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Viewing Note: This story should be viewed with the Edwardian Script ITC font installed on your Windows platform in the c:/Windows/Fonts directory. Microsoft Word installs this font automatically.

Editor's Note: Jenny Walker has graciously allowed me to represent her original story No Half Measures on BigCloset. Originally published on BigCloset Classic, this story segment was not migrated over to BigCloset TopShelf. This story segment first appeared on BigCloset Classic on Sunday, November 02, 2003 - 02:48 pm. Due to the original story presentation format being unsuitable and unwieldy for most portable devices (each part being over 1 meg in length), the story is now being broken up into single chapters for easier reading. The original Movements will be indicated on their respective chapters. The first chapter of each Movement will retain the original comments and read hits so as to preserve them for the author.

Sephrena Lynn Miller

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Chapter 35
 
 
I woke just after six the next morning. For a moment, I lay in that netherworld between slumber and consciousness where one seems to drift seamlessly backwards and forwards between the two states. Gradually, my mind began to pull me into the land of the living. As I realised where I was, the memories of the previous day assaulted me and I felt something akin to a deep pain within myself. With a degree of shame, I saw the outline of the now dried moisture on my pillow. I took a deep breath, lifted my head and looked over to the other bed. There was a sheet-covered outline that was not moving save for the gentle undulations of respiration. I quietly slid my feet over the side of the bed and as I put them to the ground, I winced as my ankle reminded me that it was still feeling the worse for wear from the previous day's activities.

After grabbing some clothes from my case, I limped my way into the bathroom and gently closed the door behind me. When I turned on the light and looked at myself in the mirror, I appeared to be shocked. I was not sure whether it was because of the bright light flooding onto my retinas or the ghastly appearance I presented. I quickly washed and made myself more presentable. I could not even bring myself to think about make-up. I brushed my hair and pulled on my T-shirt and jeans.

There was still no evidence of wakefulness from the other side of the bedroom when I crept out of the bathroom. I was quite glad of this, as I needed some time to think. Most of my footwear was ruled out as my ankle was still swollen. I had a pair of slip-on sandals that were the best option. I grabbed my handbag and key card for the room before I quietly opened the door and slipped out.

The air outside was not quite cold, but there was a coolness that I found refreshing. The sun was creeping up over the mountains and spilling its meagre warmth over the valley as a foretaste of the searing assault it was planning for later. As my ankle was complaining, I did not walk far. I found an empty seat on the east side of the hotel from where I had a magnificent view. The valley was peaceful and gloriously devoid of any living beings. It was as if this sanctuary of nature was enjoying its brief respite from the unremitting human invasion of its natural glory. I leaned back on the seat and tried to sort out the maelstrom of emotions that were ravaging me. I did some hard thinking and realised that there was probably only one path open to me. I knew that there had to be some form of resolution if things were to move forward from that point.
 

*          *          *
 
I made my way into the restaurant and spotted Jon sitting at a table by himself. I limped towards him and he jumped up as if to come to my assistance. He hesitated and did not seem sure what to do. By the time he might have decided, I was already at the table.

"Cara, are you OK?" he asked tentatively. "When I woke up and you were gone… I didn't know where you were…"

I sat down and shrugged. "I'm OK. I was just getting some fresh air."

We sat in silence for a moment. I'm sure I looked equally as uncomfortable as he appeared to me. I steeled myself and took a deep breath. As it happened, we both started to speak at the same time and then both stopped.

"You first," I said.

He shook his head and spoke gently, "No, you go first."

I nodded and paused as I gathered my thoughts. "Jon, about last night… about yesterday - things got out of hand. I think we both lost our perspective. I don't know, maybe it was the heat, the exhaustion… we just weren't thinking… I know I wasn't." I tried to keep my expression as neutral as possible as I uttered these words that were anathema to what my heart was screaming at me. "We both said and did things that we regret and I think the best thing is for us to forget about it and let things get back to normal." I watched him closely as I spoke. A small part of me was hoping he would disagree and refuse to leave it at that. I found his expression strangely unreadable.

He nodded slowly. "If you're sure…?"

I nodded quickly and my words betrayed my heart again, "Of course I am. Now what were you going to say?"

He shrugged and gave a small smile. "Pretty much the same."

"You sure?"

He nodded again. "Yes, but I want to say that I'm sorry for… what I said… at the end… of it all. It was inexcusable."

I waved a hand. "Forget it. Let's put it all down to experience."

He regarded me solemnly and, after a pause, tried to force a smile. "OK, do you want some breakfast?"

We ordered and, when the food came, we ate in an awkward silence punctuated by the occasional nondescript comment from one or the other of us. The free abandon with which we had shared and communicated the previous day was long gone.

"Jon, I think we should head back to Malibu today."

He screwed up his face. "Do you think so?"

I nodded. "I mean, my ankle is still really sore and I'm not fit for anything at the moment." I paused before continuing, "But if you want to walk up to Half Dome, feel free. I'm sure I can pass the time here rightly."

He shook his head and murmured, "No, it wouldn't be the same."

A sad voice inside me wondered if it would ever be the same again and I felt something like grief. I told myself to get my act together: you can't grieve for something you never really had. I knew I did not believe this for one minute.
 

*          *          *
 
The car sped along the near-deserted highway in silence, save for the rushing of the wind. With the top down, it was as if the need to shout to make yourself heard was giving us the excuse for saying nothing. I am sure I must have looked like a real sourpuss as I fixed my gaze on the road ahead, but I did not have the capability to completely detach myself from my emotions. The effort required to stop myself from breaking down and crying again was almost as exhausting as the previous day's physical activity. We stopped only briefly for lunch and were back at the Malibu Beach Inn by mid-afternoon. When we checked in again, we were informed that the rest of our group had hired a people carrier and left early that morning for a drive up the coast. They were not expected back until nightfall. I was actually quite relieved, as I did not feel up to facing them at that point.

I retreated to the sanctuary of my suite and, to my shame, began to cry uncontrollably. I sat on the floor beside my bed and wept as the pain of the previous night reared its ugly head again. Although Jon's words had cut me deeply, as did his rejection, I think it was compounded by the sheer joy and pleasure that I had felt only moments prior to things coming to such a bitter end. I had felt such a perfect connection with him that I could not believe he could turn his back on me in that way. As I thought about it, I realised that he was a man and was probably only acting on instinct. He had been in an intimate situation with someone his senses perceived to be a pretty and impassioned woman and he had done what most males would do: act first, think later. This was almost harder to bear as I concluded that he had merely enjoyed a bit of physical gratification whereas I had seen it as the emotional culmination of what I now admitted had been growing within me for several months. As the tears began to subside and the scorching emotional fire raging within me dulled to a smouldering ember, I crawled up onto my bed and lay there feeling empty and drained.
 

*          *          *
 
When I woke again, the room was in darkness and a glance at my bedside clock informed me that I had been asleep for over five hours. I sat up and felt a strange calmness within me. The pain had not departed, but I knew it would eventually fade. Not that day, or the next, but in time it would decrease. Like gold that has been refined in the searing heat of a cauldron, my intense emotions had left me with clarity of thought and perception that found me grabbing for a pen and paper. When I write songs, it is rare that the full lyrics come before any hint of the music or melody. With a strange feeling approaching detachment, I wrote line after line. After an occasional scribble and correction here and there, I was left with what I knew was a powerful lyric. I read through the words on the page in front of me and heard the melody in my mind. I had to get to a piano and let this song out. It was as if I had to bleed myself of a poison, as if letting this out would allow the healing process to begin. From past experience, I knew that this was probably true to a degree.

I washed my face and brushed my hair again before heading down to the reception desk. Apparently there was a piano in the back of the main restaurant. Although the duty manager, Kyle, seemed initially reluctant to let me use it, I think something of the desperation in my manner got through to him. Perhaps the smiling and eyelid fluttering that I shamelessly engaged in also had something to do with it. As the restaurant was now closing, Kyle reasoned that, although it was highly irregular, an exception could be made in my case.

I sat down at the piano and set my scribbled notes on the music stand. The restaurant was empty of diners and a few tired looking staff were finishing the settings for breakfast. I tentatively played a few chords and hummed to myself. I tweaked and twiddled until I was satisfied with what I was hearing. I nearly jumped when one of the staff tapped me on the shoulder.

"Sorry ma'am, it's just that we're all done here. Can you let the front desk know when you are finished and they can close up?"

I smiled and thanked her. The restaurant was in semi-darkness and, being left alone, I now sang and played the song for the first time. I played and sang it through several more times after that. At one point, I thought I heard someone in the room so I stopped and looked around. There was no one there, but I saw the door vibrate a little as if it had just swung closed. I shrugged and went back to my playing. I am not sure what shocked me more: the raw emotion that I felt while singing it or the realisation that this was possibly the best song that I had ever written, in my opinion at least. I continued to experiment with some of the chord structures and I worked on the piano solo.
 
 
When I felt another tap on my shoulder, I did actually jump. I had been so caught up with the music that I had been oblivious to the rest of the world. I turned and then, on seeing who it was, grinned.

"Hi, Jools, you scared me. How long have you been there?"

"Hi, Cara," she said with a smile. "I've just arrived. What on earth are you doing here? Reception told me you were in here."

I shrugged. "I'm writing a song."

She shook her head. "No, I meant what are you doing back at the hotel? We weren't expecting you and Jon back until tomorrow."

I nodded and grimaced. I did not quite know what to say so I went for the simple explanation. "I sprained my ankle yesterday when we were walking. I can barely walk on it, so we decided to come back today." I extended my leg so she could witness the physical evidence.

She noted my swollen bruised ankle, but did not look totally convinced. She did not push it any further at that point. Changing the subject, she said brightly, "Can I hear it?"

"Mmm?"

"Your new song?"

"Ah, right." I hesitated and then said, "Maybe tomorrow? I'm shattered and could do with getting to bed."

"Oh go on," she urged. "Let me hear it."

I smiled uncertainly and said in a low voice, "OK, you asked for it."

I began to play…
 
 

"Chasing the sun as it sets on the horizon,  Turning away from what I rest my eyes on  Running so fast as I feel the wind behind me  Don't get too close as I will not take it kindly,      At first I couldn't see  What was happening to me  Surrounded myself with lies  But now I realise...      That I've forgotten how to love  Forgotten how to feel  No laugh, no cry,  Don't know how or why  I shrug, I sigh  Just cold and dry  As if it's no big deal,  That I, I've forgotten how to love.      Living my life was such a fulltime business  Became my excuse for my own hard-heartedness  Although you're there, it's as if you are invisible  Your tender words to me, incomprehensible      And now I understand  That while my life seemed grand  Force the smile, standing tall,  But underneath it all...      See I've forgotten how to love  Forgotten how to hope  No laugh, no cry,  Don't know how or why  I shrug, I sigh  Just cold and dry  All I do is try and cope,  Cos I, I've forgotten how to love."

 
 
My fingers roamed over the ivories as I picked out the discordant notes of the piano solo. I closed my eyes and gave my hands free reign in their atonal search for fulfilment.
 
 

"But suddenly it's as if my outer façade cracks  I can't run, I can't deny, I have to face the facts  Life without the heart is not the life that I desire  Can you fan the smoke and restart my inner fire?      Having pushed you away,  I'm asking you to stay  Hear my desperate pleas  I'm begging on my knees...      Oh teach me how to love  Unleash your wondrous charms  Want to laugh and cry,  To soar and fly  Up onto Cloud Nine  And know you're mine  Hold me in your arms,  For I, I'm remembering how to love."

 
 
As the echoes of the final chord faded, I sat for a moment before taking a deep breath and turning to face Jools. I do not quite know how to describe her expression. It was something between astonishment and wonder.

"Well?" I asked tentatively. "What do you think?"

She looked at me almost blankly for a moment before shaking her head. "What do I think?" She half-laughed. "It's bloody amazing!" She paused again, "I don't know whether to laugh or cry."

I permitted myself a little smile. "I know the feeling. So you like it then?"

She nodded vigorously, "Too right I do. However, we now have a few problems."

I raised an eyebrow. "Problems?"

She grinned and counted off on her fingers. "Number one: we have to make sure that Sony haven't begun the production run of your album yet as you have to get into the studio and record that. It has to go onto the album. Number two…" she hesitated and said in a more gentle tone, "You need to tell me what the hell happened."

I shrugged and pretended ignorance. "Happened? What do you mean?"

She sat down beside me on the wide piano stool and put an arm around my shoulders. "Come on, this is me. I know you better than anyone. You don't write songs in the abstract. They come from within you. For a song like this to suddenly appear, something pretty drastic must have happened."

I stared at the keys on the piano for what seemed like a long time before trying to reply, "Jools, I don't know if I can talk about it."

She just sat there in silence and squeezed my shoulder. She knew me very well and I'm sure she had a fair idea that if she didn't push me, I would start talking. She was right. I told her about the trip. I'm sure my eyes were shining brightly as I recounted the details of the hike.

"You did what?" she exclaimed when I told her about taking my bra off.

I laughed and confirmed my boldness before going on with the tale. Her eyes nearly popped out of her head when I told her about Jon looking down the front of my blouse. She was hanging on my every word as I filled her in on the events in the bedroom up to the point where Jon brushed my hair back from my face.

"What happened next?" she asked breathlessly.

With a wistful smile, I softly replied, "He kissed me. I mean, really kissed me..."

"He did?" she exclaimed again. She sensed my reticence. "Did you not… enjoy it?"

I looked at her and spoke from the heart. "I loved it, Jools, I really did. I've never felt anything like it. Sorry, I know we… you and I… well…"

She waved a hand impatiently, "Oh forget about that. That was years ago. So what's wrong? What happened?"

I closed my eyes as I told her about the fateful exchange that had followed. She squeezed my shoulder tightly as I hesitantly continued. I screwed my eyes shut, but still some tears managed to escape.

"He called you a freak?" she asked incredulously.

I shrugged. "Well, sort of."

"Bastard!" she spat as she jumped to her feet and stormed towards the door.

I turned round and urgently called after her, "Where are you going?"

She whirled around with anger burning in her eyes. "I'm going to tear that git a new asshole. I'll be back soon."

"Jools, no!" I called, but she continued to head for the door.

"JOOLS! PLEASE DON'T!" I shouted, the anguish evident in my voice.

She stopped and slowly turned. She shook her head and slowly walked back towards me. "Cara, he can't be allowed to just forget this."

I shook my head and wiped my eyes. "Jools, that is exactly what has to happen."

She sat down beside me again. "What are you talking about?"

I told her about the conversation that I'd had with Jon over the breakfast table that morning. I could see that she was still seething and I tried to make her see things from my perspective.

"Jools, I had to make it seem like it was just a misunderstanding. We have to be able to look each other in the eye; we have to work together. I just made like it was something that got blown out of all proportion…"

"Bullshit!" she said with feeling.

"I beg your pardon?"

"You're in love with him, aren't you?"

I swallowed and closed my eyes again. "Jools, please…"

"Well? Aren't you?"

It was like pulling the scab from a recently healed wound, but I opened my eyes, looked at her and, with the pain evident in my voice, softly said, "Yes, I am."

She bristled again. "Well, you can't just leave it like this."

"What else can I do?"

"I don't know." She stood again and paced up and down. "We have to do something."

I shook my head and in a tired voice said, "Jools, there are things that even you can't fix."

She frowned. "You have to tell him how you feel."

I shook my head again. "No way."

"But perhaps he feels the same way; maybe he just made a mistake…"

"Jools, no," I interrupted. "He doesn't feel the same way. He got carried away. You should have seen the look on his face when he realised what he was doing." I looked away and swallowed again. "It was almost like disgust."

"Bastard!" she exclaimed with frustration. "I swear I feel like killing him."

"You won't say anything, will you?" I asked with concern.

She bit her lip and thought for a moment.

When she didn't answer, I pushed her. "I mean it, Jools. Under no circumstances are you to breathe a word of this conversation to anyone. Promise me?"

She blinked hard a few times and then nodded. She scowled and then said, "Yes, OK."

"You promise?"

"Damn it! I said, 'Yes'." She winced and sighed. "Cara, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you." She walked over and hugged me. "What are we going to do?"

I forced a smile. "We're going to go to my suite, raid the mini-bar and get horribly drunk."

She looked shocked. "But you barely drink?"

I shrugged. "I think the occasion calls for it."
 

*          *          *
 
The evil maniac was drilling into my head and laughing with a frenzied cackle. I couldn't understand why he was torturing me so. His evil twin was hammering the other side of my skull and laughing equally as maniacally. I begged for them to stop yet still the hammering and drilling continued.

Eventually I realised that the sound was not coming from the hammer or drill, but rather was from the forceful knocking on my door. I rolled over and rubbed my eyes. I sat up and got to my feet. A wave of nausea threatened to overwhelm me and I stood still for a moment to let it pass. I staggered to the door and opened it a fraction.

"Are you OK?" asked a concerned-looking Laura.

I let the door swing open and, without answering, turned and staggered back across the room. I flopped down on the bed and groaned. Laura followed me in and closed the door behind her.

"We were all wondering where you and Jools were. It's lunchtime and no one had seen either of you today. I've just been to Jools' room and figured you might be in a similar sorry state."

I just lay there face down on the bed and felt like dying. I couldn't muster enough energy to even reply.

"Rough night, eh?" Laura said sympathetically. "Come on, let's get you up. You'll feel better after a shower and something to eat."

I murmured something unintelligible into the pillow.

"What did you say?" Laura asked.

I rolled over a little. "I said, 'Sod off'."

She looked shocked. "Come on, Cara. I'm just trying to help."

I sighed and slowly sat up. I covered my eyes as she had opened the curtains. "I'm sorry. I just feel like crap and the thought of eating makes me want to spew… again."

My eyes tracked towards the bathroom and she followed my gaze. She looked at me questioningly. I gave a mirthless laugh. "Believe me, you don't even want to think about going in there." I sighed, "Just let me sleep."

She shook her head and gently said. "Come on, you need to drink something at least."

I raised an eyebrow, "That's what got me into this problem and I think you'll find that we were so thorough that there's nothing left in the mini-bar."

Laura went to check and then laughed. "I think you missed something."

I looked up with irritation and she held up a bottle of mineral water. I shrugged. "Big deal."

She took a cup and put some ice in it before filling it with the water. She sat down beside me. "Drink this, please. It will make you feel better… eventually. You're probably dehydrated."

I sighed and took the cup and slowly drank it. My stomach recoiled from the invasion of the space which it had declared as a no go area. I swallowed hard as I felt the bile rising, but I had to run to the bathroom as the inevitable ensued yet again. When I exited and again collapsed on the bed, Laura's eyes narrowed.

"What on earth were you and Jools doing last night?"

I shrugged and didn't answer.

"What happened, Cara?" I remained silent and she continued hesitantly, "Was it something between you and Jon?"

I frowned and looked at her. "I don't want to talk about it."

"What could have happened that would lead you to…"

"I said that I didn't want to talk about it," I said bitterly.

"OK, OK," she said raising her hands defensively. "Maybe, you'd better rest."

"That's what I've been trying to say all along," I said with the irony in my voice thinly veiled.

"I'll check on you later, OK?" she said as she headed for the door.

I waved a hand vaguely at her as I lay down again. "Whatever."
 

*          *          *
 
I slept fitfully for most of the afternoon and eventually felt capable of rising from my bed around five. I had let the maid in earlier and had apologised for the state of the bathroom. Thankfully though, she had cleaned it up and it smelt fresh. Without looking in the mirror, I headed straight for the shower and I have no idea how long I stood there under the steaming jets. I let the water drill into my body, but it was a long time before I felt clean.

After drying and brushing my hair, I plucked up the courage to look in the mirror. I dread to think what I would have looked like before the shower, as the reflection that scowled back at me was none too pleasing. I was pale and my eyes were bloodshot with lovely black bags under them. Although I could not have felt less like it, I took the time to put on some make up to cover the damage. The end result, whilst not fantastic, was satisfactory. I put on a black blouse and white cotton trousers before exiting my room.

I headed for Jools' room as she was about the only person I could think of facing just then. I knocked on the door and was rewarded with a muffled, "Go away."

"It's me, Cara," I said loudly.

After a moment in which I thought she was just going to ignore me, the door opened. After checking that it was me and that I was alone, I was permitted to enter. Jools was wearing a towelling bathrobe and looked like she had just got up.

She rubbed her eyes and regarded me. "You don't look so good."

I smiled sardonically as I looked back at her. "It feels like I'm looking into a mirror."

We stood and frowned at each other before the smiles took over. Jools fell back on her bed and groaned, "That's the last time I let you talk me into a bender like that."

"Talk you into it?" I exclaimed. "I don't remember having to twist your arm."

She sighed and looked up at the ceiling. "You had a rough day?"

I nodded. "I've had better. You?"

She rolled over and grimaced. "I've been as sick as a dog."

I winced as my stomach resonated with the sentiment. "Yeah, me too."

Jools laughed hollowly and said with irony, "Take it from me, Cara, no man is worth this. You hear me?"

I laughed softly. "I hear you."

I must not have sounded too convincing as she raised an eyebrow. "I mean it."

I changed the subject. "Are you going to wallow in your filth here all day?"

"There isn't much of the day left," she retorted. She yawned and rubbed her eyes again. "No, you're right. I need to get my act together. Will you wait while I clean up?"

She spent half an hour in the bathroom and I watched TV, but took little of it in. When she reappeared, there was a marked improvement. Like me though, she was far from looking her best.

"We need to eat," Jools said with a frown.

"I know," I said with an equal lack of enthusiasm.

"What time are the others eating at?"

I raised an eyebrow. "I don't know. I was sort of thinking that maybe the two of us could get some room service sent up."

Jools shook her head. "No, we need to show our faces. I'm sure they all have a fair idea of what happened to us. You need to face the world again too."

I knew that by 'the world' she meant Jon. She was right, again. Damn her! I sighed. "You're probably right."

Jools rang the restaurant to see what time the others had booked in for. It seemed that we had no time to spare.
 

*          *          *
 
I felt very self-conscious as we entered the restaurant and headed towards the others. A waiter appeared and added two more place settings to the table.

"Glad you could join us…oomph!" Brian said, before Laura's elbow reached his solar plexus.

Jools and I sat beside Rachel and Laura respectively. It seemed that all eyes were on us.

Jools sighed theatrically and said, "Alright, so we had a booze up and got merrily plastered. And yes, we spent most of the day paying for it. Big deal!"

Her bravado earned her a few laughs and managed to defuse the situation. A low buzz of conversation started around the table and we caught up with what the others had been doing. I heard about the coastal drive they had all taken the previous day. It sounded magnificent and I made a mental note to add it to the list of things I must do before I die. One of which at that moment was to place some food in my stomach and keep it there for the entire evening.

Actually, once I started eating and got over the initial phobia, I realised that I was very hungry. When I thought about it, I had not eaten anything much since Jon and I had stopped for lunch the previous day. Even then, I had not had much of an appetite. At one point during the meal, I looked up and realised that Jon was looking at me. I immediately looked away and knew that it was very obvious that I felt awkward, but what could I do?

We relaxed and chatted over coffees after dinner. Peter and Rachel had slunk away for a romantic rendezvous, no doubt. I could not help but feel an irrational envy as I watched them leave hand-in-hand. Kevin had placed himself at the bar and was, thus far unsuccessfully, trying to engage an attractive blonde in conversation. Jools had cornered Simon and was talking intently to him about something or other. Brian got up from where he was sitting beside Jon and lumbered over to us.

"Fancy some fresh air?" he said with a wink to Laura.

I felt an inner panic that she would get up and go with him. That would leave Jon and me sitting there by ourselves. I knew I had to deal with this situation, but I felt ill equipped for it at that moment.

Laura shook her head. "Not just now, Brian."

He frowned. "Huh? What's wrong?"

She sighed. "I'm talking to Cara, OK?"

He got the message, but probably did not understand why he was getting it. He went and sat down again beside Jon.

Laura turned to me and rolled her eyes. "Men!" she murmured.

"Thanks," I replied softly.

She shrugged. "No problem. I know something has happened and I know you don't want to talk about it, but I'm here for you anyway."

I squeezed her arm and smiled. "You're a good friend, Laura. I'm sorry for being rude earlier."

She smiled and hugged me. "Don't worry about it."

I chewed my lip. "Erm… do you know if Jon has said anything about… our trip?"

She shook her head. "Brian asked him about it. We both suspected that something had happened. He wouldn't say a word about it though."

I nodded and felt somewhat reassured. Before I could say anything else, Jools looked over and called to me, "Cara, come over here for a minute, would you?"

I walked over and took a seat beside her and Simon. "What's up?"

Jools grinned. "I'm just telling Simon that we need to add another song to the album."

From the look on Simon's face, it was clear that this was the first that he had heard of it. "What?" he spluttered. "You're kidding. It's going into production... well very soon… if not already."

Jools smiled and patiently said, "Well, stop it then. Cara has written a new song that has to be included."

He shook his head. "I can't. It's too late. Why don't you save it for the next album?"

Jools sighed. "Simon, trust me, this song is going to be Cara's first Number One. That's why you will want to include it."

That got his attention for a moment, but then his eyes narrowed. "No, you're trying to play me again, aren't you?"

She shook her head. "I'll put any amount of money on it reaching the top spot. You have to hear it."

He inclined his head and thought for a moment. "Alright then, let me hear it and I'll see what I think."

I realised where this was going. "Jools, I don't really feel up to…"

"Hush, hush," she said with a smile. "Now let's go and talk your friend Kyle into letting you use the piano again."

I eventually agreed, but said that she had to wait until the restaurant was empty of diners. I had no intention of delivering an impromptu live performance, and especially not if Jon was sitting there. It had been bad enough playing the song to Jools the previous night, but I felt extremely awkward with Simon sitting there. I knew that it would become easier to sing as the days went by, but my emotions were not the steadiest at that time.
 

*          *          *
 
I took a deep breath and tried to forget about anyone listening to the song as I began to play. By the time I got to the last chorus, I was so immersed in the emotion of the song that I really didn't care who was listening…
 
 

"Oh teach me how to love  Unleash your wondrous charms  Want to laugh and cry,  To soar and fly  Up onto Cloud Nine  And know you're mine  Hold me in your arms,  For I, I'm remembering how to love."

 
 
I released the keys and, with my eyes still closed, took a few deep breaths before turning to face my 'audience'. Jools turned to Simon and raised an enquiring eyebrow.

"Well?" she asked.

He blew out his cheeks. "My God, I see what you mean." He scratched his head and grimaced.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

He sighed. "Nothing really, I'm just thinking of the flak I'm going to take by stalling the album release and the headache of getting you squeezed back into the studio."

Jools grinned triumphantly. "Simon dear, there's no time to lose." She checked her watch. "It's eleven p.m. here which makes it seven a.m. in London. In two hours' time, you can ring through to London and start to get the ball rolling."

He winced, but gave a nod of resignation. "Why is it that you always get your own way?" he asked ruefully.

Jools laughed. "Now, don't be like that. You know it's for the best."

As Jools and I headed back up to our rooms, she stopped on the stairs and put her hand to her mouth.

"What is it?" I asked.

She grinned and her face reddened. "I forgot that tomorrow is Sunday."

"And?"

She laughed, "Poor Simon seems to have forgotten too and is going to sit up until one a.m. to try and phone the London office which will, of course, be closed."

She started to walk on and I put a hand on her arm. "Aren't you going to tell him?"

She shrugged. "What, and let him know I'm fallible? He'll work it out."

I grinned. "You're bad, very bad."
 

*          *          *
 
Sunday was the last day of our trip and we had to check out of the hotel by lunchtime before making the journey back to L.A. to catch our overnight flight back to London. I was feeling much better having had a good night's sleep and a proper breakfast. We had all agreed to have one last morning lazing around the pool. I did not feel up to wearing a bikini, though. Perhaps it was just the feeling of vulnerability that I had; I wasn't sure. I went for a simple sun top and shorts and headed to the poolside.

Kevin and Jon were the only ones there when I arrived. "Hi guys," I said feeling irrationally shy.

"Hi Cara," Kevin said in his ever-cheery manner.

"Hey, you," Jon said.

The sound of his voice almost made me shiver and I had to consciously stop myself from flinching. My mind was telling me to get a grip on myself and stop acting like a fragile flower.

I sat down beside him. "Hey, Jon. How are you?"

"I'm OK. What about you?"

"I'm alright."

The others began to arrive and settle down onto sun beds around us and a healthy chatter soon filled the air.

"You sure you're OK, after… the other day?" Jon asked quietly.

I knew he was talking about Yosemite, but I pretended otherwise. "Oh that? Oh Jools and I just had too much to drink. We were having a silly girlie night. I guess we just didn't know when to stop." I smiled. "I felt pretty awful the next day, but I'm back to normal now. Thanks for asking though."

He nodded and smiled. "Err… that's good."

It felt as awkward as it had been when Jon and I were first practising and working on the songs back in January, just after he had realised who I was. I had thought that we had come so far since then, but it seemed we were right back where we had started. At least we were managing to talk to each other civilly. I reckoned that that was about as much as I could expect.
 

*          *          *
 
Any time previously that I had flown overnight, I had hated it, as I could never sleep in the cramped confines of Economy Class. The overnight British Airways flight back to Heathrow did a lot to dispel this hatred. In First Class the seats went horizontal in as close an approximation to a bed as is probably possible in an airplane. My mind was whirling with all that had taken place over the previous fortnight, but exhaustion overtook me and I fell fast asleep.

I didn't wake until the stewardess gently shook my shoulder and informed me that, as we were beginning our descent, I would have to sit upright. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and slowly sat up.

"Morning, sleepyhead," Jools said cheerily. "You had some sleep. The pilot had quite a lot of difficulty concentrating on his flight path because of your snoring, but I managed to persuade him not to have you ejected from the forward hatch. He said that he would overlook it on this occasion only because you looked so pretty as you slept there."

I laughed and stuck my tongue out at her. I quickly retracted it with embarrassment as the stewardess reappeared at my side with some fresh orange juice for me. I thanked her and accepted it gratefully.

"It's been some trip, hasn't it?" remarked Jools.

"You can say that again," I mused.

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