I was sitting on a chair as the strange woman turned on her Dictaphone and wanted me to tell my story. I was blushing as I sat there. They already took pictures of me that would go in their magazine, called “Brides”. After I told my story, everyone would know who I was and how I got here. However, I was told to speak with this woman. So I drank a sip of coke and started telling what I could remember.

It all started a year ago when I was 9. My name is Killian and I lived alone with my mum, who loved me but had a problem that she liked drugs. That means we never had enough money. Don’t get me wrong, Mum wasn’t one of those that that were spaced out all day, but only a few times a week, Mum would usually be on the sofa in another world at night-time. Other ways it affected me was that we always needed money. Like when I need a haircut or new clothes. This meant my clothes were always childish and my hair was a bit long, which made it a bit curly. Mum said I was lucky because I was so pretty. That’s right, she used the word pretty! She said I had a perfectly round face and beautiful soft blonde hair and long eyelashes. It wasn’t her. People always said I was as pretty as an angel. Angels were mostly girls. I was a boy!

Anyhow, my career started when my aunt was getting married. I remember that I was so excited, especially when Mum asked me to be a pageboy. This meant that I had to carry the ring on a pillow. I was so excited and yet a bit afraid. What if I dropped the pillow and no one could find the ring? I practised and practised until I could nearly do it in my sleep. A few days before the wedding, my aunt came around with the suit. It was white shorts, a white shirt and jacket with a pink butterfly. I also noticed that there were tights. I smiled and said thank you for the clothes. When my aunt left, I let my steam out. I said I don’t mind that the shorts were geeky and baggy. I don’t mind that the clothes were white and pink. I figured that this was the way it’s supposed to be at a wedding. However, no way would I ever wear tights. Mum shrugged her shoulder and told me not to be a drama queen. I reminded her that tights are for girls. Mum tried to explain that this is the way pageboys dress. She was shooting some of that stuff in her veins. I knew that it would be a waste of time arguing with her soon. I stomped into my bedroom, throwing my teddy bear across the room in anger.

I was mad that I ever agreed to do this. Maybe I could make a compromise with Mum that I would wear the geeky clothes and not the tights. I was thinking about this all day, but couldn’t speak with Mum, as she was high.

The next morning, Mum came into my bedroom. It was the day before the wedding. She sat beside the bed with the tights in her hands. I gulped as I seen them. I knew Mum was going to try to persuade me to wear them. I frowned showing her that it was a lost cause. I was determined not to look like a sissy. Mum explained that at weddings, pageboys wear these as it is a tradition. She said I was lucky because, in the olden days, boys wore tights and a frilly jacket. That did shut me up a bit. But I also thought that they could have said no. If I knew what I would have to wear, I would have said no. Mum must have guessed I was thinking that because she said that Aunty was stressed enough, and she didn’t have time to have an extra problem like this. She then asked me to feel the tights and asked did I not think that they were nice and soft. Reluctantly I felt them and they were very soft. Then mum asked would I not do it just for her? It would make her very happy. Mum knew that I would do anything for her. That was that. I would be wearing these old-fashioned clothes the next day.

The day of the wedding came. I woke up and took my bath and made myself look as clean as possible. Then I went to the chair where the clothes were. I took a deep breath. I looked up to heaven and whispered, “why me?” Then I picked up the underwear. They were clearly girl panties. They were white with a bow in the front and a flower with a rainbow. I threw them back in the chair. I looked in the mirror. I was naked and this made me smile. Despite my face and hair, I looked like a boy. Then I put on my Spiderman briefs and started putting tights on. As they were being pulled up my legs, I felt a sensation going down my spine. I looked at the white cotton tights and thought they looked like skin. They felt like a second skin. They were so smooth and I bet they would be warm. I then put on the white blouse and the shorts. I looked in the mirror. The shorts were so baggy, they looked like a skirt. I put the jacket and butterfly on. I looked in the mirror. I didn’t know if I looked like a spoilt brat or a sissy. I showed mum and she looked at the shorts. I could see that she was trying to think of something positive to say. The only thing she could think of is that I could say that I came from Scotland. She brushed my hair and said that I would be the prettiest thing at the wedding. Did she say pretty?

The wedding went fine. I felt like everyone was looking at me. Mum even took pictures. I just concentrated on not dropping the pillow with the ring. I tried not to think how I looked. I was relieved when my job was over. I wanted to throw the clothes off and put on jeans. I would have to wait, as there was a party. Usually, I was a boy that talked a lot and sometimes even got in trouble. Today I was behaved and even polite. I wanted to hide in the corner, but everyone pulled me over to them and ruffled my hair and said how cute I was. At one stage, my aunt joked and told everyone that she was not the centre of attraction. I was. At last, the wedding was over. Mum and I drove home. I was tired and didn’t even bother taking the clothes off. My mum used her needles to calm her down and I went to bed. I slept with the lights on.

The next few days, everything back to normal. I was only reminded of it when I looked for some socks and seen my tights in the drawer. I must admit that I felt them once in a while and smiled as memories came back to my head that they didn’t feel all that bad when I wore them. Besides that life was back to normal and I spent most my time practising for a swimming competition that was in a few months’ time.

One day, Mum told me to come into her bedroom. My Aunt was there. She told me to look at the laptop. I nearly fainted when I saw pictures of me from the wedding. Now the whole world could see the sissy clothes that I was wearing. I looked at the home page title, “Rent a Pageboy”. I was shocked and confused. Then Mum explained that everyone was impressed by me, and she thought we might as well make money on it. Mum explained that I had special looks and did the job very well. I looked at the comments and read that many thought I looked cute and some even wrote pretty. One or two people asked if I was really a boy. Mum must have seen me blushing and maybe a bit angry that they put the embarrassing pictures on the internet. She explained to me that her medicine cost a lot of money, and she needed more and more of it, and simply did not know how to pay. I was about to tell her she was an addict and wanted to rent her own son out to pay for her drugs. It was no good protesting, as Mum knew I would do anything for her.

A few days later, Mum was a bit drowsy after a busy night before doing what she usually did, needles and powder. She told me that there were some clothes in a bag. I had my first real paid job. I told her she was selling me like a whore. This made Mum mad and slapped me across the face. At the same time, she was telling me that children long ago had to work to earn money for the family. I wanted to protest, but I just tried to change the subject, and ask if I could get my hair cut? Mum explained that she just used her last money on her special medicine and besides that; it would be a shame to cut hair that looked so pretty. I shrugged my shoulder and walked to my room and looked in the bag. It was a white sailor suit. It had the baggy shorts, knee socks and a blue tie. There were also light blue panties with a sailor girl on them. The panties had a white lace trim. I grunted at these clothes and thought the knee socks and the baggy shorts would make me look more like a sissy.

The day of the wedding came. I started by taking a bath and was on the way to put the clothes on. Just like the last time, I was going to throw the panties in the corner when I heard Mum say to wear them this time, as that is what the bride was paying for. I put the panties on and looked down. I was a bit scared as my body looked like a girl’s body. It was good that I could see a little bulge in the panties. At the same time, the bulge reminded me that I was a boy with panties on. I put the rest of the clothes on. I looked like a rich mother’s boy that used his sister’s socks and shorts. It didn’t help that my hair was long. I just closed my eyes and thought that at least Mum would be happy. We drove to the church and the bride nearly was in tears when she saw me. She said I reminded her of her niece… her niece? Then why was her niece not wearing these clothes? At any rate, I did my job with a smile on my face. Once again people were taking pictures. I knew that there would be some of these pictures on the new “rent a pageboy” site. The wedding was over, and I thought the party was a bit boring as I didn’t know anyone. I was with a group of children. They were talking about music and things like that.

“How much do you get for being a pageboy?” One asked

“I don’t know, Mum gets the money”

“I hope she gets a lot of money. I wouldn’t wear those clothes for a million. It looks like you are wearing a skirt”

“I don’t usually wear clothes like this”

“Well, at least now you can get a haircut.”

The other children commenting on how I looked…. I was humiliated, especially when a girl said that I should keep my legs closed because she could see that I was wearing panties. I was never so embarrassed in my life. How could I explain why I was wearing panties? I just stayed quiet as they continued talking that I probably had a princess room and I probably wore dresses at home. I was so happy when the party was over. I rushed home and took off my clothes and jumped in the bed. I was still wearing the panties.

The next day, I woke up late and it was a school day. I just rushed and put on some shorts and a t-shirt. I was relieved when I made it to school on time. However, I noticed my friends were keeping away from me. I didn’t know what I have done. That went on the whole morning. I had to get my hair cut! I was sad all day and wondered why people were ignoring me. Then disaster happened in English. We were supposed to read a passage each. I was in daydream thinking about why my best friends wouldn’t speak with me. The teacher yelled my name and then went to me and said she could understand why I couldn’t read, as my hair was so long. The teacher then pulled my hair back and put it in a rubber elastic band. She put my hair in a ponytail! I could not believe it! This made the other laugh, and one person called me a doll. From that day on, I was known as “Doll”. I was glad to go home, and escape school. I didn’t know why everyone ignored me at school. They ignored me before I had the ponytail.

When I came home, Mum was sitting with an old woman. She looked very posh. I wanted to rush to my bedroom and take the elastic out of my hair. However Mum called me in. She introduced me to the old lady, whose name was Miss Dumby.

“Killian, this is Miss Dumby. She has seen your webpage and has seen you at the last wedding. She would like to ask you something…” Mum started

“Nice to meet you, Killian,” The strange woman started, “I know it is strange for you to see me here. Well, the fact is that I have been keeping an eye on you and your mum since I first heard about you. I noticed that you often have to take care of yourself when your mother takes her…. Err her medicine. I have offered your mother to babysit you, so she could… well, she can rest.”

“Mum! I can take care of myself!”

“Well you see Killian,” The lady continued, “I am a lonely woman. I have no family and I wanted to adopt a girl, and indeed I was interested in a girl your age, and we were well suited, but they said I am too old. I am not allowed to contact her. The fact is that you remind me of my brother when he was your age. He was a delicate thing. We were very close. In fact, I remember that he used to wear my clothes, even my dresses (laughs). Now he is gone and I am lonely. When I saw you on the internet and there was a video of you on YouTube, I could see that you lived close by. You caught my eye because you look nearly like that girl I wanted to adopt. I did a bit of research as I said, and I have offered to babysit you when your mother can’t take care of you”

I didn’t smile when she told me I reminded her of some girl she wanted to adopt. I wouldn’t mind if I reminded her of a boy. I could understand why she was not allowed to adopt as she was very old. The old woman said her piece and left. Then I started protesting to Mum that I didn’t need a strange woman that I just met to babysit me. Mum told me that she gets worried when she can’t think right when she was influenced by her medicine. She wanted some time to have a man over that she could be romantic with. I was still protesting, when she looked at me and asked would I do this just for her? Why did I love my Mum so much that I just wanted to make her happy! I nodded in submission and told her that I had to cut my hair, as the teacher put it in a ponytail. Mum said that it looked very pretty and I should keep it that way. However, she knew she couldn’t ask me for too much. She explained that she had no money, as she was using more medicine and it was costing more. However, I was staying at Miss Dumby's house this weekend. She promised me that the old woman would take me to the hairdressers. I also had a wedding that weekend, where I would look like a French Prince as a pageboy.

The weekend came after a few days of school where no one would speak with me. Mum was wasted as usual. In fact, she was getting more and more wasted. She said that Miss Dumby has been giving her new medicine that was very strong. In the morning, there was a limousine waiting outside the house. I didn’t know that the old woman was this rich! I sat in the limo as far away from the old woman as possible. She was telling me that we would go to the hairdressers. I was happy about this, it was about time. Then she was telling me that we would have a fun weekend, even though I had to work as a pageboy. I smiled and hoped this weekend would go quickly. The woman was weird. She asked me was I wearing panties or briefs. For a moment, I thought she was just pervy. Who would ask a boy that? I said nothing but realised that I was wearing panties. There were so many of them on my dresser. Did I just put on the first ones that came to me or was I just used to wear them? Did I even care? Or did I think that girl panties were better and felt better? I didn’t answer the old lady, but she made me think about it. Before I knew it, we were at the mall. I got out of the limo and started walking. However, Miss Dumby tried to hold my hand. I pulled it away saying that I was old enough, I didn’t need an adult holding my hand. The old woman got mad and warned me to do as she said. She explained that she gave mum the powder and needles that she needed. My Mum would not be happy if I did not do as I was told and this meant she would no longer get the medicine that she needed.

I held the woman’s hand and felt like a small child. She walked proudly to some posh hairdresser. At least I was getting my hair cut. I sat in the chair and explained how it should be done. I even joked if he could put a swear word in my hair. The old woman just looked at the hairdresser and told him to do what he was told to do on the phone. I thought this was just great, a strange woman that I met a few days before was deciding how my hair should look. I tried to reason it with the fact that she was paying and maybe Mum told her how it should look. I just surrendered and watched as the hairdresser cut my hair. I thought he was taking a long time, as he took a bit here and a bit there. After a while, he took what was called a stapler and then pushed it against my ears. It really hurt. Then he looked at the old woman and said that he was finished. I looked in the mirror and shouted, “What?” My hair was still extremely long and it was still wavy. I also saw that there were studs in both my ears. I didn’t believe what I have seen. I looked more like a girl than I did before. I looked a bit like Dakota Fanning. I was going to scream, but I remembered what the old woman said, that she was helping mum a lot. I didn’t want to be the reason that my mum wouldn’t get the things she needed.

We went to her house, and I didn’t say a word, even when we ate. Miss Dumby lived in a fancy house and it was obvious that she was very rich. Some people think that because they are rich, they can buy anything. This woman wanted a daughter. I was going to sleep in the room that she made for this girl. It was very girlish. It had pictures of Justin Bieber and horses and kittens and a big canopy bed. There were loads of dolls as well as a dresser where you could fix your hair. I said nothing and put my Spiderman Pj’s on. When I came out, I could see that she was annoyed. The old woman told me to go back in the room and put the clothes on that she put at the end of the bed. She tried to explain that Spiderman promotes violence. I bet the old woman never even seen Spiderman. I went back to the room and tore off my pj and looked on the bed. It was a large white t-shirt. I put it on me and noticed that it went down to the knees. It has lace around the neck, the hems at the bottom and down by the knees. It had pictures of two kittens in some daft flowerbed and a rainbow. I looked in the mirror. I looked like a girl. It didn’t help with the wavy hair and the studs in my ears. Why did I have so long eyelashes and why did my face look like a girl? I shrugged my shoulders and didn’t know if I was more mad or embarrassed. I walked back down to the sitting room.

The old woman smiled and told me to sit down.

“I am happy that you are wearing that. You look very pretty in it”

“I look like a girl.”

“Some boys do look and act like girls. Some boys look better in a dress than boy clothes. Some boys consider themselves girls”

“They are just sissies and gay”

“Well, you were wearing girl panties today and still are. You didn’t get mad when you got your hair done or both ears pierced.”

“You would have been mad if I protested”

“I never forced you to wear panties. Besides that what do you think of Samuel?”

“How do you know Samuel? He is a friend at school”

“Well is he cute?”

“Yes, he is cute.”

“Ohh…. So you like boys, you like wearing panties, you have holes in both your ears, you look like a girl, and now you are wearing a nightdress. What is the difference between you and a sissy?”

I didn’t answer as she continued to convince me I was a sissy. I knew that I was not a girl. But deep down I suppose I didn’t mind looking like a girl or acting like a girl. I could have protested with the girl’s haircut. I could have put boy briefs on. I could have refused to put this nightdress on. Did I do all this so she would be nice to Mum, or did I deep down not mind? Later that night I woke up with my heart beating quickly. I was a sissy!

The next day, I had to be a pageboy at another wedding. I took out the clothes. It was a silk silver jacket, a white silky blouse with ruffles, white tights and slippers. I rushed out to Miss Dumby and asked where the trousers and underwear was? She said there was none. That’s the way they wanted me to look. I put the clothes on. I looked in the mirror. I looked like a real sissy. The tights were strange to me. I loved the way they felt. When I turned around I could see my butt cheek and of course, the lump in the front was very visible. I went down to the woman that told me I was extremely pretty. She then put a flower in my hair. I didn’t protest as I thought I would know no one at the wedding. I was wrong. When I was walking up the aisle with the ring on the pillow, I saw Samuel. That’s how the old lady knew him. I blushed as he stared at me with a smile on his face. I was so embarrassed. At the wedding party, he nearly ignored me except for the time that he came up to me and told me I must fancy him. I wondered why he said this. But when I looked down at myself, I could see a tent in my tights. I wanted the earth to swallow me. After the wedding, Miss Dumby drove me home and told me it was a pleasure that I stayed at her house.

The next week was a nightmare. Mum was always high and not able to do much. The school was hell. I found out why people didn’t speak with me. They saw pictures of me on the webpage and even found videos of me as a pageboy on YouTube. The video of me walking up the aisle at the last wedding was the most embarrassing. Wearing tights and a flower in my hair could not be explained. They laughed at my hair and especially the earrings…. In both ears. It didn’t help that when we had a gym and was changing clothes, I was wearing panties. In my defence, I never really did notice what I put on every day. I was not going to admit to them that panties felt nice. Indeed, I did not admit to anything. I was now known as the school sissy. I was happy when the weekend came, even though I had to stay at Miss Dumby again.

Everything went well that weekend. I was happy that I could speak to someone. It was hard speaking with my Mum that was a zombie because she was so high. I was happy that Miss Dumby paid attention to me, although she spoke to me like I was a girl and spent a long time brushing my hair in the morning. Saturday afternoon was a bit strange. She asked me did I want to go swimming. I said yes, but I forgot my swimming shorts. I was simply told that she expected this and put something on the bed. I went up and found out it was a white and pink swimming suit, a girl’s one size suit! I walked down and told her I could just wear my panties. She got a bit upset and said I should not be exposing my chest. I nearly shouted out that all boys exposed their chest! However, Miss Dumby had a power over me that was hard to explain. I went up and with a bit of difficulty putting it on. I went out to her swimming pool looking like a girl. After a bit, I didn’t even notice that I was wearing it, Until I seen Samuel looking over the fence taking a picture with his cell phone.

Sunday evening, Mum came. She looked very tired, But Miss Dumby wanted to speak with her. Mum sat down and Miss Dumby started speaking:

“It’s nice to see you here. I can assure you that it is a pleasure having Killian here. I think it’s a great challenge. He does have problems. He wears panties as you know, and he wanted his ears pierced….. Killian, do not interrupt. Today he went swimming in a girl’s bathing suit; it’s a lovely one-piece suit.”

“I see…”

“I do not know why I call him a boy. I consider him as a girl more and more every day that goes. Besides that (Miss Dumby looks at Mum), I know that you heavily depend on the medicine that you have got from me. I know that you are taking more and more. I also know that you sometimes are unable to take care of Killian. I think that Killian should live here. Don’t worry; I will make sure that you always have money and drugs….. I mean medicine. Killian will be well taken care of here…”

“You want me to sell Killian!”

“I do not look at it that way. I am taking care of him. I think you should think about it”

“I need more medicine”

“Honey, you scratch my back, and I scratch yours. No more medicine until we have an agreement”

Mum took my hand and left the house. She was mad all the way home, muttering that she was not going to sell her son. I was very quiet. I couldn’t believe that this lady thought she could buy me. I was happy that Mum was mad. I didn’t have to say much.

It went fine for a few days even though Mum was on another planet. However, after 4 days, she started complaining that she had no medicine left. I didn’t say anything but told her that I would help her in any way I could. I couldn’t give her the feelings she had when she was high on this medicine. I knew things were wrong when Mum started telling me that she liked my earrings, even though she knew what people thought this meant. I didn’t say a word to my mum when she hinted that I was gay. Then I told my mum that everyone called me sissy at school. Mum just smiled and asked if I was wearing panties and tights. When she found out I was wearing them, she said I act like a girl and look like a girl. I was a bit sad that my own mum thought I was a sissy. I found out why she was mentioning these things so much. She told me she really needed money for her so-called medicine, and this woman needed me badly and was willing to pay 3 times as much. Did I ask why? Mum explained that the woman’s niece was supposed to help at the wedding, but she was at the hospital. The woman needed someone, and the only person she could find was me. I didn’t say anything but hoped that now we would have some money so we could eat

That Sunday, I found out why that woman would pay so much. On my chair were a dress, tights and panties. I could not believe my eyes. They really wanted me, a boy…. To dress like a little girl. I looked in the mirror and didn’t notice that I already took off the nightdress (Yes, I took the one I got at Miss Dumby’s). I was just standing there in light blue panties with a white ribbon on them. Why did I not storm out and yell that I would not do this? Did I know that my Mum would just say I have been wearing panties, tights and all that she reminded me of the last few days? Did I really want to find out what a dress felt like on me and looked like? I suppose I didn’t mind deep down. I wasn’t so sure about if I wanted people to see. My mind was made up when Mum begged me not to argue, and would I just do this for her? A few minutes later I looked in the mirror. There was no way anyone could see that I was a boy. Mum called me into her room. It was a mess. She could hardly stand up. Her hands were shaky as she brushed my hair. She put them in pigtails. She took some earrings that were red hearts. Her hands were so shaky that she couldn’t put them in my ears. I took them and put them in myself. Mum was talking about how pretty I was, and that Miss Dumby was right, I was a sissy that wanted to be a girl. Then she whispered maybe the old woman knows me more and could take better care of me.

The wedding went well. I don’t think anyone realised I was a boy. I did not even tell them. When I got home, Mum was nearly dead on the sofa. I didn’t even bother taking the clothes off. I was in a dress for a few hours, and it felt no more strange that the other things that I have been wearing. Maybe I was a sissy. The more I thought about it, the more comfortable I felt like a girl. I noticed that when I wore boy underwear and socks that they felt a bit rough. When I looked in the mirror, I did not feel like a boy.

It was hell once again at school. It didn’t help that the next morning, I was in a rush as usual. I forgot my hair was in pigtails until someone started teasing me at school. I didn’t even try to explain why I had pigtails and heart earrings. Everyone thought I was a sissy, and they were right. I did wear a fluffy dress the day before. So much of the day at school was me hiding. It didn’t go all that better at home. Mum was annoyed and also in a bad mood or panic. We hardly had anything to eat. My aunt visited once and was shocked. She got mad and told Mum that she would be contacting social services. Mum said not to worry; an old friend would take care of me. I ran into my room. I think I knew what this meant.

Mum came in later and sat down on my bed. “Killian, I have made a decision. You are to live with Miss Dumby. I know you do not want to.”

“Nooooo Mum, you said that I will not be living with her. You said that she will not buy me!”

“I know darling, but look at me. I am very sick. I cannot take care of you. The alternative is that you will live in a children’s home. That will not be a good experience. You can see that I cannot take care of you. In the last week, I have let you be like and look like a girl”

“That old woman will treat me like a girl. She will turn me into a girl. Maybe it will be better if I went to a child’s home. The best is if I stay with you. I love you, mum!”

“You have been acting and dressing like a girl without her. When is the last time you wore boy’s underwear? It is too embarrassing to send you to a children’s home. I am too proud of that”

“Mum, you can just stop being an addict. I want to stay with you. I love you!”

“I need my medicine. I have made my decision. If you really love me, you would do this!”

So within a few days, the limo was waiting outside our house. The Chauffeur came and gave Mum a bag that I knew was her medicine. I also saw her get a check. I felt like I was being sold. I knew I was being sold. I cried as I gave my mum a hug. She tried to be brave at the start, but at the end, she started crying herself.

When I say I was sold, I mean that I was sold. Miss Dumby was not as nice as she was when I stayed with her before, although she wasn’t all that nice then either. Now she was worse. I felt like a trophy that she could show off to her friends. I was the child that she saved from the drug addict mother. Miss Dumby said I was to call her aunt. I agreed reluctantly to this, as the alternative would have been to call her mummy. My new aunt told me that I was to do as she said, wear what she said, and behave how she wanted. This meant I was to be her slave.

The clothes that I had were no longer needed. Auntie (Miss Dumby) purchased me a new wardrobe. She said I was not to wear clothes poor people wore, but clothes that were quality clothes. The problem was that they were girl clothes. Everything from panties and tights, to tops, leggings, jeans, skirts and dresses. I have never seen so many pink and frilly clothes in my life. I complained the first few days. Every time I complained, I got spanked over aunties knee bare butted. After she seen this would not help, she locked me in my room for 3 days. After that, I did what she wanted. I was like a robot. I wore the girl clothes. In fact, I loved wearing dresses and skirts. I thought of some boys at school. If they wore girl things, they would look strange and like idiots. Not me, I looked exactly like a girl. After some time, I didn’t even mind when my hair was always in pigtails. I suppose when you wear clothes for a while, you get used to them.

I no longer went to school. I was being homeschooled. This was to teach me manners and how to act. When we ate, I had to learn which fork and spoon to use and how to be polite and know when to speak. Even when we saw TV, I had to sit all proper and right. I had to keep my legs together, so no one can accidentally see my panties. If I wanted to act as a boy and wear what a boy does, she would not allow it. She now considered me a girl. I was the girl that she could not adopt. She was training me to be a girl… to be her princess. The plan was that I would start in a private school for girls in the new semester. Deep down, I knew my reputation was ruined at the school where I was. But the other school would definitely find out. Would the accept me or make my life hell?

My room was a room that a princess would be jealous of. It was obvious that she wanted me to have the best of things. I had a canopy bed that was very comfortable. I never saw so many teddy bears in my life. I also had more dolls that I could remember the names of, and I had a huge walk-in closet that had so many clothes, that I could have given everyone in Africa something to wear. I know what you are saying. I should have been happy. But as I said, it was a princess room. It was so pink! There were also pictures of Justin Bieber and other boys on the wall. Auntie would come in once in a while and ask if I got a stiffy or my heart beat fast when I saw them. At the start, I said no, but then after a while, I admitted that boys are cute. This made Auntie so happy. At first, she said it meant I was gay, and then she said it proved that I must have girl hormones or be a girl with a very large clit.

I was secluded from the outside world the first few months. I was surrounded by girl clothes, girl toys, girl colours and Aunties influence. After about 2 months, auntie asked me did I consider myself a girl. I said no, and she could look at my “clit” as proof. This got me spanked and locked in the room. I don’t know if it was because I did not answer politely or because I gave the wrong answer. While I was in my room, I tried to rationalise things. I didn’t mind living as a girl. In fact, I liked most of it. But deep down in me, I knew that I had the body of a boy. I did not consider myself a girl. It was just fun acting as one. I knew that I was not a girl. I admitted to myself that I was a sissy. A week or so later, when auntie asked me the same question, I admitted that I felt like a girl. This was good enough for her.

It was then that she started taking me out. Of course, I would be wearing the fluffiest dresses that a girl could have on, and my hair would look like I was in a beauty pageant. We went to malls, and the cinema, and museums as well as church. I was of course on my best behaviour. I loved going to museums and old buildings, but all the time, I felt like a trophy. It was auntie showing everyone that she controlled a boy dressed as a girl. She would boast when she came home, telling me that everyone thought I was a pretty girl and everyone accepted me. I would smile, but inside my head was turmoil. Did others know who or what I really was?

I was no longer a pageboy. I was being hired out as a flower girl. By this time, I didn’t even mind. I was wearing tights and dresses every day. Being a flower girl was a bit more special though, as the dresses were more expensive, and a bit more soft and fluffier. It always took ages to do my hair, especially if there were flowers in my hair. I do not know why I still had to be a flower girl, as auntie had enough money. But I did it basically as a few hours break from her.

I missed Mum a lot. Despite that I had everything here, I was not happy. I felt like I was a puppet and an experiment, and as I said a trophy. Maybe auntie could see that I was not happy. She did nothing about it. She told me nonstop that I had a bad mother. Which mother would sell their son? She called Mum a drug addict, that she thought drugs were more important than her own son. Auntie never had anything good to say about Mum. At the start, I was mad at Mum that she sold me. However, I tried to see it from her side. She knew that drugs took over her life and she could no longer take care of me. She only sold me because she loved me. On the other hand, I hated Miss Dumby (that I no longer called auntie after 3 months) more and more. She was the one that gave the drugs to Mum. She was the one that never said anything nice. If she really cared, she would allow Mum to visit me. After 4 months, I felt like I was in hell. I cried every night when I slept, holding my doll.

It was a few days before I was supposed to start at the private school for girls. I put on a nightdress and hugged my doll as I tried to sleep. In the middle of the night, I woke up in a fright. There was a man with black clothes on putting his hand over my mouth. He then told me not to say a word. I was too afraid to scream. I was lifted over the shoulder and he quietly took me out of the house, and in the back seat of a car. There was another person there. I didn’t look. I just put my head between my knees. I was afraid because someone just kidnapped me. I thought they will beat me up and kill me. Maybe they kidnapped me because they killed sissies.

A hand took my shoulder and told me not to be afraid. I recognised the voice. It was Mum! I hugged her so tight.

“Killian darling, don’t be afraid,” She said, “I am sorry we took you the way we did, but it was the only way I could think of. This is a friend of mine. He is a priest.”

“I missed you so much. Mum, why did you come for me? I thought you couldn’t have me….”

“When you left, I continued taking the drugs. I took more and more. After a while, the drugs that the old woman gave me were not enough. A man offered me money to sleep with me. I was in bed, and then I saw a picture of you. Then it hit me. I have been a selfish mother. You always said you would do anything for me… and you did. You agreed to be a pageboy; you agreed to wear panties and tights. I even forced you to be a flower girl….”

“Mum, I love you”

“I love you too. However, I was not there for you. I did not feed you. I did not clothe you. I did not give you attention. I should have supported you when you started experimenting with girl clothes and acting like a girl. I shouldn’t have let you alone and allowed to be manipulated with this old woman. When I saw the picture of you, I realised how much I loved you and how much I missed you. You are the most important thing in my life. However, I acted as drugs were the most important thing, so much so that I basically sold you to a crazy woman. As I said you always did anything for me. It was time I did something for you. I kicked that man out and walked through the town in rain and it was dark. I was in despair. I didn’t know what to do. I ended up on my knees praying, something that I did not since I was a child. After that, I walked to the church, where I met the priest. He told me that I had to take back control of my life and over the next few weeks I got the drugs out of my body and then I had to stop wanting them all the time. When I thought I was ready, I asked the priest to help get you back. We knew we could not ask your aunt or Miss Dumby, so we kidnapped you.”

“Mum, I am so proud of you. I always knew you loved me. What now?”

“I need a new environment. I need a new life. We are moving to a small town, where I will not be surrounded by pushers, my family or Miss Dumby. The priest has arranged that I will have a cleaning job in the convent there. Killian, we now have a new life and a new start”

“Just one thing Mum…. Maybe I should be disguised as a girl and live like a girl in the new town. I can be your daughter”

Mum smiled and gave me a hug