July 6, 2017

"Perfect way to spend a birthday," Paige giggled as she walked through the vast Mall of America, hand-in-hand with her new fiancée. "Is this really the largest shopping mall in the states?"

"Yep," Jessica said with a sense of pride. "Both in floor size and number of shops. It's not usually THIS busy, though... Did you HAVE to have been born on the 5th of July?"

"Blame my parents, I had nothing to do with it," Paige giggled as she stuck her tongue out at the American woman.

I let out a long, tired sigh as my alarm clock wakes me from a dreamless sleep. It’s been a long summer holiday, but the time has finally come to head back to school. The only difference is that today’s ‘first day of school’ will be my last ever.

I fidget in my seat, trying to get comfortable as the train rushes through the French countryside to our destination. It’s not my clothes that are making me restless, of course- my pleated white miniskirt and loose patterned tank top feel perfect against my smooth, hairless skin. It isn’t even the disapproving stare of my father at my long, slender legs that makes me uncomfortable. The source of my restlessness, for once, is my three younger sisters- or rather, the thing that’s also making them restless!

“Okay,” the brown-haired flight attendant whispered as they slipped on their fitted royal blue jacket, fastening the one single button at the front. “You can do this.”

“You ready?” The flight attendant’s mentor, a 22 year old blonde woman named Abbey, asked.

“Ready as I’ll ever be!” The brown haired flight attendant replied with a nervous giggle.

“Wake up!” I hear a voice shout, startling me out of my slumber.

“Huh?” I ask, blinking my eyes to try to focus them in the glare of the late August sun.

“We’ve still got plenty to do,” My husband says softly, waking me further with a gentle kiss before helping me lift my bikini-clad body off the sun lounger. “You know most 25 year olds DON’T spend their free time dozing off in the garden?”

“Nervous yet?” I ask my best friend as we may our way through the college to the vast lecture hall for our official ‘welcome’.

“A little bit,” Ophelia replies. “Yourself?”

“Shitting myself,” I confess, bringing a brief smile to the teal-haired girl’s face.

“Perhaps a thong was not the best idea today, then,” Ophelia muses.

“Actually…” I say as I look around at the countless unfamiliar faces, all of whom look at me and see a girl- but some of whom clearly see something behind the ‘façade’. “It was definitely the RIGHT idea.”

I grimaced as I walked into the shop, having to squint to adjust my eyes to the dim lighting within. The place felt like a dungeon, or worse yet, a bondage lair, with leather clothing and accessories adorning every wall and shelf.

"...Ophelia?" I asked nervously.

“So, tell us about your new app!” Colin- the show’s host- asks the four of us as we sit on the studio’s sofa in our expensive clothes.

“Well,” Becca replies, “it’s basically a ‘hub’ for all things Out of Heaven-related! On it you can find links to all our videos, our personal blogs and Instagram pages.”

“There are also features that are exclusive to the app,” Kayla explains. “Special behind-the-scenes footage from our tours and our recording sessions, exclusive competitions you can enter, games…”

"Dad..." I said in my practised feminine voice. "I- there's something I want to tell you..."

"Yes, I can see that," dad replied, still in a state of shock at my appearance.

"I- I'm transgendered," I said confidently as Ophelia walked through from the kitchen, a mixture of shock and pride on her face. "I want to be a woman. I feel like a woman inside. I want to live the rest of my life as a woman." What felt like an eternity passed as dad tried to process what he had just been told.

"...I think people might be staring," I whispered to Ophelia as we walked through the cramped shopping centre.

"What they wish to do with their eyes is their business, not ours," Ophelia replied, holding her head high even as every head we passed turned to look in our direction.

"Easy for you to say," I mumbled as I tried not to let my cheeks go too red.

Over the course of the next few weekends I was given- and took- the opportunity to become Jacinta several times. Despite her own limited storage space, Ophelia (which, by October, was the only name I addressed my friend by) was more than happy to keep 'my' clothes at her house.

She was also happy to wash the clothes for me, especially the underwear- which came as a huge relief to me when I saw that she'd bought me a packet of thongs.

I try not to fidget as the middle-aged man sat in front of me finishes reviewing the information we provided. My clothes aren’t exactly comfortable- but under the circumstances, they could easily have been a lot LESS comfortable.

“Aiiiieeee!” I shriek as I’m suddenly startled by several loud bangs, and my vision is dazzled by multiple flashes of light. For a moment I’m so dazed I almost forget where I am, before my vision and hearing return to normal and I stare, slack-jawed at the scene in front of me.

“Happy birthday!” Jamie squeaks, giving me a tight hug before leading me into the crowded main room of Charlotte’s house, where I’m greeted by yet more hugs, more bangs from party poppers (which cover my hair in streamers) and more flashes from the partygoers’ phones.

“Ooh, baby, do you know what that’s worth?” Becca, Adeola, Kayla and I sing into our microphones, trying our hardest not to grin as we’re almost drowned out by several thousand screaming fans. “Ooh, heaven is a place on Earth… They say in heaven, love comes first, we’ll make heaven a place on Earth, ooh, heaven is a place on Earth!”

“…Well, I guess that’s that, then,” Rob sighs. “You all know what this means.”

“We tried so hard to avoid it,” I mumble. “But in the end, I guess we’re just going to have to face up to it.”

“Yep,” Neil says. “I think in the end, we all knew this was going to happen sooner or later.”

“Yeah,” Rob sighs, leading to an awkward pause. “Next game… We open up box 8.”

It's said that every step you take in your life leads up to one moment, one defining point of your life that you can look back on and say 'this is who I am, this is my contribution to the world'. If this is the case... Then it's a very strange set of steps that led me to where I am today.

“God, I don’t know why I’M so nervous,” I mumble as I fidget in my seat. “It’s not like I’m going to be the one dancing up there…”

“Happy birthday dear Rachel…” The assembled crowd sang as the birthday girl cringed behind her voluminous blonde hair, “happy birthday to you… To you… To you… To you to you to you… To you… To you… To you to you to you!” Rachel giggled at the crowd’s use of the tune of Cyndi Lauper’s hit ‘Girl Just Wanna Have Fun’ to extend her embarrassment further, before brushing her hair out of her face and blowing out the 29 candles that had been placed on her cake- which was, of course, shaped exactly like the hat she and all her friends wore as part of their uniform.

A wide, happy grin creeps across my lips as I dance for the cheering crowd. My face has been made-up with thick stage make-up, making me look a lot older than my thirteen and a half years. My shoulder-length blonde hair has been tied into a bun, and a white, feathered headdress has been pinned to my hair- but none of this compares to my costume.