I rang Geoff with an order, but as usual I got his answer phone. “Hello, Geoff, this is Sam, at Four Winds, Millersthwaite. I’d like half a ton [1120 pounds] of cheap Brazilian, or is it Colombian these days? Anyway I mean the cheap stuff you get from South America that comes in via Ireland. I know I usually only buy it by the quarter ton, [560 pounds] but I’m bothered you may be prevented from delivering by the political types, or worse you get the virus. We really should grant Whitehall [the seat of UK governance] independance. If I get twice the usual amount it’s one less delivery for you to mess about with. I’ve only got room for half that in my bunker, so if its ok with you I’d appreciate it if you tipped what you can in the bunker and left the rest in the cheap bags. Obviously I don’t expect you to leave it for me in the proper bags, but I’ll make sure the bags are returned if that’s ok. If not you can dump it on the workshop floor and I’ll live with it. Either way I’d like the half ton please. There’s no rush, so deliver when you can make a full load up coming this way. You look after yourself.” I said that because although Geoff did a lot of business on the west coast where I live he was based sixty miles to the east of me.

Geoff pulled up with his lorry in my farm yard when I was gardening in my veg plot, and I heard his booming voice shout, “How’s the craic,(1) Sam? I’ve got your half ton on the waggon, and you can hang onto as many of the bags as you need to. You can have a ton [2240 pounds] if you want it, but don’t feel obliged to take it because someone will take it before I head for home.”

Geoff had a surprisingly deep and powerful voice for a man who was at most five foot nothing, though not surprisingly given his trade he was a massively muscled and powerfully built man.(2) “I'll take it please. Can you put the bags two high, because I’m a bit tight for space?”

“No problem, Sam. Any chance of you welding a broken hinge on one of the waggon sides sometime?”

“You got the bits here?”

“Aye. One’s in the cab and the other’s on the waggon why?”

“Show me.”

I looked at the job, and it was trivial, but I knew for Geoff the broken hinge made life difficult. “If you can wait quarter of an hour I’ll do it now”

“Brilliant. I was thinking I’d have to leave it till next time. I’ll wait, and everyone else can wait too.”

“The bottles(3) are next to the bunker. If you drag the pipes out, Geoff, I’ll put the kettle on.”

“Ok, I’m on it, and I’ll start filling your bunker. You want the rest at the left hand side?”

“Please.”

Fifteen minutes later I’d welded Geoff’s hinge, he’d off loaded my coal and we were finishing our tea.

“How come you’d got the extra half ton, Geoff?” I asked.

“You’ve always been a decent customer, so you get what you order, and I thought you may appreciate the extra. God knows what’s going to happen with this lock down bollocks. I’m working at the moment, so I’m hoping that being self employed isn’t going to prevent me earning a living. Steve my local vet told me that they may have to close because veterinary surgeons aren’t on the list of designated necessary persons to keep working. Can you believe it? Christ knows what will happen in Cumbria and other places where farming is the major industry if the vets can’t work. Be ironic wouldn’t it if this saw me off, because I survived Asian flue and bird flu. Any way as long as I’m working you’ll get what you want. You are one of my best customers. You order, pay cash and are a pleasant person to have a craic with.” Geoff grinned and continued, “And you make a damned fine mug of tea especially when the weather’s bloody miserable. I don’t give a shite what folk say about you, for I’ve always believed you should speak as you find. What do I owe you for the welding, Samantha?”

“Forget it, Geoff, five minutes and a quarter of a welding rod isn’t worth thinking about.”

It’s not all bad being trans you know.

1 Craic, news, gossip.
2 Domestic coal is delivered by the hundred weight [112 pounds] in bags in the UK.
3 Bottles, oxygen and acetylene cylinders.