by Jessica C.

 

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Image Credit: Picture purchased and licensed for use from

123rf.com. The model(s) in this image is in / and are no way connected with this story nor supports nor conveys the issues and situations brought up within the story. The model(s) use is solely used for the representation of looks of the main character(s) of this particular story. ~Sephrena

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Chapter 6
 
Like any teenager, in a new situation, I'm unsure of things, but I’m growing quickly in confidence about what I know and understand. One might expect the street beating to have shaken scared, but my ego boldly reminds me, I’ve been a Street Rat, thus a survivor; even more, I now take my middle name Phoenix-like others wear a cross. Bridgette and Cathy know that in the shadows of sleep the shadows of that beating and being Jack a street kid still haunt me and I cry, but they’ll be the only ones.

It is a week before school and if I am not shopping or hanging out with my friends, as today I am probably at school. I like being around women that I can look up to. They are not stuffy bloused B**s; Deanna Briggs, Kelli Geortelli, Ms. Crowley and Ms. Miller are women in various stages of someone Ashley wants to be or learn from. Yes, there are other teachers like Mr. Heard, Johnston, and Corelli that Ashley likes to be around for learning.

Today, I came early to work with Deanna Briggs and Ms. Miller a third-year teacher. Steph Miller is also the Junior Varsity volleyball coach and she wants me to do weight training for the season ahead. I like the idea of weight training unless it proves to be muscle development and not figure watching. Actually, it does a great job in toning the body and sculpting my growing curves.

Come noon till one-thirty enough women teachers and varsity and junior varsity girls show up to get in very active games of volleyball. Several varsity girls got on my ass last week and drilled me to learn the game. They say, "Or sit your ass on the side." Well, Ashley is neither a threat to them nor threatened by them, I’m not usually sitting on the side. When teachers don’t object, we even have a fan base of guys watching. Shorts, nice butts, hips, and tops will do that.

Having willing students around also helps teachers setting up their classrooms. Joani and I searched and printed off life-size figures of Abigail Adams, George Washington, and General Pulaski for American History, as well as locating site locations nearby where history happened. New York City, seen by many as a melting pot has its share of ethnic neighborhoods that were or are still enclaves or ghettos. The City holds the best and worst of what people can be.

I met other students as well some who helped in refurbishing the school earlier in August; there was Cathy, not mom’s friend, a girl in my grade, Monica, Kelli, Sierra, and Tasha, as well as Gabe, Miguel, Tony, and Mo. Mo’ was a compromise from his given name of Moses to Muhammad as he liked. Ryta, Joani, Cassie, Maria, and Collin continued as friends as well. Luckily I only met two to three a given day. Still, I have more trouble matching names with ones I like or trust or not.

You need to know the city to appreciate and enjoy the 'in your face attitude' of some like Mo and me or Jess from the Street. Mo and I were not instantly friends but we over time built respect for the other. His world wasn’t safe as mine as he said; if he had received my beating, he said, he would have been dead, either from the beating or waiting for help. "Ambulances don’t arrive in all neighborhoods with the same sense of emergency."

Tuesday, I went home with Mo’s sister Terese but was in trouble with my Mom when I called for a ride. “What are you doing in that neighborhood?”That was the nice part of that lecture. But Teresse and I already heard it from Mo, their Mom, and a few neighbors. Clarice told me not only face to face but in my face, thinking it was my play for Mo who was her guy.

It was true, it wasn’t the same neighborhood, but I had already experienced the downside of two good neighborhoods. Clarice would attend Beacon Hill High this year, kind of riding the coattails of Mo playing sports there. Yes, she had to prove herself twice as much as some. She was afraid if Mo wasn’t her guy she might not be at Beacon Hill. I could appreciate that Ashley or Jack wouldn’t be here either, save Bridgette.

More than one teacher, parent, and student were not happy about my relationship with Street People. With the refurbishing of schools with Street Kids helping out, there was a concern of young people taking off to the streets. Jack Cafferty the TV news guy helped us to address the issue. “No Street Kids are not the nice ‘Lost Boys of Peter Pan’s Neverland’. They are lost people, some victims, some users but almost all survivors whose bad days outnumber their good days.”

The truth was most runaways in NYC were quickly lost in the system, did despicable things, and if smart probably ran away from the City. A runaway’s problems had to be pretty bad to become a Street Kid. Many joined gangs before they went that way. Some think Gangs and Street people are the same, but that's only if you aren’t one of “Them”.

Teacher Deanna Briggs and I quickly became good friends, partly because we were both new and we met early. Like Bridgette, I liked that she was attractive and intelligent. She had a love for teaching, as students would easily see. What most didn’t know but would soon find out she was not a pushover and had savvy for being new in a classroom.

I don’t know more than Hoboken is a community across the river in Jersey, but I guess it wasn’t all pretty especially being brought up by a single working mother. Deanna had a small scar on her face that was visible and another on her arm that was usually covered by long sleeves. Listening and taking time with people one comes to hear what they don’t readily share with everyone.

I think she confided in me, hoping in time I would confide in her. She was one of a few who could see the dark shadows and scars I carried. “Ashley, something is eating at you and either it comes out and gets a release or it stays in there and does damage.” Dr. Ann agreed when I told her, she said, “Someday you will want to tell a friend like Deanna in the outside world.”

“Hi, I’m Ken you know me as Paul’s brother.” It took me a few minutes then I remembered the waiter Mom and I met earlier in the summer. Like Paul, he was tall and good looking and as I supposed with Paul he seemed to have some substance. He was sixteen but already six one and like me, he had dark hair. Unlike Paul, it was longer and while not fully combed the wavy hair was nicely kept.

Ken would have backed off if I let him; he was too shy for his own good. Before he left me alone I coaxed a date for Friday night’s dance. Mom said I need to get permission first but she did make an exception as I expected. When Ken called I did ask if he had a friend for Joani which worked out well.

Earlier on Friday, I was babysitting Mrs. Geortelli’s children, and this time as Joani was with me when we went to the park. Baby Adian is cute as they come, as is Kelli’s little girl, Patti has remained outgoing at three and a half I was kept busy keeping an eye on her. Guys thought they could use the two as reasons to flirt with me. I had no trouble turning them off and keeping my focus. Like today both Julio and a beat officer were close and mindful of my past experience.

Having a date with Ken brought out the humor from Aunt Cathy, “Ashley you may need to watch out for a girl name ‘Barbie’ if this gets serious.” It also brought a talk from Mom about not letting things get serious or going too far. That was alright with me as both of my biological parents were missing to give me the lecture. Thursday night when Bridgette met with a client or Wednesday when Mom helped Steffi with another guy, it caused me to think of how Ken might look in femme. I found the idea pleasing as well as reminding me of the sensitivity I found in Ken.

I like the idea of Ken in a satin shirt, but I think the satin shirt and tie combos are lame. If a guy was to cross over I would like it to be just between us. ‘What am I thinking, don’t get ahead of myself Ashley.’

Ryta and Cassie both came to the dance but Cassie resisted dancing with Ryta until after I did. Ken wasn’t sure of what to make of my actions but that was okay for me. We had a live band tonight and they were unusually good. Ken and Joani made sure whoever from the school arranged dances knew about them.

The dance came off fine and Ken and I had a great time. Our first kiss was during a slow dance and his lips were warm. I parted my lips just a little teasing him to go further. We did have a very nice time saying goodnight. We were just inside the first set of doors when we hugged and kissed. Even with heels, I had to reach up for our embrace. My nipples responded and my panties became warm. I tried to be subtle in pressing to feel his aroused cock, but I really liked him.

Come Labor Day Weekend I was getting anxious and didn’t realize why. I had thought of school earlier in the summer, but like a lot of things stuffed it down inside. Mom and I were shopping for school supplies and were now at the library when the anxiety attack hit. I began to cry, seemingly without any reason but Mom knew. “Ash honey, it has been almost five years since you went to school. I suspect Tom/Jack did not have the expectations you put on yourself.”

“Mom I don’t…” but I was choking on my own words. A librarian told us to ‘Shush’ and another escorted us to a study room, for which my Mom said thanks. Cathy was with us and she massaged my shoulders as Mom and I talked. I could feel Cathy work against knots and tightness forming.

Mom asked, “What grades are you expecting?” My expectations of Cs and Ds did not match up well with the B's and A's I wanted. In truth, I was afraid of failing subjects and falling behind. I wanted to be smart but I see myself as being a dumb student. I also wanted to be liked but knew teens could be cruel.

“Mom is Julio going to be around if I need him? Can I come home if I get too nervous?” Mom’s hands were warm and I knew I had her support, but her answers were ‘No’.

“If you need to come home and cry after school I will be there. The first week can be hard, but it can be good or terrible; you better plan to make it a good and enjoyable time. I believe in you Ash; now is the time for you to embrace Phoenix and embrace the new you.”

I stopped at the women’s room refreshing my makeup. I find makeup like therapy; reflecting when I feel better about myself. I ask Cathy if we could go to her place and have my hair done. They were planning to take me home and go out themselves. Cathy made sure it wouldn’t change the evening. Mom had more than a tinge of motherhood tugging at her but we all knew she needed her own time out.

While my hair was being done, I called around to see if I could be with anyone. There was but it was Ryta and I wasn’t sure Mom would say yes. My choice was Ryta’s if her parents were home or an early movie. We went to a girl movie with each paying our way. We saw it as a date/friendship time.

It was near the end of the movie we first kissed. I kind of thought it should be Ryta and Cassie. I wasn’t comfortable with the thought of being a lesbian, even though I was attracted to Ryta. I was glad to come to the end of the movie she suggested we visit the restroom as our makeup needed fixing. We smiled at each other having enjoyed our time together.

There was something about the night I was not comfortable with and I told Ryta she couldn’t walk home alone. There was more than one siren going off as we made our way home. Ryta’s folks weren’t home or answering so we needed to wait for Mom except she was to be out late too. Mom permitted Ryta to stay over.

Ryta filled out my lingerie better than I did, which was fine with me. She also knew how to touch another girl better than I did. The nicest part was she knew to take time. It was two o’clock when Mom came home and she knocked on the door to my room before entering. She was neither surprised nor judging at finding us sharing the bed. “Just make sure you take the time to be friends first and last,” was all she said, before giving me a kiss goodnight.

I thought I was going to fall right back to sleep, but Ryta drew my hand to her and I enjoyed giving her the attention this time. Come morning, I awoke to find myself under the covers and using her left thigh as a pillow.

It was after Ryta left that Mom took me aside and gave me another mother/daughter talk. “Ashley you know it’s not about her being another girl, but you need to take relationships slower. If you like her, realize if it is real she will be staying around and you don’t need to be in a hurry. If you are afraid it is what you need to do then you need the time and space to grow and mature. I want you to take the time to learn the beautiful side of being a woman. You will be on a short leash for a while”

Mom and I talked a good while. I was surprised when I visited Ryta, how she understood and agreed with Mom. She simply said, “I’m sorry but when you were open, I just went as far as I could… I want to continue to be your friend, but I need to wait to see where things go with Cassie before we date again.” I laughed to myself, thinking that was good as it would be a while before Mom allowed me to date in general and longer like three years before she would allow me to go out with Ryta.

Labor Day Weekend is really big in the Big Apple. Like the Statue of Liberty in the harbor, Labor Day celebrates the contributions of common workers. There were concerts in Central Park and elsewhere. Many celebrated the diversity of the City’s workforce but criticism and judgment of other interests also rose their disturbing faces. Mom, Cathy, Steffi, and I were part of those celebrating the many forms of diversity.

Mom, Cathy, and I went to a community service in Harlem; I had never before heard Black or Hispanic preachers in their element. We were standing as much as we sat during the service which lasted two hours. It was vibrant, filled with music, spirit, and strong uplifting of people and God. A good number of the crowd seemed to know Mom and Cathy. Some warmly welcomed and encouraged us to be actively involved in the service. I found myself holding and relating to several children as they were often passed or free to move around.

More than one Hispanic or Black guy sought to show his interest in me. I was flattered and a bit interested, but it seemed to turn off some guys when I showed interest in sexual diversity as well. I actually shared my email or phone number about causes, not individuals. I watched a few musicians seeing how hard it was to adjust to playing a keyboard or guitar. The music had an upbeat and unpredictable jazz style to it.

We ate after the service, it was a mix of foods I knew, soul or Hispanic dishes I did not. Mom tended not to tell me until after I ate, what I was eating. She warned me if she knew something might be really hot. Some people watch to see if I ate something unusual, or too spicy or too hot.

After I ate, Cathy suggested Mom wait until most of it digested before she told me of a few items. When Mom wasn’t looking someone slipped me a small Dixie cup of something clear to drink which I hurried and swallowed in one gulp. It burned going down and caused me to get a little lighted headed but with some rice and food, the problems did not last terribly long. Mom suspected some guy gave me, a shot of tequila, though it was not officially allowed at the meal.

After that, I watched and smelled closely what I was drinking. I joined in some of the community dances of the women as did Mom and Steff. Cathy decided to watch as did many others. Some of the people were upset that we and others were there partly because of sexual diversity. I became afraid that the situation could get out of control. I followed the lead of my Mom and Cathy who stayed calm though they acknowledged they believed differently.

It was understood by many that the division and expressed differences were part of the day’s events which was not limited to the community service. The differences between Blacks and Hispanics as well as within each group of people that were present as well as the society in which they lived were discussed and sometimes argued about. So people having differences with us expressed them more openly. But before we left people differing in viewpoints as well as backgrounds came over and visited with us. I was moved as they respected us and even conveyed a love for us. I was humbled, it was an understanding that came easily to me. I hoped Mom was not disappointed in me. I had room for growth as well as feelings and judgment I needed to own up to and deal with.

On the way home I told Mom “I felt like a fool in realizing ugly things about me in the front of other people. I wish you had told me so I didn’t do it.”

Bridgette said, “Now that you know and have expressed it, you are more likely to wrestle with it. It may not be nice but it was better than a lecture that you would probably have discounted. Do you think you will really wrestle with what you heard and saw about yourself?”

Cathy spoke, “Your Mom may not appreciate me saying this, but I’m tired of you pussy-footing around the possibility of being attracted to other girls. It comes across as a put down of my relationship with your Mom. I don’t think you intend it that way. In some ways, you don’t have another place to go. I love you but sometimes feel like I'm something less in your eyes!”

I hoped Mom would speak up as I wasn’t sure what I should say. It wasn’t what I meant to do, but I also knew what I had been doing. “Mom and Steffi are doing some deep stuff with people, that’s over my head and I am open to learning. Becoming Ashley I realize I love people like you, Mom, and Ryta, but you’re right whether it is a temporary thing or who I am; I would rather get by being nice and safe than accept who I am or the people I have come to love.”

“I wished Bridgette would act more like the mother I wanted. I want her to tell me what to say and believe.” I was crying as my voice rose. “I love you, Cathy, you have been so good to me and you accepted my crap. Different than you think, I could go someplace else. I am ashamed of me but I haven’t left because this is where I want to be!”

I broke down in tears trying to say more but I was crying too much and the words weren’t enough. When we got home Mom and Cathy took me to my room and talked with me. “Ashley Phoenix,” I thought I was in big trouble, “I am proud of you. I hope you grew some today… I suspect it may be harder because I don’t give you simple answers or try to answer for you. I love you too much to do that. You won’t be through growing up, tomorrow, or any day soon, but I would like to help you do whatever I can to help you to accept yourself and us as we are. Cathy is right it does hurt a lot, but I love you way more. I will continue to be your Mom. You need to keep that in mind.”

I was hugging Mom, “Mom, I think you know it wasn’t about you and Cathy. I’m sorry I hurt you. I am not sure if I am bisexual, a lesbian, or heterosexual, but I know I need to accept myself and not in terms of good or bad. I couldn’t do better than being like you. You are not who I thought you are. You're much more.”

Mom wondered if I still thought I could go elsewhere. She knew I meant back to the streets and subway. “I technically could, but as a girl, I would probably find myself hooking up with a guy for protection. It’s neither something I’m considering nor something I would choose. I would have done it before becoming Ashley. Here is the best place I could have to be me.

“Things right now are so exciting as well as so overwhelming. Being a girl and going back to school isn’t a choice it is who I am and what I need to do.”

“The other evening I saw some guy coming to the house and I could see he was scared about becoming more feminine. I felt for him but I knew he was coming to the best place.”

Mom hugged me saying, “Now it is your turn to be scared living one day at a time as the person you will continue to be.”

Labor Day, was the first time for me as Ashley to enjoy a big fancy parade in New York City. Usually, a street kid got to see bits and pieces and that from a distance someplace no one else wanted or knew how to get into. Aunt Cathy’s was closer to the parade route so we went there for a light breakfast. Some friends had saved a spot on the parade route in a third-floor office.

Jess had spotted Ashley on her way and come to the end of the parade he and Norm waited in hope that I would return the same way we came. They needed to wait and avoid blocking the crowd from leaving the parade area. It was an awkward moment as we met on the streets. Ashley and Bridgette recognized and were happy to see the guys, but it was not like greeting regular friends. The guys weren’t terribly clean and within eight feet their odor was quite noticeable.

I wanted to visit and Mom was willing; it took a moment as Ash to think of a place between there and Cathy’s, where two vacant lots that afforded us a place to meet. On the way, Bridgette stopped in a neighborhood deli and got seven sandwiches and some drinks to share during the visit. We would eat later so we shared half a sandwich now. The guys were thankful, but it was uncommon to be treated on equal terms.

Life in some ways was better for them as the ‘Street people’ were known and a bit more respected from helping out in schools but like me, they paid a price dished out by others. Unlike Ashley, they were not swept off to a hospital. Except for one guy who hadn’t been seen nor heard of since. Hopefully, he was better off, but in NYC that would be a big hope with a bigger question mark? Norm shared a pilot education program in Manhattan was scheduled to begin this week. Word was textbooks were supplied in insufficient numbers as materials to improve the buildings where classes were held.

Bridgette said she would have Julio or Hector look into it as their program for Street Girls had similar experiences the past week. Mom, Julio, and Hector having something to do with a program for Street Girls was news to me, but I knew not to bring it up at the moment.

Bridgette found times with Street Kids and the homeless to be bittersweet because of the lingering effect it had on her Ashley. They enjoyed the encounters and did what they could but it was heart-wrenching especially for Ash each time they went their separate ways.

Even with limited physical contact, the women felt a need to change and shower at Cathy’s place and it put us an hour behind for getting up to Central Park and two concerts. One was with named performers but few big names, as the theme of the concert was for social justice and the plight of everyday workers. Mom said Harry Belafonte was a big-name star but I hadn’t heard of him or known much about the Civil Rights Movement or the War of Poverty of which they mentioned with him.

I asked Cathy how and where the War on Poverty took place. I didn’t understand; it sounded like some protests I saw on TV where there were people with signs and stones on one side and people with weapons on the other.

I asked if there was a cemetery for the veterans of those who actually died in the war. She said some cemeteries have a pauper’s section but the graves were unmarked and either in a remote area or scattered throughout the cemetery. I figured my Uncle Ralph must have been either a veteran or someone who died in the war because I knew dad had shown me his grave and it had no tombstone.

Dad, I hadn’t thought of him or my other family in a long time. Mom had said part of dad’s trouble had to do with a fight he was in when he served in the Army. Yuck, why was I remembering this stuff when they didn’t care about me. I suspected I could use two hours the next day when I saw Dr. Ann.

When we finally got to Central Park we found a place to spread out our blanket for the concert, but Mom and I went walking around the Park. I felt awkward like any teen walking around with her Mom. Fortunately, most people thought we were either sister or an aunt and niece. If we bumped into anyone we knew it was almost always someone mom knew too. A lot of people looked familiar to me but I wasn’t sure of names or if I really knew them at all.

Sometimes it was really spooky because some people one really doesn’t want to be around will get right into one’s face and I am not always sure if I know them or not. Today as we were walking around we ran into the social worker who felt it was her personal duty to treat me like crap.

I didn’t recognize her until it was too late to avoid her. She complimented Mom on how I looked, but she was sure that appearances were deceiving. Eventually, it was obvious that she was still her bitter self and she held a grudge against the arbitrator who discounted her. She got the message that her change in jobs was meant to be a demotion.

I had been hungry before seeing her but lost my appetite much to Mom’s disappointment. She too was hungry but nice enough to wait until I was ready to eat. Being taken in by Bridgette as my Mom was quite a blessing as she didn’t baby me. She had a good sense of when to be there for me. Like even though I didn’t want to eat, Mom knew I needed something like water or Seven-up to drink or I'd really get sick. Central Park is quite large, has so many paths and things to see. I had been in it many times but usually was moving too fast or preoccupied with something to really see it.

Like the area where the concert was held was much bigger than one would expect to find in the middle of Manhattan. I put my head down on Mom’s lap and lied still until I felt better. I did nuzzle up in Cathy’s arms for a time as Mom and someone went to get some food. Leave it to Mom to come back with various cartons of Chinese and Thai food.

Come, early evening Peter, Paul, and Mary were to sing and they sent people around to gather about twenty teens to sing the chorus for several of their songs. I didn’t want to do it until I was picked. Some woman asked Mom if I knew sorrow and to be without. Mom looked at me to see if it was okay and then told the woman "She had been a ‘Street Rat’." Initially, the woman thought Mom was joking and then had trouble believing it was true. Only after I said it was okay as I didn’t really want to sing that she urged me to take part.

We had to practice a half hour before we went on. I don’t know if we added much to the sound of singing the songs. Mom and Cathy said we did and people complimented us but I’m still not convinced. Peter, Paul & Mary have a neat way of delivering a song, where some of the songs and their message are bigger than them. They would rather you go home with the song in your heart and thought about it than give them a standing ovation. Mary impressed me as a strong person. I kind of looked up to her but I was moved because I thought she was more sensitive than people perceived.

After we sang our parts most scattered back to their people but I and four others took advantage and sat down close in front of them. We kind of became an Amen corner not so much in volume but spirit. They seemed moved and appreciative as it affected the audience to come more alive as well. Cathy wanted me to go back to Mom but she was nice enough to stay down front with me for the rest of their set.

I didn’t ask for it but I happily accepted an autographed picture of the three of them. Mary even wrote a note “Don’t lose your spirit.” I cried and hugged her which I didn’t think she expected.

We stayed around another two hours and made our way home so Bridgette and Cathy could have a good evening out. I should be spending more time with arithmetic and history but I chose just to read and go on the internet.

On the last day of vacation Joani, Marie, and I went to the Intrepid Air, Sea, and Space Museum. It might not seem like a girly thing to do but we went trolling for guys and were right it was a good location. We got our choice of guys as well as how close they got. Guys for some reason like showing things to girls with one arm around the girl and the other pointing to something obvious.

Jason an incoming student to Fordham bought my lunch. When he heard my name he asked if I was related to Ms. Riley who taught a Liberation Studies class at Fordham. He said a classmate was asking him to sign up for the class at the urging of a coed-classmate. I confessed I knew someone who might, but I didn’t know she was to be an instructor this semester.

When I got home and asked Mom about it she said, “Yes I am an adjunct instructor for that class. But no I will not be taking guys as far as you are imagining.” When I asked her how far she would be taking them; she changed the subject and I knew to do the same.

I was up before 6:00 a.m. on Wednesday and had my outfit chosen and out the night before. I felt good taking my shower and feeling like the girl I saw in the mirror. My hair had the body and a sheen that it didn’t have when I first became Ashley by name. I was pretty good at brushing it out and getting the look I wanted. I was dressed and down to breakfast.

Mom was up and making breakfast and by her smile, I wasn’t sure if she was as proud as I was. She giggled, “Most Moms when they see their little girl go to school are not watching a young woman starting high school.”

“Do you wish it was your own girl and she was getting ready for kindergarten?”

Mom stepped forward and hugged me, “I guess you don’t know how important you are to me?” I went to my knees and said, “No Mommy I know I am your little girl in big girl clothes.” Cathy and Steffi had entered the kitchen behind Mom; Cathy had a balloon and flowers I requested she get for my Mom. Steffi and Cathy hugged Mom and me and then Steffi took over serving breakfast.

I knew Cathy and Mom were proud and happy for me.

After I changed out of my clothes, the dress I picked out was shorter than I wanted my first day. It was not outrageous but it was shorter than I wanted for my first day. But it was now harder to think and focus on the tasks at hand such as my make-up and getting ready for school. Mom finally sat me down and helped me with my last preparations. “Mom I could have done it but being my first day it was just too much.”

She smiled, “I am glad it all means that much to you. You are a beautiful young woman and you need to know how proud I am of you this morning. But I do not want you worried so much you can’t be you. It will be hard enough; I want you to do the best you can but know it might take a while to adjust.”

It was twelve blocks to school but today Mom walked with me to school. She needed to sign some papers. There were some heckles about being a mommy’s girl but most of that faded away with several friends and their friends stepping forward to welcome me. Ken joked, “Between looking sharp, being likable and thinking for yourself, and most importantly being a lowly ninth grader that's why you attract some flack.”

Mom went into the office to sign papers as I found my homeroom. I got Mrs. Crowley for Homeroom as well as Algebra, Ms. Briggs for Biology, Mr. Edwards for American History, Mrs. Geortelli for both English and Women in Literature, and Ms. Braun for Life Skills and German Studies. Simple things like getting to the net class were complicated for me and the first two days I was late for several classes.

Ms. Braun and Mrs. Geortelli were most helpful; Ms. Braun even volunteered to tutor me in math. I had actually worked on reading, math, science, and history as a street rat from discarded books and newspapers. But I still had fallen dramatically behind in most classes. Skill and intelligence testing showed I had the ability to learn. Come, the end of Thursday, I was ready to chuck the whole school thing.

Mom texted me, she would pick me up from school, as she wanted my help in taking textbooks around. Mom had a van from Star Academy that was loaded. We started down closer to lower Manhattan where Norm’s school program was held. We had at least two cases of textbooks as well as ten portable computers for the school there. Norm and Cody had stayed after school to help unload our vehicle. I suspected along with the stuff we were bringing the school would be well equipped. Sadly it was worse than Norm previously described.

The Star Academy, however, was a good surprise. It was the second year of the Academy and was home and school to ten to twelve girls 12-20 of age now off the streets of NYC. Mace a fifteen-year-old girl tried to gross me out by showing one of her breasts had been badly cut. It was repulsive but with her now being safe, I didn’t let it get to me. There was one girl I recognized from working near Hell’s Kitchen. She didn’t recognize me but she and two other girls knew of Jack.

It surprised me to find Cathy as one of the instructors and emergency residential staff. It was surprising also because my Mom was also one of the founders and general supporters of the Academy. Mom apologized stating “The girls are at risk for violence from perpetrators, pimps, and even family.” I said with a bit of anger toward Mom and Cathy that they should have told me. Cathy responded straightforwardly saying, “You know if you want to befriend any of them you would first need to be in group therapy for a while with them.” It was a challenge I took up but it would prove more than I bargained for.

Mom took me aside, “Ashley you have started as a pretty woman, but as your mother, I will help challenge you about how deep that beauty goes.” What they did not know because I wouldn’t let on was things were getting overwhelming. I had called Ryta about picking me up down around the corner.

It was just after midnight when Mom caught me at the front door ready to bolt. Ryta had called my Mom and early in the morning Mom, Cathy and Dr. Ann intervened as I was depressed and wanting to run away. Dr. Ann Akers had warned Mom such a time was likely; she helped me to calm down from being too anxious, but would not fully sedate me. I would need to go to school the next day as well as have my first tutoring session with Ms. Briggs, but the remainder of the weekend was limited to the home.

It hurt Mom immensely that her daughter was so troubled, my sense of being broken and cast off affected more than just me. I was fortunate school starting up was just the symptom and catalyst to bring crashing down my barriers between others and me.

The weekend allowed Dr. Ann, Mom, and Cathy to drop other things and devote their time and energy to me. Come Saturday evening I felt like a washrag that had been rung-out multiple times and was now drying out. Time of opening up, revelations, and crying were not over but were becoming manageable.

Sunday afternoon Deanna Briggs and Ryta were invited over as Mom wanted one of my friends and someone at school to know what I was dealing with. It wasn’t a pleasant time in terms of being joyous for me. It was a good time as far as being constructive. Some of what was troubling me were in the light of day and problems and the past spoke aloud but I wasn’t being judged.

As Mom alluded to how I felt in becoming her daughter I had picked up another mask that of being outwardly pretty…
 
 
Character List:

Ashley/ Jack
Bridgette — Mom
Cathy — Best Friend; Steffi — Business partner, housemate friend
Joyce — Bad social worker; Officer Roger — Friend to Jack
Dr. Ann Akers — Psychiatrist; Officer Tracy
Deanna Briggs — New Teacher; Kelli Geortelli — Teacher at Beacon Hill School
Patti and Aidan - Mrs. Kelli Geortelli’s children
Jess, Norm, and Cody - Street friends
Dr. Johnson; Dr. Reid - Surgeon
Joani and Collin Richards —Friends; Mr. Richards
Johnny (nasty), Val — Friends of Collin
Marie, Cassie, Ryta - Friends
Constance (Connie) McGregor — Assistant City Attorney
Dr. Mercer at Columbia Presbyterian; Paramedic — Maria Lopez

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To Be Continued...