Chapter 6 Commitment

It was several months before I was called up for ‘Millionaire’. I was still living and working as Lexie, regularly going out with Jim, and it was becoming a strain trying to avoid a physical relationship. I still had not told him that I was still a man, despite my appearance and the way I acted, and was not inclined to test him with a proposal for a gay relationship, but my life as a man was becoming a distant memory. Other than my remaining male groin I was now effectively a woman, the way I dressed, carried myself, talked and even how I reacted to events. I had been secretly taking oestrogen hormones since not long after my first date with Jim, unknown to my cousins,, and my skin texture, muscle tone body fat distribution and lengthening thicker hair were definitely combining to give me an even more natural-looking female appearance.

I regularly had dreams of Charlotte in which she was now speaking to me, telling me about her life with George and bringing up Arthur, questioning me about Harold’s life and his family leading down to me. She was becoming more real to me and I was no longer concerned about being visited by the spirit of of ancestors, but was treating her more as a friend and confidante. Although she kept telling me that all the decisions were mine and that she was not influencing my thoughts, she was actively encouraging me to develop my path to femininity.

Julie and Jane had decided to come with me to watch me take part in ‘Millionaire’ and I put all my thoughts of Charlotte and worries about my changing body behind me as we made our way to the studios in Manchester. After a day of introductions and confirming the rules and what was expected of us, I was led along with the other contestants down to the main floor of the arena.

I missed out on the ‘fastest finger’ round at the start of the show, and watched with a bit of jealousy and disappointment as the first contestant made his way up to £64000 before bowing out. I won through second time round, and after being fitted up with a mic made my way nervously to the chair.

“You’re Lexie Robson from Weardale in County Durham and you are now only 16 steps away from one million pounds, do you want to play.” asked the host.

”I am, and it is a beautiful part of the country, and I am here to play.” I replied as I tugged at the hem of my skirt which had ridden up when I perched myself on the contestants high stool.

“What do you do up there.”

“I am an artist, mainly landscapes and heritage scenes.”

“Oh, you are that Lexie Robson, I actually have one of your scenes of the Lead mines at home, you are very talented.. You know the rules, Lexie, let’s get started.”

The first few rounds up to £32,000 went without any problems but as I progressed up the ladder, I struggled a bit and by the time I got to £500,000 I had used all my lifelines.

“Right Lexie, you can walk away with the £500,000 now, you are on your own with no lifelines left, so think carefully before deciding on the million pound question. Lets’s have a look at it before you decide. Are you ready?”

“As ready as I will ever be.”

“Lexie, for one million pounds, Segedunum is at the endpoint of what ancient Roman Structure. Is it?:
The Appian Way
The Aqueduct of Segovia
Hadrians Wall
The Pont du Gard “

I almost jumped out of the seat and screamed, but I contented myself with a punch in the air, and a ‘Yeeees’.

“Don’t you think you should give me your answer and get it confirmed before you start celebrating” the host said with a cheeky grin.

“A couple of weeks ago, I was at Chesters Fort on Hadrian’s wall to do some sketches, and read all about the various structures along the route. Segedunum was the garrison fort and supply point at the eastern end of the wall, and there is a charming and really interesting museum there. Segedunum is a part of answer C , Hadrians wall, final answer.”

As the screen turned green in confirmation a cascade of glittery tinsel fluttered down from the ceiling and the host came over, gave me a big hug and shook my hand. “Congratulations, Lexie Robson, you go back to County Durham with one million pounds. As I was leaving the stage Julie and Jane ran on to greet me and join in the celebrations.

We immediately had a meeting with the production team who made suggestions as to how to invest my winnings, and took us all out for an overpriced meal and celebratory drink in one of the smart City-Centre restaurants. They were keen to promote me on the news and current affairs daytime TV shows to raise the profile of the show. Because of my personal circumstances, I was a bit reluctant to get too high a profile, but got carried along on the tide of publicity and celebrity. Julie and Jane went back to St John’s Chapel, but I stayed in Manchester for the rest of the week doing the rounds of the TV studios.

Unfortunately the inevitable happened and some over-enthusiastic journalist dug into my life story and gender situationand it was splashed all over the more popular ‘red-top’ papers. Rather than resulting in a lot of criticism, abuse, and embarrassment, it actually started another round of tv appearances to discuss my life. I avoided any discussion on ‘special friendships’ in general and made no mention of Jim, he deserved better than being dragged into all this with me. However Idid have a long chat with him and I had to accept that he needed time to get his head around the situation and sadly we decided to have a break from each other for a while.

in one of the interviews the presenter was handed anew addition to the script by one of the production crew. “ Some of our researchers have been talking to the people in your home village and we have been told that since you returned to Weardale that you have been visited many times by the ghost of one of your ancestors, would you like to tell us more?”

“ Not really, I will not go into details. When I moved to Weardale It was just to give me a new start in life and to see the area where my Great-grandfather was from and to do a bit of research into my family history. I began to have regular dreams of events of long ago which led me to find out some more details of the family. Gradually the dreams turned into visits, by a long-dead Aunt, what you would call a ghost or a spirit, and she helped guide me along the path I have taken to where I am now.”

“ Are you saying that this ghost encouraged you to become a woman?”

“ Let’s just say this, I have never believed in ghosts or the spirit world but my Aunt has shown me things that I would not otherwise have known, I believe that she may have helped me realise the true purpose of my life which led me to make the decision to live as a woman. Beyond that, things are private and affect other peoples lives so can we leave the discussion there please.”

“ Thank you Lexie, you have definitely led an interesting life since you moved back up North, I am sure that we will be hearing a lot more of you in the future.”

Between living as a woman and the body changes being caused by the hormones I was taking, my contacts with the spirit of Charlotte, and having won a fortune in the quiz, I was feeling a bit of a freak and tried to avoid any contact or discussions with anyone on the journey home. I hoped that my brief moment of fame and celebrity was over and that I could just return to my quiet life in the tranquil dales of the North Pennines. When I arrived back at St.John’s Chapel, other than congratulating me, most people were pleasant and just treated me as they had done before and I soon calmed down, relaxed and considered where I wanted to go from now on.

A week later when the cheque had been cleared by the bank and I had sorted out what to do with the winning we had a private celebration in the Maltby Arms with the girls and all the regulars, At the end of the evening I called for a bit of quiet as I wanted to say a few words.

“Cousins, friends and neighbours, since I arrived here you have all made me very welcome, you are a wonderful friendly community and I would like to thank you for being so kind to me. I have here five cheques. Firstly for the chairman of the parish council £100,000 to upgrade and give a facelift to the Village Hall which I would like to be renamed ‘The Charlotte Robson Memorial Hall’, as I am sure that you have all had a giggle about my belief that her spirit has guided me along the way to my new life here. Secondly, I came here as a stranger to investigate my roots and was soon welcomed into their family by the four ’Robson Lasses”, and I have a thank-you cheque for each of them for £25000. Enjoy your night everyone and the bar is still on my tab.”

The celebrations carried on late into the night, but my cousins and I had a long private family moment away from the others where we all had a good cry, and they all thanked me for the money but wanted to give back the cheques, which I refused. Josie added to the celebrations by announcing that her and Russell were getting married and that she wanted all the ‘Robson Lasses’, me included, to be her bridesmaids and attendants, All of us were delighted for her, but especially me. I had never, in my wildest dreams, ever expected to take on that role. I now understood what Charlotte had said to me in one of my earlier dreams of her, I had now righted the wrong and united the Robson and Graham families as they should have been all those years ago.

I made my way home, happier than I could remember having been, unlocked the door and was just about to go in when I was grabbed from behind, a hand forced over my mouth and I was pushed roughly inside.

“ Acting like the Queen of the village, you are a queen for sure, you pervert. If you want so much to be a woman I will show you what it really means.” I recognised my attacker as one of the farm hands from a short way up the dale, who had a reputation for violence, particularly against women, usually when drunk. He pinned me against the wall and was running his hand up my thigh under my dress, I was terrified as he was much bigger and stronger than me and there was not much I could do to stop him.

All of a sudden, just as I was about to accept my fate, I heard a loud thump and felt him pull away from me. I opened my eyes to see him lying on the floor in a pool of blood and shards of glass, and standing over him, a worried look on his face was Jim. I ran to him and we hugged silently for a long time until I had stopped crying and had calmed down,

“Thank you so much Jim, I shudder to think what would have happened if you hadn’t turned up when you did. What are you doing here anyway?”

“That’s a nice welcome ! Josie phoned me to tell me about your party tonight and invited me along, but when I arrived I just couldn’t bring myself to come in and just waited outside in my car for you to leave. I was just about to get out to talk with you when I saw that you were being followed and decided to catch up with you to see you safely home, but you were back here before I reached you. I came in and saw and heard what was going on and just grabbed the nearest heavy object i could see, a large glass vase, and smashed it over his head. You are obviously shaken but are you otherwise ok, he didn’t hit you or anything?”

“I’ll be alright, Kelvin had warned me about the dangers of walking home in the dark, but I felt that nothing would ever happen to me, I will obviously have to be a lot more careful in future.”

“Well, that may not be such a big problem, as I’ll always be around to protect you from now on.”

“ Does that mean that you accept as I am, I thought that you would back off and not want to be involved as it is common knowledge that I am not a real woman? We will always be the butt of gossip and innuendo, it is not fair to ask you to put up with all that.”

“ Lexie, you may not have been born and raised as a girl, but you are as much a woman now as most others that I know. Let’s start again and see where it leads us, I will always be proud to have you by my side, no matter what.”

Just then we noticed that my attacker was stirring and groaning and I was worried that when he came fully round that he would be too big and strong for Jim to handle, but Jim just stood over him and shouted him

“Right you animal, you are drunk, but that doesn’t excuse what you have just done. You have two choices, either I call the police and you will end up with a long prison sentence, and I am sure that your fellow inmates will just love the fact that were about to rape a transgender woman, or you leave quietly and never come anywhere near Lexie again. If you do the whole village will get to know what a violent pervert you are, attacking someone who has been accepted by everyone around here and is extremely popular, you will be a laughing stock and a social outcast. It’s not just Lexie that you have to steer clear of. If we hear of any woman in the village being molested, this will all come out, from now on lay off the drink and keep your emotions in check”

He said nothing, just got up, rubbing the lump on the back of his head staggered out of the door and left.

Jim stayed the night to make sure that I was ok and we shared a bed for the first time, with him just hugging me and making me feel safe and protected. After that he was a regular stopover and we spent a lot of time together. He had decided that no matter what anyone else thought that he regarded me as a woman and treated me as such. As Josie knew that Jim had been waiting outside at the party, and asked me whether I had met him, I told her what had happened, how Jim had saved me from the attack and how we were now back together, hopefully for good. To save any further gossip in the village and just let me get on with my life, she promised to keep it to herself, not even telling our cousins.

Over the next few months a lot of time was taken up by the big wedding planned by Josie and Russell. I was surprised at the amount of effort and planning that Josie put into her big day. The obvious things like the church ceremony, the reception afterwards, and the honeymoon, were all arranged by her and Russell and their families, but Josie involved Julie, Jane, Jeanette, and me to a large extent in the selection of her wedding dress, our bridesmaid’s dresses, the flowers, how she wanted us to style our hair and what do for her ‘hen party’.

The weekend before the wedding the five of us went to stay in Newcastle and enjoyed a raucous time partying at the venues down on the quayside, one of the social centres of the city. Although we were all a bit older than most of the girls out on the town we joined in with the spirit of the place, going from bar to bar to club dressed up in matching quite cheeky and revealing mini dresses, with sashes showing pictures of Josie and Russell. By now the hormones had begun their work and I had no problems wearing the skimpy low-cut dresses revealing my now fairly obvious cleavage and to everyone we met I was just another one of the girls out for a good time.

Things calmed down for the rest of the week until the wedding day. Josie had a beautician booked to do her hair and makeup but the rest of us had early appointments at a local beauty salon, where we had the full makeover, hair, makeup, nails. By the time we left we were all looking so alike that I felt myself as one of their sisters. After a quick trip to collect our dresses we joined Josie to help her get ready, before putting on our dresses and shoes and escorting her to the waiting cars, one to take us to the church first and the main car for Josie and her dad.

We all made our way into the church and along with the others I nervously walked down the aisle behind Josie, wondering what those people who knew about me were really thinking, and whether it was appropriate for me to be taking attention away from Josie. After the ceremony we followed Josie and Russell into the vestry for the signing of the register and then processed back down the aisle being joined and escorted by Jim, Kelvin and Richard and James, the husbands of Jane and Jeanette. Amongst a lot of happy faces and lots of camera flashes. as we approached the door, in the back row, smiling and looking at me I saw Charlotte, dressed in her Edwardian ‘Sunday best’. She waved a hand at me and silently mouthed “Thank you Alexandra”.

The rest of the day, the reception and the evening party all passed in a bit of a blur, I was so caught up in the emotion of the day, and I wondered whether I would ever be going through anything like this myself. As we were seeing off Josie to go on her honeymoon, she pulled me close and whispered “Thank you so much for bringing us together, and just so you know, I saw Charlotte too as we left the church, she just gave me a big smile and mouthed ‘Good luck Josephine.”

Life soon returned to normal, my artwork sales were going well and although I had been worried that now my story was common knowledge, that my work would be shunned, it actually had the opposite effect. It created a lot of interest in the local area and the Maltby Arms was booked up with guests all through the Summer and Autumn.

I told the girls that after all the excitement I needed a break and that I had booked a long holiday and would be away in the far East for a couple of months and asked them to keep an eye on the lodge for me. Despite constant questioning I did not tell them where I was going, only that I needed a change.

I was actually back after 6 weeks and called them all together to the Lodge for an announcement.

“You look like you have had a good time Lexie, you are looking radiant and happy and relaxed, where have you been?”

“ There was something I had to do first, but then I had a few weeks in a spa retreat.”

“ Well it seems to have done you a lot of good, would you recommend it?”

“ I don’t really think it is your type of place, it runs special programmes for people recovering after
gender re-assignment surgery. to help them adjust to their new bodies.” there was a stunned silence for a while before Julie came over to me.

“ You haven’t?”

“I have. Now I really am one of ‘The Robson Lasses’, come here and lets’s have a girly group hug. it is something else to celebrate”

The end

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Authors notes.

The villages, towns, and features of Co. Durham and Northumberland are real, although the Maltby Arms does not exist. Robson is a common name in the area and the Graham family did own Killhope lead mine, but individual names and events are purely fictional.

For those of you that are interested in any of the places mentionedI have included a few links for further information, click link to open.

St John’s Chapel http://www.discoverweardale.com/explore-weardale/our-village...
Chapel Fell http://mynorthpennines.co.uk/hills-moor-fells/chapelfell-top/
Killhope https://killhope.org.uk/about-us/history/
Segedunum https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Segedunum#Subsequent_history
Hadrians Wall https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hadrian%27s_Wall
Appian way https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Appian_Way
Aqueduct of Segovia https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aqueduct_of_Segovia
Pont du Gard https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pont_du_Gard