money is not particularly interesting. In her last letter my mother told me that there was considerable excitement amongst the local girls that I would be returning home soon. I think she expects me to choose one to marry and settle down almost as soon as I arrive home. My brothers were all how you say it ‘ladies’ men’ before they married and became family men, but the idea has no appeal to me, for I have no wish to be considered by all the local girls as a prize piece of livestock to be paraded in front of them. I suspect maybe I am a romantic, for I’d like to meet a girl and settle down, but not like that, so maybe I’ll just keep travelling till I run out of money and then see if I can get a job over here, though that’s difficult after Brexit.”

Unknown to Gustav or any of the others a speaking glance was exchanged between Sasha and Pete. “You worked in your mother’s place for how long, Lad?” Pete asked with interest.

“Since from as far back as I can remember. Certainly from five collecting bottles and glasses why?”

“Could you fancy a job here till you sort out what you want to do. I could do with someone who has enough experience to not need every last detail explaining to them. Any differences you’d soon pick up. Harriet will shew you the ropes, explain things I mean, and you could still do a bit of touristing when it suited you. No need to worry about official permission, I’ll pay you cash and as far as anyone else is concerned you are a guest.”

It took Gustav a half or minute or so to process what Pete had said, but eventually he made sense of it and replied, “Thank you. I would like that.”

Gladys came in announcing, “Supper time, Gentlemen. Chicken and mushroom pies with sweetcorn in green coriander and fenugreek sauce and chips [US fries] just for a change. Veronica tells me she’s trying to broaden your horizons. Some one open the back door please. There’re a couple of dogs wanting out, and let them back in when they’ve done so they don’t scratch the paint work up. Alf is there any chance you could put a piece of metal across the bottom of the door to protect it?”

“Aye, Lass. I’ve enough stainless sheet left over from a paying job that’ll do both sides of the door nicely. I’ll measure it up tomorrow morning and do the job in the afternoon. If you give me a decent portion of chips I’ll do the job for nowt.”(18) There was a lot of laughter at that, for Alf was a grafter(19) and needed a lot of food to sustain his colossal frame. That Gladys would feed him appropriately all knew, including Alf, but it was something to have a laugh at that helped him to feel included in the group of men who were all much cleverer than he. Alf was a little insecure in the group and had never understood how much they all thought of him. Intelligent he was not, but with tools in his hands he was a genius and they all appreciated that. He was one of them.

Gustav had clearly enjoyed the evening. Intelligent, he’d been quick to pick up the art of playing dominoes, and had enjoyed a ten minute conversation with Harriet when she’d shewn him to his room.

~o~O~o~

“Sneaky. Damned sneaky, Pete.”

“Oh I don’t know, Sasha. You were thinking the same thing I was at the same time. They were obviously interested in each other, and if he does take up with Harriet at least we’ll know it’s not for her money. He seems a nice lad, and he understands about places like this, pubs with taprooms I mean.”

“What about Gladys, have you telt her you’ve offered him a job yet?”

“Not yet, but she’ll be relieved if anything. There’ve been far too many idle, useless outsiders sniffing round Harriet recently and the numbers seem to be growing. Gladys telt me I’d be needing a club to beat the tossers off soon, and I know it’s been upsetting Harriet. She’s been out with a dozen or more this last couple of years. Every last one of the bastards a complete no hoper who upset her. She wants a decent boy, which is understandable at her age, but she needs one on the edge of being a man, so that all the other useless bastards bugger off. I can tell Gustav is a decent lad who’ll become a man worth calling a man. Damned if I don’t lock her and Gustav up in an unheated bedroom with a single bed and one blanket.”

The pair of them started laughing at that, but Sasha reasonable as always said. “I agree with you about Gustav, but it’s not come to that yet, Pete, after all they’ve only just met. Leave things to Gladys for a while, but if it comes to it give me a shout and I’ll help you push ’em in that bedroom.”

~o~O~o~

“What you planning on having him do, Love?”

“Owt.(20) Nowt. It doesn’t matter does it, Love. I want to find out what he’ll do of his own choice. That way we’ll find out far more about him than by telling him what to do. Leave him and Harriet to their own devices. They’re already interested in each other, but at the moment that’s purely hormonal. You keep your eye on them. I’m sure you’ll know when it’s more than just hormones. If it works, good. If it doesn’t I’m not sure where we go from there, maybe we talk to friends and see what they’ve got in the way of appropriate younger male relatives.”

Gladys nodded, and Pete told her of his conversation with Sasha concerning unheated bedrooms which made her chuckle. “That bloody Cossak is much worse than you, Love, so I don’t doubt he’d handcuff the pair of them to the bed too. I’ll get Harriet to shew him how to pull pints tomorrow morning. You ready for bed, Love? I am, and you’ve got the draymen arriving tomorrow at six.

~o~O~o~

It was half five when Pete walked into the kitchen to see Aggie piling a fried breakfast onto Gustav’s plate. He was surprised to see Gustav had a double portion of black pudding on his plate.

Pete pointed to the black pudding and said, “You don’t have to eat that just to be polite, Gustav.”

“I like Blutwurst,” Gustav replied. “There are many kinds back home.”

Aggie was in every morning before first light cooking breakfasts for the forty or so farm workers who called in on their way to work to eat breakfast and collect the lunches she cooked and packed up for them. On the counter there was a long line of lunch boxes next to vacuum flasks with their tops off ready to be filled with tea and another shorter one ready for coffee for the men who worked up on the hills far from a farmhouse or any other source of boiling water. In days gone by they’d either drink cold water from a stream or boil up a kettle on a fire made with whatever was to hand that would burn which on the sheep grazed, closed cropped, sward of the fells often wasn’t much other than dried sheep dung. “Same for you, Pete?” She asked.

“Please, Aggie, but two eggs, no sausage and tea not coffee. What are you doing up, Gustav?”

“Harriet said you have men delivering beer in barrels at six o’clock. I can’t remember their special name, but I will help you. Okay?”

“Draymen deliver barrels of beer. A dray was the horse drawn cart beer barrels were delivered by years ago, but the name lived on long after the horses had become history. Thanks. The help will be welcome.” Pete considered that to be a good start. “What are you doing after that?”

“Harriet is going to shew me how to put beer into glasses with your pumps. Unless you wish me to do something else?”

“No. That’s a good idea. Get her to shew you how the glass washing machines work too.”

“Okay, but the one in the room we were in last night is a French model I understand. We use it at home. After lunch it is okay if I go for a run? I usually run five kilometres each day. I’ll be back ready to work in less than an hour.”

“Sure.”

~o~O~o~

“Wow, Mum. That was cold, but fun.”

Gladys was intrigued so asked “What have you been doing, Love?”

“Gustav likes to keep fit. Back home he used to go to a boxing club and use their gym too. Since coming over here he’s always run about three miles every day, and he asked me where there was to go. I suggested round the reservoir. It’s not much more than three miles and I said I’d go with him. There was ice on the edge of the water so we walked over the bridge. I thought it was too risky to run. I used to go to a women’s keep fit aerobics class in Manchester but haven’t done anything since I came here. I think I’ll make the time to run with him. I was thinking if the weather is really bad we could go a few times round the track on the green. I need to buy a warmer track suit. Mine’s only really warm enough up here in the summer. I should be able to get a decent one off Ebay.”

“You get on with him, Love?”

“So far yeah. I like him a lot because he isn’t pushy at all, Mum. He’s quiet and a bit shy, so I have to encourage him to talk. Mostly we’ve talked about the differences and similarities between the Dragon and his mum’s inn der Kupfer-Braukessel. I think I said that right. It means the Copper Brew Kettle because a long time ago the beer was brewed there. The place has been owned by his family for generations, and his surname is Meltzer which means maltster. He telt me he’s always wanted to brew beer like was done years ago at the inn, and all the equipment to do that is still there, but his brothers are against the idea, because they want to turn the brewery into more accommodation for tourists. His mum’s place is a bit bigger than the Dragon, but a lot of the trade is only seasonal tourist trade. His mum owns the place, but I think it’s got contracts with the breweries that make it a bit like a tied house.(21) It’s certainly not a free house(22) like we understand the term, cos he was really surprised when I telt him we could sell anything we wanted to. But mostly it’s pretty much the same as the Dragon.”

Gladys kept a close eye on the young couple and was happy to see they were becoming closer. A few days later when she asked Harriet about things between her and Gustav Harriet blushed and said, “He’s not at all like any of those others I went out with, and I like him a lot more than I liked any of them. Because I was thinking that if he asked me to go out with him I’d say yes I thought I ought to tell him I’m trans. When I did all he said was, ‘So?’ I can tell he doesn’t care and still likes me. It didn’t change anything at all.”

“Has he asked you for a date yet, Love?”

“No, but he will. I’m working on it, Mum. I telt you he’s shy. I can tell he’s thinking about asking me out, but he needs to find the courage to ask, so I’ll help him to find it. Remember I telt you I’d just wait and see what happened because it worked for you. Well, Gustav happened, and I’m hoping it’s going to work for me too.”

“Your dad thinks he’s a decent young man, and I like him, so at least you won’t have parental issues like we did. Go get him, Girl, before someone else does.” When the pair parted to pursue their various activities Gladys was chuckling and Harriet was giggling and happy to have acknowledged parental approval.

~o~O~o~

Gustav had been at the Dragon eleven days when four rowdy outsiders in their middle twenties drinking in the best room had been making suggestive remarks to Harriet which she had ignored. It was when one of them put his hands on her bottom whilst she was collecting glasses that Pete was about to do something about it. Gustav tapped Pete on the shoulder and asked, “May I deal with the matter?” Pete just nodded thinking it may take the young couple beyond their seeming impasse that Gladys had telt him was a result of Gustav’s shyness.

“I suggest you leave the young lady alone and find somewhere else to drink as of right now, sir, and I suggest your friends drink up too and leave with you.”

The man who’d been groping Harriet stood and sneeringly asked, “And if I don’t what are you going to do about it, you short arsed Kraut?” The man was a good six inches taller than Gustav but he was considerably overweight and had had too much to drink. Whereas Gustav carried no excess weight and was sober.

“Well, fighting in here will damage the furniture and I’m certainly not going out into the cold just to oblige a drunken fool like you, so….” At that the man threw a punch at Gustav who stepped to one side and pulled the man towards him so he spun round a little with the momentum of his punch. Gustav delivered a powerful punch to his right kidney and watched him collapse to the floor.

The three other men stood up, and Pete said to them, “I wouldn’t if I were you, Lads. If you try to make anything of it you’ll be facing odds of over ten to one and you’ll get hurt badly. I suggest you take Gustav’s advice, drink up and leave before the police arrive. The barmaid you’ve been insulting happens to be my daughter. I’ve a damned good memory for faces, so don’t bother coming back because you won’t be served. We neither need nor want your kind of trade. Your friend looks like he needs medical attention. I’ll see he gets it.” The three men took his advice and left. “Gustav, I’ll ring for the police and an ambulance. I want the police and he probably needs an ambulance. I’d be obliged if you calm Harriet down. Get her a brandy to settle her nerves. She likes Asbach with Coke. Give her a double in a tall glass and top it up with Coke. Take her to the back of the lounge till the police arrive. She’s seen too much violence in her life and is upset. I know you’ll be kind to her, and she needs a bit of kindness from someone her own age right now.”

Alf said, “I’ll escort these idiots to the car park to make sure they just get in their motors and leave. I can do with all the work I can get, but I don’t want avoidable work if it’s from any cars they damage in despite.” A few other men nodded in agreement and accompanied him. Alf was a huge bloke and the three men seeing him following them walked quickly to their car and left in a hurry.

There were any number of witnesses to the incident, both the man laying hands on Harriet and his threwing of the first punch. Many of the men clapped Gustav on the shoulder saying things like, “Well done, Lad,” “Good punch, Son” and “He had it coming.”

Harriet put her hand into Gustav’s and said, “Thank you, Gustav.” Gustav took Harriet and her brandy to the back of the room where the lighting was subdued for the benefit of courting couples, and stayed with her till the police arrived. Harriet was much calmer by then. Holding hands with Gustav had given her something much more important in her opinion to think about than the unpleasant event she’d just endured. She smiled as she realised she wouldn’t have minded if the hands on her bottom had been Gustav’s. Gustav asked if she was okay now, and she nodded and said, “Yes I’m fine. It was a bit of a shock, but I’m okay now.”

The police arrived first, and as Sergeant Graham walked in he said, “Evening, Pete. What’s the problem? Outline it for me, Lad. We’ll get the statements once we know what’s going on.”

“Okay, Michael. That tub of lad on the floor and his three friends had been making lewd and suggestive remarks to Harriet for maybe an hour which she’d ignored. After all she is a landlady and it goes with the territory. They were drinking heavily, and when she was collecting glasses he started groping her with both hands on her bottom. I was about to step in when Gustav here said he’d deal with it. He politely asked the man to leave Harriet alone and the four of them to drink up and leave. The fool that’s now on the floor stood up and asked ‘Or what you short arsed Kraut?’ before threwing a punch, which Gustav side stepped before punching him once. That’s it. I advised the other three to leave and not bother coming back. I telt them I’d see their mate got medical attention. Alf and a few of the lads escorted them to the car park. You probably passed them on the road in. I rang for you and an ambulance. He looks like he’ll need one.”

“He was making sexually suggestive remarks for an hour before he laid hands on Harriet and actually touched her?” There were dozens of voices in agreement. “And then he threw the first punch?” Again there were dozens of voices agreeing with that. “And this young man only hit him once?” Yet again dozens of voices confirmed that. “You want to press charges, Pete?”

“I don’t, but I can’t speak for Harriet.”

“Harriet?”

“No, Uncle Michael. Not unless he attempts to press charges against Gustav. In that case yes I do.” Michael was no relative of Pete, Gladys, nor Harriet, but Mavis his wife and Gladys had gone to school together and were close, so Auntie Mavis was married to Uncle Michael. It was a not unusual situation for rural folk in the area to refer to older adults who were family friends thus.

Michael turned to Gustav and asked, “You are?”

“Gustav Hans Meltzer. I come from Germany, but I live here now.”

“I’ve heard about you. You still helping Gladys and Pete and living at the Dragon?”

“Yes and yes.”

“Why did you want to deal with the matter instead of leaving it to Pete?”

Harriet replied for Gustav, “Why shouldn’t he have?” She turned to Gustav, kissed him and said to Michael, “I’d have been upset if he hadn’t been bothered wouldn’t I?”

“Well that just about wraps it up. A public house drunk and disorderly incident with no excessive use of force. A drunk laying hands on a bloke’s lass in front of him and her dad deserves what he gets, and there isn’t a magistrate in the county will see it any differently. That sounds like the ambulance outside. You checked out the fool’s ID, Constable George?”

“Yes. It’s all in his wallet including photo ID. I’ve written it all down, but if I can photocopy the originals it’ll make for a lot less work, Sergeant Graham.”

Michael nodded to the constable and asked, “You got somewhere we can take statements, Pete, to save a great deal of trouble for us all and enable everyone to enjoy the rest of their evening? It’s that, or everyone will have to go down to the station over the next couple of days.”

Gladys replied saying, “Use the office, Michael. I’ll clear enough desk space so you can both get on with it, and there’s a printer in there that can copy in colour. I know you won’t take a drink on duty, but I’ll fetch you a pot of tea.”

“Thanks, Gladys. That must be some punch Harriet’s boyfriend packs to have put that fool down for so long. Lucky girl. Mavis telt me about the problems Harriet has had with boys, but I suspect that one will sort them all out for her.” He looked around to see if there were any who could overhear him before adding, “I think Phil was interested,” he was referring to the constable, “but I wouldn’t want him as a son in law myself. A nice enough lad, but not the sharpest chisel in the set.”

“I suspect you’re right about Gustav, Michael. Harriet telt me he’s a member of a boxing club back home and takes keeping fit pretty seriously. I can’t say I’m surprised Mavis knew about Harriet’s problems. However, we haven’t seen you for a while. Have lunch with us one Sunday. Soon, Michael.”

Michael chuckled and said, “Aye, my missus seems to know about things before they happen. You’d be amazed how much time her gossip saves me. I’ll tell her to organise a Sunday lunch when I’m off duty. I’d better get these statements sorted. Thanks for the tea, Gladys. I’ll set it about that Gustav is staying here with his girl friend and just helping out a bit for something to do. There’s no need to mention working or being paid is there?”

“Thanks, Michael. We appreciate it.”

Eventually with documents copied the ambulance left for the hospital where it would be met by a police officer. The statements were all taken, and Michael said, “Unless that idiot tries to press charges against Gustav it’s done and dusted, Pete. If he does we’ll threw the book at him starting with sexual harassment, sexual assault and racially discriminatory remarks, but I suspect he’ll back off then. With the witness statements even a complete idiot of a solicitor would tell him if he doesn’t withdraw his charge in writing there is a distinct possibility a magistrate will make him do thirty days in a local lockup. More importantly, how is Harriet?”

“Gladys has taken her to bed. Gustav insisted he’ll do what’s left of her work and take her a cup of tea before he goes to bed. Between the two of them they’ll settle her.”

“What’s he like as a man, Pete? He seems quiet and difficult to get to know.”

“Gustav is quiet and difficult to get to know, but he’s a decent lad, Michael. His mum owns a big inn in Bavaria, and his three brothers run it with her. He was over here doing a science degree at Glasgow, and after a bit of touristing was expecting to return and join them till he met Harriet. He works hard and is always looking for something to do. Harriet said when she telt him she was trans all he said was, ‘So?’, which says he’s no bigot. They go out running together every day, and are training for the Cockermouth Spring half marathon. They certainly seem to make each other happy, and both are happy to work sixteen hour days as long as they’re working together. I’m not sure if that was their first kiss or not, but we’d be happy if he and Harriet eventually took over here. He has a good sense of humour, and can laugh at himself when his English lets him down. That he’s trying to get his head and tongue round Cumbrian means he gets on with the clientele great, both the best side and especially the tap. They like him, and knocking down that drunken fool for groping Harriet won’t have done him any harm in the eyes of the lads or the girls either. You know how it works here, lasses expect to be treated with respect and protected by the men, and the men have no time for any lad who doesn’t treat women right. Gustav acts older than he is. Not many lads of his age approve of an old fashioned tap room like ours, but he does because in his words, he’s used to that sort of an inn in the Alps. He tells a decent tale on a Saturday, mostly funny tales about drunken idiots at his mum’s place which our lads regard as good tales.”

Michael chuckled and said, “Aye well, it’s just occurred to me there’s only one thing lasses hate more than being groped by a bloke they don’t like.”

“Which is?”

“Not being touched by one they do like.”

Pete laught and said, “You’re possibly right, Michael. However, in the case of my lass, it’s early days yet, but we’re hopeful it will turn out well. It can’t be any worse than with Delia can it?”

“No, I suppose not, Pete. She was a silly girl getting drawn into that ultra-left-wing, feminist crowd, but I know that there was bugger all you could do about it. How’s Gladys about it now?”

“Pragmatic and a lot better, thank Christ, for having Harriet. Funny, but I think she’s closer to Harriet than she ever was to Delia. They do a lot more mum and daughter things together than she ever did with Delia.”

Michael nodded in acceptance of reality and said, “Well, we’ll be off. I suspect we’ll be here soon of a Sunday. Mavis will be wanting Gladys to fill her in on the details of your young uns.”(23)

~o~O~o~

“What do you make of that, Love?”

Gladys didn’t pretend not to understand what Pete was referring to. “So far, so good. At least it’s out in the open now. Having kissed him and held hands with him in the sight of the entire clientele she has staked her claim to him, and I know some else getting to him before she did was bothering her, and he seemed happy enough about it. The women all thought well of him for looking after Harriet, and consider they’ve both done well for themselves. It was obvious the men thought he did right. I hope it works out for both of them, and I’ll do all I can to help. I love Harriet, and I like and want to love Gustav. Come on Pete it’s bedtime and if you are up to it I shan’t protest at all. It’s not often I feel slut is even a halfway decent word, but I do feel a trifle sluttish.”

“Can’t say I’ve ever thought much about sluts, Love, but I have to say even more I have never looked a gift horse in the mouth, despite not having a clue what that expression refers to. Is it possible that bit of fisticuffs is getting you going, Love?” Pete asked with a leer on his face.

“If you take that fake leer off your face, the possibility of hitting you may excite me if you behave yourself. Come on, bedtime. What was that you said about taking off my lingerie when I was getting dressed this morning? I’ll let you do it now if you like?”

“I like.”

~o~O~o~

The following morning, as she had suspected she would, Gladys found Gustav asleep fully clothed lying on Harriet’s bed with his arms tightly wrapped around her. “Morning, Mum,” Harriet whispered with a beaming smile on her face. “We’ll be down for breakfast in fifteen.”

~o~O~o~

“I found them together in her room. He was still asleep fully clothed above the blankets, but Harriet said they’ll be down for breakfast in fifteen.”

“Can’t say as I’m surprised. We’d better sort them out a suite. They’re adults, so it’s not really any of our business is it?”

It was a delighted Harriet and a nervous Gustav who appeared for breakfast and Gladys said, “Your dad suggests you find a suite, Love. I suggest you look at the one next to ours because we can share the dining room, but it’s up to you. Gustav, you’re both adults, so you have no need to be worried. There are some things we’ll need to discuss with you at a later date, but for the moment just enjoy living.

~o~O~o~

Harriet and Gustav had been living together, both working at the Dragon, for fourteen months when they told her parents they were proposing to get married. “Excellent,” said Pete. “A great opportunity for a major bash. That’s a big party, Gustav.”

The following evening there was a major family discussion with Sasha and Elle present concerning the financial arrangements of the Green Dragon. It took Gustav a little time to understand what had been done though he couldn’t understand why Sasha had done it. Eventually he said, “My brothers wish to buy my share of The Copper Brew Kettle from me because they know I’m not going back to Bavaria to live. The inn owns a lot of farm land too which used to grow the barley for the beer at one time. They’ve offered me two million Euros which is I think about a million and a half British Pounds. It’s a very generous offer, and would I think be enough to pay for Harriet’s and my share in the business would it not?”

Sasha laught and said, “I remember the night you walked into the taproom. Pete and I had been worried about Harriet not finding a decent young man for some time even back then. We talked about you and Pete said, ‘Damned if I don’t lock the pair of them up in an unheated bedroom with a single bed and one blanket.’ I said if it came to it I’d help. You’re what we both wanted for Harriet. I’ll get us some lawyers to sort it all out, but I think this will sort the mortgages out permanently. I neither want nor need your money, so start thinking about what you can do with it. Maybe buy a local farm to grow and raise what you want for the kitchens. Buy one of the small local breweries, or better start one in Bearthwaite. Harriet says you always wanted to brew beer at home, so why not do it here? Grow the barley too. I don’t know, extend outside into a full blown beer garden, create somewhere for kids to play, convert a room next to your suite into a nursery, whatever. Invest it in the place so it creates jobs. You and Harriet are both well liked here, and would get all the help you need from the village. They’ll be happy to help you. I’ll speak to you tomorrow in German, so you understand better, Gustav.”

As they left Elle said, “Gustav, Sasha is for most a difficult man to understand. He likes you, and he approves of you. You don’t have to do anything for his continued approval other than be yourself. Pete is happy because you make Harriet happy, but if you want to make Harriet happier I suggest you look into adoption which will make Gladys happy too.” Elle kissed his cheek as a grandmother would before saying, “Goodnight.”

1 Mince or minced meat is the English expression for ground meat.
2 Gey, very.
3 Ignorant in this context means bad mannered and antisocial.
4 Skirtings, skirting boards, baseboards in the US.
5 GCSE, general certificate of secondary education. Usually taken in the UK by sixteen year olds in ten subjects.
6 On my slate. Stan is saying he’ll pay for the round. Years ago such reckoning was recorded literally on a slate.
7 Wukiton, (IPA Wʊkitᴧn), Workington in the Workington dialect.
8 Lowpin’, leaping or jumping.
9 Yats, gates.
10 Lowpin’ yats is a traditional activity followed by young boys much to the annoyance of those whose property they are trespassing on.
11 Steeplechase racing is where there are fences the horses have to jump over as opposed to flat racing where there are no fences.
12 Chase is pronounced chess in the Workington dialect.
13 Catcht, caught.
14 Reacht, reached.
15 Talcum knackered southern jessies. A commonly used pejorative expression of contempt used in northern England to describe southerners. Talcum knackered refers to talcum powder on the testicles, a derisory assumption of effeminacy. The word jessie is also used as a noun to refer to an effeminate male.
16 Full of arms and legs, a vernacular expression for being pregnant. It is only used by men.
17 Fell, the fells, northern usage for hill, the hills. In the Lake district of Cumbria it is the only word used to describe the terrain and ‘the fells’ and ‘fell walking’ are the expressions used even by southerners.
18 Nowt, nothing.
19 Graft, hard work. A grafter is a hard worker. In this usage the work has no connection to corruption.
20 Owt, anything.
21 A tied house is a pub owned by a brewery who control what it may and may not sell. The brewery appoints a manager.
22 A free house is a privately owned pub [public house] and may sell whatever the owner(s) wish. The landlord or landlady often owns the establishment.
23 Uns, ones.