Alternative Reality 2

Read Part one by clicking here

I am sure that granny would not miss me. She just wanted to dress me like a doll and be a maid. I knew I had a girl’s body, but I also knew that I thought and acted like a boy.

I went to moms and dads grave and laid on top of it. In a way, I wanted the earth to swallow me, so I could be with them. I whispered down to them, “Why did you raise me like a boy when I should have been a girl. When people see my body, they will know I am a girl. The problem mom and dad is that I was raised as a boy. I am a boy! What am I to do when people will always consider me a girl? Should I just change the way I am? Don’t worry, I forgive you!”

I cried, knowing my tears would go down to my parents. I missed them so much! I was happy when I lived with them. I know they were fighting about me when the car crashed. I guessed they were talking about me being a boy when I should be a girl. I was only 8, but now I had to take care of myself.

It was getting late, and I was getting cold. I walked around the park and tried to see if people left some food in trash cans. I found a half sandwich and slowly ate it when I was sitting on a bench. I decided the bench would also be good as a bed. So I found some newspapers and used them as a blanket. Despite that I was so tired, it was hard to sleep. There were so many sounds that I did not know. It was also so cold. Maybe I should go back to granny and live as a girl… No, I tried that and it did not work. It was not me.

I may only be 8 years old, but I knew who I was!

I was shaking, it was so cold. Then something touched me. It was an older boy. He told me it was too dangerous being alone. I got up with him and we went to some abandoned warehouse. There was a fire lit that warmed it up. It was also quite smokey. I could see there were 6 boys. That included Colin that took me here. They were all shocked to see how young I was and wanted to know why I was not at home. I was very shy, so I did not tell them anything.

One by one, they told me their life story. I felt so sad and ashamed as they experienced far worse things than I did. Some were beaten up by their parents, some were hardly fed and some were sexually abused. I sat there in shock after one person told his story, and then another person did. I wanted to give them all hugs. The boy that brought me here was Colin. He was 14 years old and his dad was always drunk and beat him with a stick.

Colin said he can guess my story. He guessed my parents treated me like a sissy. I suddenly couldn’t breathe and started shaking. How did he know? Did he know I was more than a sissy? He gave me this brown bag and told sniff from it. I sniffed it and found out it was glue. It worked, it was like angels were caressing me and I was no longer thinking. This meant that I had no anxiety or no worries. I simply did not think. I smiled as Colin told me to keep the bag, as sniffing glue was the only friend they had on the streets. I asked Colin how he knew I was treated like a sissy. He smiled and pointed at my earrings and the stitched flowers on my jeans. He told me do not worry, as I was one of the lost boys now.

During the daytime, we hung around the mall and park during the day. We picked the pockets and handbags of people. We had to run a lot when we were caught, but we managed to escape and get enough money to get some food and glue. After a few days, I needed the glue more and more. I think it helped me forget the death of my parents, my granny and the fact that now that I was a street thief. Despite all this, and the cold and at times hunger, I was happy being a lost boy. Colin was like a big brother to me. He even stole jeans from the shop and they had no flower on them. Now I felt like a boy again. The only time they teased me was when I went to the cubicle to pee at the park toilets. They also called me short. Colin told me to use the urinals like any other boy. I refused for obvious reasons.

We were at the mall one day, and not doing much. This old lady came up to Colin and me when we were sitting on a bench sniffing glue. We had to hear about the youth of today and how she disliked Street kids.
“I know what you are doing”, she shouted, “You are the common scum off the streets that steal from us decent people. You are nothing but drug addicts”

Colin and I did not have time to listen to the old hag, we ran as fast as we could back to our deserted building. We were smiling and laughing, telling the boys about the old woman and how we escaped her. Then the oldest boy told us to sit down.
“Tell us your name once again,” He said to me
“Ash”
“Tell the truth!”
“Ash!!!”
“No. Not at all…. You see Ben here has found a newspaper a few days old. It has a nice picture of you on it! The police are looking for you. It seems like you ran away from home!”
“We all have” I whispered
“That is right, but you see we are boys. You, on the other hand, deceived us!”

Colin got mad at told them that I was honest. I told them that I was forced to be a sissy. Colin was given the newspaper and I could see his face become confused as the newspaper said I was a girl. Colin looked at me and said that this could not be true. I collapsed to the floor and started crying.

Then the boys said they did not want any girl here. It didn’t take them long to find decide. One boy picked up a stone and threw it at me. He was a bad shot. They were now shouting at me to disappear and to get out. I looked at Colin that was looking down and I ran as fast as I could.

I found myself on the same bench that I was at when I first came to the park. It was once again dark, so I found some newspapers to use as a blanket. I closed my eyes thinking how I was once again alone. The boys were supposed to be friends, they accepted me when they thought I was a boy but kicked me out when they found out I was a girl. Once again I sniffed the glue. Maybe I was a glue addict by now, but it helped me forget my problems

I fell asleep.

When I woke up I was confused. I slept well considering it was cold. However, there was a blanket over me and next to me a bag of fruit. Where did they come from? I ate the fruit thinking I had a guardian angel.

I decided to go to Church to thank God for the blanket and food. There was a mass being said, so I just sat at the end. I knew I smelled and I didn’t want anyone to be disgusted with me or judge me. I was tired of being judged!

I snuck out and sat in the Church garden. I was admiring the flowers and sniffed the glue. Once again I was smiling and my mind was calm and I didn’t care about anything. I suppose the easiest way to say it was that I was high. The priest sat down next to me and said the glue could kill me. I didn’t care. Then he asked if I needed any help. I looked at him and said no one can help me. He looked at me, somewhat worried and before he said anything, I got up and ran. This was quite hard as I kept stumbling and it was like I had two left feet.

I spent all day walking around. I liked looking into people’s houses and wondering if they were happy or not.

When I came back to my bench at the park, I found another bag. It was a half a chicken! There was also some glue. I sat on the bench confused. It was the best chicken I ever tasted in my life. After I ate and left nothing but bones, I sniffed some glue and fell asleep with my blanket.

I was woken up by two policemen shortly after I fell asleep. It was still dark, so I was a bit high. One policewoman told me that she was taking me to a foster home for the night until they found out who I was. The foster mom was a nice lady who was a bit older than my mom was. She told me I was lucky they did not take me to some child's home. They were no substitute for a foster home that was similar to a family. I smiled as I thought I may be happy here, that is if my granny did not find me.

She told me before I went to bed; I should take a bath as it looked like I did not have one for weeks. I started to get an anxiety attack but it was short as she said she will find some pyjamas. I stripped and jumped in the water that was full of suds. The woman said that she knew she had iron man pyjamas somewhere. I didn’t mind, as I was soaking in the water. I didn’t know how much I would have missed a bath. The foster mom came in just as I was getting out. She said she found the Ironman pyjamas and looked at me. She was shocked when she saw I had a girl’s body. She saw I was born a girl. She could not find words at the start but ended up apologising saying she thought I was a boy. She should have known better when she saw my earrings. She went and got me a nightdress.

I was once again a girl.

Later that night she came to me and said they now knew who I was. My granny would come and get me the next day. There was thunder when this said. She gave me a kiss on the forehead and went. Before she closed the door, she said that my granny missed her granddaughter. I put the pillow over my head and cried. She missed her granddaughter. She did not miss me! I could go back to grannies, but I tried that. I tried being a girl and became miserable. I tried the dresses and ballet, but it was not who I was.

I knew what I had to do!

When it was dark, I searched the clothes in the dresser. I found some denim shorts and a Britney Spears t-shirt. I put them on. I looked like a sissy boy but beggars cannot be choosers. I found my blanket and I silently went down the stair and sneaked out of the house. It was raining hard. I ran as fast as I could.

I found the park, but I would not be as stupid to sleep on the same bench. I went over to some bushes and lay in the middle under them. I put some newspapers down on the ground and that was my bed. When I was lying down, I figured life could get no worse. I was wet and cold. I was shaking. This was the sacrifice I made as people would not decide who I should be. It took me some time to sleep, but at last, I fell asleep.

The next day I didn’t get up as I was sick. I was coughing and felt like I had a fever. I bet the rain and the cold made me get a cold. I wrapped the blanket around me and sniffed some glue. I was weak and cold, so I tried to sleep. I hated being sick. I started crying when I remembered my mom and how she used to take care of me. She would lie down beside me and sing or tell stories. Where was she now? Could dead mothers give their sons a hug and put a cold cloth on their forehead.

I must have slept all day because the next day I woke up and there was a bag of fruit again and some more glue. There was a teddy bear. I ate what I could, but I felt so bad. I was sweating and shaking, and I felt so cold. I could hardly move because I was so weak. I knew I was dying and to be honest I was ready. Since my parents died, life was not fun. I told myself if I closed my eyes that would be the last time. So I held my teddy bear close to me and fought to keep my eyes open.

Slowly and slowly, they closed.

…. Until everything went black.

I woke up. I was very weak, but no longer shaking and cold. I was on a bed and the priest I met days before was sitting on the edge of it wiping my head with a cold cloth.

“Where am I?” I asked
“The Churches home for children.” The priest said in a calm voice, “We found you three weeks ago.”
“That long, how?”
“Someone told me where to find you,” he said
“I have a guardian angel”
“Indeed you do! You very sick. Sleeping in the rain is not good for your health. We brought you here and a doctor has seen you every day”

I asked when my granny would come to get me. The priest told me not to worry. He knows my story and Granny agreed I could live here. He explained that he knew I felt like a boy but had a girl’s body. He told me it was hard for Granny to accept and she was worried she treated me too harshly. When I ran away, she was worried and felt guilty she was too hard on me. She agreed that I would stay at the child's home

I felt a tear going down my face knowing my Granny didn’t want me.

“You must understand,” The priest said, “Your grandmother made a great sacrifice, she knew if you stayed with her, she would consider you a girl and you would not be happy. She still wants to visit you as much as she can, if you agree.”

I smiled and went back to sleep.

When I woke up, it was time to go to my bedroom. I no longer needed to be in the guest room. When I saw the room, there was 2 beds and it was a boy’s room!

“Should I not be in a girl’s room?” I asked
The priest smiled, “We will respect you for who you are and we will respect your identity. Do you want this room or a girl’s room?”

I told him that I was happy to stay in the boy's room.

Then I got a shock, as Colin came in. At first, I thought he would get mad at me or hit me. The priest told me that he shared the room with me. In fact, he is the one that brought me the blanket and food. When I got sick, Colin came and got the priest to help me. I was amazed. Colin was my guardian angel!

“I am sorry you were kicked out from the lost boys,” he said, “We were all in shock. I should have stood up for you. I knew you as for you, nothing else. That’s why I tried to help you as much as I can. I hope we can be roommates.”

I gave Colin a hug and then told the priest there was one last thing I needed to do. I gave the priest my sniffing bag and glue and said I no longer needed it!