CHAPTER 39
It had ended up as a happy evening, with just the one slight shadow as Will broke away to call goodnight to his mother. The soft southern ears seemed to be tuning in steadily to the odd vowels and vocabulary, and once the rough and tough Northerners had played enough of their little game of confuse-a-visitor they did their best to communicate. Communication was clearly on Jim’s mind that night, especially where Rachel was concerned, and towards the end of the night a plate of sandwiches was brought over as a welcome. Rachel sniffed carefully at one.

“What’s this?”

Ralph looked at her as if she was from Mars. “Stotty, wi ham and pease puddin’, like”

I laughed at her expression. “Sort of solid, smooth dhal, Rach. Lentils and ham stock, left to set”

“Well, what’s it taste like?”

“Well, how do people normally find that out? Have a bite!”

I finished it for her. It’s not a strong taste, but it is as regional as the accent. Jim noticed, and a little while later we were handed a basket of chunks of cooked sausage. I reached for one, and Larinda slapped my hand.

“Dinner, and that sandwich, and beer? I want you healthy, Carter! Besides, you’re not sitting stuffing your face when my glass is empty! And so’s your mum’s!!”

Dynamics…I went to the bar with Rachel, and Jim was all charm and rumble, while Will hung on to every word Ralph gave him about his times at sea and in far countries. All of that was literally foreign to the boy, as with his mother’s background ‘foreign’ clearly meant ‘suspect’, and as Ralph had always been a raconteur the mix of exotic tales and accent seemed to pull Will in. Mam sat to one side, just watching, with an odd smile every now and again, and when she rose to limp to the toilet I saw Larinda look a little worried, rise herself and follow the old lady.

Rachel was clearly flattered by Jim’s smiles, but I noticed that she seemed to want to share the joke, and it was with my brother. I could almost read Jim’s mind, just then, as rather than sensing a rival for the ‘bonny lass’ he dismissed his presence as harmless. I don’t mean that he ignored Neil, or spoke out of turn to him, but rather recognised that his presence was no obstacle.

We delivered the drinks in twos and threes to our little corner, and after a few minutes Mam and Larinda were back, the latter looking unhappy, and I realised my mother’s eyes were just a little red.

“You OK, Mam?”

She squeezed my knee, and whispered “Tell ye later, lass”

That was a moment that I knew would stay with me, where despite her distress, whatever it was for, she had made an effort to let me know how much she loved me. I kissed her cheek, and realised suddenly how late it was.

“How, people, better make this the last one if we’re off out tomorrow, aye?”

William started to giggle, and it was clear that he was more refreshed than I had ever seen him before.

“You’re like my Mam, Rob! She goes home and she comes back all Valleys, and you’re here a few hours and it’s all whippets and funny words”

Ralph was grinning. “Aye, ye never forget your native soil, aye? And it’s not the same for thee, Rachel?”

That almost broke the mood, as I saw a flicker in her eyes that told me that no, she didn’t go home, because home had always meant someone to tell her things, in ways that had cost her some of her teeth. Ralph clearly noticed on his part.

“Lass, sorry if I said summat wrong, aye? How, ye say ye’re off into the toon the morrow night, aye? Do yez fancy an old man along to spoil the fun? I’ll be doing no dancing, like, so best we find wersels a quiet spot somewhere, have a bit natter again. Norma, what about thee?”

She looked tired. “Tell ye what, lad, I’ll let thee know the morn, aye? Sup up, lads and lasses, there’s an old cripple needs her bed”

In the end, I left Ralph my mobile number, so that he could find us if things worked out, and we helped the Matriarch back to her home. She took my arm with her free hand, Larinda on my other, as we slowly made the short walk home.

“What was up, Mam?”

“Ah, nowt really, Jill, just Raafie, aye? I talk to him, and it’s like opening a cupboard, and everything of your Dad’s there, all of it, aye? I miss him, pet, I always will, silly aad fool that I am”

Larinda spoke before I could. “Nothing silly about it at all, love. It’s how it should be. Just wish I’d been lucky enough to have found a bloke like his Dad, yeah, stead of the tosser I did get. No, love, not this one, my husband!”

Rachel was clearly listening. “Yeah, look at us all, only one of us got it right first time”

She stopped walking suddenly. “Fuck, did I just say---sorry, Norma, but ‘first time’, shit! Looking at you, and these two all loved up, yeah, suddenly it looks brighter. Sorry, don’t mean to belittle you, your loss, yeah, but you can’t mourn like that less you had something really special, yeah? So you hold on to that, girl, cause the rest of us, we ain’t been there. Not yet, anyway”

Mam looked at her. “Your husband, aye, must have been blind as well as thick as pigshit. Thank you, lass. There’ll be a welcome for you any time in our home. Aye, all of yez. It tells me things, does this, things about my daughter, that she can find friends like this, and that despite having such a shadow on her life. Now, get me hyem so I can have me bit cup of tea”

Always the same, with a houseful, the need to remember where the hell everyone else is lying. I slipped out from our bed that morning and did what I needed to do, then made my way down to the kitchen to start the rituals. Once the tea was brewing, I quietly entered the living room, where Neil’s sofa was empty. Strange…if he had slipped out for a morning cigarette, I would have seen him at the back door, and at the very least he would have needed the clothes that still lay on the carpet. I moved over to the conservatory to check if Rachel was awake, and there were two heads on the pillows, which was more than a little confusing.

“Morning Jill, he’s still asleep, so bring us some tea and I’ll give him a nudge”

The next bit was mechanical on my part, returning to the kitchen and gathering cups and milk, pouring the tea, three cups only. The one working part of my mind made that decision: three cups only, find out what the fuck before anyone else woke. I carried two in, handing them to a slightly shamefaced brother and an apparently relaxed friend, and took a seat in one of Mam’s old cane chairs after I brought my own.

“And? I do not believe that you have miraculously converted my brother, Rach!”

Neil looked closely at his tea. “I had a bit of a bad night…”

She snapped out a reply. “No, WE had a bit of a bad night, yeah? Jill, he was thrashing about, and the more I lay, the more I remembered, yeah, after that chat, and your mum has all sorts of bright things to remember, and all of mine are purest shit and piss. So we both sort of woke up, and we both felt like crap, and, well, this made sense, and no we didn’t, right?”

She paused for breath, then turned gently on me once more. “Look, I know you used to do it by getting pissed all the time, but try and see this as the low calorie option. I don’t want to jump his bones…well, if he were straight, yeah, I probably would, but it made the night better. Nobody else needs to know, right?”

Neil suddenly grinned. “Like when we were bairns, and climbed in with Mam and Dad, aye? I better get up and dressed before we confuse folk”

He turned to her, and kissed her very, very gently on the lips.

“Thank you, Rachel, for doing that for me”

And then he was laughing., and Rachel looked hurt.

“No, no, I’m not laughing at you, Rach, just thinking it’s a pity you’re not like Jill, aye? All crossed-up, like. If ye were a lad, oh bloody hell aye!”

She couldn’t manage to keep her frown in place. “You lot, this family, you should be put away, you’re all mad! Jill, haven’t you got someone to take tea to while I get dressed? What? Look, he’s not interested but I am not dressing in front of a dyke, yeah? Off and take Larinda her tea”

I went back up, still laughing as I entered the bedroom. Larinda was lying on her side, head propped on a hand, and of course I had to explain my amusement. She just nodded, as quick as ever in her understanding.

“Yeah, they needed company, safe company, they got it. Some marriages, you know, that’s all they have anyway. Safety, comfort, bit of affection. Speaking of which…where’s that particular bit of affection of yours? Girl needs her breakfast while she can still get it!”

She still ate Mam’s fry-up later.