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Jesus Calls Us O'er The Tumult
By
Rebecca Anna Coleman
A Daisy Isabella Potter Special
Chapter One of Three
I was christened James Alexander Bell one cold, frosty morning in February in the historical Episcopal Church of St. Katherine's. Thirteen years later I was confirmed in the same church. Now, I go by the name of Daisy Isabella Potter. Sometimes after turning thirteen I started to think God might have made a mistake that I should have been born a girl instead of a boy.
Instead of turning from God, and cursing him out for making such a mistake, I started to pray, I prayed for an answer. For countless hours, I begged him for some clarification. Kneeling in the darkness of the soul, I would cry out until my voice was strained, 'Credere volo, adivua incredulitatem meam' or 'I want to believe, help my unbelief'.
Even when I was expelled from school because I dared to stand up and face a bully that had been tormenting me since my Freshman year, I found myself crying out softly as I boarded the Delta Tramway Bus in downtown Vicksburg. 'Thine will be done on earth as it is in heaven'.
And when I started to transition from male to female, I begged Godnot to not or abound me, I begged again in the darkness of the soul for some sign, for some measure of clarification, once more I begged him, until my voice was strained 'Credere volo, adivua incredulitatem meam'.
And how did he respond, well a strange thought popped into my head. An idea came to me that I should be reconfirmed using my new name. After all, their had been times in my life when I felt that God had sent out his spirit to help me. And after all, it was Jesus, the son of God who had poured out his blood for me upon the cross. And it had been God who had formed my soul.
And that brings to me now standing in the church office of St. Mary Episcopal Church, dressed in a red and white pleated skirt, a white blouse with a peter pan collar, white stockings and black mary-janes. My shoulder length blonde hair reaching down barely to my breast. Classic school girl look right? Well, in case you need to guess, I am a school girl, I'm a junior at Benton Academy and the outfit I'm wearing is what all the female students wear.
“Miss. Potter.” A voice calls out. The voice belongs to a tired looking priest. His eyes seemed dull, his cheek bones seemed to droop a little, He was dressed in a black skirt with a white clerical collar, black pants, a black leather belt keeps the pants from falling down, black dress shoes and a black dress coat.
“What do I owe this pleasure?” He said as he gave a little smile.
“Father.” I said smiling.
“What is troubling you, my child?” He said as he walked up to me. His name is Fr. Brown, and he was called out of retirement to minister to every expanding flock that calls St. Mary home. For the last six months he has been rebuilding the church, guiding us through the daily tumult of our daily lives.
“Father, I would like to be reconfirmed!” I said before my voice flattered.
I expected him to say no. That once a person was confirmed there was nothing they could do. Instead he seemed to smile and slowly move toward me. He then moved toward a nearby bench. Slowly he eased his bottom down upon the bench and then he invited me to sit down beside him.
“Come sit. Daisy.” He said as he leaned back.
Slowly I walked toward the bench. Then I slowly eased my bottom down, folding my skirt under my bottom as I did so. Once I was seated he leaned back and closed his.
“I've been expecting this, your older sister Jamie.. was confirmed a new once she decided she was indeed transgender and wanted to live the rest of her natural life as a daughter of Eve.” Despite his advanced age his voice was strong and crystal clear.
“I had the pleasure of witnessing that act. I've had the pleasure of being present for many personal moments in the life of this tiny parish. From witnessing the bringing forth of new life. To witnessing faithful people taking their last breath and departing this life in faith and fear. It has been a honor. My answer is of course a resounding yes. I will grant you that request.” He added.
I blinked, I was expecting a fight. I was expecting a long drawn out exchange of words. I was mentally preparing myself to told 'No' instead he said 'Yes' and well that kind of took some wind out of my sails.
“But I must ask. Why?” He said as he slowly opened his eyes.
“Because I feel Jesus is calling to me, he has been calling to me over the tumult of transition. His soft voice calls me to follow him, to follow in his fellowship, to hold steadfast to the vows I'd taken when I was thirteen.” I paused.
“What has changed?” He said as he closed his eyes again.
“Well when I was thirteen I was a scared little boy, who was bullied and often had to fight daily for his life. I also wanted to be a priest, well I felt others wanted it for me. My grandmother wanted me to enter into the priesthood; she thought nothing else would suit me. My father wanted me to become a lawyer. My uncle said I was unsuited for anything but the priesthood and anything else would be a waste of money and talent.”
“That does not answer my question.” He said his eyes still closed.
“I'm now seventeen, I'm a girl, I have breasts, I no longer want to enter the priesthood, I want to become a nurse. I have a girlfriend, I'm not a scared little boy anymore, I'm a young woman who is going to make the world bend to her will.” I said feeling myself growing a little hot under the peter pan collar.
“Do you still love God? Do you still desire to go forth to make and 'Make disciples of all nations' are you still willing to 'follow in the teaching of apostles'? Let's for a moment forget you were ever a scared little school boy. Because I don't see that. I see a young woman struggling to find her way in the world.”
I paused.
“Yes.” I said, taking a deep breath.
“Give me two weeks to get a sermon written. Also you need to find a suitable dress. A white dress would be best. One with a veil. Because Miss. Daisy Isabella Potter. On that day you will be a bride, a bride to Christ and his church.”
I blushed.
“Also I have one more question.” He said, opening his eyes and this time he slowly lifted himself from the bench.
“Okay..”
“I need two of your favorite hymns.”
“Oh..” I paused. “I guess the first one would be 'What Wonders Love Is This' followed by 'Be Thou My Vision' those two are my all time favorites.”
“Okay, we shall sing those the Sunday you are confirmed.”
End Chapter One.
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Comments
Confirmation
I’ve always thought Catholics confirm too young, even though they are better about it now than they were when I was young. It should be an adult decision, literally confirming the promises Godparents made on your behalf before you attained the age of reason. But I think the Church sees it as a way to lock young people into the flock instead.
Interestingly, as far as I know a mere priest can perform a Catholic confirmation at the Easter Vigil, when adults are received into the Church. Generally the sacrament is performed by a Bishop. When I was growing up (in a whopping big diocese), it was the only time we saw “da Bishop.” I’m surprised the Episcopalians are more relaxed about that!
Anyhow— I’m glad Daisy’s found an understanding clergyman. For someone who actually cares about Churchy things, as I do, being cast out is hard to bear.
— Emma
I was a bit of a odd ball.
I was christened into the Methodist Church at the age of three months, and waws raised in the Methodist tradition till age five. It was then my grandmother took over and I was raised in way of the Southern Baptist. By the age of twelve I was considered old enough to decided for myself and I stopped going. Save for youth groups, lock-ins and church trips. By age fourteen I'd joined a local youth group called "The WayCafe" that was around the time I started exploring my own sexuality. The group was well laxed. And soon became what I can best say a Christian cult.
Anyway I was confirmed at age twenty three into the Episcopal Church, went their for five or so years and then left for the Roman Catholic church right before Covid hit. Well now since I'm out of the closet, I returned to the Episcopal Church and now sometimes serve. Though true to anime form I often knock stuff around getting wrapped up in story ideas while father is giving his sermon! Thank you for the lovely comment!
Confirmation
I was raised in the Episcopal church from birth til I left for the Navy. I honestly can't remember what age I was when I was confirmed being autistic I am kinda oblivious to the passage of time and having been abused there isn't much I care to remember.
EllieJo Jayne
I Took The Other Path
I can understand Daisy wanting to be true to the promises she made years before. I am happy for her in that she found a priest (vicar?) who was sympathetic to her request. Another may have refused her entreaty.
I was raised Anglican but refused confirmation and decided that organized religion was not for me at the age of ten. However, I still try to live by the better precepts of Christianity.
Do unto others as you would be done by.
The South and the Anglican Church.
The Anglican Church or The Episcopal Church has always seen as more of a social club. As a student of American History, I know the region known as Southern United States was settled by planters from up North and from the Eastern Seaboard. These planters often from old English Stock, were often Anglican. Among those families that settled the state of Mississippi when the state was the frontier were two families. A family of merchants and tradesmen named Potter and a family of Lawyers turned planters the Bell. Both were Anglican, and both would intermarry into each other from time to time. From these two families two transgender girls would spring. Daisy and Jamie.
Daisy is not so much wanting to join the church out of a promise she made, yes that is part of it. But she is being forced too out of tradition. In her mind to a proper Southern Belle she must belong to the Anglican Church. Part of it is spiritual the other part is social. Only by being confirmed would she accepted by the other leading families in town. Only by being confirmed would she allowed to enter proper social society in Benton and further abroad when she goes off to nursing school. Thank you for the lovely comment!