Previously… Tonight, I was very tired again but I knew the regiment in getting ready for bed, Faith, Marcy, Ruth, Ed, and I stayed up to visit. …Marcy sat me down and asked how I was doing, …That you would enjoy how well you are doing speaks volume to us. Grandpa Will means a lot to us; we were not willing to hurt his grandson …Ruth is about to pull the plug on me acting like a girl. Looking at the morning paper I knew a change would make more problems than it solved …Please know Richard and I are eternally grateful, but we do not want anything to hurt you… Mom, am I going to be in trouble with you for accepting Brianna as a Junior Bridesmaid?” …“I guess we all agree it is what needs to be done. She will be a beautiful Junior Bridesmaid and quite a secret until someday we can all sit back and laugh that it in fact happened.”

~o~O~o~
Ma Storm told me, "Go change, put on some shorts, a casual top but no socks or stockings just your sandals." ...I ask her, "What I am going to be doing."

She says, "After breakfast, I have a treat for you as you get ready for the wedding.

Amanda stops over and shares that Bree’s Grandmother had died early yesterday and visitation would be tonight and tomorrow before the service.

This time we went to the salon that Mandy is using for her wedding; “This is Brianna and she is filling in for one of the junior bridesmaids. I think she could use a pedicure and manicure.” The receptionist looks and says “I think she will enjoy it. It will help her to be even prettier than she already is.” I like how she put things in a positive light.

The head beautician says, “Patti Jo, I have a young woman who could enjoy your expertise.” Patti came up and took me to her area. I sit down as she got her things ready. She has me put both hands in a bowl of a thick solution and then takes my sandals off and has me place my feet in a slightly thicker solution. Both are warm and have the same nice fragrance to them.

Patti helps me to pick out a color for my nails to be painted. It is a rich off red that is slightly darker, but I think it shall have a nice wet shine to it. Patti says, between buffing the second coat and the bright protective coat I am right. She asks, "What will you be doing at the wedding?"

So I shared, "I'll be a junior bridesmaid/usher." Patti suggests we limit lengthening my fingernails to a uniform  ½ or  ¾ “. With Marcy’s blessing we go with the  ¾" length since we could shorten them if the longer length proved troublesome. There is a little discomfort for repairing the cuticles, but the result is well worth it.

When Patti starts on my feet and I'm surprised how much hard, dry skin comes off with no tearing or soreness. My feet and nails are improving in appearance even before she starts to polish my toenails or finish my fingers.

Patti chides me, "Brianna, you need to take better care of your feet young lady. Come Saturday I suggest another treatment when you come along with the wedding party." I give her an extra $10 tip not knowing what others were doing.

Marcy tells me three times to stop concentrating on my feet and nails, "But I like how pretty they are." Before I leave Patti asks me to sign a Carrie Underwood poster and compliments on how well I sang and looked at the concert.

Surprising to me, Marcy stops and we go into a women’s clothing store and we look at two-piece swimsuits. There is one with a short mach suede skirt I like. Faith is along and she laughs at my expensive taste as it is just under a hundred dollars. She shows me two that are similar but an ordinary fabric and each cost $35.00. I try one on and go with a blue swimsuit.

The saleswoman knowing Faith is tempting her with a 40% discount to get the mach suede suit. Marcy and I both challenge her, but she holds her ground. The salesperson says, “You are local girls and people will get to see you and know where the suit can be purchased.” I tell Faith not to worry about me, but to get it if she wanted. Since there was a tan and a brown suit, Marcy brakes down as well.

When we get home Faith says I need to change into my suit to get a tan. She, I, and two friends, Abbey and Kate, are soon out back tanning. We use a weak sun-block just enough to cut the risk of sunburn. I'm uncomfortable with having my straps down as we lay on our backs. I did not protest after rolling to my stomach as Faith undoes the back strap so I would tan down to my bottom. I tan enough according to Ma Storm that I look more like a member of the Storm family.

I'm now wearing a pair of short shorts to show off my tan as I work around the house. Ma Storm asks me to take time with Grandpa. She sits down with us to sip some iced tea. I asked them, "How she and Pop Pop came to meet?"

Pop Pop said, “Ruth had a flat tire on Interstate 95 so I stopped to help change the tire.”

Ruth took over the story, “When he helped me, he thought my spare tire was not very reliable either. He insists he followed me home here to Garner. He wouldn't take anything for all his help, but I did talk him into staying for supper. The girls adopted him as Grandpa Will and he was hooked. Anytime he went from Jersey to Florida or back he stops at the Storm’s bed and breakfast to enjoy his granddaughters."

I laugh because Pop Pop is such a good storyteller, but he never told me that story. “Your Granddad said, he thought you felt guilty for not being a girl. That there was teasing about your eyelashes and there were other things they couldn't stop, but they tried not to add to your hurt."

Ruth asks, "Is it true that you feel guilty for not being a daughter and granddaughter?"

I say, “I really don’t want to talk about it. I have always missed Grandma; she's the grandma I never knew. I wondered if she would love me?” Grandpa hugs me and says “She loved you a lot Brice, I know it because she always loved you with a special love.”

“What would she think of me right now,” I ask?

“I think she enjoys seeing what her Granddaughter looks like? She and I would have danced for joy to hear you sound so good.”

“But as Brice, I stammer and stutterer, I don’t do so well in school and I tend to lose my temper and get in fights.” Grandpa hugs me and says, “Brice is free to be himself. He sang before thousands, he has a big heart and has the freedom and choice, not to dress or wear make-up.”

“I’m very confused Pop Pop, does that mean you do not want me to be Brianna then?”

Pop Pop hugged me, "For now you are a Bridesmaid and the girl you believe is inside of you. When we go home I want you to be free to be you, without my telling you who that is.” This time I hug my Poppa.

The tempo and focus of things quickly change as Amanda comes in, “Momma who is going to Aunt Abigail’s visitation tonight or tomorrow morning?” No one was going as there were so many things to do. Even though it is just an hour away.

I agree to help Amanda to move into the house, they were renting and within the hour I was helping her. I come to understand she had a strong bond with Aunt Abigail. While no one would fault her for not being there, it is tearing her up inside. “Mandy, if we leave just before 8:00 in the morning; you would have an hour to visit and we could be back shortly afternoon. And it would give me a chance to meet Bree as well as keep you alert.”

Mandy hugs me and asks if I really meant it. “I think you are going to feel guilty and sad at your own wedding if you do not? But you better tell your mother that a friend is riding with us. You can tell her the truth when you get back.”

“Brianna, you have a bit of the devil in you.”

“I learned from Grandpa Will to take my joking very seriously at times. But truthfully, I would like time with you to know you. And I sensed you need to be there for your sake.”

She hugged me again and says, "Let's plan on it. It is so nice that you feel a kinship to Bree and want to meet her."

I try to stay away from sorting and putting away her more personal clothing but I do hang up her clothes bound for her closet. She has a big walk-in and seemingly I do a better than expected job in sorting out Summer, Fall, Winter, and Spring outfits as well as sorting according to colors. She brings a pile of clothes and some jewelry that she brought over for her sisters to check and see what they might want. She offers me a chance to select something I might like.

I chose a necklace and she found the earrings that work well with it. She tells me of an outfit at the house I could wear at the beach on Sunday if I'm still Brianna. She has another outfit she asks me to try just to see how I would look in it. It is more expensive and looks really sharp on me. She suggests, "I think that would be good to wear it to the funeral visitation." I agreed it would be good.

Ma Storm calls and I need to hurry back over to go and create a bank account as Brianna. She already has a form I need to sign and return to her lawyer to legally use another name as an alias. When I go to the bank, we need to go across the street to sign the legal papers first. Mom shares that my first check from Carrie Underwood is for $1,500. I don't understand what it is for.

We go back to the Storm’s to eat, and it is a good Carolina Barbecue, their sauce uses a vinegar base which is a tad different, but it's excellent. Ruth’s potato salad and other fixings are great. The lemonade for us gals is kept tart, not too many sugar calories. But there is a spiked pitcher from which I received some. The worst I did was to slide off a chair showing off my panties in little girl fashion.

I work hard not to be my usual messy eater and manage quite well. While I ate enough to be satisfied, it is not as much as I regularly eat. I look all over for the usual barbecue stains and look again using a mirror. Pop Pop and Ed understood, but Ruth smirks and my sisters are confused. We sing songs and talk about times strange to me, but greatly enjoyed by my Pop Pop.

Ricky had come over with Matt and Matt is paying me a lot of attention. Grandpa asked if I would just visit with him until he goes home or I go to bed whichever came first. I am doing fairly well until 9:15 when I'm bored and agree to go for a walk. Unfortunately, I felt more like Brianna than Brice as we walk. First, we're holding hands, then his arm is around my waist and I like that even more. As we got back I'm getting tired and Ricky is close to leaving, so Matt asks me for a kiss. I offer him my cheek, but he's older, and his target is my lips.

I enjoy the kiss but I push him away, even as Brianna, I did not want a boy pushing himself on me. I said goodnight to Pop, Ruth, and Ed. Mom sent Marcy to make sure I prepare for bed properly. I pretty much had done everything she checks on. She giggles, "You're quite the girl" but she understood my hurt when she said that. “I didn't mean anything bad, Brianna. It takes quite a person to have the character I see in you. Be it, Matt, here or a girl back home you are one to be respected. Do me a favor while you’re here, just relax, put on this nightgown. You will look good in it and it should be comfortable for you.”

Though I knew Marcy could have been back with the others we spend a short while in girl talk. When she left I ask, "If your Mom or Grandpa could come up and give me a goodnight kiss I would appreciate it. I think Grandpa Will might be in bed."

Marcy says, "If his light is on I will tell him and I will also ask Mom. “Somehow with Mandy getting married, I find myself wanting hugs and kisses again.” Marcy's boyfriend Scott calls her as she is leaving the room.

It's a while later Pop comes in and hugs me and kiss. We talked a while. Grandpa has a crop of coarse whiskers in the evening. Now as Brianna, it scratches my face even more. I try to say something before the wedding but as his granddaughter, I don't want to say anything to hurt his feelings. Instead, I enjoy our long conversation. I appreciate that Pop Pop talks and visits more than my Dad, actually most other men I know. The only ones I knew who talked more were usually conceited bas**ds.

While Grandpa's an accomplished engineer, he usually focuses on others; he also likes to joke and kid around. He tells me about Brice Canfield for whom I was named. He hopes like Brice I would make sure I get a good education and know, how to apply it.

Ruth comes in and visits with us. It is also an enjoyable time though long. Ruth suggests a little prayer before she tucks me in and kisses me. Grandpa shared it had been 13 years since he was with Grace and she prayed for me while I was bundled in her bed. I felt Goosebumps as Ruth prays and Grandpa holds me in his arms.

Ruth and Grandpa leave hugging one another as I think Grandpa’s eyes were watering.

It is 5:30 when I wake and Marcy's slipping up some running shorts. I'm quickly up asking if I could run with her. She gives me an old tube top to help me as I already have the shorts and running shoes. By the time we stretch and run a mile loop we were home again and I drop out. Marcy picked up her pace as she kept running. I shower and am eating a light breakfast when Mandy arrives to pick me up.

Amanda and I are about to drive away when Ruth comments that I had not opened my cards from yesterday and she expects more today. Ma Ruth has two cards from fans of Carrie for me. “Marcy had given Brianna Storm an SC address, an email address, and a web page with pictures from Carrie’s concert. "You can look at it when you get a chance.”

We are down the road and visiting when I look at the two cards and am flattered that people thought enough to write me; one even sent a picture and email address wanting to hear "What was it like in my shoes?" I'm presently more interested in visiting with Amanda, who reminds me to call her Mandy or Sis. I smile, “You won’t mind if I call you Sis?”

“We share Grandpa Will and it is easier than calling you, Cousin Brianna. You might prefer a cousin than to be called a sister, but another time, sorry.”

I smile, “You don’t need to be sorry. Please don’t tell anyone, but it’s kind of a neat experience; especially having Sisters. Being considered to be part of the Storm family is neat too. I have a neat family but it's different being in a family of boys than a family of girls.”

“Which one do you like better?”

“This is special because it is now and for a short time. It takes a lot more to be a girl. I wouldn't mind if I was born being a girl and being your junior bridesmaid and Ma Ruth; they are all special to me… But I am not going to be a girl back home. I am used to being me, though Brice has more troubles than Brianna.”

Mandy wants me to talk but I ask about Richard and her and how long they have been in love. They had met 2  ½ years ago, but they were just friends dating others. Things changed for her first, she thought about dating him because it would be safe since they were only friends. She didn't want to fall in love.

“I think Richard was the first one to fall in love, first with me and then with my family. I was kind of spooked by that and backed off when he and my family first liked each other. I didn't want to get married yet, nor was I sure how much I loved him. It was six more months before I started to fall in love with him.”

We're soon at the town where the funeral would be and soon after that at the church where the final visitation was being held as well as the funeral service. It is a good size church, as Mandy said they took religion seriously. Amanda viewed her great aunt and meets some of the family that is already there. Bree and another group of the family come while we're talking to them and soon most of the families are there. They're very glad as well as surprised to see Amanda. They understand that the wedding is demanding of Mandy's family.

Mandy introduces me to Bree and another cousin Lana and the three of us go off to visit. I expressed my sympathy to Brianna and Lana and we visit about how their Grandmother was special and the things they loved about her and would miss.

Then Bree shares how she is thankful I could fill in for her but she's also sad about not taking part. I tell her, "There were no major alterations and if you want to be the Junior Bridesmaid I wouldn't mind. She's grateful I offer but knows it's not realistic; though they might come to the wedding and/or the reception.

Others want to visit Bree as Bree has many friends, as does Lana. I walk around and realize I need to use the restroom but that there's a line. I go to ask Mandy what I could do and she says, “That is why we had you use a pad if something happens you won’t spot your panties or need to worry about showing yourself. But here take another pad and tampon in case either is needed.” With that, she discretely exchanges the two items from her purse to mine.

I knew several young women heard parts of what was said and giggle, but I didn't see it as funny. It took me ten minutes to get to a stall in the women’s room and another few minutes to do all that is needed as well as wash and check my makeup.

Lana seemingly had waited for me to come out. "We need to talk. I am sorry that some overheard and realized your predicament. But most of the giggles were because all of us have been there.”

“You said, 'most of the giggles' what did you mean by that?”

“You probably don’t realize it but someone had passed a rumor that you aren't a girl. I wouldn't be surprised if someone already texts you’re using a pad as confirmation of you being a girl. It is important to me because I have something confidential and disturbing that I need to talk to you about.”

Lana says, “I know you care and can identify with a young girl being a single mom. But would you have any empathy for a young girl our age, if she had given up her child and chose not to be a single teen parent?” With that, Lana took one of my hands held it with both her hands. “How upset are you with a girl like me?”

“Lana, my heart breaks with the thought that you'd worry about me; when I and every girl should be able to identify with you, tell me your story.” I tear as I listen. Lana because of the funeral gave me a Reader’s Digest version, of romance, rape, and carrying her child to be given away. She grieved wondering what her Grandmother had thought of her. She feels guilty about what Carrie or I thought.

I quickly text Jeanette who quickly calls me back. “Jeanette, we have a problem. Girls who have given their baby to be adopted can feel guilty that we judge them for the things they have done.” I didn't realize as we were talking she handed me to Carrie, but when Carrie answers I knew it is her.

“I am sorry Carrie; I can’t talk long as a friend, Lana has a funeral coming up just over 30 minutes. But I’m hurting for her feeling judged. I knew your caring about single moms, but you don't draw a circle to leave her and others out, do you?”

Carrie asks me to give my phone to Lana if she's there. I'm not sure of all that she said but Lana's body language relaxes and then warms up.

The phone is given back to me, Carrie says “Brianna, when you get a chance to call me back, this is not a problem you’re meant to be carrying. Who are you with?” I knew she meant from the Storm family, so I tell her 'Amanda'.

I'm back to talking and hugging Lana, helping her to refocus on her Grandmother’s funeral. We exchanged cell #s. Mandy got me, so we can leave and get back to Garner and ready for the rehearsal service.

Mandy, “Brianna did I hear right that Lana opened up to you about having a little girl and the baby’s adoption. Girl and I emphasize that she took you into confidence as ‘girl’, that is heavy, how are you?” She had already given me a tissue for my eyes and make-up.

“I don’t understand why she chose me, but she clasped my hand and my heart was with her. No, I’m not a girl but I felt like one and felt I couldn't be anything else as I listened. Carrie wants me to call her back to know the same thing.”

“You spoke to Carrie Underwood, why was that?”

“Lana felt, we cared about single moms and felt so guilty about letting go of her baby. What she did was heroic in carrying her baby and letting her be adopted. I felt Carrie and I need to let girls and women like her know we care.”

“Brianna, come Monday you’re back to being Brice.”

“I know, none of this was in my mind last Monday, but it won’t be true this Monday. There’s way too much about being a girl, but I find a girl’s heart growing in me. I don’t know what happens to that come Monday?”

Mandy smiles, pulled over to the side of the road, and gives me a big hug. “I hope helping me does not make unusual girl problems for you.”

“Mandy, it may not sound right and I might be in over my head, but I enjoyed this experience. Accumulating a wardrobe I can’t use is the least of what I have gained and enjoy. I'm actually looking forward to being your Junior Bridesmaid.” We're back on the road and with each mile, we're closer to being immersed in the preparations for rehearsal and the wedding.

“Thanks, Brianna, I don’t mean to pry, but for Halloween or anything did you ever dress like a girl?”

“Once for Halloween, a cousin helped me dress as a cheerleader; it was the only time I looked realistically as a girl.” I didn't mean to say that last part but it was said.

“So there were other times you dressed as a girl or in girls’ clothing,” Mandy asks? Should I just be quiet or do I try to figure a reasonable answer? Mandy concentrates on her driving, and not going on with any conversation. But she looks at me with a smile now and then. “So little Sis what else do you want to tell me?”

“I’m the youngest of four brothers and either I pushed my way in to be able to play with the guys or I played with a mixed group of neighbors. I got used to looking up to others I liked and they were often girls. I guess I wasn't supposed to look up to girls.”

“Who told you that?”

“My brothers and other guys, they really get mad that I like Olympic women figure skaters. I'm not very good on skates but I like how graceful women are and how well they skate under pressure. You, your Mom and Marcy, and people often joke that I have pretty eyelashes that should belong on a girl, but I really like them. When I was really young and it was okay to be called cute. So more than once I tried to see what they would look like with make-up. My Mom seemed to truly understand; she once started to help me when she caught me. But she stopped when two brothers came home.”

Mandy changes the subject and I relax as we are driving home. She then calls the salon and asks if her manicurist had an opening. “Brianna, Patti has an opening early this afternoon. We want you to have a second pedicure and manicure, would it be okay if I drop you off there now? …You will get to see the color we are using and can show it off to others at rehearsal.”

I agree and she tells the salon that we would be stopping by. “It may not seem big to you, but this is where someone like me cares about the small things. …I was at a friend’s wedding earlier this year and the salon changed the color of the nail polish and hairstyle of the bridal party. The Bride did not realize it until she saw us at the church and it was too late to get it corrected.”

“Am I having my hair done today as well?”

“No, you will have your hair done with the other girls, but I am thinking of having them do your eyes as well if you don’t mind.”

“You know I wouldn't Mandy, thank you.” She smiles and we stop at a Chinese restaurant for lunch before going to the salon. She calls her Mom to tell her we're back and what we're doing. She thanks me for going with her to the viewing. “It seemed important enough that you be able to be there, and a small thing for me to help.”

I ask, "What do you suggest I order?" Thinking she would suggest something new and good that I would not have chosen myself. Mandy said, “Today is not for trying new things, less you upset your system and we lose our junior bridesmaid.” We talk and I learn more about Mandy as a little girl into her teen years. I now have another woman that I look up to.

We make our way to the salon and we meet Patti with Mandy doing most of the talking and confirming the color she had chosen. My nails would be the same as the bridesmaids, but my lipstick would be slightly lighter. It is age and junior bridesmaid appropriate, and most people won't notice the difference.

Patti wonders aloud why Mandy wants my eyes done tonight and Mandy says it's just a treat for Brianna. Patti's more than happy to give me a special treat, realizing I'm like a little girl in a candy store. She takes me by the hand and to her station. It felt good to have my hands and feet soaking in that waxy/gel again and the transformation of my feet and hands continues.

Patti takes my hands first, while they had kept their shape to my thinking; Patti's looking for better, more girly results. Everything about my hands is now smoother, more feminine. She takes off my extensions to make sure the new ones would make it through the wedding and reception, hopefully, the following day. Surely they would have, but no chances are being taken.

I love the glistening of the dark red color that will be put on, but first I find myself watching the shaping of the nails, I'm watching as one who plans to do it for herself in the future. Patti notices my attention like so many other girls and women, “Do you hope to do your nails like this?”

“I don’t expect to do as well as you, but between the first time and this I’ve learned a lot and realize I need to take better care of my nails, hands, and feet. It is a lot like taking care of my hair and skin. It’s a big change for a... tomboy,” Patti laughs and agrees. Goosebumps formed on my legs and arms as I see how nice I look.

Patti walks me over to a make-up chair and set me back in the chair and goes to work. Focusing on my lips and eyes. Patti first works on my face as the canvas for the other things to follow. I enjoy her smile and expressions as she does this and that steps back and then moves on. I'm anxious about the change but she won't let me see it.

Since I was a junior bridesmaid I knew it would not be as special as it would for the bride or bridesmaids, but it would be special for me. My eyelashes would soon be seen in a beautiful girl. I expected a few hairs lost from my eyebrows but not thinned and shaped as I felt happening. As the wax was pulled from the first eyebrow, I knew it would not soon be back to normal.

I am glad I have a pad on as I need to run to the restroom. Patti called in and told me to clean my hands and come out without looking at my face. I'm sitting back down and I told her I was not ready for my eyebrows to be shaped as I knew I would be in trouble at home. She apologized but we both know there was no going back. “Please proceed, no one has to know there is a problem, I am going to enjoy it for now.” Once again she apologized but was glad to hear I would enjoy it for now.

She's done and she called Mandy to pick me up, but all three sisters and Ruth are there as I get to look in the mirror. Mandy and Marcy both remind me it is okay to be happy but ‘no tears’. I was told three times to take a deep breath before they turned me toward the mirror. There in the mirror with my Grandpa smiling beside me, I saw the most beautiful eyes. Finally, I saw the girl that others always said should have these eyelashes; Marcy first squeezed my hand and hugged me.

My whole face was beautiful but looking out from between my eyelashes my eyes sparkle with joy. The eyelashes did not have much mascara on them, but they are beautifully curved and separated. The color around them is not loud nor heavy either; the simple beauty of what she had done makes a great difference.

My sisters were so happy about how pretty I look. Ruth and my Grandpa were happy but they also understand the significance it means for Brice. Everyone hugs me but Grandpa and Ma Ruth embrace me and thank me. They smile as I told them I will fully enjoy tonight and the wedding tomorrow. We joyfully go to the Storm home. Marcy had me undress and had me sitting around before she allowed me to put on my pantyhose and dress.

“I am sorry but I don’t trust you to keep yourself together.”

I said, “While you may be right, being around women changing and making themselves beautiful, even if it was more casual, It was more than I am used to. You should have helped me dress and sent me to sit with Grandpa Will.”

Marcy and Faith made light of my progress, “Brianna, in just a few days you have gotten very good with pantyhose and getting dressed.”

Marcy said to Faith, “Let’s see how Brianna does with the 3” heels.” The truth is they had me practicing the last two days. Mandy interrupted, “It’s almost like she had done it before.” Marcy and Faith stood around me with mischievous smiles on their face “Don’t worry Brianna we're not getting into this topic now. We appreciate your help and want you to focus on enjoying your part in the wedding.

I go and sit with Pop Pop, and he thanks me for all I'm doing. I snuggle up to Pop as I did as a little kid, but now I feel like his Granddaughter. “Pop Pop, I like helping the Storms and being your Granddaughter. Do you think Grandmother would be proud of me?”

“She is proud of how you look, what you are doing for friends, and especially proud of your new-found music talent.” Grandpa smiled as though he actually could see her happy.

“Can you tell me a little about Grandma while we wait?” He starts sharing one thing after another and he was smiling. “Grandpa, why didn't you share more before?”

“Brianna, when you were a baby and growing up it pained me. It hurt to think about her. I'm sorry that you were too young to understand. Right now we are sharing an experience and I can share the memories of your Grandmother because you are big enough to understand.”

“Bree made sure you have everything you need in your purse and let’s get going to rehearsal,” Marcy said. ‘Bree’, I like that the sisters are riding together and I'm considered one of them. It might not last long but I'm set on enjoying these two days. So I got my purse and we were on our way.

Once there, Mandy quickly told the women that I'm wearing the nail polish to be used for the wedding. I did not realize how much attention it would draw. Once Faith pointed out my eye make-up I thought I was back to being that boy who drew all those comments about my eyelashes. This time however they were complimenting me on how naturally beautiful they were. “How did they make them so beautiful and your lashes so long, I can hardly see and mascara?” Comment after comment was similar to that.

Luckily we did not have to wait long for the rehearsal to begin. The Pastor walked us through the general wedding ceremony twice, from the processional in, through the ceremony and processing out. My responsibilities as an usher were given after rehearsing the wedding. I am to be the first with a Junior Groomsmen to process down the aisle. I am kind of between the rest of the Bridal party and Mandy’s parents and grandparents. The other Junior Bridesmaid was from Richard’s side of the family so she would get to escort his grandparents and parents before the beginning of the ceremony.

Carly, the flower girl did well in processing down but was a pistol neither sitting down nor staying still until she wanted up in my arms. She is three years old and I needed to use a hip like other girls to hold her in place. Others saw it as very cute, but more and more people were seeing me as a girl, and that both bothered me and excited me.

As the first walkthrough was ending the pastor asked if I would honor the service by singing one verse of “How Great Thou Art”. I am caught by surprise and found myself saying yes, but asked if we could sing it the second walk-thru. I hope it would sound poor enough they would rethink their request.

I went to the pianist to check which verse I would sing, I saw someone carrying the wedding gown and it was enough to take my breath away and excite me. To triple dose my pleasure as we process down the aisle for the second walk-thru, I see my grandpa and realize I would get to escort him in before the wedding.

Carly the second time through knew enough to come to me. When it came time to sing at the end of the service I was into the song including the refrain and all went very well. I cannot match the strength and beauty of Carrie’s voice, but I seek to reflect her joy as I sing.

Ed’s Grandmother wanted to walk in and out from the wedding ceremony free of her walker. I took both of her hands as we walked halfway down before I let her take my arm. We did the opposite as we walk out. Ma Ruth understood the difficulty of what I was doing. Walking backward on heels for a woman was regularly difficult enough. I kind of enjoy the challenge and thank God for Her help when done.

Escorting Pop Pop was easier and pure joy and as he lets go he told me, “Tomorrow your Grandmother will be walking with us.” I felt a breeze sweep across my ear and that side of my hair. “She’s with you even now, isn't she?” I didn't know what was happening but enjoyed the thought it could be the spirit of my Grandmother.

We soon go to check the wedding gown and our changing area before heading to the rehearsal dinner. I was so enchanted with the beauty of a wedding gown. I held the silk, satin, lace, tulle all glistening white making the gown so beautiful. Yes, there are sequins, and pearls as precious buttons.

After the rehearsal dinner, Richard and Mandy were giving out gifts to those participating in the wedding party. Mandy came handing me a small gift saying she would replace it after the wedding for something more appropriate. When I opened the gift and find a pearl necklace, I asked Marcy, “Why would Mandy want to replace the gift?”

Mandy giggled and asked, “Would you really want to keep a pearl necklace? Where would you wear it?” As I realize what Marcy's saying my eyes tear and she hugged me, as she knew I wanted to keep them. “Stop that right now or you will wreck your makeup.”

Mandy was to go out with the women in her bridal party, but I excuse myself saying I need my sleep. Seriously I knew it was a girl moment for those who shared a long time in her life. I need to spend some precious time with Ma Ruth and Pop Pop.

Ruth was checking things for the morning and the coming day. She heads for the kitchen and I follow to help her and Pop came to sit and visit as we worked. I'm set to peel carrots than to cut them into sticks, then a good number of celery sticks. Then there is fresh broccoli and cauliflower.

It was Pop and Ruth talking to me or about me that kept my attention. “You did well with Carly, but I didn't know where you learned to hold a child on your hip.” Pop said, “I thought you were quite ladylike all night. I would like to know how you felt earlier when you saw your eyes?”

“Did you think my eyes looked especially pretty, Grandpa?”

“I think what I liked was the same as you, Brianna. They were on a girl and Ruth told me very little makeup was used,” my Grandpa comments. I went to my purse and pulled out a small compact to see if my makeup had held up.

“Yes. It held dear,” said Ruth. “Do you remember that you checked it twice at the church and at least once at the rehearsal dinner?” I thought she was kidding me, but she said, “It seemed to be quite natural the things you were doing as Brianna.” She hugged me as she led me over to my Grandfather where I sat and cuddled with him.

“Will, did you ever think you would see a day like today? I am sure Grace was enjoying this time with you. What do you think your Son, Charles, and his Mom will say?”

“We don’t need to tell my parents any more than we have to!”

Ruth broke back in, “Brianna, I mean Brice; it is not like they don’t know you’re being a bridesmaid. If you act like it is a secret, you will rob them. This is a natural opportunity for them to accept you as we have.” Pop Pop agrees as he gave me a huge snuggle and his whiskers were coarse like sandpaper on my cheeks.

I shower and changed into a nightgown and robe and came back to say goodnight. Marcy, Faith, and Mandy came through the door. “Brianna, if you are sleeping in my room, you will need to sleep on the floor. The Bride gets my bed and I am sleeping in the second bed,” Marcy tells me.

Faith said, “How about I get ready for bed, and Brianna and I will both sleep on the floor. It will be the four sisters. I enjoy so much thinking as Brianna is the youngest sister. It's a nice compliment as several think she looks more like Mandy or me.”

Faith says, "Her Dad must have spent the last of his sperm giving Brianna those eyelashes.” I cringe as that was more than I wanted to hear, but the others even Mom giggled. I was glad that Grandpa had gone to bed. I stay with Mom for a quiet time, allowing others to shower and get ready for bed.

Mom sent me in with some sheets, blankets, and extra pillows. I'm lying down as Mandy comes out of the bathroom with a towel around her hair and another around her body. “Brianna, I appreciate you're not staring but neither do you need to hide your eyes,” said Mandy. “You are showing all the parts I have, so don’t act as though you're not a sister.”

We continued to visit as Mandy finished getting ready for bed, but I admit I'm falling asleep as they visit longer than I can stay awake. Marcy was the first to wake at 6:00 a.m. and she wakes me. She gave me an outfit to change into saying not to worry about a lot of make-up.

I was ready to go to the kitchen for breakfast when Mandy spoke up. “See I enjoy seeing you in your splendor get ready for the day.” With that, I hurried out the door and down to the kitchen where Pop and Ruth asked what had me so embarrassed.

Mom had us pose for several pictures and was ready to send three of us to the salon when my phone rang. It was my real Mom calling to say hello and tell me to enjoy the day. “You looked like another one of the girls in the bridal party. I can’t believe you are my little boy. Tell Ruth I appreciated watching you from afar.”

“Don’t worry Mom after today; I will be back as your youngest son.”

“Tell Ruth I want at least your Bridesmaid gown sent back so I can see you in it in the flesh. I will be more than happy to have it cleaned and properly shipped back to her.”

I said, “You can’t mean that Mom, I would be way too embarrassed.”

“I do mean it and you can put Ruth or your Grandpa on the line so they know what I want. Today I just want you to be Brianna and behave yourself. We can take care of the other stuff when you are home,” Mom said quite emphatically.

It was nine when Marcy, Faith, and I arrived at the salon. Mandy and the Maid of Honor would be a half-hour behind us. The Moms and Grandmothers were going to the salon Ruth uses. I'm taken back to have my hair done. Before the hair was shampooed, conditioned, it was decided with my permission for me to have a permanent and my hair styled. I enjoy the idea of getting a permanent though I don't realize quite what it means for tomorrow or a week from now. My hair is put up in rollers and actually brushed and combed out. I loved each little thing they did.

My nail polish was removed and redone, as was my make-up. It was something to see all the attention Amanda was receiving. I wanted to be a bride in the worst way for a moment but laughed at the thought. With Marcy and Faith done, Mandy has her limo take us to the church to start getting dressed. I'm given my special set of panties and the bra. The panties feel so wonderful going on and as I wear them. After the slip, the dress was carefully dropped over my shoulders and as it glided down my whole body shivered with excitement. My breasts tingle and there was warm dampness between my legs that take me by surprise.

I let out a moan of enjoyment and Marcy took me aside, asking where I learned that. I tell her what happened and how I felt and she said we needed to talk after the wedding and reception as she's concerned. She zips up and hooks the back of my gown. “Why don’t you get a small sandwich and a few sips of something clear to drink, but make sure you and your gown remains spotless. I think Mandy wanted you to help her and her final preparations for the wedding.”

I giggle thinking it was a funny joke but after a small bite to eat and drink; Mandy was there and asking for me. She was down to her panties and bra as I came into her changing room. She's a nicely endowed woman, not very big in comparison to some, but it was how she filled out her frame. She had fun knowing I'm nervous and wanted to look away.

Mandy was beautiful, and while I was a little uncomfortable; I was also excited and thankful to be there. Once when we were alone, I said, “Mandy," my eyes tear and I pause' thank you, I do not understand why you allowed me in this precious moment, but Brianna will be eternally thankful.”

She drew me in with a hug, “Because today you are Brianna, my little sister and it’s the only day I am getting married. I want you to have a special place in my heart forever.” Others come back and we're ready to help her step into her gown. There are over twenty little pearl buttons that need little loops to go over them and I am given the job as my last responsibility before pictures and then to be an usher.

Carly, the flower girl found and latched onto me when pictures were being taken. Her Mom would take her here and there, but she always ended finding her way back to me. Ruth sensed something and told me to be ready for Carly during the wedding, "I already owe you but we may really need you to help us here."

One usher told a person I was Carrie Underwood’s guest singer, I quickly took him aside and said, “Johnny, this is Mandy and Richard’s day, I do not want to become a freaking sideshow today. If the guests bring it up I will handle it, but please let’s keep the focus on the wedding.” Another one of the ushers hugged me.

Fifteen minutes before the wedding, I excuse myself and made my way to a little-used woman’s room. I took care of the necessity, gaining an appreciation for what dressed up women need to go through. I check and fix my makeup and worry about how I'm doing. I make my way to the Bridal party, pick up my flowers, and ask Marcy how I look.

“I can tell you already checked your make-up and hair haven’t you? I want to compliment you on learning so fast. I just want to suggest that Grandpa Will be given a kiss on the cheek from his granddaughter when she escorts him.”

I smiled, “That is sweet of you to suggest that and I think I will.” I hurried to the back of the church to help usher the grandparents. The candle lighters had preceded us and the other Junior Bridesmaid escorted Richard’s Grandparents.

Then it was my turn I first escorted Mrs. Strong; I walk in front of her holding both hands as we made our way just over halfway then I present my arm and with a big smile, she finished walking to her seat. Then there are the Johnsons', Marguerite is petite and she already has tears and Maxwell proper has his handkerchief ready for his wife as they sit down.

Now I'm back to escort Grandpa and it was I who was fighting not to cry. “Grace this is your Granddaughter Brianna.” Not having a person to hug or arm to take, I curtsy. “Please take three steps escorting your grandmother then I will join you for the sake of the others, but I want you to know she is with you.” says my Pop Pop. I take three steps with my arm out to escort Grandma Grace then Grandpa joins me. There is a pause that only Grandpa and I understand. I tapped Pop Pop on the shoulder and when he turned to ask what I gave him a kiss on the cheek. And he sat down.

When I walked back the first Bridesmaid handed me my flowers. Kate, the other Junior Bridesmaid, and I are ready to begin the professional. A Groomsman escorted Richard's parents and Marcy escorts her Mother kissing her on the cheek before she came back.

We waited for the Pastor and Groom to be in place and then the processional begins. Kate and I step out together and walk slowly but did not do the stutter step. Supposedly it is because of the guys, but I and the Bride’s party are happy as well. Carly did well in processing down and dropping the flowers. The Ring bearer was a little slow but Carly stayed after him and pulled him along when needed.

The Amanda escorted by her father came down and I'm awestruck with the beauty of the Bride and know I want to be one. The couple began the ceremony on the main floor and like clockwork when they went up to the chancel area, joined by the Maid of Honor and Best Man, Carly begins to act up until she comes to me. I sought to pick her up as a rehearsal, but Carly says, “My mother said I need to sit on the floor with you and be a good girl.”

I am not sure what to do when Ruth whispers to me "Unbutton the side of your skirt." Which I quickly did. Then I can make it to the floor and Carly sits on my left leg as I strain to sit up straight like a lady. Despite a song and another musical number, the wedding service moves quickly and beautifully. The couple exchanged rings with each other and then exchange roses with their own parents and the parents of the family each was joining. All this time Carly and I sit on the floor watching it.

The wedding was now nearing the end as Carly got up and I struggle to stand as my left leg has fallen asleep. I am standing but in the way of the couple as the 'Blessing' is completed. I can’t yet move or I will fall. I curtsied as did Carly. It wasn't scripted, but it was cute and gave me the needed time to gain my balance and back off. Marcy takes my flowers and hands me a microphone and I began their recessional song.

I'm glad we don’t have to stand in the receiving line and that there are only a small number of pictures needing to be taken. The photographer wanted a picture from the front of Carly and me sitting on the floor, one of us curtsying and another of me singing that was along with the traditional pictures to be taken.

We, the wedding party, rode in a stretch limousine through Mandy’s neighborhood, to their new house where we get more pictures taken as well as to a park with a neat overlook of a lake. Marcy and Faith were close by as the Groomsmen and Ushers were each taking turns giving me their attention. I am flattered they see me as a pretty girl but I am uncomfortable with the attention. “You might as well relax and enjoy it, unless you want people to wonder,” Marcy and Faith say similar thoughts.

One of the ushers wrapped his arms around me for one picture and I lean back as it felt good. When I turn around to see who it is and to thank him, he kisses me on the cheek and hugged me. When I complained of my high heels and walking on the ground. He swooped me off my feet and carried me back to the limo.

Faith jokes, “I see you've decided to relax and be comfortable.” Marcy joked that he better not spoil my blossom as I'm quite young. He blushed at that but not as much as I when I understand the implications. Finally, we are at the reception. After the Bride and Groom’s first dance then there are dances with their parents. Next, there's a dance for those at the wedding party.

Everyone except me had a partner, several guys are raising their hand or speaking up for the possibility. One person was pointing to a guy next to her and I decided that would be a safe choice. I ask him to dance with me; he paused, pushes himself away from a table, and rises to be a 6’2” hunk. My feelings as a girl are very frustrating to Brice, though Brianna was not listening.

He took my hand leading us to the dance area and introduced himself, Josh Smith. Faith greets Josh while we are dancing; “Brianna did you know that you chose an authentic student-athlete, he was received in the National Honor Society at the end of his freshman year.” I looked up and could tell he is embarrassed.

“I don’t know all your achievements, you just look like a good guy to know and be with. After you stood up I could see the athletic possibility. I am impressed that Faith called you a real student-athlete.” As the dance ends the next dance begins and someone announces, "Each hour there will be a waltz."

Josh asks if I know how to waltz and I immediately said yes but forgot I learned it as a guy. So I quickly add, “But not very well.” Josh smirked and said, “Let me lead and you just relax, listen to the music and enjoy.” I did that and was surprised how well we did. It takes half the dance to trust my following him. But the movement and the feel of my gown and as a girl were quite enjoyable.

When we walk off the dance floor Ruth and Grandpa both greet me with smiles talking about how well I have done. I'm glad they compliment Josh as it takes some attention off of me. I needed to relax and take in what I can do. Several guys want me to dance and I do.

It's really nice when Richard cuts in and thanks me for being part of the wedding. The next dance Amanda was dancing with me. “Hey Brianna I am quite impressed with all my little sister can do. I so appreciate your singing and how well you handled Carly. Allowing her to sit on you and then the curtsy before the song was so sweet of you. Carly and you together were so precious. The photographer says she was able to get several pictures of you two.”

That dance ended and Marcy came up suggesting a dance of the four sisters and their Mom with their boyfriends. They quickly agreed and called Josh for me. Richard asked for his sister and mother to get their boyfriends as well as his sister and her husband. So it starts with eight pairs of dancers. When the dance ended the MC asks all of the couples to share a huge kiss in celebration of Mandy and Rich’s marriage.

I was caught leaning back surprised when Josh so readily leaned down to kiss me. Everyone save me thought it was such a darling gesture. It was a warm and beautiful kiss. My mouth opened in surprise and was taken as an invitation by Josh to give me a French kiss. It was so nice and quick that I found myself naturally responding in kind. To my embarrassment as Josh pulls back I reach for his head as if to stop him.

The next dance happened to be a waltz, so Josh and I remain as dance partners. We were once again dancing around the floor doing better than the first time. Then Josh drew me close and there we stayed and slow down some. First I wonder if I had done something wrong, especially as I feel Josh pressing hard against me. I realized Josh is very excited and to keep from embarrassing him, we finished the dance that way.

We maneuver such that as the dance ends we can walk away from the crowd and outside undetected. Once he fixed himself the best he could we go for a walk and talk. “Josh,” I said, “I am not expecting a kiss. It was my first time to kiss a boy just two days ago.” We laugh at how it transpired and quickly became a French kiss.

He said, “But it felt so good. How do you explain the passion of the kiss if it was all by accident?”

“I might have been surprised, but I didn't say I didn't like it. You are quite a hunk for a young girl to find herself kissing.”

“You might be young but you are not a girl, (my heart quickly stops) but a beautiful, enticing young woman.”

I looked down and see that Josh was starting to become aroused again. “I think I will go back in and let you cool off a little. I would like to dance again later if you can handle it.”

I go back to my table and took a sip of my drink and realize it is now champagne. It tastes good and not like anything strong. The reception was now at the dollar dance and several cute events. I'm coaxed into singing a Carrie Underwood song and as I was singing Marcy was waving for me to stop. She took the microphone, “Carrie Underwood is on the phone to extend her greetings to Rich and Mandy. She heard Brianna singing in the background.” Then she put the phone to the microphone and tells Carrie to go ahead and speak.

Carrie “I am at an intermission and I just want to share with Richard and Mandy that I wish you the best in your married life and that you enjoy your marriage, as much as I enjoy mine. I do want to ask those gathered with you how was my young friend, Mandy's little sister doing in singing for you? Does she sound good to you? I really want to know.” Some of the people began to applaud and others cheered and the response grew quite strong.

“Brianna, I heard you were making out with a guy and I want you to regain your lady-like composure. Sorry, I can’t be with you as I need to run, good-bye and my greetings to all.” The crowd became very quiet as they were quite impressed as was the couple that she would call. Marcy asked me to close my singing with “Jesus Take the Wheel”. I have not sung it before in public, but the MC had been given a split track CD and quieted the sound of Carrie. It feels good though I know I'm no Carrie.

It was about 11:30 and the couple was seeking to be away just before midnight. Mandy was asked to sit as Richard raised her skirt as he is to retrieve the garter. The single girls were asked to gather for the throwing of the Bride's bouquet. I don’t want to be a part of it, but ultimately Mandy and others kind of force to take part. I thought I'm off enough to the side to be safe, but Mandy is distracted as she threw the bouquet and come in my direction and I jump and catch it much to my surprise.

Mason, a college classmate of Richard, caught the garter. I thought all that was over as a younger kid I had never stayed around or remembered what was done. I was told, I needed to take a seat as he placed the garter as high up on my leg as he dared. I had drunk another glass of champagne and my courage was up and good judgment was down. I sat and tease Mason a little bit, but he did not need any encouragement. It was I who was now being teased as he gently slides up the garter. Even halfway up my calf, I'm already getting excited and as he got up to my knee I raised my skirt just a bit higher. One of his hands slid higher on my leg.

Marcy approached from the back and took one of my hands and whispered she's there and I was doing fine. I joked back but my voice carried, “Then why don’t you sit here with a man’s hand up your leg?” The crowd laughs and I regain my composure and dared Mason to go another 3”. Well, he went five and I am sure his hand touched my panty. My body trembles from nerves I thought, but the feelings were like fireworks of joy.

Marcy and I then go to the women’s room as Mason wanted the garter for a souvenir and I am not having him, under my skirt again. I told Marcy about my trembling with fear, then explain the joy and she tells me, “It looked like you might have experienced a small orgasm or ejaculation but it doesn't smell like you did.”

When I told Marcy that it wasn't that, it was from inside and nothing came out and it was up around my heart as well. Marcy smiled and when I ask and even insist she tell me she said it needed to wait until later. She did hug me and said she was happy for me.

Everyone that was left saw the couple off and while some left, the party continued until after 1:00 p.m. During the evening I had a couple of dances with Pop Pop, a slew with various guys most of whom I did not know nor would remember. But the last two were again with Josh.

I helped gather decorations, centerpieces, and other things as Ruth asked, but alas I was tired and fading fast. Josh no sooner said he would help me to the car and I find myself swooning in his arms and he lifted me and carried me to the car. A cool breeze awoke me enough to enjoy being carried and placed into the car. Ruth suggested to Josh that he ride with us as they could use the help in getting me into the house. Yes, Marcy and Faith were coming home, and Ed could have helped me as well.

Josh got me up to Marcy’s room and as he gently set me down; I said, “You are sure lucky to be a guy. You can go home and flop down and even sleep in your clothes. Do you realize I have to wake up, get undressed take off my makeup, fix my hair for the night, be nice to my skin? That doesn't include hanging up my beautiful gown, unharness my bra, and more that I won’t even mention to a guy.”

“When my sisters came home and when Ma Ruth came in we would get into conversations and I would pay for it in the morning. Do you realize all that, of course, you don’t you're a guy? …I do want to thank you for being a sweet guy and being nice to me. I don’t understand all that either, but I thank you and God.”

“O God, I hope no one expects me to be up early to go to church. Thanks, Josh I better let you go before we talk and I nibble that cute ear off.”

Marcy was at the doorway, though I don’t know for how long, “That was very cute l’tle Sis, remind me to tell you some time so you will remember. …Thanks, Josh for all of your help. She's not used to days like this.”

Josh excused himself and walked four houses away to his own home.

There's something therapeutic about taking care of oneself, getting ready for bed, and talking to another girl. I can feel myself come back to life. Not anymore rested, but as Mom and Faith make their way to the room we know we need to relive the day with each other. I took a quick shower, wrapping one towel around my hair and another around my body. I patted myself dry and scoot on a baby-doll bottom and then the top as I dropped that towel with perfect timing. The other women laugh and I mimicked them, “Boy she has learned a lot in less than a week.” They all smirk and giggle at me.

Marcy too changes in the room but it was Brianna who jealously watched, not Brice. I could not believe how many more girls see and experience the wedding and reception. They knew most of what I did, but I patiently share what they already knew and some insights that they missed.

Marcy’s boyfriend proposed sometime during the evening, but Marcy wasn't biting, one she wasn't sure about their relationship, and 2) she says "It was way too early for me; like Mandy, I value my education." Ruth liked her thought but doesn’t discount that there was some hurt there.

Luckily Faith has two years of high school or she would have said yes to Ricky. But it was their Sister that dominated the evening. Mom's stories ranged from Mandy’s birth, so many life events, letting her go, and watching her blossom.

Somewhere in there, I fall asleep faintly remembering my sisters and Carolina Mama praying over me and each giving me a kiss goodnight. I'm restless that night wondering when and knowing I had to change back to being Brice.

The next morning after Mandy and Richard open their gifts and set out for the Honeymoon we're to go to the shore. Pop Pop and I would head home from there. I'm sure it was Brice who was to go to the beach, and that I needed to get back to being him. Part of me, however, wanted a day at the beach as Brianna. Who was to win out?

To be continued

Your comments and kudos are greatly appreciated. Please take the time to let the author know if you liked the story. My thanks to Joni for proofreading and several helpful suggestions. Any errors you find are from me the writer.