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Image Credit: Picture purchased and licensed for use from

123rf.com. The model(s) in this image is in / and are no way connected with this story nor supports nor conveys the issues and situations brought up within the story. The model(s) use is solely used for the representation of looks of the main character(s) of this particular story. ~Sephrena

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Chapter 14
 
Reality set in, during the morning when I was up and dressed early and after Ryta has left, Mom reminds me, “Ashley your Phoenix won’t be flying freely out of the house until you, Gabe, and Cathy go to the Candlelight Service." I waste the next half hour apologizing, making promises or deals to get my grounding lifted. I’m settling down geared to do things at the house.

Two weeks ago we lit up the front of our home with a three-story white candle with the attic window for a yellow/pink flame. This morning I ask, “Cathy and Mom would it be okay if I use color lights to represent the wax dripping a rainbow of colors?” Mom looks at me; expecting me to link it to my grounding. However, she is met with silence.

“Do you remember what the candle stands for Ashley?” Mom asks.

“Sure Mom, it represents our desire for peace as well as to indicate this is a Peace House and has served as such since the Underground Railroad for people seeking refuge from slavery.” Mom and Cathy both smile Cathy asking, “What purpose does the color wax represent?”

“I was thinking after you told me about ‘Men wearing pink ribbons kind of says they don’t see Breast Cancer only as a women’s issue.’ The issues of peace, slavery, and oppression are all our issues. If it is okay for prejudiced people to be outspoken; I just want to show what I found here.”

Our home has two ground apartments that are like two-thirds below the ground and about a third above. The back apartment is used for two homeless people to transition to independence. There still is a hidden compartment between these two apartments. Ms. Stephens has lived in the front apartment since before Mom owned the building. Her granddaughter Claudia has since moved in with her. Claudia’s Dad, a recovering drug addict, has had problems with the law since Claudia’s Mom died two years ago. Claudia is seven and does not know that come Christmas, he will be allowed to move in with them.

I go down to their apartment with a present for Claudia. Then and there, I realize this is my first Christmas since I was seven years old. Claudia takes me to see her room and asks me to play. “I am sorry but I don’t think I can; I’ve been grounded for doing something without permission.”

Ms. Stephens calls, “Bridgette, Claudia asked Ashley to play with her for a while and Ashley says she is grounded. I wonder if you could do Claudia and me a favor and allow Ashley to stay at least an hour or so?” “…Yes, she can, I will be happy to agree.”

“Ashley your mother says it would be okay for you to play with Claudia and then eat lunch with us. But she wants you to help us after lunch by ironing some clothes. If that is okay with you?”

“Ms. Stephens,” I begin to cry, “I don’t know how to play as a little girl.” She hugs me. Claudia asks, “Are you crying because you are being punished?”

Ms. Stephens asks, “Ashley, please call me Aunt Beth. Now, what are you crying about?”

“I… I am not that much …older than Claudia; could I call you... Grandma Beth’?”

She smiles and says, “I would be honored if you did child?” “Claudia would you please take her to your play area and give her a doll that she can play with while you two are playing together.”

Claudia grins, “I have two pretty baby dolls, would it be okay if we play dollies?” She gives me a dark hair dolly she calls Mary Jo. She takes two bottles to fill so we can use them with our babies. I lose track of time playing with Claudia.

I have lunch with the Stephens and Grandma has ten pieces of clothes for me to iron. Grandma Stephens shows me how to iron Claudia’s pleated skirts as well as a dress that can only be lightly ironed. Finally, I am done and ready to go upstairs.

Mom has put out strings of color lights while I was down with the Stephens. Now we get to string them in the windows on the second and third floor; Mom says “They need to wait until Midnight when the Prince of Peace is in the world.”

I say, “Mom, I thought you did not believe in him.”

“I like the news of a man standing for Peace, the Prince of Peace.” She whispers, “I love my daughter being a peace child as well.”

The lights are up and lit just to make sure they still work. But the candle lights stay on so it greets Cathy bringing Melanie home. Mom greets Melanie with a warm Tom and Jerri made with eggnog and spirits. Melanie laughs, “The bar is rarely open at the Assisted Living Center.” 

  
Melanie gives me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “Look how powerful your Christmas gift has become.” It warms my heart. “Cathy says this is the first time you celebrated Christmas as a girl and with them?” She pulls me into an overstuffed chair with her. I am almost as big as she is, but it feels good to have her arms around me.

I ask her about Cathy and we visit about Cathy and things that happened to them when they first marched for gay/lesbian rights. I expect war stories but she focuses on men and women with tears as they came out of hiding or parents and friends reuniting and asking to be forgiven. It is very moving.

“Girl, I don’t think you are liberated yet, you are still thinking too like a much a boy of the empire.”

I asked, “Melanie, what do you mean?”

She said, “You could be just a stubborn teenager, but, you are trying to do things without your mothers knowing, despite them usually going out of their way to be helpful. That sounds like a guy being macho independent. While you’re growing more sensitive and as a strong young woman, the boy inside still tries to make stinkin’ decisions.”

She stops speaking and I am growing uncomfortable with the silence. I see Mom behind me, “Mom, tell me, is she right?”

“Honey, the silence is okay. Melanie is like a spiritual mother, a Shaman.” Mom comes around and pulls me to the floor. I lean back against her, her arms are around me and we become quiet. Looking up to Melanie as she's a spiritual person I’m looking to her with respect. Mom is on my level yet I am hearing her as a voice and I'm getting goosebumps.

Cathy comes into the room and sits like a young girl leaning next to Melanie. It is like as Melanie says things, there is this peacefulness. I pull my mother’s arms around me. Cathy and Melanie are soon down and I am in the middle.

Cathy asks about what is going on. “Ashley” is all Melanie says. There are many minutes of long silence before Melanie asks, “Ashley lean back and close your eyes; you are safe with us.” I lean further back, Melanie is on one side of me and Cathy is on the other. “Relax, relax your whole body. Breathe slowly, let your mind relax...” She continues to speak but it is a prayerful whisper and her hands move gently over me.

“Child you are safe, not just because we are here. Ashley, do you sense your feelings? You are very compassionate. Think of a time your compassion warms your soul?” She pauses, “There is a pleasant smile on your face; it must be a good time, continue to hold it in your heart. …Remember your bed for four years where you read, traveled in dreams, and learned what you could. Patty remembers you and she is happy you are in school again. You have a joy for learning, she understands your hunger. …Ashley, you are safe and won’t be hurt. But you were attacked and you were hurt, but you’re healing, you have an inner strength. That boy attacked you again but you did not run and you did not fall. You combined your strength and wisdom, who was it who fell, not you? But you are only a girl. “No”.

“Cathy told me you sought out Bridgette time and again. Think what did you see in her? Think what did you seek in her? Name them and hold them in your heart.” Time continues to pass, “Ashley do you want to be you? Does Bridgette need to apologize for birthing you, daughter? You are a young woman with many of your mothers’ qualities, are you ready to claim your new birth?” I can feel a hand behind my back; two hands touch my head. Their hands are warm upon me. I know it is my two Moms. "Ashley Phoenix Riley, you are a girl wonderfully and beautifully formed: body, soul, heart, and mind. Awake Ashley and claim your birthright daughter.”

I want to keep my eyes closed and to remain there always. I hear my voice but it is speaking to my soul. As I open my eyes it is like I come up from the surface of the water. Melanie is asking for help to stand as she curses her age and her legs going to sleep. I look outside, and it is night. I look at the clock and it is late. “How come you didn’t wake me for dinner?”

Mom says, “There is more to feed your life than food.”

“Then I was not dreaming,” I turn and hug Melanie? I turn to Mom, “I am so much like you Mom.” I wrap her in kisses and a big hug. Finally, I turn to Cathy and I am ready to cry, “You wouldn’t let me give up on me.” I cry but I do not bury my head, “I thank you.”

It is after 10:00 when we are having soup, cheese, and bread for a late supper. When I wash for dinner there is the anointing of my forehead that I leave until I shower. My Moms have what Mom calls an extra-large queen bed. They have showered and are warming the bed. They say I should take a warm shower and sleep with them. With a simple cotton nightdress, I snuggle between them. We snuggle together and I feel so good in their arms though I know it won’t last long.

They are very warm and I can feel them, as I am drifting away. Mom kisses my forehead, “Goodnight sweetie.” Cathy is behind me and I think it is her hand warmly upon my hip, “Goodnight Ashley.”
“Goodnight Mommy.”

It is morning when I awake wrapped in Mom’s arms and legs. Cathy is coming back to bed saying the coffee is brewing. I don’t want to get up. I'm afraid this is a special time that might not come again.  

  
It is now the morning of Christmas Eve. I go to my room, there is a new dress there hanging in front of my closet. It is a pretty pink and gray dress with the skirt overlapping in front. I decide to shower before trying it on. The shower is quick as I am excited about trying on my new dress. It is a heavy fabric and fits like it is tailored for me.

Though made for winter it moves nicely and I am tickled as I go to show it off. Adding to my joy is my sisters calling us as the keyboard has just been delivered there. I assure my mom there, we won’t inundate them with gifts. “Mom, it needed to be given this year so Sis can develop her gift.” We talk but not for long as both households have much to do and we will see them in five days.

Mom and Melanie are now looking at me with stern faces. I say, “Mom, I know this might be a bit girly for you but I love it.” They smile, “Good for you, speak up and claim your identity.”

Cathy hugs me, “It is okay, us softies will enjoy ourselves tonight.” If Bridgette will give us an hour; I saw a beautiful winter coat that could go with your dress.” I ask Mom and she says, “I already told Cathy yes. I agree the coat looks like it was made for you.”

“Mom, this dress feels like it was made for me but I don’t know how?” Mom would only smile. “If you see some things for Grandma Stephens and Claudia you and Cathy can use good discretion and buy.”

“Can I buy Claudia a gift card, so I can take her shopping during the holiday break?”

Cathy says, "That is a very good idea but we need to get her something she can open and enjoy having tomorrow as well.”

Not only is this my first Christmas to receive; it is also my first to give. There are friends at the Star Academy, Norm around the corner at Gopher Hall for guys coming off the streets, Jeff still under the streets. Yuck, there are too many, for three weeks I have felt overwhelmed. Going out to get a coat and things for Claudia brings feelings flooding back. We’re in the store going up to the second floor where Cathy says the coat is. Cathy starts to hug me, “Ashley are you okay?”

I am on the third step and having trouble moving; I thought I had climbed many more. Another woman stops with us, suggesting I sit for a moment. She must be a medical person as I know she is taking my pulse. “Young lady, are you a diabetic? Have you eaten breakfast this morning?” She looks to Cathy as I say, “No, I wasn’t hungry.”

The woman asks, “Would it be okay if I get some juice and something simple to eat?” Cathy shakes her head yes, but asks, “Do you think that will be enough?”

She introduces herself, “My name is Brit; I hope it will indicate if it might be as simple as an excited girl who hasn’t taken care of herself or something more…” her voice fades as she moves to go get something for me to eat.

“I am sorry Mom. I am really, really sorry. I didn’t mean to be a problem.” Cathy is trying to smile, there are tears in her eyes. “Don’t worry Ashley there is nothing to be sorry about.”

“Mom, but Mommy will be upset.”

Someone standing near is puzzled, “How many mothers does she have?”

I quickly respond, “Three.” Cathy smiles and affirms, “Yes, there are two of us plus her biological mother near Boston.”

Brit comes back with a bottle of orange juice and a scone. “Young lady, I want you to eat and drink but not too fast." The store manager asks if I am alright and can I move in one quick statement. Brit and Cathy both tell him to back off. I must be looking better because Britt and Cathy are both smiling more.

Brittany, “I think you should get her some breakfast before anything else. Young lady, is there something you are so excited about?”

I smile, “It is my first Christmas.”

Cathy says, “If you have time I would feel more comfortable if you go with us.” She smiles at me and Cathy as she shakes her head. “Brittany, she is Ashley and I am Cathy one of her moms.”

Conversation stops until we are seated in a restaurant nearby. Looking at Cathy, “You’re either older than you look or she is a lot younger.” Cathy and I are both giggling. “Bridgette and I are getting married and Ashley was recently adopted by her Mom.”

The waiter takes our order as we are visiting. I have both water and hot tea and some fruit served quickly. Brittany makes me nervous when she asks, “Are you nervous about your Mom and Cathy getting married?”

“No, I am excited; I was living under the streets and they have taken me in and love me, very much.”

Brit apologizes, "I wasn’t inferring otherwise. It is just if you were my daughter I would want someone to make sure you are okay... You’re not that ‘street girl’ on the news this summer?”

I tell her, “Yes, I helped with working on some schools needing work and the news guy talked to me.”

“Wow, I’m helping a very special young woman aren’t I?” I am now comfortable that Brit is a friend and I give her a big hug. Brit is a nurse and paramedic. She works in an emergency room and sometimes flies in life-flights.  

  
We all return to the store Cathy and I are shopping for the coat and Brittany had to do some last-minute shopping for her children. She checks out my coat with us. It is a pretty coat, a classic style with fluffy trim around the collar and the bottom of the coat. It is silver-gray with a three-inch pink stripe down the front to accentuate it. We buy the coat and get a gift certificate for Claudia and another for Brittany. I found a sweater for Grandma Stephens.

Brittany has already gone off-on-her-own but we don’t have trouble finding her. She protests our kindness but doesn’t change our minds. We find a few things for Claudia but the working toy oven presents a small problem in getting home. We don’t like using taxis that much but this is a good exception.

Cathy already called Mom’s favorite taxi driver so we’re outside the store waiting for him. Cathy will give him a tip that is more like a holiday bonus. Jerry is very happy to see me saying I have changed a lot. The last time I saw him was coming home from a doctor’s appointment in mid-November.

I tell him about seeing my mother and sisters, school, and singing and he is interested in everything I say. When I say how nice he is Cathy jokes, “He is like the Santa Clause of taxi drivers.

I have to model my coat for Mom. But Mom is more than a tad concerned when she hears about the incident at the store and the need to eat breakfast. Mom’s treating me like a little girl. I now have to take a nap if I am going to the Christmas Eve Service. I don’t intend to do more than rest a few minutes but I fall asleep for a good hour and a half. 

  
Melanie visits alone with me. She says, “I am not a very churchy person so I might be restless if I go with you. I’m wondering if that would be a problem with you.”

“I saw you brought a nice dress, so I was hoping you would go with us. I wasn’t sure if you had other plans. Your dress was folded; I wonder if we could use Mom’s steamer, would you mind?” I’m working on her dress for a good twenty minutes while we continue to talk. I feel a sense of joy as I return her dress looking so much prettier.

Melanie stands and gives me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I gave her another kiss this is on the lips. Everyone is dressed for church as Gabe arrives.

Finally, Mom sends me to wrap the last of my gifts as she takes Melanie to the kitchen to visit there with her and Cathy. I finally end up out there as I still need help to wrap gifts. Gabe tries to help me and I appreciate his effort. My biggest problems are making clean folds and corners and tying the ribbon tight. It starts tight, but it takes three times to keep it that way. Mom hugs me as she compliments how I curl ribbons and make cute notes and name tags.

Come seven o’clock Mom asks me to get dressed for church, “We’re going to take Melanie out to see the holiday lights just after nine and I want you ready for the candlelight service beforehand.”

Mom gives me a mock turtleneck to go under my dress. It is red satin and looks beautiful with the dress. I make my way to the lounge and Gabe embraces me from behind and delights in having his arms around me. His arms feel warm around me and while he is in good shape and strong there is gentleness there. I turn around in his arms and kiss him. His lips are parting as I pull back. “Tis, tis, don’t get started already," I whisper.

“It’s just an early Christmas present,” Gabe says.

Jerry our driver from earlier in the day is back to take us looking at Christmas lights. He has brought an extended cab so we will all fit. The stores are closed but most of the Christmas windows are beautiful and still lit. Sitting across from Melanie I am not sure who is enjoying more the color and beauty of seeing all the lights.

Jerry knows several special light displays. Most apartment buildings have their lights but Jerry knew of an animated light display of five apartment buildings they did their lights as one light display. Three apartment buildings formed a light display of Santa sliding down the side of the buildings crashing into three Wise Men traveling on camels. It is kind of funny, Melanie thinks it correlates to the holy and what she calls the secular world colliding together in the same event.

Finally, Jerry drops us off at this large church on the lower west side. We are let out with Jerry showing us where he plans to meet us shortly after Midnight. Melanie says, “This church is a relatively good church relating to peace and feminism but like most of the institutions they dragged their feet too slowly for the movement and often did not go far out on the limb for anything risky.

“Woe, it is huge inside; Mom how many do you think it can hold?”

Cathy says, “Hey Ash, are you calling me Mom? …I heard it can hold at least 8,000 people.” Tonight there is a long, wide center aisle. As the service begins there is a noise from the back and several shepherds are walking in two carrying sheep. One is a young woman carrying one of the sheep. There’s a couple they are walking to with a donkey. The Scriptures are read. Though they are in English, it has words I don’t quite understand and I don’t know much of the story.”

Gabe tries to tell me, but I don’t fully understand. I am distracted because his whispering tickles my ears. Then it hits me that it is about the baby with his mother Mary I use to see in some of the displays around this time of the year. Cathy has tears because I didn’t quite understand. She explains, “The baby Jesus is a special baby.”

“I thought every baby is special?”

Cathy gives me a hug, “Yes, but he’s special to many, many people... I thought everyone knew but I will try to explain better when we get home.”

I understand song stories so I get more of the story from the songs as the service moves along. Somehow because of the baby, people think more of other people. I guess that is why some people are kinder to street people this time of year. I remember as Jack I would store up oranges and apples this time of the year. I’d eat things like the cookies people gave me or keep them in my pockets.

By the end when we lit candles and sing a song, I have tears in my eyes, partly sad and partly glad. I think I am safe but I am afraid for some reason. Gabe hugs me, but I feel even safer with Cathy. “Come to Grandma Sweetie,” Melanie’s arms are open and when I get in them she tells me, “It is okay to cry.” She walks me up to the people playing in the story and we sit on the floor in front of them and soon others are leaving.

Mary brings the baby who is now in her arms over to me. She tells me “You are okay, I am so pleased you came to see us.”

“But I don’t understand all of the stories?” I tell her.

“That is okay,” she says, “When it happened neither did the shepherds or the wise people completely. I don’t think Mary or Joseph understood everything either.” The woman made a good Mary to my way of thinking. 

  
It is neat when Jerry drives us home, and our large candle is lit and the color lights are like the wax dripping down the candle. It’s taking my breath away and again I have tears coming down my face and I am very happy.

Cathy and Melanie are telling Mom she has a very beautiful daughter that she can be proud of. I want to apologize to Mom for crying and messing up my appearance and embarrassing the others. I feel warm inside because Mom and Mom Cathy aren’t like my dad was or many people I have come to know.

It is late when I get to bed, I feel warm snuggled in the bed. Mom and Cathy come to say goodnight. Mom asks, “Why are you smiling so much?”

“This is my first real Christmas again and my bed is warm and I am in the best-est home I could wish for.” They both give me a goodnight kiss as Mom lies down next to me for a while. I’m happy because she got under the covers which means she will be here at least until I fall asleep.

When I wake up in the morning there is a stuffed kitten where Mom was. She has a pretty bow around her and I quickly tell her I’m calling her Angel. I get up and run to Mom and Cathy’s room but their bed is empty. I run to the living room and find Mom and Cathy. Cathy says we will wait for Melanie before we open gifts.

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To Be Continued...