Emily Plays Dotty
A “How I Spent My Summer Vacation: I become a Girl” Gaiden
By
Rebecca Coleman

-3-
Princess Dotty

I felt as silly as a goose the moment I put the costume on. The costume was a white dress with black disk size spots scattered from the collar of the dress down to the helm. And of course it came with a faux leather collar, the kind of collar that dogs wear. I had to wear the collar because it was part of the costume. Attached to the ring of the collar was a name that had the name “Emily” Engraved on it. The moment I changed into the outfit was the moment from before walked toward me, smirking as she attached a matching pink lead to the ring.

“My, my don't you look adorable.” She said as she smiled toward me. It was a wicked little smile. “You know, I'm going to enjoy this. I'm going to enjoy making a total fool out of you.” She said smiling as she reeled the lead in. Her eyes seemed to sparkle in the mid-morning sun.

I did not trust myself to talk. So instead I opened my ears and started to listen.

“I guess you have no idea who I am, do you?” She said, sighing.

“A bitch.” I said without thinking.

“Charming.” The woman said, smiling. “Such a charming young lady, I guess your mother took the time to properly raise you. Bless your little heart.”

If looks could kill then the look I was giving this woman right now would have chewed up her and spat her out. The woman though seemed not to even notice the glare I was giving her. Instead she only smiled.

“My name is Priscilla Harper.” Priscilla paused. “I'm the wife of John Harper. Who is the owner of Willow Wood Plantation. Which is one of the few remaining plantations to come through the 'War of Northern Aggression' intact. I'm also the president and chairwoman of the Manchester's Daughters of the Confederacy, you see sweetie. I belong to what's called the 'Bourbon Class'. While you belong to the lower class.”

At this point I really wanted to bite the woman. Instead I just looked at her and smiled. I wanted to see were Priscilla was going to take me with this little ramble. But with each crooked word that passed over those brightly painted lips, each and every second that ticked on by, the more and more I felt myself growing to dislike this woman with every fiber of being.

“You see. People of my class, the old planter class, the old plantation owning class. The land owning gentry of the Old South, have always had a certain, should I say noblesse oblige. To people born below us. Mostly the poor, uneducated, colored people. And poor whites like you. Poor Whites like you really have no place in our social order. Nor do we wish to include you in our social circles. Now, you upset a good many of my good friends when you stole the crown and tile of 'Pecan Princess' from my daughter. And you also stole her chance to help poor puppies, that people of your class keep around because they can't afford to get them fixed.” Priscilla said with a small smile.

“Has anybody ever told you that you're a real bitch.” I said smiling just as sweetly as she was. “Oh, I hate to be the one to break this to you. But the year is two thousand twenty four, not eighteen fifty something. Oh and for good measure, can I add that the Confederacy lost the war.”

Priscilla's face twisted and distorted and her eyes grew as wide as saucer plates. Kind of reminded me of the face I made when I once took a bite into a lemon thinking it was an orange. And I loved it. Slapping her right upside the head with a iron skillet would not have been more effective in knocking her off her high horse. And because I felt insulted. And well because she just had to and mention my now deceased mother. I decided to rub some salt into the flesh wound I'd just cut into her by saying.

“Also I believe, if I remember my American History correctly, that the South fired the first shots of the war. I mean the whole 'Battle of Fort Sumter' was really kicked off by the South. So, kind of learn your history before spewing off a bunch of your 'Lost Cause' bullshit?”

“If I had the time. I would march you right into the bathroom right now young lady and wash that dirty, little mouth out with soap!” She said with a scowl. “But I don't. Now we have a show to perform. So let try to get along for the next half hour at least.” She said huffing. Her cheeks puffed out and for a brief moment, a brief flash of time, she kind of reminded me of a blowfish.

“First off. If you ever, and I mean ever tried in your wildest dreams to wash my mouth out with soap. I promise you, I will bite you. And I would bite you to the bone.” I added it for a good measure. And I made a point in showing her my perfectly straight teeth.

Priscilla said nothing, instead she started to pull hard upon the leash. Walking from the tent to the wading pool took around five minutes and in that brief span of time, the five minutes it took. A change came over her. She took several deep breaths and about time we reached the pool she was smiling from one ear to the other. Which worried me greatly.

“Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen! And boys and girls of all ages!” She called out in her best show woman tone of voice. And for a brief moment the bedlam of noises stopped and all eyes turned toward she and I. “First I, Priscilla Harper would like to thank each and every one of you for turning out and supporting the first ever 'Feed Dotty' charity fete Fish Fry. My husband tells me it's been a smashing success so far! As of now. We've sold close to three hundred plates! And raised close to four thousand dollars for charity from the sale of those plates and from thoughtful donations.”

The crowd clapped as was expected of them.

“And now, allow me to introduce you guys and gals to our lovely volunteers.” Priscilla said with a smile as she pulled me in front of the crowd. “The one, the only, the adorable, Emily Hannah Anderson.” She said smiling as she stepped to the sideline.

The crowded golf clapped again as expected of them.

“Emily, as many of you know was also crowned the first ever 'Pecan Princess' in this years 'Pecan Fest' and has also been the first to ever volunteer to be 'Dotty' at the Manchester's First Annual 'Feed Dotty' Charity Fish Fry! A true trend setter if there was ever one!”

the crowd clapped again as was expected of them.

Gathering my wits, courage, and seeing that I've come too far now to chicken out, I stepped into the half formed circle and blushed as I watched dozens of little boys just peer at me. Most of the boys looked slightly annoyed that their games of tag, hide-n-seek, or the senseless acts of pelting each with stone and large clumps of dirt and breaking random sticks they found on the grounds over each other's shoulders had been put on hold. The little girls on the other hand in their pastel pink sundresses, their either blonde or brunette hair styled back in tight curls with pretty pastel colored ribbons tied to the end of each and every curl just looked on, confused and just annoyed as the boys at being pulled away from their own games.

“Hello boys and girls” I said smiling. I waved my hand in front of their faces.

I was greeted with total silence.

“Now, since our Dotty was a little late. We've been forced to skip the first part of the stunt where she performs tricks for all the good little boys and girls who donated their pennies, nickels, dimes, quarters, and fifty cent pieces! And I deeply apologize for those boys and girls.” Priscilla said as she rocked her head back and forth. “Maybe next time the person who volunteers to play Dotty will be on time!”

“Or maybe we should spank her with a rolled up newspaper for being a bad puppy?” Priscilla added as an afterthought.

That was a bold face lie! I wanted to spin around that moment and perform a trick of my own, I called it “Bite Attack!” and I'm quite sure it would have been super effective too! Maybe a one shot KO'ed but alas it was not meant to be. Instead I just smiled and tried to act like the scolding had humbled me. The boys and girls responded as well as you expected them too. That being they just stood there, their eyes wide as saucer plates. I swear I could have heard crickets chipping in the background.

I'm quite sure at that moment Priscilla felt like she was going to lose control of the crowd and at this point. I would have loved for that to have happened. I'm not going to lie to you guys and gals. I still wanted to get a bit more revenge for the little comment the foul mouthed woman had decided to toss in about my late mother, I just smiled and shook my head first to the left and then to the right. And then finally I whispered “Really?” You're going to lie to these poor, poor children. My word Mrs. Priscilla?! Do you have any shame?”

My words had their desired effect. Priscilla's face turned a very deep, dark red. The children though just looked on. Even more confused. Clearly all of this was flying high for their little heads. Priscilla, though,quickly regained control of herself. And instead of answering me, she pushed ahead.

“Anyway! I think it's time for the main event!” Priscilla said as she nodded her head toward a collection of older teenage boys. All of them seemed to be around me all and all of them seemed too cute, okay cute was not really the right word. I should say handsome. All of them were tall, well tallish. All seemed to have well defined muscles and all of them seemed as lean as the meat you see in the meat counter at local Save-A-Lot meaning there was not a bit of fat on them. All of them were sporting a rich, dark tan. A tan that reminded of the skin of a perfectly roasted chicken. Kind of like the roasted chickens you see at the deli at local Save-A-Lot.

The boys smiled and then all four of them started to move toward me. I felt my cheeks starting to blister. I mean here standing in front of me were four of the finest specimens of the teenage male species ever to grace God's green earth. And I mean if they were cuts of beef. I would give them a “Prime” rating. Because they were perfect in every sense of the word.

“And to help!” Priscilla said. “We have four other lovely volunteers.”

I was too flustered to speak and instead I could only stand there and blush. My already confused teenage hormones were going haywire. I mean the blockers in my system had pretty much stopped dead in its tracks the development of testosterone in my system. Not that my body produced any to really amount to much before I started them. I mean what my body had been producing amounted to nothing more than a hill of beans. But the estrogen being pumped into my system on an almost daily basis was another matter altogether. I could not help myself as I started to mentally undress each of those four lovely volunteers. I wanted to do things to them that would make Lilith the queen mother of all the demons blush! I also wanted to do things to them that would also make Lilith,again the queen of mother of all demons, to flush a bright red. Heck I wanted them to do things to me that would make her cough and say, “Naughty girl!”.

“Now. The highlight of the 'Dotty' stunt is seeing the lovely volunteer getting covered in chili. That is supposed to look like dog food. I'll be honest with you. Most canned chili does kind of look and even smell like dog food. And here we have four buckets, filled almost to the top with chili. And all of that is going to go over our lovely volunteers' heads.” Priscilla said smiling.

I blinked..

“Now if our lovely volunteer will now climb into her 'food bowl' and take a seat.”

I then did something I thought I would never know. I crossed myself. And at that moment a silly thought entered into my head. Or was the most profound question I've ever thought to ask myself. Anyway the question was this, How was getting covered in four buckets of chili going to help feed starving puppies through the cold winter months ahead? I guess people would do anything for charity, including getting covered in chili.

And so I waited..