CHAPTER 40
We joined the rest a little later, somewhat more relaxed, and over breakfast we planned the day’s campaign. The morning and early afternoon for Will at the college, while three of us did the rounds of the shops, and then Neil and Mam would meet us with the cars for a drive out to the coast and an early tea. Back home, change, and into the town again for our night out.

I insisted on taking the bus over Low Fell rather than to Heworth, and to my delight it was a double decker. The old Lindisfarne song ran through my head: me and you, sitting on a bus, in the front seat at the top. The girls looked puzzled, and Will asked the obvious question.

“Why insist on this bus, Rob?”

“The views, Will, the views. Wait and you will see”

We wound our way up through old sandstone terraces, and I urged them to look behind as we went between some fields.

“See? The sea! No, don’t laugh, there’s more”

Housing estates, chip shops, Working Men’s Clubs, all went past, and then, just as we passed the hospital, I said “Look…”

Newcastle lay below us as we came down the Old Durham Road from Sheriff Hill, the football ground hulking in the foreground, but it was Rachel whose eyes lifted first.

“Oh my god, that’s gorgeous!”

North of the city, clear in the brilliant sunshine, lay the hills, patterned by cloud shadow and blued with distance.

“That’s the Rothbury hills, the Simonsides, like, and beyond it’s the Cheviots. After them it’s north Northumbria”

Will looked up from the view for a second, as the bus made its way down the bank.

“It’s Scotland north of the Cheviots, isn’t it?”

“Well, it might be now, but it used to be ours. We built their capital city; it’s named after one of our kings”

“What, Edward? Which one?”

“Nope, Edwin. King of Northumbria, till the Danes took so much of it. Edwin was killed by the bloody Welsh, anyway”

It was Rachel’s turn to stare, while Will looked slightly embarrassed,

“Jill, when exactly did all that take place?”

“Er, 633 AD. Still people up here that regard England and Scotland as usurpers, aye?”

“Fuck me, and I thought MAC was an obsessive!”

“Ach, just letting Will know there is an awful lot of history up here. What Raafie was saying, aye?”

Will was nodding, as the views were swallowed by our descent. “Yeah, and a hell of a lot of countryside and shit. I think I like this place”

“Aye, but don’t judge it by the next stop, Will”

Which is and always has been a depressing spot. The Trinity car park was still there then, relic of the original ‘Get Carter’ film, and fast food shops jostled for space with cheque cashers and ‘everything for 99p’ establishments. Not at all good, so we disappeared down the street to one of the other bridges, the High Level and its amazing cast-iron architecture, combined with more views, this time of the other bridges downstream. We stood for a while at the halfway point, as the girls took pictures, and William hugged me.

“You don’t have to do the tourist guide on me, you know. I love the place already, yeah?”

“Ah, Will, it’s just, well, I don’t come home that often, like, and when I do, and especially when I have guests, it’s all sort of fresh. Reminds me of why I love it”

“Why’d you leave?”

I laughed bitterly. “Just behind us, Will, upstream a touch, and the male unemployment rate was 96% back then. That’s why…you, well, you seem more relaxed, aye? Bit more touchy-feely”

He smiled, and there was genuine happiness there. “Your Mam, she said about finding a cupboard full of your Dad, yeah? This, for me, this is, I dunno…”

“Opening door?”

He thought for a while. “No, not that, too narrow. More like, yeah, I’m at a railway station, and there’s loads of platforms, loads of destinations, and I can have any ticket, any at all. See what I mean?”

I did indeed, and of course the image came through of trying to run for the train I wanted, the train I needed, and so much baggage with me that I couldn’t rise above a walk. Please be there, please guard, please hold the doors, I’m so nearly there…

“You OK, Jill?”

“Ah, yeah, sorry. Just thoughts, aye. Let’s get this show on the road, there’s a lad and a college to introduce”

Up St Nick’s and Groat Market to High Bridge. “Will, this is the Bigg Market, it’s where they train Arctic explorers”

“Eh?”

“The pubs are too hot to wear a coat, and if you put one down it’ll get lifted, so they all stagger from place to place in T-shirts or microdresses, even in February. Mind you, they’re feeling no pain by then, like. And up here is Grey Street”

Rachel was amazed. “This is gorgeous!”

“Aye, now it’s been cleaned. Royal Shakespeare Company up on the right, on the world’s first street with electric light”

They looked puzzled. “Look, people, the bulb was invented just down the road, like, even if it was in Sunderland!”

I turned to William. “An awful lot of original stuff from up here, Will, from steam trains to hydro-electricity and steam turbines. Real scientific history, aye?”

He was grinning, and I caught a smirk from the other girls.

“What?”

Larinda hugged my arm, linked with hers. “You are so proud, love, you came so alive just then”

“Ach, your bit’s just coming, aye?”

After the Monument I hurried them through the shops of Eldon Square. “Avert your eyes, ladies! There are shops and other snares and pitfalls along the way! Think Odysseus!”

By the time we emerged onto Percy Street Three of us were giggling almost too hard to breathe, and once I caught my breath I made the promise that we would return as soon as Will had been delivered. The boy stared at me.

“Jill, you realise that if I had had any doubts about you, they have just evaporated? How far now? I don’t know if I can survive much more girling about”

Kissing him on a busy street would not be sensible, I told myself firmly. “Just the other side of the road, son. You know where…ta”

Ten minutes later he was away with the other prospects, and I was all but hauled back to the Square by the girls. Rachel was focussed.

“Coffee first, then shops. What size are you, Jill?”

“About eighteen, now” said Larinda, “So if we see something you like, one of us tries it on to see how it looks, then get it in sixteen, yeah?”

“Eh?”

“Incentive, love. Pardon my honesty, but there ain’t a bleeding snowball’s of you getting down to twelve or fourteen, so we gets you this, and you work at things, yeah, so no cake with your coffee, none at all”

I looked hard at Larinda, who seemed to be flicking over to the other side of her dial of acceptance.

“What? So me and Rach have been talking, me and Rach and Neil, yeah? How many attempts, Rob, Jill, as a kid, aye? Shit, tissues, girl”

It took me a few minutes, and some hard stares from passers-by, but I got myself straight. Larinda kept hold of me, as did Rachel, who donated a few glares to the over-curious. My lover whispered to me.

“I know, and we’ve talked, and we’ve been pulling different ways, yeah? But it’s what I sort of said. If I can only ever have a dead or dying Rob, I’ll take a live Jill, yeah? I get up in the morning now cause I want to, not because I have to, and that’s cause of you, yeah? So woman up, and let’s spend some money we never had”

And we did…and to my surprise, not only did I end up with three new dresses (in too small a size) but Larinda and Rachel loaded up a carrier bag with toiletries, including hair remover. Oh yes, and home waxing shit. That one, in combination with the manic grins they gave each other on spotting it, gave me serious worries.

We had lunch in a place that did a rather good variety of vegetables, the girls looking pointedly at the new clothing till I gave in, and then up Northumberland Street for simple stuff like tights and knickers, with an enforced diversion to the record shops. All too soon, it was time for Will to rejoin us, and we met at the Monument before a metro ride back to Heworth. He was buzzing and bubbling with excitement.

“It is, it really is! So much what I wanted, and all the stuff in the city, yeah?”

Rachel tried to calm the flood of enthusiasm. “See some other places first, OK? They might have even better stuff”

He smiled at her, and suddenly he was almost the old William I remembered, nearly child-like in his happiness. “Oh, I know that, Rach, but it’s, well, it’s just knowing that at least one place has what I want, that it’s not a silly dream, yeah? Can I be selfish tonight?”

Larinda smiled. “We sort of came up here for you, Will, so it’s your call, aye? Shit, she’s got me saying it. What you want?”

“Well, it was what Jill said, made me think. If the night out’s going to be as over the top as she said, it won’t be fair on her Mam, will it? Better, I was thinking, if we go somewhere nicer, more quiet, keep it as a family and friends thing”

I had to smile at that one. Selfish, my arse. Will kept surprising me, but only slightly. I had always known he was a sound young man, so all that little things like that did was to extend my affection for him. Mam and Neil were waiting at the station, and to my surprise they had Ralph along with them. I ran the suggestion past the three, and Ralph looked at my mother.

“How aboot the Incline? Canny meal, not a bad pint, and they can see the Angel, aye?”

Neil was nodding in agreement. “Getting a bit old for clubbing, me, so aye, makes sense. Look, how’s about Little Haven and a coffee, then down to Marsden and some birds for Jill here..”

“Who?”

Oh shit, Neil. I thought for a few seconds, as the others exchanged glances. In for a penny…

“Ralph, it’s like this…”

I rode with him and Larinda in Mam’s car while Neil took the other two, and by the time we rolled into the car park opposite the Priory ruins, I had managed most of the story, with some edits. Ralph sat quietly throughout, and said nothing more till we were parked and walking out along the pier.

“Gillian, aye? Ah met a few girls, sort of, when Ah wes in Singapore. Aalwes felt a bit sorry for them, aye? People say they were aal on the game, like, but that’s shite. Some of them, ah owe, they were just finding a place for themselves, like, so as not te hev te be someone else, aye? That ye, Jill? Finding that place, like?”

Mam put her hand on my arm. “She has that place, Raafie. Her home, her family, aye?”

Larinda was nodding, and after catching Will and Rachel’s eyes, she said her piece.

“Jill has more than that, Ralph. She has a place with her lover, and her friends. She has more friends back South than she ever knew, so she’s not trapped, not like she thought she was. So…what about you? Has she got a place near you?”

Ralph gave a snort. “Bloody women, aye, ye aalwes close ranks against us poor men. Ah will tell ye this: she is her bloody father’s daughter, like! He was aalwes a soft bugger, too generous wi’s time and love. And this one heor, she’s ever been a perfect match. Norma, divvent take this wrang, aye, but ye should have gone wi Rob, aye? Ye’ve been lost on yer own. Ah divvent mean I wish ye deed, like, just…ach, ye were born for each other and it hurts te see ye pine”

He took a few minutes to stare out over the water, as Neil and Mam let their cigarettes burn down in time with his. W left him to his thoughts, while I pointed out the sights and gave out some trivia, and wondered what he was thinking.

“Gillian Carter…”

“Aye, Raafie?”

“Thy father was the best man Ah ivvor knew. What else can Ah de but try and be as good, aye? Ah can nivvor match him, so, shite, gie an aad man a hug hello, aye?”

That I did, and there were tears, and for the first time I saw how strong the love can be between men, for it was so clear how much he felt his own loss. I held him for a while, till he broke free.

“Bugger a hell, girl. Howay, a cuppa at the Grotto, then up the hill te the Angel and dinner, aye? Norma, Ah think Ah need te get a bit merry tonight, aye, so wad ye mind if we stopped by te see him before Ah get too far gone”

Mam just hugged him, and at the garden of remembrance I watched the two of them, her between Neil and Ralph, as love was shown and memories honoured.