Life and Love are far more complicated than we can possibly understand. For one young cop, a journey of self-discovery will teach them that true strength was inside them all along.

The next morning Mia woke with a start. Her heart was pounding as she felt the hair against her neck and the memory of the night before flooded back to her. She glanced across the bed and saw that she was alone under the soft sheets. A pang of sadness ran through her before she noticed a folded piece of paper on her bedside cabinet.

Rolling onto her stomach she picked up the paper and unfolded it.

“Mia,
I’m sorry for vanishing. I don’t want you to think it was anything you did but I got called into work early to check over some filings and I’d far rather still be in your bed with you. Words cannot begin to express what I felt last night. I never planned to sleep with you this soon as much as I wanted to. You mean far too much to me and I didn’t want to sully that. I realize this sounds silly but I want this to be real and I want to respect you. When we first met I fell for this amazing guy that I never expected to find. Last night I met the other half of you and she turned the world upside down. You’re an incredible person and I’d love you to call as soon as you get this note.

Richard.”

Mia smiled to herself, the worry she’d felt melting away at the sweetness of his note. She picked up her phone and called him. The phone was answered after only two rings.

“Hey.”

“For a minute, I thought you’d used me and run away. I was almost going to look for money on the side table.” Mia purred into the phone.

Richard chuckled. “Never in my wildest dreams would I dare do that to you. How are you feeling?”

Mia rolled over onto her back and brushed the hair out of her face. “Great, you were amazing last night.”

“Now that’s what a man likes to hear.” he laughed and changed to a more serious tone, “Would you like to do something this afternoon?”

“Like what?” she mused.

“I’m exhausted and I know it sounds like rather a high school affair, but I expect you never got a chance to go to go for pizza and a movie did you?”

Mia laughed, “No I didn’t, that sounds lovely. When and as who?”

“You obviously. But I can tell you’re still Mia you know.”

Mia frowned, “How?”

“Your voice is slightly higher in pitch and you sound more playful and energetic.”

Mia paused a moment and considered this. “I wasn’t doing anything in particular,” she admitted.

“Remember I read people for a living, I notice these things.”

“I’ll surprise you.” She giggled and glanced at her watch. “It’s eleven now, so two?”

“I’ll see you then.”

Mia clicked off the phone and hugged her knees to her chest. Was she acting differently? She didn’t think she was. She blew a strand of blonde hair out of her face and rolled her eyes. What was more concerning to her mental state was that her first time with Richard had been as a girl. That didn’t feel right. Her memory drifted back to their lovemaking the night before. That was what it had been; not sex. She’d had sex before as a male, and it was a raw and hot experience. She was still unsure if what she had experienced last night was because of Richard or her. Shaking herself mentally she got up and padded out of her room to take a shower.

The water cascaded down over her body and washed away the last dregs of sleep and sweat from the night before. As she washed, she felt slightly uncomfortable. She’d never liked her body growing up, although it was parts of that slender soft frame that allowed Mia to come into existence in the first place. Now, however, it was as though a switch had been thrown in her brain; she felt both happy for that fact and a gnawing sensation that it was now wrong for entirely different reasons.

Shaking her head, she finished washing and dried herself before making her way into her bedroom.

She sat wrapped in the towel on the edge of the bed debating her choice for the day. Who should meet Richard? Mia or Harry? She reasoned it should be Harry; Mia wasn’t real. Mia was just a creation; an act for the stage to entertain and have fun. Part of her speculated that there was maybe more than that but she wasn’t willing to face that yet. She made a decision and dropped the towel and began to get ready for the day.

Just before two, Richard rang the doorbell outside the apartment. He had come directly from his office and was still wearing a shirt and tie. He hated leaving that morning; she had been so beautiful lying there under the covers that he had almost considered blowing off the vital preparation work for the upcoming trial. She… It was strange he thought; he almost imagined them as separate people.

The door opened and he found himself face to face with a vision beyond his wildest dreams. Mia was still there and she looked incredible. Her blonde hair cascaded down her shoulders in soft waves, framing her pretty face. Her makeup was subtle but hinted toward a more dramatic eye. She was wearing an off-the-shoulder top and a pair of shorts that showed off her tan legs ending in strappy sandals. She looked pleased to see him but was equally apprehensive. He could see she was hoping she’d chosen the right persona to greet him.

“God, you’re beautiful.” Richard grinned leaning in to kiss her painted lips. Her perfume was delicate but hinted at spices and fruit.

She ran a hand through his hair and kissed him back. “I hope you don’t mind,” she whispered, looking serious for a moment. “I didn’t want to jar your memory of me so suddenly after…”She trailed off with a sly smirk.

Richard shook his head and stroked her cheek. “You’re wonderful however you want to present to me. Perhaps I should get to know the girl I slept with a little better for decorum’s sake though.”

Mia grinned at him and nodded.

He took her hand and led her down to his car. Opening the door, he took her hand and helped her into the low-slung vehicle. Her every mannerism screamed femininity and confidence. He knew who she was but at that moment he couldn’t see the skinny shy boy he fell for in the surf.

Mia luxuriated in the car as Richard drove them through the city. The leather of the seat was hot against the back of her thighs and she could feel the wind whipping her hair through the open window. The world felt delightfully vibrant all of a sudden. Her senses seemed to be absorbing everything she was experiencing in stereo. She looked across at Richard as he drove. How was she here and why did this feel so utterly correct?

Drag was something she did on stage, it was a performance. Why had she gotten so carried away that she had slept with him as Mia? Why was she right that moment sitting in his car as Mia? The entire experience was amazing and exciting but it was also confusing and caused great conflict within her.

For the longest time, this had been a fun light-hearted act she kept to the stage, nothing more. It was enjoyable and fun and she was good at it. It gave her a level of confidence and armor that permitted her to be someone she’d only ever dreamed of being; popular. Why was she trying to act and look like a normal woman? She didn’t feel like one she reasoned; what did one even feel like? Was Richard just entertaining this or did he even want her as Harry now he’d seen Mia? Did he want Harry instead and was he simply humoring her strange choice?

The idea of being like this hadn’t just arrived the second she slept with Richard. She knew she’d had little moments in the past where the idea had flickered across the back of her consciousness. It was silly she reasoned. She wasn’t unhappy, was she?

“Why so quiet?” Richard asked, glancing over at her in the passenger seat.

Mia felt a strange desire to be entirely honest with him in that moment.

“I’m having a little difficulty wrapping my head around a few things. Notably myself.”

“How so?”

“I’m going, to be honest, I don’t know who you like or how this feels to you.”

Richard nodded, “You’re afraid because I slept with you as a woman last night, that for some reason I’ll dislike you as a boy and not want to be around you. You’re questioning whether you have to be a woman to keep me.”

“Pretty much.” Mia muttered feeling more than a little frustrated that he’d picked her conundrum apart so expertly.

“As for how this feels for me, you know I’m bisexual, so I’m easy either way. Sometimes somewhere in-between,” he grinned.

Mia frowned and gently slapped his arm.

Richard continued undaunted. “I met a gorgeous beautiful guy on the beach and we spent some great time together, then I find out he lives this dual life and… I get the impression this…” he gestured at her. “Is a new thing off-stage?”

Mia nodded shyly.

“Do what makes you happy.” he shrugged. “At the core, you’re the same person, whether that’s Harry or Mia is up to you. I can’t decide how you want to present yourself to the world, but I can tell you it’s the person inside there,” he said sincerely, placing his hand on her chest above her heart. “That is the person I want to spend time with and get to know far, far better.”

“You said you wanted to wait last night, and then when I became a more normal version of Mia you couldn’t resist. I thought that meant you found me more attractive as a female.”

Richard shook his head. “I’d take either of you to bed. I was happy to wait. I told you I respect you. If it pleases the court, I would like to point out that it was you, madam, that initiated that little adventure.”

Mia smiled at the memory of her boldness. “I don’t normally do that, I promise.”

“Maybe she’s the more outgoing side of you that’s willing to take what she wants.”

“I am far more confident like this,” she admitted, running her hand through her hair.

They arrived at the theater complex and found a place to park before Richard led her inside. He was right, she realized, she felt like a high schooler on a date while they waited in line for their tickets. There was something so new and beautiful about this entire experience that it felt as though she was back in school. She hadn’t had any dates in high school of course, and most of her dates since had been in restaurants or bars and clubs. None had offered to take her for something as casual and unassuming as pizza and a movie. It seemed so childish but in its own way, it was adorable and fun.

Richard bought her a soda and a large popcorn for them to share and lead her by the hand into the theater itself. They found their seats and waited for the lights to go down.

“I really do want to come to one of your shows.” Richard whispered in her ear.

“I’d love to see you in your full glory and a sea of adoring fans, I’ve never dated anyone famous before.”

“Hardly famous,” she scoffed. “And perhaps I’ll let you one day.”

The lights dimmed and she felt Richard wrap his arm around her shoulder and pull her towards him.

“Little early don’t you think? You didn’t even wait for the scary part.”

“First off, this is a comedy so there is no scary part. Secondly, I think last night earned me at least this,” he whispered playfully in her ear.

Mia smiled in the darkness.

She didn’t remember the majority of the movie’s plot as she spent a significant portion of it with her lips locked with Richard’s. The two kissed like teenagers and barely maintained a level of decorum in the populated space. After the film had ended, she darted to the bathroom to fix her makeup.

It took her a minute to realize where she was as she stood fixing her lipstick in the mirror. Women were coming and going minding their own business and not a single one of them paid her any attention. She had, without thinking, nonchalantly entered the most forbidden of places for a boy; the women’s room. The fact she hadn’t thought about it, she blamed on her immersion that day, it had felt normal for some reason. She was more glad that she hadn’t blindly rushed into the men's room looking as she did. She shrugged and checked her reflection before leaving to rejoin Richard.

After she got back, Richard took her to a nearby pizza place for an early dinner. Nothing about this date was classy or expensive but she could honestly say she was having the best of times. It felt delightfully comfortable as they sat in the restaurant sharing a pizza and chatting. The experience was something she should have had as a teenager. To finally experience it was a little exciting.

“This is nice,” she said, munching on a slice of pepperoni pizza.

Richard leaned back in his seat and grinned. “I forget sometimes how fun the simple things can be.”

“Back home this was the highlight of the week for many of the kids at my school,” Mia admitted. “I always felt so jealous of them being out with someone on a date, kissing at the movies, guess I can check that one off my bucket list.”

“Afraid I can’t take you to prom, but I might have an event or two coming up where a glamorous lady might be helpful.”

Mia thought for a moment. That raised an interesting question. While Richard might not mind who she presented as when they were together, what would others think? No matter how she felt, she owed it to Richard to protect his reputation. How long would he stay with her once people started talking? The least she could do was be consistent regardless of how she felt inside, it was only clothes, wasn’t it?

“I could always give my partner at work a call, she’s always looking to find a nice guy to take her out,” she grinned.

Richard rolled his eyes and poked her knee under the table. Mia laughed. It was a great feeling to be that happy.

After their meal, Richard drove her home and they kissed briefly by her door before she went inside. She was slightly disappointed that he didn’t want to come in to continue their activities the prior night, but she understood, he looked as exhausted as she felt.

As she undressed, Mia felt another jolt of displeasure at her body. She dismissed the feeling, but still found herself wondering about what she was planning to do for Richard. Was it just for Richard?

Mia sat down heavily on the edge of her bed and sighed. Glancing at the mirror on the bedroom wall, she frowned before looking away. When she was Harry, none of the feelings that bothered her as she was now, felt quite as raw. She had gotten used to feeling out of place in the world around her. When she was Mia, those feelings were hard to ignore.

Shaking her head, she shrugged into an oversized T-shirt before slipping under the covers of her bed. It was early, but she really didn’t want to remain awake and marinade in her thoughts. Switching off the bedroom light she rolled over and waited for sleep to claim her.

Mia rose early on Sunday morning and rolled out of bed. She padded through to the kitchen and started the coffee maker. Waiting for the machine to do its work, she plucked at her short hair and frowned. She couldn’t do much with it as her job had relatively strict regulations about that sort of thing. That meant considerable time in her expensive wigs. She shrugged, variety adds to the spice of life.

Taking her coffee she slipped onto the sofa and crossed her legs. Why was she considering spending the day as Mia? She didn’t need to, she didn’t have to but she felt as though she wanted to. She argued she needed some practice if she was going to spend off-stage time as Mia and convince others for Richard’s sake.

Maybe she should go shopping? She would need more than just clubwear and a few bits and pieces to really sell Mia as a real person, especially a girlfriend. First, she needed a new name for this character… Mia was a comedian, she was a showgirl, and had a rather potent personality. That and her name was a comedic parody to start with, that wasn’t girlfriend material. What would the female Harry he was playing be called?

Mia thought for a moment and played a few names around in her head. What would fit her? What would be proper for the social circles Richard moved in?

A name popped into her head she hadn’t considered. It felt right, she smiled to herself and went through to her room to dress for her day.

Olivia Dalton checked her appearance in the mirror. She had dressed down more than she had ever managed as Mia but she felt comfortable. She had her blonde hair up in a messy bun held back with a French clip and wore her shorts from the day before along with a UCLA sweater she had from school. A simple pair of sneakers finished her look. She didn’t want to look dramatic or dressy today and she had limited choices otherwise. Her overall plan was to look as uninteresting as she could. She hoped it would help her blend into the background.

Olivia jogged down the stairs to the parking bay and climbed into her truck. Pulling out into traffic she briefly worried about being pulled over. She knew how overzealous cops in the city could be at times. She shook her head and eased off the gas slightly as she slipped into the flow of traffic.

She drove up to a popular mall in Santa Monica and managed to eventually find a parking spot for her pickup. She’d been shopping for women's things before many times but somehow it felt more terrifying when it wasn’t for a costume. Blowing it off as drag was easy, but now this was clothing she was buying for herself, at least in the short term. Suddenly Olivia felt extremely vulnerable; by creating a new persona that was more Harry than her stage persona, she suddenly felt naked without Mia’s bravery and bravado. The rational part of her mind told her that nobody would notice or care in this city. This was Los Angeles after all, things were extremely liberal. The irrational part of her mind told her that she no longer had the excuse of drag to protect her.

Wandering through the crowds, Olivia felt extremely nervous. She was alone and felt a vulnerability far greater than she ever had at home in Montana. There, she at least appeared outwardly normal to most people. Now, she felt as though everyone could see through her and into her mind. She knew it was likely nothing, but every glance gave her a jolt of panic.

Stopping off at a clothing outlet, she began to browse the racks. At first, she felt like every eye in the store was on the imposter in their midst. She caught her reflection in a mirror as she shopped. The girl looking back appeared to be any young woman out clothes shopping on a weekend. She saw no trace of Harry. There was nothing that might give someone cause to call security or bring attention to the deviant. She channeled a little Mia and felt stronger. She held her head high and set about her mission.

Olivia was glad she had chosen to wear sneakers that morning. Her feet still hurt as she left the mall several hours later. Her trip had been successful and she now owned a significantly larger feminine wardrobe that would help her to fill her new role.

Perhaps it was a little early in her relationship to think this far ahead but she felt differently about Richard. There was something that separated him from anyone she had dated before him. Before she had dated boys but Richard was a man.

She had spent nearly five hundred dollars in the mall buying everyday necessities that would be needed to fill out her wardrobe. She had bought everything from underwear to casual and more dressy outfits. She rather enjoyed the experience after her initial fear had subsided and allowed her to really enjoy the experience. She had a good eye, she knew. Olivia knew how to dress to her body. Her fashion sense was, she realized, a lot closer to what Harry would wear. That is, if Harry had been born a girl. Jeans and T-shirts, tank tops, tops, and boots played a significant part. Even the skirts and dresses she had bought were far longer than anything Mia would wear on stage. She realized she had been making an unconscious separation between the two of them. Olivia was going to be classy but a little country. She was proud of her culture and wasn’t about to give it up to the Californian way so quickly. As she maneuvered her pickup through traffic, the scowls of some tiny hatchback drivers made her smile. City folks.

Unpacking at home, she folded and hung her new wardrobe in Harry’s room rather than Mia’s before cooking dinner for herself. Shopping was hungry work she realized. The day had flown by far quicker than she realized. She thought over her decision. Becoming Olivia might do in the short term but was she kidding herself? Would it ever be enough for him? Would he force her to choose? Richard seemed to be casual about his opinion of the two of them but a part of her mind and her emotions told her that he would prefer her over Harry in the end. What would the future hold? How long could she maintain this facade and would it be a lie? She couldn’t answer that question yet.

As the hour grew late, she decided to change into one of her more indulgent purchases; a short silk nightdress. Slipping it on, she reveled in its luxury. Her mind told her she should probably feel more conflicted about her stupid plan but she dismissed the thoughts almost as quickly as she slipped between the sheets.

Comments are the lifeblood of authors. Please leave a comment with your thoughts/feelings and I'll answer! Let me know what you think!