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Viewing Note: This story should be viewed with the Edwardian Script ITC font installed on your Windows platform in the c:/Windows/Fonts directory. Microsoft Word installs this font automatically.

Editor's Note: Jenny Walker has graciously allowed me to represent her original story No Half Measures on BigCloset. Originally published on BigCloset Classic, this story was migrated over to BigCloset TopShelf on 2005-02-02. Due to the original story presentation format being unsuitable and unwieldy for most portable devices (each part being over 1 meg in length), the story is now being broken up into single chapters for easier reading. The original Movements will be indicated on their respective chapters. The first chapter of each Movement will retain the original comments and read hits so as to preserve them for the author.

Sephrena Lynn Miller

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Chapter 5
 
 
Tuesday began much the same way as Monday had: Beth haranguing me to get out of bed to come do some exercise. But as it was raining, she was planning an aerobic session in the music room. She suggested I wear the lilac leotard that we had bought the previous day. I pulled it on, it was tight fitting and felt snug on me. I pulled my hair back into the obligatory ponytail and, with bleary eyes, made my way to the music room. Jools was already there sitting on the floor with her arms hugging her knees and a scowl on her face in between yawns. Beth grinned at us both.

"Come on ladies, when I'm done with you, you'll be bouncing out of bed each morning to get your endorphin fix from a good ol' healthy bout of exercise."

I screwed my face up and muttered, "I doubt it."

Jools swore under her breath conveying clearly her impression of the faint likeliness of this being the outcome.

Beth was not deterred, "Alright, now I know Jools has done some aerobics before, but we'll start slow and simple this morning. Let's just aim to get our muscles all stretched and loosened and then we'll do a few simple routines."

So we copied Beth in the stretching exercises she was demonstrating. I felt my muscles complaining as they were stretched outside their comfort zone. Jools didn't seem to have much bother with this. I guess it was her natural feminine suppleness: something which I was lacking. Beth noticed and came across to help me stretch my calf muscles.

She smiled down at me, "When I'm done with you Cara, you'll be doing the splits without a problem."

I laughed up at her, "I don't want to doubt your obvious talents Beth, but I think I'll just reserve judgement on that one."

Now we were ready to get going. She had us stand behind her and we all faced the mirror. She turned on the CD player. It was some sort of upbeat dance track. The sort of 'music' I usually despised and wouldn't normally listen to. But it served the purpose. She started with simple steps forwards and backwards and then to the sides. Jools and I did our best to copy her but occasionally collided with each other. It took all my powers of concentration to follow her but as time went on, it seemed to come a little more naturally. Soon Beth picked up the pace more and more until I began to feel my heart pounding in my chest. Looking in the mirror I saw Beth looking radiant with a smile on her face and I saw two red faces puffing and panting behind her. Eventually she took pity on us and slowed the pace gradually to a stop. Then she made sure we stretched our muscles again to prevent any cramp.

"That wasn't too bad, sure it wasn't?" Beth asked.

Jools and I looked at each other and grinned. Jools shrugged and grudgingly admitted, "It was OK. Better than running our guts out like yesterday."

Beth laughed, "Well, we'll try and alternate between running and aerobics and we'll have you girls fit in no time."

After breakfast and a luxurious foamy bath, I dressed in one of my new outfits. A simple white blouse and black skirt with matching hose and I slipped into my new high heels we had bought as I remembered Beth wanted me to practise in them.

I found that I was able to apply my makeup in a lot less time, with better results. I guess it is just familiarity and practice. It seemed like a natural thing to do and that thought disconcerted me. I wondered if I would have felt more at ease if I had more problems adjusting to the clothes and makeup and all. I shrugged off these thoughts. It was easier for me to adjust and the quicker the better, I rationalised.

There was no sign of Beth when I got down to the music room. As tempted as I was to sit down and play on the piano, duty got the better of me. Instead I began to practice walking up and down in the heels. I still felt unsteady and unnatural in them. I made myself take smaller steps as Beth had instructed and I made myself swing my hips more. I still had to concentrate and think about what I was doing though. Up and down, back and forwards.

My mind started to drift. It drifted in a direction that I didn't really want it to go in. I began to try to imagine what I was going to say to my Mum and Dad, and Claire my sister. 'Hi Mum, Dad, Claire. Guess what, I've decided to become a girl.' 'Hi Dad, what do you think of my new breasts?' 'Mum, can I borrow your lipstick?' 'Want to borrow a skirt from me Claire?' Although I sort of sniggered inwardly, it really wasn't funny. I felt a certain feeling of dread inside. Well perhaps I wouldn't have to tell them.

Perhaps it would all fall through with Sony and I'd go back to being Nick. I stopped in my tracks and exhaled slowly. Go back to being Nick. I looked in the mirror. I raised my eyebrows and looked at myself. I didn't see much of Nick and the thought of going back to my previous life had surprisingly little appeal. I suppose I began to realise how empty and lifeless things had been over the last year or so. I had become so obsessed with achieving my goals that somewhere down the line I had forgotten to live each moment and enjoy life. I began to walk up and down again, but more slowly. When I thought about it, I had actually enjoyed the last few days. Perhaps it was the sense of companionship which was different to my usual loneliness. Perhaps it was the comfortable surroundings. I looked in the mirror again. Perhaps it was because I strangely felt good about myself at the moment. This was something I hadn't felt for a long time.

My reverie was interrupted by a sleazy wolf-whistle from behind me. I whirled round and saw Beth leaning on the door frame. "Way to walk, foxy girl," she drawled.

I laughed and realised that I hadn't been concentrating on my walking and that I had been walking up and down in these heels without much effort over the last half hour or so. I then realised that my feet were now sore. We did a bit more walking practice as Beth gave me an instruction here and a tip there. Again we practiced standing and sitting. We went over other feminine gestures as she patiently taught me and as I sought to imitate her. She would make me repeat everything again and again until I would do it automatically without thinking.

And so we settled into this pattern for the next few days. Morning workout: aerobics or jogging. After breakfast one day, Beth also introduced me to the sun bed they had in another of the many little rooms in the house. She gave me a little black bikini, which made me blush from head to toe the first time I tried it on. She gave me instructions on using UV skin protector lotion and how much time to spend on each side. And so a few mornings a week, I would head down to the sun bed after breakfast and then shower off afterwards.

The rest of the mornings with Beth were spent practising mannerisms, speech and instruction on fashion and makeup. The afternoons were mine to play and sing. I tried to work on writing more songs and occasionally inspiration flowed, but other times it didn't. I didn't get too wired up about it when it didn't, I used the time to get more familiar with my new voice as I tried singing song after song. The evenings were spent relaxing, chatting or watching TV.
 

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It was Friday tea-time when I realised that something was afoot. As we were getting ready for dinner, Beth and Jools were whispering away to each other.

"Alright girls, what's the big secret?" I asked.

They looked at me sheepishly, both grinning. It was Jools who answered, "Well Cara, I think we all need to get out a bit. We need a bit of distraction, leisure you know. So Beth and I have a great plan which will be great fun and also will be very useful."

I rolled my eyes, "OK, go on."

Beth took over, "Ballroom dancing." I looked at her and raised my eyebrows and she went on, "There are ballroom dancing classes in the Plymouth Civic Centre tonight and we thought it would be great fun to learn, so how about we all go to the beginners class which starts tonight?"

I blinked a few times and felt my throat go dry. "Erm dancing?" I hesitated, "But I can't dance."

Jools shrugged, "I know, so it would be a good opportunity to learn. You're going to need to be able to move and dance a bit more than you can now and yes I know that ballroom dancing is hardly likely to be a major part of your stage presence, but it would be a good foundation I reckon."

I nodded slowly, "OK." Then a thought hit me, "But for ballroom dancing you like need partners. Male partners."

Beth smiled, "I know. But don't worry about it. Some people come with partners, everyone else just pairs off when they get there. It'll be fun and exciting."

I wasn't too sure. The thought of being out in public still was quite terrifying. But I supposed that I would have to overcome that fear. And the thought of dancing, and dancing with some strange man at that? My mind could barely process it. But I knew better to argue with the girls when they both set their minds on something.

And so, after dinner, we went to our rooms to get ready. I showered and changed into my rib-knit black poloneck top and my black and white check skirt. I went for my flat court shoes as I was quite sure it would be hard enough dancing in them let alone in high heels. Beth had advised me to redo my makeup and emphasise it a little more for a nighttime outing. I added more eyeliner and mascara than I had been doing. A little more rouge and a deeper red hue of lipstick. After giving my hair a good brushing and spritzing myself with perfume I checked my appearance in the mirror. I looked pretty darn hot I had to admit to myself and I felt myself get aroused again as I looked at my reflection. I shrugged, blew myself a kiss, grabbed my jacket and headed downstairs.

When we arrived at the civic centre, we followed the signs to the beginners' ballroom dancing classes and found ourselves in a medium sized hall. There were about 30 or 40 people there. I had no idea that ballroom dancing was so popular. There were some couples, but also some people obviously without partners. As I looked around the room, I appraised the other women present. There was a fair mixture of age from our age to late middle age. I took some satisfaction in noting that as far as I was concerned, I didn't think any of them were particularly better looking than I was. I permitted myself a little smile. Then I caught myself on and wondered was I becoming bitchy so soon.

Beth nudged me and murmured, "What are you thinking?" She looked at me suspiciously.

I shrugged and tried to evade the question, "Oh nothing really."

"Come on," she persisted, "I saw you looking around, I saw your little smile. Confess girl!"

I laughed and confessed to her. She grinned back at me, "Oh we have become the little madam already. But honey, you do yourself a disservice. I think it would be more accurate to say that present company included, no-one in this room comes close to you in the looks department."

I felt myself blush again and wasn't sure what to say in reply. Thankfully I was spared the difficulty as a thin wiry man who must have been in his early sixties clapped for attention.

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen," he said. "My name is Freddy Brunswick and I will be your instructor for this class. You are all most welcome and don't worry, no prior knowledge or experience of ballroom dancing is required or even expected. Let's enjoy ourselves as we learn together."

He had an infectious sort of enthusiasm and he went on to explain what we would be doing. We were going to learn to waltz over the first 2 classes as it was one of the easier dances to pick up. He talked for a little while about the waltz and then, with a lady whom I presumed was his wife, he demonstrated the basic steps to us. Before long though, it was time for us to participate. He asked the couples to take to the floor and everyone else to find a partner if possible and join them on the floor.

I looked around nervously wondering who I could be partnered with. Jools sat for a moment and then muttered, "Stuff this, I'm off to get someone decent." And she headed boldly towards a sandy haired man who looked to be in his mid thirties. I looked over to the far side of the room and gasped. I hissed to Beth, "Look who it is over there."

She followed my gaze and grinned at me, "It's the man from the mall. Your dreamboat." I began to protest but she gave me a dig in the ribs and said, "And if I'm not mistaken he's coming this way."

Before he got over to us, Beth was propositioned by a young man with wavy brown hair and she agreed and they headed for the dance floor. The man from the mall was dressed casually in a navy blue shirt and cream slacks. I was wondering what I would say to him, but just before he got to me, I was tapped on the shoulder and I turned around to find a short, pot-bellied balding man who must have been over 50 leering at me, "Lookin' for a partner luv?" He was staring at my breasts and gave me a lewd wink. I felt mildly nauseous.

Before I could answer though, I felt a hand rest gently on my shoulder and a deep voice said, "Ah there you are darling, sorry I didn't see you at first." I turned to find the man from the mall smiling down at me, I thought I saw a little wink. I smiled at him and played along, "That's OK honey." I turned back to the little man and smiled apologetically, "I'm sorry, perhaps another time?" He shrugged, sniffed and continued his quest for a partner.

I turned back to my new partner and smiled shyly, "Thanks."

He smiled, "I'm afraid there are some less than desirable sorts who see these classes as an opportunity to prey on unsuspecting women. I hope you don't mind me rescuing you?"

I laughed, "Not at all." Then I grinned mischievously, "That is, assuming you are not one of those less than desirable sorts. Perhaps I've been saved from the frying pan only to fall into the fire."

A little smile curled around the edge of his mouth, "Ah well then perhaps if I am less than desirable, I should refrain from disturbing you further. Let me call your 'friend' back to partner you then."

"No!" I said a little too urgently. "No," I repeated more calmly with a smile, "I'll give you the benefit of the doubt for now."

He laughed and taking my hand led me to the dance floor, "I'm Paul Davis. I don't know if you remember me from the mall the other day, but I just wanted to apologise again for staring at you so."

I smiled and shrugged a little awkwardly, "It's OK. I was flattered actually. I'm Cara Malone." I paused a little, "But I hope you aren't just dancing with me to appease your conscience." I raised an eyebrow.

He laughed, "Well of course. I mean what other reason could there be for wanting to dance with a beautiful woman. Cara, that's a nice name. I take it from your accent, you are not from around here. You are Welsh yes?"

I nodded, "Yes, I'm staying with my friends just outside Plymouth for a few weeks. Do you live here?"

"Yes, born and bred I am afraid."

Freddy asked us all to assume the correct stance. Paul put his left hand on my waist and took my left hand in his right hand. I lifted my right hand to his left shoulder. Freddy was going round making sure everyone had it right before beginning.

I looked up at my partner, "So Paul, what do you do when you are not sitting staring at unsuspecting women in the mall?" I smiled coyly.

He smiled down at me, "Oh trust me, I save my staring for exceptional cases. But when I am not being captivated by beautiful women, I work as a solicitor." He smiled almost apologetically, "In my father's firm actually. Davis, Hartley and Davis."

"A solicitor?" I said, "My father is a solicitor."

"Really? Where?"

I suddenly realised that I didn't want to divulge too many details so I backtracked a little, "Oh he works in Cardiff, but I don't want any more legal-like talk, I hear enough of it from him when I am at home."

He laughed, "And I get enough of it at work, so there's another thing we have in common."

"Another thing?"

He grinned, "We shop in the same mall, go to the same ballroom dancing class and both have our fill of legal talk. I'm amazed we have so much in common."

I laughed at him. I looked up at him, I guess I could see how he could be considered 'cute' as Beth had said the other day. He had short dark hair, a tanned complexion and chiselled facial features. Then I noticed his eyes, they were a startling green colour and had a kindly twinkle in them. I realised he was chuckling at me.

"What?" I almost pouted.

"Now who's staring?" he asked.

I laughed and dropped my gaze, blinking a few times. I looked back up and with red cheeks said, "Sorry. Guess I'm just getting my revenge."

"Well do I meet your standards for a prospective ballroom dancing partner?" he asked with a twinkle in his eyes.

"Well I can safely say you are the most handsome ballroom dancing partner I have ever had," I retorted. I knew I was flirting with him, but I enjoyed it so I didn't care.

"You've never had a ballroom dancing partner before, sure you haven't?" he surmised.

I giggled, "No, never."

He shrugged, "I'll still take it as a compliment."

"Good," I replied, "it was meant as one."

He squeezed my hand and was about to say something when the music started and Freddy shouted for us all to give the waltz a try and not to worry if we messed up. I wasn't sure what exactly to do, but it didn't seem to matter as Paul led me confidently. I just let myself relax and let him guide me where to go. It took a bit of concentration at first and I had to look down at my feet but after 5 or 10 minutes and a few different waltzes, I felt I was getting the hang of it. I didn't have to watch my feet so much and was able to look up at Paul. He was smiling down at me, "You're doing great."

I laughed, "Oh I'm doing very little, I'm just following your lead."

He shrugged, "That's exactly the secret of ballroom dancing." He paused and then added quickly, "Well so I hear." I looked at him curiously and he just winked at me. The waltzes came thick and fast and I really began to enjoy the sensation of whirling around in each other's arms. I noticed Jools and Beth were doing alright. Perhaps not just as free in their motion as I felt, but I attributed that more to my partner's skill rather than my own. I began to suspect that he was not quite a beginner after all.

There was a break halfway through to let us all capture our breath and take a quick rest. Paul, still holding my hand, led me to a seat at the side and we sat down. He was still holding my hand once we sat down but I didn't protest. I saw Jools and Beth take seats at other parts of the hall. I figured out what they were at: giving me some space. The minxes! I became aware of Paul's eyes on me. I turned around and met his gaze. He had a little smile on his face.

"You're staring at me," I accused.

He nodded slowly, "Yes I am."

I laughed and looked away again for a moment, before turning back to him, "You're still staring at me."

He nodded again and a smile grew on his face, "Yes I am."

I shook my head slowly, "You'll give me a complex if you keep that up."

He squeezed my hand, "Oh I doubt that. You know, it's truly wonderful dancing with you Cara." He left the sentence hanging so I asked the expected question.

"OK, go on, why do you say that?"

He laughed, "Because with you in my arms, the eyes of every other man in this room were looking at me with envy."

This time I really felt my cheeks flush and I bit my lower lip. I paused for a moment not really knowing how to respond. I felt my heart beating a mile a minute inside my chest at his words. I wasn't sure how I felt, but I knew that I relished the feeling of being appreciated. I flashed him a warm smile and said softly, "Thank you Paul. You make me feel very special, but you don't need to over exaggerate."

He squeezed my hand again and with a gentle smile said, "I'm not exaggerating."

It was time to dance again and Freddy called us to order. Paul led me back to the dance floor and the remaining time was filled with more up-tempo waltzes. We danced and whirled around the hall and I loved it. I really never thought I would enjoy it, but it was exhilarating. The final waltz got faster and faster until it finished with an orchestral climax and we all stopped and panted for breath. I looked up at Paul and smiled and him. He grinned at me and gave a little bow, "For the pleasure of your company on the dance floor this evening, ma'am, I thank you."

I giggled and gave my best attempt at a little curtsy, "Oh no kind sir, the pleasure was undoubtedly mine."

He took my hand and led me to the side of the room and I collected my jacket. As I slipped it on, I turned to him, "You know Paul, you are awfully good at ballroom dancing for an absolute beginner."

He definitely blushed. "Ah well," he hesitated, "I guess I'm not a total novice. I have done a bit of this before."

I raised an eyebrow, "Really?" I grinned, "So you just come along to the beginner's class to show off to a young lady is that it?"

He laughed, "Oh no, not at all. Let me tell you the truth then. I have done a lot of ballroom dancing and usually come along to the main class each Friday night. But tonight on my way in, I saw this vision of beauty the like of which I have only ever seen once before. I had to follow her and knew she had to be my partner tonight."

I smiled and him and shook my head, "Paul! You'll give me a big head if you go on like that."

He smiled at me strangely and said softly, "I don't think I will you know."

I shrugged and out of curiosity asked, "So when did you see such similar beauty before?"

He grinned and winked at me, "At the mall on Monday afternoon."

I laughed and gave him a playful poke in the ribs, "You!"

He put his hands in his pockets and shifted a little awkwardly before speaking a little hesitantly, "I was well sort of wondering....that is, I don't want to pressure you, but if you were needing a partner for next Tuesday's class...." His voice trailed off.

I smiled, "I'd like that Paul."

He grinned and took my hand and gave it one last little squeeze, "Alright Cara, I'm now counting the hours until Tuesday night." He waved and walked off. I stood there with a bemused little grin on my face when Jools and Beth scooted over to my side.

I knew they were brimming with questions, but they took an arm each and whisked me out and down the stairs. Once we were in the car, Jools driving, me in the passenger seat and Beth in the back, the floodgates opened and I was deluged with questions.

"Who is he?"

"Did you enjoy that?"

"What did he say to you?"

"Was he holding your hand?"

I laughed and held up my hands, "Give me some space, girls."

They paused for breath. "OK," I began, "he is Paul Davis and he is a local solicitor. Yes I enjoyed the dancing. He said lots of things to me and yes he was holding my hand."

Beth tickled me from the back seat, "Oh, how unfair, not only do you get the cutest guy in the place, but probably the richest too."

I laughed and shrugged, "I wasn't trying to attract him."

"Pffft," said Jools, "I saw the way you were making eyes at him as you danced, the little smiles, the hand holding. Girl you had him eating out of your hand. So I suppose he asked you to be his partner next Tuesday too?"

I felt my cheeks flush, "Erm well actually yes."

"And you said?" prompted Beth.

"I said OK"

Jools continued, "So you want to go next Tuesday?"

I replied, "I guess, I mean I just sort of presumed we were going."

She grinned at me, "Well with a hunk like Paul the solicitor, who would blame you for wanting to go."

I protested, "Come on girls, it's not that I'm attracted to him or anything. I mean underneath it all, I'm a...." I couldn't bring myself to say it, I changed tack, "It's just that I enjoyed the dancing, and yes I enjoyed the attention. That's all it was."

The looks I got from both of them were filled with scepticism and disbelief but they let it drop as they told me about their partners.
 

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Later that night as I got into bed, I felt a few doubts myself. I mean, underneath it all, I was a guy. I was attracted to girls -- I had no doubt about that. But this evening had been very strange. Granted, I had never danced with a guy before. Yet it just seemed right. As I thought about it, I was sure it was just because I was fulfilling the role expected of me: as people looked at me, they saw a woman and by dancing with a man, I was doing what was natural for who I appeared to be. Hence I enjoyed it for what it was. But he was cute. Well yes, objectively speaking, he was an attractive man and charming. But that's all there was to it, I didn't feel anything more than that. I think.

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