Sweet Dreams-52

Chapter 52

I’m all for it y’know that so sort of sexy girl thing of giving her guy a BJ when reality gets in the way. I’m not a snake like I’ve said before…Alex is a big guy and he’s pretty much proportional?

I don’t really know actually, it’s not like I’ve paid attention to that kind of stuff before. But I know he’s above the national average. Huh if father like son there’s another reason April puts up with Adam.

And I’m almost laughing because of where this thought just took me.

“Okay…just give me a minute.”

I kiss it…yeah, kind of weird. Kiss his ab’s…oh…mmm…I could keep doing that. I slip really quick to the stereo and put in a burner cd I made and I walk slowly back to him as *Never Tear us Apart* by INXS starts playing.

You ever really listen to that?

Lights down low…touching and kissing a lover.

I’m touching Alex…trying to connect to my inner woman, my Jamie Lee Curtis in stripper mode. (I have seen True Lies.) I touch with the tips of my fingers…sometimes drag my non-existent ails over skin and follow it with kisses to his skin.

Goddamn it he’s like catnip when I get like this…I know it’s biology and hormones but I nuzzle him, plant my face and breathe…taste…bite.

I make my way back down and try to take myself someplace porno actually. Most of us really have no damned cue as how to be good at oral sex. I need to start somewhere…I do want to try.

There’s an image in my head of Alex and a girl giving him the blowjob he deserves and I want her to be me actually. There’s some sex in this but honestly it’s like maybe twenty percent of me doing this the rest is this weird even mixture of fantasy and my pride as a woman.

Hell yeah pride.

I want to smile at Alex from across a room and have him get hard thinking about me.

I’m getting into it and sort of take charge with both hands and stroke and suck, I can absolutely not get it in…but I nuzzle it like a fine cigar…run my lips along the length now and then and then I play ice cream cone with it and get really into that for awhile and then that’s when It get’s really good for me as Alex grips the railing at the end of his bed pretty tightly and all that big guy defined muscle just pops and it gives me a whole happy yay thing.

I switch to getting as much of my lips around his tip without doing the teeth thing and I twist my head. Giving him this sort of lip job with the friction to stop and stroke him while I suck on it.

I’m getting some of his pre-stuff and it’s a lot freaky but I keep my mind in that zone, part fantasy and part I the reality that I am a girl and that oral sex is something that some girls enjoy.

But wow…really my jaw’s still getting tired and I’m feeling the effort of stroking him…Alex doesn’t pop like some guys might, he’s used to sex. Yeah I’m getting why blowjobs are jobs because they’re actually a lot of work.

But the taste…I’ve eaten worse. Actually it’s not bad it’s just the idea that’s a little freaky.

But he’s getting close and he’s.

Oh wow…he’s doing this guy belly dancer thing.

He’s holding onto the railing and he’s breathing so hard that his abdomen is moving and with his abs it’s looking like he’s doing this sexy sort of belly dancing thing and that’s, that’s a real damned turn on.

Then Alex cries out this sweet soft but long moan and says. “Hunter………”

I feel it coming and this, this I have a plan for and it’s kind of messed up but it’s a “skill” from my old life and I suck and speed swallow as he’s coming and I’m drinking him down like I was shot gunning a beer.

“Family” gathering at can skinhead…you learn some effed up stuff.

I’m swallowing because I want to…I want that sexy impact and oddly I’ve always thought that was good manners if you’re in a relationship and stuff. But part of it is a reward for him using the railing of the end of the bed and not being one of those guys that tries to kill a girl by shoving his cock down her throat.

Guy’s as a chick that’s just sucked her guy to heaven and having that experience if we want to go deeper on you we will. We don’t need help.

I take it all and get some to taste from the remains of the stroking and it tastes different than the pre. I’m not sure that I like it but I don’t hate it. I’ve heard of the taste being everything from salty to sweet to almost nutty or even acrid.

Alex…Alex tastes to me like…like maybe if you took browned mushrooms and made like salad dressing out of them? Not bad but just odd.

I swallow and do the kiss and stroke and nuzzle thing some more and he’s trying to recover and I use his sex to guide him to the bed and I kiss his stomach. “Be…right back.”

I let him get comfy and I go and grab a fast mouthful of scope.

Yes, yes I don’t want him to taste himself on me when we’re kissing and then there’s dickbreath.

No seriously.

It gets on your breath, it’s still exactly what it is and I’ve smelled that on my mom way too much to be comfortable with it.

Yeah I’m messed up.

The rest is sort of our usual…Alex using lube and fingers and going really slow as he recovers and lots of kissing and him suckling on my nipples.

I’m way behind from stuff with my hormones and all that but when he does do that it feels good, like roll my eyes back good and when they get all hard and stuff they stay hard.

It’s this really sensual oh god it’s almost torture kind of feelings too.

Actually Alex gets me off in the girl way with hit fingers this time as he’s rubbing with the pads of his fingers up into the wall between my canal? It’s a definite thing…I get off from that in that inside out and back again sexual tidal bore thing that my girl feelings are.

We read up on it…a girls clitoral area is way bigger than just the actual nib…and Alex is stroking that through the other side and yeah it’s definitely…likely not like really feeling direct contact but there’s nerves there and stuff that does get me there.

And after that I really, really need him inside me.

I wanted him on a be inside on me really deep need like a biological drive way this time too. I think it’s me catching up with myself and there’s probably some psyche element to it too but it doesn’t really matter.

Thank you Jen for teaching him for me.

Alex is a very good lover.

Okay a virgin until him sure but yeah you know when someone’s good…you know when you become not really you but still you but this fantasy. Some of mine and some of his and vice versa.

I think as much as crappy cheap hooker sex wears your soul down and hurts you. Love making is this whole buffing off the sharp edges and filing in the breaks we have inside each other….for each other.

Like making love you actually use those feeling and expression of them to build each other up.

And yes I soooo sound like a girl right now.

I cry during parts of it ad he cries I parts of it…not bawl cry but these little bits of happy tears, and ones of relief too.

I love the feeing of taking some of his pain away.

I love, really intensely love the way my knuckles hurt when we lace our fingers together…and he kisses them. It’s not a pain thing thins time even though it kind of hurts but it’d Alex getting it.

I’m effed up and he’s okay with that.

That soft look in his chocolate eyes and the way it’s okay because he even loves messed up stuff like that about me is just.

It’s that thing, that strange elusive thing that is just…it’s that thing that’s in what makes being in love real.

I’ll take this, this real over the magical love fairy tale anytime.

Then there’s this other really, really great thing and that’s afterwards.

Being held.

Oh hell yeah girly as it gets but again when we’re done and Alex cleans us off. (Aloe lotion wet-wipe things.) he pulls me tight into him and we spoon. He moves the pillows just right and then he wraps his arms around me tight and I soak in his body heat, feel his beating heart on my back and his breathing in my hair.

And when he sometimes ends up pressing his face into the back of my neck as he’s sleeping there’s something that wells up in me.

I get to fall asleep to that tonight.

Love should leave you wanting to breathe deeper, cry a little happy-ow-yay and smiling as you fall asleep.

…………………….Morning comes with absolute perfection. Alex is still there and still holding me and the sunshine’s filtering in through the windows and I look at the clock and it’s twenty after eight.

“Hey…”

“Mmmm…”

“We’re going to be late.”

“No school, you go in for surgery tomorrow. We’re skipping…personal day.”

“Okay…I can live with that.”

“Good.” He rolls me over to face him and we end up kissing long and slowly and over and over until we’ve had enough for the moment. He smiles one of those rare just for me smiles and not the half of one he shows others. “I want to spoil you today.”

“I don’t need to be spoiled, I don’t need fancy or stuff like that Alex I just…I just want this.”

He kisses me again. “As you wish.”

I smile and kiss him back. “I’m starting to love that movie.”

He gives me the sweetest look, like a smile but in his eyes too and dammit if I don’t just about happy cry it hits me that hard.

He gets up and he motions for me to stay and I hug his pillow and myself while he’s gone and he comes back with the breakfast in bed tray and the laptop and we start the day with watching The Princess Bride again and eating chicken in bed.

I tell you watching that eating heated up trashy KFC stuff in bed with the pillows piled high and his arm around is just freaking amazing.

Alex even was a complete angel and made me coffee.

Sigh.

After the movie’s done it is sort of time to move and do something and Alex goes and does the dishes while I strip our bed and get the laundry sorted and started and then because I’m doing a cold water wash I take the time to run myself a hot bath complete with bubbles and stuff and I sit and soak and I kind of need it too.

Alex still leaves me sore.

Okay it’s a good sore but it’s still sore.

I drift in and out of semi sleep in that hot bath way when you daydream and some of it’s about the surgery. I meant I’m kind of jazzed about that instead of being nervous.

Getting clipped and fixed will sort of suck but it’ll be really me. I won’t be hiding in this sort of half of being Hunter.

Don’t get me wrong, my life’s been pretty damned good really and half of being Hunter has been exponentially better than being Will.

Honestly I’m not sure Will wasn’t all that real. I mean, he was, I was but it just seems since I was little and lost dad my life then was bursts of steady trauma strung together with periods of loneliness and hurt and heartbreak.

I’m more than half better off now.

But daydreaming of things is actually kind of nice. Little things like not having to deal with the stubby boy down there. I want it gone, not freaking hating it gone because it wasn’t that bad really and hasn’t been but there’s that freedom of not hiding I want.

It’d be nice to go change and try things on without thinking about it.

Then it’s sort of girl dreaming stuff. What will I be like when the hormones kick in and I start to develop, will my hips change? I’d like to have some hips, a little more butt, breasts.

I really think about those because as is, or as they are now they’re something I’m sexually aware of but what will they feel like when I fill out?

And of course with this new me will be clothes of course and I’m sort of playing with these thoughts of shopping as cliché as that is but maybe with April and Sam and Jennifer.

I’m really not that kind of girl and spending money like that just makes me wary since well it is money. But at the same time y’know it’d be nice?

Which is enough not like me that it has me wondering a little just who am I?

I mean passed all the trauma and the hate and abuse just who am I?

Honestly I don’t know since I’ve never really had that luxury before to really think about this.

Y’know when in doubt.

Books.

I get to washing and I shave while I’m at it or rather Veet but I want to be clean and smooth for tomorrow at least and I spend some extra time actually bleaching out the dyes from my hair and adding some of my blonde.

I cheat, I use the wash it and leave it for a few minutes Just for Men stuff. I have a couple here because one they’re easy, two they’re cheap. I bought two at Walgreens for ten dollars. It would’ve been twelve but I had coupons.

I mess around with my hair after that a bit with the curling iron and get some wavy in there and a little fly away curl when Alex comes in all sweaty and stuff.

“You run?”

“No I dug out the bowflex while you were having fun.”

“Fun?”

“You’ve been in here for awhile hon it’s nearly lunch.”

“I look alright?”

He looks at me and pulls me into his arms. “You look amazing why the change?”

“I kind of want to look normal for tomorrow.”

“Okay…I like the way you usually look y’know.”

“I know but I kind of wanted to see.”

“See what?”

“I wanted to see me, that whole kind of me with out the street, the me that I might have been if things were different.”

“Is it important? I love you just the way you are.”

I lean into him. “Nope, not that important Alex, now’s important. I guess I’m just trying to…”

“Find yourself?”

I look up at him. “Alex?”

“Hey…You’re not the only one.”

“Only one?”

“Just…you, everything…yesterday and making good with mom. It feels different some how…”

I get exactly what he means. “… like we’re getting over a big hurdle finally.”

He hugs me close and there’s this sweet sigh. “Yeah, finally.”