Twinkling Star

Fame is a strange addiction to have. You are in the media and there are even fan clubs and fan pages for you. It can be strange when people discuss your every move on the Internet. It is strange when you read and hear people that love your work and others that hate your work. This is the story of Angel Valesnski. Despite the name, he was a boy. He started in commercials when he was 4 and was in a blockbuster film when he was 6. Then it seemed like the biggest stars in Hollywood wanted to work with him. The boy had talent, but he was also as cute as anything. He had a good name, as he had an angelic face. It looked so soft and clear, and his hair was dream hair. It made so many people jealous. Angel became the major child star in Hollywood, the largest since Shirley Temple. He enjoyed it, but at times it seemed like his mother enjoyed it more. I suppose we do not need to tell you about stage mums. She thought what she was doing was right; however, it did mean that Angel never had time to play with others. Indeed he was more worried about what the press said about him than if he had fun. Did he not prove himself? He was a mega star.
Angel will now tell his story:

“I loved acting and being a star. It meant that I could try different roles. They always wanted me to be the cute boy. This meant that I was always an orphan or something like that, and I would try to find happiness in the film. The big scene was where I would cry. My films did great, and I was earning more money than anyone else. I was famous. I couldn’t go outside. I had bodyguards, and everyone wanted to meet the cute star. I suppose the only problem I had no time for friends, and I had no time for play.
I knew that at some stage, people would find another star. I was 10 when I was called into the studio bosses office. My last two films flopped. This was hard for me, as I liked being a success. It was at this stage that there was an atmosphere in Hollywood asking why all the stars were so cute. They wanted to see normal looking children. My mother was crying when the head of the studio explained that I would be taking a break from making films until cute boys were once again needed. This meant that I suddenly had no job.

I admit my mother was a stage mum. If I succeeded….. So did she! My success meant that she succeeded. It’s strange to explain how, but that is what a stage mum is. She lived her life through me. It was like a drug. The more of a star I was, the happier she became. She was very happy when I was the world's largest star. You can imagine how much she cried when the agent said that I could not do any films. Many hates stage mums, as they say, they press their children and pushed them. However, I loved my mother. I know the fact that I was one of Hollywood’s largest stars was heaven for her. I didn’t have much of a childhood. But I had fun acting. It hurt me also when I found out that I could no longer act. I felt like a pensioner.

The first few days were hard. It was like what do I do now? I walked around the house while Mom was in a depression or crying. It was also hard seeing Mom when she was so sad. It was very hard to start playing, as I really never tried that before. After a few days, I started reading books and magazines. Then I found a bike that I never used. I cycled around the neighbourhood and ended in a park. There were some boys playing with a ball. They asked me if I wanted to play. If they recognised me, they didn’t care. I played with them for an hour or so. After, we sat down and started joking and talking. For the first time in my life, I felt normal. One boy asked when my next movie was. I said I am taking a break and then they all joked and ended saying it’s better to play. When I cycled home, Mom was on the telephone trying to contact studios. It was no good. They did not want me. Mom went to bed and cried herself to sleep. I just watched TV. The more I looked at the TV shows, the more I saw the studio boss was right. The children were too perfect. After a few hours of sleep, I went to bed smiling. I was looking forward to playing with my new friends tomorrow.

This went on for a year. The first few weeks were hard. I had fun playing, but I missed being on the screen and I missed the studio. After a while, I was no longer considered famous, and after a while, the media started calling me a former child star. It hurt that I was considered a has been. I had my life before me. It also took Mom a few months. Then one day she said that we had to move on and accept being normal people. Then things slowly improved and we were acting like normal people. Mom was talking about getting in the PTA and I was making friends. It was hard if we had a school play. I remembered how fun it was at the studios. This was my life now, and to be honest, I was happy with it and the best thing was so my mother.

When I was nearly 11, the agent called us for a meeting. We thought this would be to explain how my old films did the year before, or if there were any special appearances I needed to make. When they came in, the agent was sitting at his desk with a smile on his face. There was also a woman there that looked like an old 50’s housemother. The agent told us to sit down as he had good news for us. We sat down and wondered what was happening.

He explained, “What I am about to suggest will shock you, and I understand if you say no. It may sound like a crazy idea, but it will bring Angel to the top again, where he belongs. This has never been tried in show business, so I ask you to listen and then think about it a few days and let me know. There is going to be a huge campaign for clothesline soon. This in itself will make the child model a star. We have been looking for the child for the last few months, but the company said none of them was good enough. At the last meeting, they said they wanted someone that looked like you. When they said that, my brain went over the top. I think angel should do these ads. I know they are not films. But they will give him publicity and this will give him a chance to get back in the spotlight.

Mom took no time in asking where we sign the papers. I noticed she did not even ask me.

The agent continued, “The thing is that there would have to be changed in your life. Huge changes. This why it is such a crazy plan, and to be honest, I am not even sure how legal it is. The thing is this ad campaign is for a girl. This is where Angel comes in. If we fixed his hair, maybe in pigtails, and even let it grow, and maybe earrings and the right clothes, then he would look like a girl. Look at his face. It is very feminine, and his body is slender and feminine. So the thing is people would see him as a newcomer and a girl, and everyone has to believe he is a girl that looks like Angel. This means he will have to move and get a new family. Angel also needs a girl name… well, another name. My suggestion is Mandy.”

I looked at Mom’s face expecting her to get up and march out. She just sat and continued listening, still with a pen in her hand. The agent continued, “This is Miss Winter, so Angel... I mean Mandy will be living with her during this campaign. This is because there will be lots of publicity and we don’t want people to know that Mandy is a boy! After the campaign dies down, then we have to see what will happen then. So there you have it. It is now up to you if you want to sign this or not. It is risky, it is unethical, and it could be against the law”

I looked over at mom and was shocked that she didn’t even ask any questions, she just took the pen and signed the contract. I was about to protest, but I remembered how depressed mom was when I was fired. I just looked at her with a pleading face, as did she really expect me to pretend I was some girl called Mandy? I mean who would believe that I was a girl? And mommy just signed the paper without asking me. I should have screamed. I should have run far away until I once again remembered how depressed Mom was.

Before I knew it, I was home at Miss Winter’s house, where she showed me my room. It was a girl’s room. It had posters of princesses and Justin Bieber and One Direction. The bed was big and had pink silky sheets. The floor had a white fluffy carpet. There was a dollhouse, a box with dolls and horses, lots of books about horses and flowers, a white desk and a mirror where I can sit down and do my hair. She told me to strip, and before I knew it, she put this blue dress on me with stars on them and white tights. I must have groaned when I felt the tights come on me. It’s hard to explain the feeling but it felt like someone was massaging my legs all the time. Even the panties were different. They seemed to be much softer and felt so nice. I think Miss Winter noticed me blushing about this as she just smiled. Then she started cutting my hair. She didn’t cut the length, as she glued some extensions on that took ages! I must admit, despite the knots she brushed out at the start, it was very relaxing. Then she took this stapler thing and after a small pain, I knew I had earrings.

I looked in the mirror. I nearly fainted as I seen the girl looking back at me. I had to look hard as that girl did not look like me. Then I realised that the girl was me! Miss Winter smiled and said I was more beautiful as a girl than a boy. She was right. The boy part of me wanted to date the girl in the mirror. Miss Winter said for the next few weeks, I would be living as a girl. I would wear what a girl wears, I would play what a girl plays with, and I will do everything that a girl does. She hoped I will end up thinking as a girl. This made me a bit afraid, as I thought what happens when this project is over? How do I become a boy again?

I did what I was told. I was surprised that I loved wearing dresses, girly shorts, and leggings. I loved when she brushed my hair in the morning and in the evening. I loved playing with dolls, and after a few days, most of the teddies had names. Miss Winter was surprised how fast I adjusted, and she thought I was a little princess. The problem was that I knew she did not love me. This was her job. I missed my mother and hoped that this was making her happy.

I was nervous when I came to the photo studio. Would they recognise me? I walked in holding Miss Winters. This man came and met us. He was a nice man and smiled all the time. First, he looked me over and then sighed and said that I did not look a lot like Angel Valesnski. This nearly made me burst out laughing. Then he showed us this small room that was as big as a closet and showed me the dresses I would be wearing. He said that I could keep them, as it was a perk of being a model. I put on the first dress, which was a short dress. It had small ladybugs on it. The panties were normal cotton panties, but they had a hand on the bottom and the other side. I was old enough and seen enough in Hollywood to know what this was supposed to mean. I put them on and the dress. My hair was done and I went into the studio. Everyone was staring at me, so I was a bit shy at the start. I know they did the same when I made movies, but this was not the same. I tried modelling before for publicity stunts, so I went in and must have swept them apart, as they all said I was like a pro. I modelled 7 outfits that day and at the end, I was extremely tired. The photographer was so happy that he said that he had a commercial for shampoo, and he wanted me to be in the commercial. Miss Winter acted as a worried mother and asked did this mean I would be in a bathtub or nude, and the photographer said just topless. For any other girl, this would have been bad. However, for me, it was no problem.

So a few days later, I was in the studio again. I was wearing leggings and a top. If they looked very close, they could see a slight bulge where girls did not have any. When I came in, they said I didn’t need to do my hair as it would be wet anyhow. They asked me to take my top off and I was just standing there with a flat chest. The photographer said that was excellent, as they expected me to have small bumps. He started explaining to Miss Winter that a flat chest was easier to get by the censors all that. As for me, I was blushing a crimson red. I didn’t understand why, as I have been shirtless many times before. Miss Winter must have seen this, as she whispered in my ear that I am starting to think as a girl. I didn’t have time to think as the people started filming the commercial. I went pro again and acted that I was having fun washing my hair, which was long. I smiled and laughed while rubbing the suds in my hair. I said in a gleeful voice, “Mommy, this shampoo is so good for my hair; it’s just so fun washing it”. The shoot was over. I didn’t even have to do it again.

It was decided that I stayed with Miss Winter until the campaign died down. They opened a Facebook page for me. Then the summer clothes campaign started, and a few days later the shampoo and started. I experienced hype before I done films, but never like this. At first, the media was full of how I was being sexualised. The panties with the hands, and then being topless in a commercial. I thought that the whole thing was backfiring. It looked like everyone thought that I was being abused. Then within a few weeks, I had 3,000,000 likes on Facebook. This was just as many as Angel Valesnski had. The agent decided to follow this up with a YouTube video. So they made a home video of me singing a song and changing my outfit several times in the video. Within days, it was one of the all-time most seen videos on YouTube. People were calling me the most beautiful girl in the world. However, despite my new found fame,

I had two problems.

The first was this was all just a trick. The secret is that I am a boy. What would happen if people knew what they say the most beautiful girl in the world is really a boy?

I also missed my mom. The others could see this, so they arranged that I could meet her in private.
“I am so happy to see you,” She said when we met.
“I missed you so much, mommy. I have been so busy and it looks like it has been a success. I never thought it would work, but it has”
“I must admit that you do look pretty in that velvet dress. You have to be careful when you sit, as sometimes you show your panties”
“I hate when that happens, then men and boys can see them. Boys can be such jerks!”
“You are a boy! Remember you are pretending to be a girl. When this winds down, you will be a boy again”
“That’s the problem, Mommy. This is making me very confused. I love dresses and the bright colours. I love girl toys and games. I love teddies and I love when my hair is brushed. “
“I- It will be good when you come home. You have always been a bit girlish. As I said, it will be fine when you come home”
“Mum, you don’t understand. I feel like a girl. I love everything a girl wears and does. I think I am a girl. The only problem is deep inside; I know I am a boy. I feel like a sissy. I feel like a pretender. What if someone finds out I am a boy?”
“Do not cry, Angel. They have given you some pills so your body will look more like a girl and your voice will be like a girl. If you took this medicine long enough, you would even grow boobs. Listen to me. Things will get OK in a few weeks when you come home. You can be Angel again, and we can concentrate on his career. Your time as Mandy will be considered one of the best performances, but only a few people will know!”
“I am not Angel! The Angel you know is dead! I am Mandy! Mandy is truly who I feel like. Today, I was offered a head role in a new movie, and Miss Winter signed the contract. I am so happy mommy. I will be in a movie. I want to be in movies as Mandy. I want to be Mandy. I am Mandy”

I knew mommy was confused, as a few months ago I was her son, and I was a boy and happy to be a boy. Now I was a sissy that was telling her that I felt like a girl. I am sure she missed her son, and she did not want a daughter. I had to be honest with her. I know I was always girly before. I liked clothes with bright colours and even t-shirts that were very long. I preferred quiet things, but I did try to do boy things. The fact was that during the last few weeks, I was never as happy as I was until now. I was telling the mother the truth, I was Mandy. She was my true self. Maybe being Angel was an act. I could see that this confused mommy. I am also confused. Why did I now consider myself Mandy? Which boy would ever want to be Mandy? At least my mother cheered up when she heard I was going to be in a film.

I missed mommy, but I was happy. I lived the life of a girl and only Miss Winter knew I was a boy. I now knew what the tablets were. I think they were the reason why my boy’s thing looked like it was getting smaller. Maybe that was just me wishing. The time where I was going to make a movie arrived.

I was once again at the movie studio. However this time I didn’t have to prove myself. I think the only thing the movie studio wanted was to gain money out of what the world was saying was the most beautiful girl in the world. They didn’t expect me to be a good actress. They just wanted my screen presence. I was to be acting next to Daniel Benny. He was now the top boy actor. I remember when I walked into the studio and met him; I thought he was very cute. I felt like I was blushing. This was a confusing as I met him before when I was a boy and I never blushed when I saw him. However now I was Mandy and I did think he was cute. After I blushed, I was professional. I loved acting again. I loved that I could be playing a girl on the screen and I would be wearing different outfits. I loved wearing the shorts and skirts and dresses. The story was nothing big. It was about boys and girl that fell in puppy love during the summer holidays. The highlight of the film was where the boy was supposed to kiss me. This was embarrassing as it would be my first kiss. My first kiss would be as Mandy! He leant over and gave me a peck on the lips. I was on a pink cloud. I didn’t even hear the director called “Cut”. During a break, I was sitting on a sofa where Daniel came and sat next to me, saying that he kissed the most beautiful girl in the world.

The film came out and it got lots of attention. The critics said that I was not just a pretty face. I was also a good actress. They said I was supposed to support Daniel, but I was much better than he was. The film did well and I was now a star. I was followed by the paparazzi and everyone wanted to take pictures of me and interview me. The agent said that I now would be able to do a lot more movies and photo shoots. This confused me a small but as he said a year earlier that people did not want to look at cute children. The agent and my mum decided that I would continue living with Miss Winter. I missed my mother a lot, and sometimes I was mad at her for putting fame first. I knew I was no longer Angel, the boy. I was Mandy. Why could Mandy not live with her mother?

A month after the film was done; I was invited to speak with some talk show host. I put on a long white dress that had pink roses. The crowd cheered when I came in
“Welcome to the show Mandy!” he said with a strange smile on his face.
“Thank you, I am happy to be here”
“You now have done some very famous commercials, and your first film has given you more stardom. Did this change your life?”
“Of course it has. If I never did the commercials or film, I would not be sitting here. I am now famous. This means the paparazzi are following me all the time. I am in magazines and I have fan clubs. I have millions that follow me on Facebook. Being famous is hard, but I like it, and I am so grateful to all my fans”
“Does it not give you a big head being called the most beautiful girl in the world?”
“No. This is just something that people thinks. What is beauty? I think all girls are beautiful”
“You have been said to be sexually exploited in your commercials, by being topless….”
“I really don’t understand what people mean by that”
“But the fact is that it was no big deal for you to be topless in the commercial. If you look at this clip I am now showing, it is from your film. It shows you have a picnic with Daniel just before the famous kiss. You are sitting down, but if we zoom in, we can see your panties. Now that we zoomed in, we can see a distinctive bulge in the panties that shows you are not a girl. Mandy, this clip shows that you are a boy dressed as a girl. The most beautiful girl in the world is a boy!”

I went as white as a ghost. You could clearly see my boy’s thing in the zoomed picture. I exclaimed that I was Mandy! The crowd was now in shock as well. Many were jeering and many were hissing. Others would not believe this allegation. Miss Winter came in and pretended to be the compassionate mother and took me out of the studio.
The next week was hell. The media went crazy over the speculation that Mandy was a boy. Some have even pointed out that she was Angel Valesnski. It hurt me a lot as they were telling the truth. It hurt especially when fans and other supported me. They were saying I was a girl, and the clipped picture shown was just a film trick. I felt bad because it wasn’t true. I was a boy. I was a girl trapped in a boy’s body. There was even a poll that showed that 44% believed I was a boy! Most people agreed that Hollywood would never stoop so low. All this week, I was in tears and turmoil. This was like the world was swallowing me up.

Mommy wrote me an e-mail several times a day. This was the one she sent to me the day before a press conference was going to be held:
“Dear Mandy
Yes, that is right. I am now calling you Mandy. You are my daughter, and I am proud of you. It seems like all I wanted from you is fame. I wanted everyone to be proud of you. I pushed you and pushed you. You were a star and when people no longer wanted to see Angel, I pushed you to be Mandy without even asking you.
I felt ashamed, as being Mandy was so easy for you. I thought she was taking you over. Then I thought Mandy was always in you. You always were Mandy, but because you were born as a boy, then she was hidden deep inside of you.
Now you are the centre of this Media storm. I want to hug you and wipe your tears. But that would only make things worse. We will wait until the media storm calms down, and then you will move back home to me. We can move to a place where no one knows us. You can be my daughter and we can live a normal life. Being famous is nothing if a person is not happy and you are only a child once.
Hugs
Your mother.”

The next day, I met at the agent's place. I was wearing a pink petticoat dress, with ribbons in my hair. The press was there. They wanted answers.

The agent stepped up to the podium, “last week, there was a film clip shown and people are saying that Mandy Winter is a boy! How cruel people can be. One thing is sensational tabloid journalism puts people through this, but putting a child through this is unforgivable. You can imagine how Mandy felt since this allegation hit her. She has been in tears and asking herself what has she done to deserve this. You probably all want me to pull down her panties and show she is a girl! This will not happen. However, let’s look at another clip from the film. It shows Mandy wearing a tight t-shirt. You can clearly see bumps and that she is developing. I also have papers here from two independent doctors saying she is a girl, as they have examined her”

Then it was my turn. I looked out at the crowd and just said “I am Mandy”

After the press conference, we met in the agent’s office. He seemed very happy and said the problem should be solved. He paid the two doctors for their lies and he predicted people would support me.

I was in doubt.

However, I didn’t have much time to think, as he said he got several offers of doing a film, and I had to decide which one I would do.

The new film was for Mandy, not Angel Valesnski.