Baum

I am only 10, but some thinks I am mature for my age. Mom says I think too much. To be quite honest, I do not see the problem with that. One thing that bothers me is why people are not more kind. It’s like we are so selfish, that we do not even take the time to consider others. I wonder what the world would be if we did something kind every day and made someone smile!

Sighs.

I may be mature, but I am small for my age and I have curly hair like Shirley Temple. I was of course teased, but that was mostly when people get mad at me. I was good at sports and had good friends, so we protected each other. My family was also great. I was the only child of mom and dad. Dad owned his own business, and mom was a secretary there. I knew I was lucky. I didn’t live in poverty and my parents loved me.

Things happen that changes our paradise.

This all happened a few months ago when I came home from school early. There was a teacher meeting. Some boy went crazy at school and started to throw chairs around the classroom. This meant that the teachers had to do something about it. I was delighted. I could go home and play a new game I got. It was raining heavily so that meant I would not play sports with my friends. I would just raid the fridge and play the game all afternoon.

I had a crisis as soon as I came home. I forgot the keys. I stood getting drenched and waiting for my guardian angel to come and save me. I tried looking on the bright side that I would not need a bath that day. However, I got grumpy and bored quite quickly. I did not want to stand out in the rain all afternoon. I rang Mom on my cell phone. She thought it was quite funny. It's nice that someone has humour. She said she would ring back. So, while mom was finding a miracle, I was getting drenched to my skin. I started jumping in the puddles like I did when I was 2 years old. I must admit that it was fun, and it did make time go quicker.

Mom rang back and told me I had three choices. The first was to see if a window was open. The second was to wait in the shed or I could visit our neighbour. I looked and could find no open window and I wasn't going to stay in a cold shed all afternoon.

I rang our neighbour's telephone. Her name was Mrs Baum. She was an old lady and I never really spoke to her. I saw her take care of her flowers in her garden. She seemed like a nice woman that sang a lot. I decided I would go over and maybe she had some cake or something.
When she opened the door, I started to introduce myself, but she dragged me inside and just stood there looking at me.

“Look at the way you look Eve. Have you been out in that rain? And… Why are you wearing those clothes? Do know I don’t want you looking like some tomboy! I am so disappointed with you. Now come to your room and let's change you.”

This woman was bonkers and as crazy as they can get. I told her that my name was Andrew and I was her neighbour. I tried explaining that it was raining, so I just came over while it rained. Mrs Baum was just singing a song and the more I tried to explain, the louder she sang. She grabbed my hand and took me into this baby room. It had this huge crib and changing table. There were Disney princesses on the walls and baby toys in boxes. On the box was full of dolls and another box was full of teddies. She lifted me up as if I was a feather and laid me down on some sort of changing table. I tried to protest and kick, but she was strong for an old woman and did not listen to me. Before I knew it, she had my clothes off and was lifting a big white thing with fairies, it was a Diaper! I yelled that I was 10 years old and did not need a diaper. She told me that I was still her little baby and I would be a baby until I could use the toilet. I started crying, which was the last thing I should have done, as she put a pacifier in my mouth.

The ordeal was not over! She then put a white dress on me with a cute piglet in the front! Finally, I got some ankle socks on. She lifted me down and I looked in the mirror. I could not believe my eyes. Now I really did look like Shirley Temple! Mrs Baum looked at me and put this flower clip in my hair. I decided that I has enough. I wadded to the front door, but Mrs Baum pulled me back. She really got mad at me because I tried to go out.

There was nothing to do. I was a baby all day long. I never played with dolls before, but I made up for it then. I hate to admit it, but it did help the time go by and it was not boring. It was still weird though as here I was a boy sitting with a dress, a diaper and a pacifier in my mouth. It was strange that she kept calling me Eve and her daughter. She even gave me a baby bottle of juice. At one stage I was walking around the house and see pictures of the real Eve. Besides her curly hair, I could not see how we looked alike.

I walked in the sitting room and Mrs Baum was asleep on her chair. I quickly went into the nursery and changed into my boy's clothes and snuck out. It was just in time, as mom and Dad were coming into the driveway. Dad started laughing when he saw me and asked why I had a pacifier in my mouth. I blushed a crimson red and hid it in my pocket.

I had a lot on my mind, so I went to my room and sat on the floor. It was hard to believe what I experienced today. This old woman thought I was her daughter and she dressed me up as a baby girl. I was a 10-year-old boy that spent all afternoon playing with dolls and dressed as a sissy! Was this abuse? Should Mrs Baum be arrested and locked up? I was in tears. Should I have fought more, or should I have run? Why did I not rip the clothes off me and tell her no? I sat there like a sissy baby and liked it! Why did I like it? I decided I would never go into that house again as I did not want her to dress me like a girl and I did not want to be used to it. I clenched my fist and promised never to visit her again.

For the next few days, I kept that promise. I stayed away and when I passed her house, I never looked at it. I looked down at my toes as I passed it. I was protecting my manly part of me. I even asked mom if I could get a haircut. The image of me looking like Shirley Temple haunted me. Mom said she will not cut my curls so that fight was lost. That was not my biggest problem. I started to wet the bed at night. This was a shock as I did not know why I started to wet the bed. Was it because I wore a diaper and it did magic? Mom was quite relaxed about it. She just cleaned the sheets and told me it was a phase. She told me she noticed I slept with a pacifier in my mouth. How did that get there? In the end, she put a rubber sheet on my bed and said I would be going to the doctors.

Do you know how much noise a rubber sheet makes?

Mom lived in the neighbourhood all her life, so I asked her who Eve was.
“Eve Baum…” Mom said, “Such a sad case. She was the daughter of Mrs Baum. When Eve was about your age, her dad left and told everyone his wife driving him crazy. Until then Eve had lots of friends, but she quickly lost all her friends because she became very weird. She wore toddler dresses and even diapers and pacifiers, she was like a big baby. She had no friends at the end and was teased all the time. While everyone else was growing up, she was becoming more and more like a baby. It all ended when she was 12, where she was found dead. She jumped from the school roof and died. It was most likely suicide. Such a waste. Do not take your pacifier to school.”

I felt like crying and I knew what happened. Her mom wanted to remember the good days when her husband was there, so she treated her like a baby and she obviously thought I was Eve. It was sad that Eve had a crazy mom, but Mrs Baum was now alone, as she had no one. I let her think she was with her daughter the other day, and this made the woman happy. Was I mean that I did not pretend to be Eve to make an old woman happy for a small bit? My mind was in turmoil the next few days as I kept thinking it was most likely recovered from her daughter's suicide and husband leaving until I came. Now I made her sad again.

In a weird way, I rationed to myself that I needed to visit her again.

So, I knocked at her door the next day. The same thing happened than the last time. She got upset over the clothes I was wearing and dragged me in and within no time I looked like a toddler girl. I had a mickey mouse top on and a red skirt with white dots. I, of course, wore the diaper and white tights. I played with the dolls a bit and then Mrs Baum said we could bake cookies. She put this frilly apron on me and we spent the next hour baking. I must admit that it was so fun! I wish my mom would bake with me. After we ate cookies and I had a baby bottle of milk, Mrs Baum fell asleep on the sofa. I snuck in and changed back to my boy's clothes and put the girl's clothes in a plastic bag. Next time I would visit her, she would not be disappointed that I did not look pretty.

When I came home, I felt happy. It was not just because I helped an old woman by pretending to be her daughter. It was also fun. I could help bake and play with dolls. If I did that at home or if my friends knew, I would be teased and humiliated from morning to night. Being hidden away in Mrs Baum's house meant I could do things and not worry about what others thought. Being dressed as a baby girl was not that bad. It made me feel pretty and wanted. I liked the attention I got when she dressed me and helped me. I did feel like a girl, but it was fun pretending to be a girl.

I don’t know if all this made me wet the bed at home. Was it my mind that wanted me to be a baby? Was that why I wet? Maybe my mind wanted me to be a girl. Mom took me to the doctor and he couldn’t find anything wrong with me. The only thing he can think of was that I regressed for some reason because I also slept with a pacifier. This made mom feel sad, as she thought I regressed because she worked a lot. In fact, she asked me if I would ask Mrs Baum to babysit me for a night, as my parents had some conference.

I did not have to ask. Mrs Baum thought I was her daughter!

So, when my mom and dad left, I quickly put on my girl clothes that were in the plastic bag and walked over to her door. She smiled when she saw me and asked did I have fun playing outside. I nodded, and she took me in and told me I could watch a Disney film. When I played on the rug, she asked why did I take my diaper off? I could not answer so she dragged me into the nursery and put me on a changing table while I got a new diaper on. She also made sure I had flowers in my hair. I was not so shocked when I saw myself in the mirror. It was hard to believe I was 10 years old. I was also cute.

The Disney film was fun to watch. Being a princess must be the best job in the world. Even when they were in trouble, there was someone to save them. Mrs Baum fell asleep and looked a bit shocked when she saw me still watching TV when she woke up. She commented that I did not go out to play today, which made me smile. We then cooked some dinner, which was minced meat in pancakes. I wore my frilly apron and I know knew that I loved cooking! Maybe I would be a cook when I was big! After we ate, I helped clean up. This was not as much fun.

Then I played with my dolls and at 8 pm, she said it was time to sleep. I thought it was early but remembered that she thought I was a toddler. I got a new diaper on and a light blue nightdress on. We said night prayers which I never tried before! Then I was laid in the huge crib and a pacifier was put in my mouth. Sleeping in a nightdress and in a crib was so strange. It was like being put in a cage. I held on to a teddy bear she gave me and quickly fell asleep. I remembered that I dreamt that I was a princess. It was a dream that made me smile when I woke up. It was also a dry bed, which was nice. I hated waking up to a wet bed! The big problem now was that I could not get out. I could have tried crawling over the bars, but for some reason, I was afraid. I started to cry which was embarrassing, but it did help. Mrs Baum came in and helped me out. A new diaper was put on me as well as a light blue summer dress with flowers on it. We had breakfast and I was full of smiles. I totally forgot what it was like to have someone take care of me so much. I had no worries and I knew Mrs Baum cared for me.

I stopped smiling when she took this huge stroller out. It must have been for handicapped children, but it also looked like a baby stroller. Mrs Baum told me to sit in it. I started to whimper that I did not want to go outside, as everyone would see me. This did not stop her, she used strength and sat me in the chair. Before I knew I was buckled in it and she was pushing me in the nice summer weather. Every time we came close to someone, I put my head down. I know I was small for my age, but I was not that small. They must have thought I was weird. If I didn’t have the pacifier in my mouth, I would have been bawling.

We went to a park and she lifted me into the sandcastle. I looked around to see if anyone from school was around me. I was relieved that they were not. In no time, I concentrated on building buildings in the sand. In this way, I shut off the world around me. I also must admit it was fun being outside. I was now accepting that I liked being a sissy and liked being treated like a baby girl. I cannot explain to you why. If I was going to explain, I would say I felt pretty and safe and knew someone was taking care of me.

Things went fine until Mrs Baum came with a baby bottle of juice. This girl that was about 4 poked me in the side, “You look older than me! I do not use bottles anymore. I also see you are wearing a diaper. Are you still a baby?”

I started to cry, and she gave me the pacifier that fell to my knees. It was then I realized that she was right. I was getting used to be a baby dressed and acting like a girl. I was beginning to like it. I loved being together with Mrs Baum and I loved the way she treated me. Maybe I should act my own age and not be such a freak. My mind was in turmoil and I really needed help. I told Mrs. Baum that I wanted to go home.
When we got home, she told me I should play while she took a nap on the sofa. When she changed, I put my boy's clothes on and put the girl clothes in my backpack. When I went over to my old house, mom and dad were there. They were working with their computers and working away. Mom took a break and told me she tried to get me to Mrs Baum’s, but no one was there.

I hid the backpack in my room and went down to the sofa. They were still working. I just sat quiet and ended up putting the pacifier in my mouth. This made my mom look up and say, “You know I saw a girl with the same pacifier as we were passing the park. She was your age but must be handicapped as she was in a stroller. I could not see who her mom was. The fact is that she looked so much like you. She even had curls. Tell me it was not you and Mrs Baum.!”

I think I must have gone pale as Mom seen me! How was I to tell her it was me and I was a sissy! Would mom treat me like a sissy or would she tell me never to tell me never to visit Mrs Baum again? Would Mom think that I was sick?
“My son is not a sissy!” Dad interrupted.
“I know,” Mom responded, “I was just joking. But that girl did look like our son's twin!”
“What is a sissy?” I asked
“A sissy is a boy that is a wimp and feels like a girl. He dresses like a girl and wants everyone to believe he is a girl. A sissy usually is gay and has a sad life. A sissy goes against the will of God! Parents of sissies should put their sissy boys over their laps.” Dad said
Mom smiled and replied, “Sissy is such a bad name. The better word is transgender. A Transgender is confused if he is a boy or girl. He could have the body of a boy but feels happier when he dresses and acts like a girl. Now, let's change the subject. You have been wetting the bed and I have decided you would wear protection until you are better.”
I just said OK which made Dad mad. He thought no 10 years old should be happy wearing a diaper.

So that night, I had a diaper on as I was in bed. My mind was in turmoil. I knew that I was not a sissy. I was transgendered. It explained how I felt. The problem is I knew that Dad would never accept it, so I really had no one to talk to about it. If I talked to mom about it, she would tell Dad.

I prayed to God that being transgendered was not a sin and he would help me understand who I really am.

The next day, I snuck over to Mrs Baum's house and by the time she opened the door, I was dressed as a girl. In no time, she put a diaper on me and she told me she got me a present. It was a jumbo colouring book and crayons. I now forgot all the chaos in my head and how confused I was. I was on the floor colouring and I was so happy again!

This was until the doorbell rang. Mrs Baum answered it and I heard some screaming. It was my mom! You can imagine her face when she saw me dressed as a toddler girl colouring a book. She told Mrs Baum that she knew it was me in the park. Then she dragged me out of the house and dragged me home.

Dad said nothing when he saw me in a dress and diaper. Mom was doing all the shouting. She wanted to ring to the police but that would only disgrace the family. She asked me a hundred times why I let that old woman treat me like a baby girl. I had no time to answer as mom spent the rest of the day shouting and cursing Mrs Baum. She warned me never to go again.

When it was time to go to bed, I tried to kiss Dad goodnight. He treated me like I was invisible. Mom put a diaper on me and told me she found it hard to forgive me. She did not even kiss me goodnight. She just asked if I was a sissy. Did she not say that was a bad word to use?
I cried myself to sleep.

The next few days were the same. Mom threw my pacifier out and told me I was 10. Dad never spoke and did not even look at me. I felt like I committed the most serious crime ever. I was not happy. I was lonely and sad. If felt like I was in some black hole, and if I screamed for help, no one would hear me!

One day just before mom and dad came home, the phone rang. It was Mrs Baum.

“I have a confession,” she said, “I know you are not my daughter, I knew it from the start. You see it is my fault Eve committed suicide. I treated her like a baby because she was a baby when I was most happy in my life. When her dad left, I went crazy and wanted the happy days back. I treated her like a baby. When you came I was selfish! I wanted to stop feeling guilty about her suicide. In time, I could see being a baby girl made you happy, so I just continued the game. I hope you can forgive me”

I started crying and told her she is forgiven. She did not hurt me. The most she could be accused of was screwing with my mind. But maybe she found something in me that was hidden. I told her that I really missed her and how bad things were at home.

This made her cry and she told me that my parents should love me no matter what. It was strange when my she called my parents selfish. I hung up the telephone saying they were coming.

That night was quiet as usual. I had enough and told my parents I was not as lucky as a boy! I told them I was not a sissy. I was transgendered! I begged that they let me visit Mrs Baum again. Mom shouted no and said all this was her fault. She brainwashed me into believing I could only be happy as a baby girl. Mom asked me to remember before and to remember I was happy when I was normal.
So, the next few days were the same. My parents were giving me the quiet treatment hoping I would say that I was now a boy again. I decide that they would not decide how I felt.

Mrs. Baum rang again and told me she was leaving town. She has a house in a private community where no one would find her. She had a new identity and the community was small but friendly. She told me I had a choice. I could live with parents that no longer loved me, or I could escape with her and live as her daughter. She told me I would be a girl, but only wear diapers to bed. She told me I would be happy, and people would see who I really was. She told me to come outside at night time. She would be in her car waiting.

This was a big step and it confused me even more. I knew my parents loved me and I loved them. They just found it hard to accept I was not normal. That night they still played the cold mad parents towards me. How long would they ignore me like this? I missed my mother's smiles and I missed when my dad wrestled with me.

I asked mom if I could help her cook. Dad asked was it an excuse to wear an apron and mom just said no.

That night I could not sleep. When it was midnight, I snuck outside and seen Mrs Baum waiting in a car.
She was my new mom