Chronicles of Ashley Elizabeth Fisherman
Northern Flags in Southwinds Flutter
-6-
Welcome to the ER

I have never ridden in the back of an ambulance before. But I guess that was something I could finally cross off my bucket list. I mean I'd already checked off 'Coming out of the Egg' today by spouting to a bunch of random people I was transgender. And the worst that happened was that they gave me a total blank stare. Like I'd spouted a second hand and I started saying the Lord's Prayer backwards in Latin. 

On the same note I figured I could check off 'Getting bitten by a rattlesnake' from my bucket list too. Though it was never on the list to begin with it. Aso I figured I could block out 'Kiss a Boy' because I kind of took some poor fellow to the moon and back. I wondered if by me reaching up, taking hold of his collar and forcing my tongue down his throat that I'd somehow given him an erection. I mean the idea that I could give boys erections was kind of cool. It was like my very own superpower.

The woman sitting beside me noticed me smiling. 

“So,: She said looking up from her paperwork. I guess that was another part of the job. “You said you were transgender. And I'm going to assume your male to female. And that you want your pronouns to be 'She' and 'Her' instead of 'He' and 'Him'. Am I correct?”

“Yes ma'am?” I said, nodding my head.

“Okay And your name is..” The woman reached into the breast pocket of her shirt and pulled out a fountain pen. “Just for our official records.”

“Ashley Elizabeth Fisherman.” I said proudly. And as an afterthought I added. “I want to have that name put on my headstone or else I'm going to come back as a powerful spirit and summon a hurricane to hammer this town and level it to the ground.”

The woman arched her eyebrow and wrote something down upon her bundle of papers. And then calmly she set the pen down and fixed me with a level gaze. 

“I'll make a note of that. But I don't think you're going to die. If you were going to die, you'd have never made it off that field. And instead of going to Blue Bayou General Hospital, we'll taking you to the morgue.” She said without a hint of sarcasm.

“My dad would have buried me in Potters Field anyway.” I said smiling. 

“Okay.. so I gotta ask because I'm going to need this for my report. What made you decide that you were transgender? I mean do you have any legal paperwork? Any notes from any doctors? Are you even seeing a doctor?” The woman said as she leaned back.

“Well, when I was little I was given a copy of 'Pokemon Moon'. And before you really start the game, your given a chance to name your character and select their gender. And on a whim I decided to name my character Ashley, and since Ashley is a girls name I decided to play as a girl.” I said taking a deep breath/

The woman wrote something down on her notepad. 

“That was about the time I started to really get into anime and manga. And that led me to really get into fanfiction. Like I would spend hours and hours reading fanfiction.  And somehow I'd always end up reading stories about male pokemon trainers finding themselves crossdressing.” 
The woman nodded her head and wrote something down on her notepad.

“It's not like I was really into 'boy' anime anyway. Like all my friends would talk about the latest episodes  'One Piece' and 'Dragon Ball Z', you know animes that are all about action, you know those kind of animes were the main cast of characters are always some really bulked up, macho men who are always some really major badass. There always shouting, drinking way too much, and getting into some really brutal fights. Oh and the story lines can last forever.”

The woman wrote this down on her notepad.

“Well I was really into animes that focused on stuff like 'friendship' okay think of the classic 'Sailor Moon' I binged watched the reboot when it was on Netflix. That is a prime example, sure there are some fight scenes, but the Sailor Scouts have to set aside their differences and learn to work together. Plus the characters have more of a personality.” 

The woman nodded her head and wrote that down too I guessed.

“Okay.. so when did the whole 'transgender' thing come up. Cause so far, all I got is that you once decided to play as a girl in a Pokemon game. And you liked anime that was more aimed toward females than anime that was more aimed toward males.” The woman said.

“I guess.. when I was around twelve years old.. I bought a used copy of 'Animal Crossing' with some of my allowance. And well I decided to play as a girl, a girl once more called 'Ashley' and through this 'Ashley' I started to really explore myself. Like this 'Ashley' like the 'Ashley' before became short of an in-game avatar for me to express my inner feeling.”

The woman raised an eyebrow.

“You know, you have a lot of mental clarity for somebody who's been through so much hell.” 

She then jotted down the notes.

“The calm before the storm..” I said smiling.”That or my mind refusing to come to terms that soon I'm going to scream my head off, while thrashing around like a freshly hooked catfish as the effects of the venom travel through my body and reach my heart. And after that I'll be floating high above the heavens, dressed in a pink tunic, with a flickering pink halo above my head.”

The woman nodded her head and jotted down on her notebook.

I could tell the woman wanted to say something else. But at that moment the ambulance came to a stop. I heard the driver door open and a few seconds later I heard the harsh crunch of combat boots on the pavement. The double door was then thrown open and the bright afternoon sunlight filtered into the dark confines like dozens of broken rays.

“Okay princess.” The driver said, smiling as he rolled me out. “We're here.”

I blushed at being called princess 

“Do you call the girls that ride in the back of your ambulance 'Princess' Mr. Ambulance driver?” I said in my best fake southern belle accent. Now my normal accent is blander than well vanilla ice cream. 

“Only the cute ones.” The driver said. He then unfolded the stretcher and then he pushed me across the parking lot and up the concrete ramp. And before I knew it  I was being pushed through the double doors of the local E.R. Once I was through those double doors I was pushed into the waiting room and back toward the back. The nurses wasted no time in checking me over. And I was soon given my first of many dosages of antivenom.

“I'm going to need an IV drip!” Called out one of the nurses. Mind you I was still strapped to the board and I still had the foam neck brace around my neck. So it was damn near impossible for me to see what was going on around me. 

“She has a fever!” Cried another nurse.

“Keep pumping the antivenom into her!” Cried another voice.

“Swelling seems to be coming down..” Another voice called out.

I screamed.

“She really dehydrated too!” Another nurse called out. 

“She has really bad diarrhea too!” Another called out.

“Get her up to the ICU Ward!” Another voice called out.

“Hold off on that order! Let's get her to a room first. Let the antivenom work on her for about a quarter of an hour then start pouring the sports drink to her.”

“I don't see any bite marks..” Another voice called out. “Looks like it was just a glancing blow. I don't think the snake got a good hit on her foot. She does need to be put on a twenty four hour watch.”

I screamed again as I felt myself being rolled over. I felt a sudden prick in my thigh followed by a sense that my ass was on fire. I wanted to curse the lot of them out.

“First injection of antibiotics completed. Going to follow up with something for the swelling.”

“I'm not a pin cushion!” I yelled finally.

Too late another injection. Followed by an IV getting stuck in my arms, followed by me shitting myself again.. totally ruined the gown I was wearing. Totally solid the board I was laying on. Made me feel like a little child who had lost control of themselves and that nearly forced me to the edge of tears.

I don't know what happened after that. Because the only thing I felt was another injection going into my bottom and the world started to swirl around me.

The fucking pink ponie returned again, only this time they were wearing chainmail and weilding claymores. 

And oh don't forget about the dragons, yes you heard me right dragons, neon glowing dragons that breathed pastel colored fire and sha out golden eggs. The ponies were going to war with these dragons and were using their massive claymore swords to slice them in half. Fountains of cotton-candy colored blood spurted out of wounds and bathed the whole area in shimming light.

And then unicorns, dark violet colored unicorns with metal tipped wings swooped in and slaughtered the lot. It was really, really horrible, but also funny. And then thankfully I passed out right as I felt one of the nurses japping me with another needle. 

I mean I was happy to pass out because at that very moment 'Dancing Jack' the redneck cousin of 'Pennywise the Dancing Clown' had entered into my exam room and was holding a fishing rod with a neon glowing gator at the end and was peering into my eyes. I mean he was so close I could count the number of pimples on his face and smell the moonshine on his breath. 

I mean shit was getting real, like really real. Like at this point I think it God had decided to go ahead an call me home, I would have welcome it, of course I would have cursed the old man out for putting me through so much hell in the last hour or so I was down here on earth.. but instead I got to go into a peaceful sleep..