My Mom had made good time in getting to the city and New York Presbyterian Medical Center which is a short distance from the Washington Bridge. I was registered by 1:30 and in surgery by 2:00 pm. Dr. Christy visited with me shortly asking if I believed in angels and healing.

With that I went to sleep and was visited by an angel, “You are being blessed by God.” We talked quite a bit, as I asked if Dr. Christy knew her. “Every doctor and nurse can be part of God’s healing touch. But not all believe as she does. I encourage you not to confuse your faith with religion. The people you help, need for you to know the difference.”

I saw my male parts lifted off and discarded, but the bloody part did not last long. She did not use a scalpel much but seemed to use her hand, like one working with clay. “Is Dr. Christy and angel too,” I asked the angel? She replied, “That is a matter of faith, what do you believe?”

I could hear Doctor Christy comment that I was beautiful as she placed a sheet to cover the bandage and tube between my legs. She told Maria to follow me through post op and to get me back to a regular room as quickly as possible… I faded in and out, remembering next seeing Maria’s smiling face as I was in a bed moving down a hall. I felt her warm hand and her saying she would get my Mom and Susan.

Dr. Christy explained to Mom and Susan, “The medicine and hormones Patti has taken had found her female organs responsive to their stimulation and they seem to be growing on their own. It is way too early to tell if they will develop as functioning organs capable of reproduction, but Patricia should be respectful of her new body.”

She explains to my mother, “Her adjustment to being a girl will be quite a bit for her regardless. Should those organs function normally like she's a healthy young woman, it will be an even greater challenge.”

Susan giggled and spoke up, “She has already been doing quite well in acting like a girl, I don’t think it will be a big problem with her.”

Dr. Christy addresses Susan, “Susan you are an intelligent young woman and it will be important as an older sister that you understand. Her acting as a girl has probably been more of a challenge than Willy was willing to let on. Being a girl 24/7 the rest of her life will be more challenging than it was for you going from being a girl to a woman. Don’t be surprised if sometime she comes to you crying with nothing for you to fix or do other than be her sister.”

“Marie, as her mother, it won’t be easy for you either. You will see a young woman in Patti, but there will be little girls who know more about being a girl and are better adjusted to being so.”

Dr. Christy had left before I woke up, but I was delighted Mom and Susan were there. They had fun as I would wake up a little and began to talk then fall back asleep. They would assure me that things went well, “you’re a beautiful girl.” It was like I had just been born.

About the third time, Mom asks how I feel and she's amazed the pain is minimal. “Mom an angel said something special happened and I am a real girl!”

“What did he say Smarty,” Susan snidely asked?

“Well if an angel needs to be male or female, this one was a woman, Old Sister." I said, “She told me, she was an angel and God was blessing me for something special. She said all doctors and nurses can be part of God’s healing, but not all believe and are intentionally doing God’s work.”

“I think Dr. Christ is either an Angel too or a strong believer,” I added. “What do you think Mom?”

“Well, Dr. Christy did share the results are better than expected and that your female organs have already begun to develop. But she is not sure if they will function or not as a regular woman.”

“I know I am no one special but I think they will. You know I am a bit scared about being a girl, but this comforts me some. It is like God is saying it should happen.”

“Patti, you have not been the most churchy of my two children, are you trying to tell me it matters to you what God thinks of you?”

“Yes Mom, I was worried before the angel talked to me if God would love me; I was worried when you got back to church you would have second thoughts about me.”

Mom hugged me and I saw tears coming to her eyes as she did. “Yes, I wrestled with what God thought and what was the best thing for me as your mom to do. You know I take my faith and love for God seriously. I don’t think God’s love for you is just a warm feeling and the wishful thought of a mom. There is a Bible passage where God’s people were being told to unite in their love for Christ and not their own differences.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

Dr. Christy was back in and she removed my bandages and the beauty of a life was made visible. “I surgically removed your manhood, but the angel made your flesh like clay to be formed. Behold the beauty of your vagina that has been molded anew. But the organs inside are not clay, their making was already inside of you. Made by the leader of angels and author of your life, you are blessed with a future yet to be known. Stay tonight, you not only appear beautiful, but you will also be discovering the passions and feeling of being a woman, enjoy your new life.”

I got to eat a liquid dinner, as well as to stand and take a few steps. Susan untied my top to give me a washcloth bath. We were surprised to see my breast were now that of a young teen female my age. She touched a nipple to see if they were real, from the bumps that rose around my areolas to the feeling that came to life deeper inside. We were impressed.

Susan smiles, gave me a kiss and welcomed me as her sister. Mom and Susan both went home for the night and to have things ready for going on vacation the next day. It wouldn’t be until after vacation that we would move to our new home and April would be my horse. Now I could ride April at a full gallop and not worry about hurting my nuts.

Most nurses were surprised I felt like a walk, but being on the OB/GYN floor I was interested in walking to the nursery and seeing the newborn babies. There were 8 babies there and one nurse called me in, asking if I would be willing to bottle feed one of the babies.

I was excited to have the opportunity; the nurse handed me a baby boy and a four-ounce bottle. He was a hungry little guy and quickly was through half the bottle. I lifted him to my shoulder but paid the price for burping him without protection. It was not a mess but he did spit up enough for me to feel it through my top.

With him cleaned up, I gave him the rest of the bottle and he did well. Though I felt him mess up his diaper. Without asking I grabbed a diaper under his bassinette and began to change him. Not being an experienced babysitter, I was not ready as his diaper came off and he sprayed me. The nurses thanked me as well as laughed at my experience.

One of the nurses taught me the finer points of making sure he was clean and getting the diaper and then his sleeper on correctly. One nurse with a familiar voice said, “You’ll make a fine mother.” I looked at her again when I remembered it as the voice of the angel, but she was not there.

I walked past one room and heard a request of a patient asking if someone could sit with her. The nurse came out of the room saying it would be at least an hour before it would be possible. I asked if I could sit with her and the nurse instructed me what to watch for and what to do if a need arose.

The young woman was five months pregnant and having trouble as she was spotting. I asked about her baby and while the baby was unexpected it was very much wanted. The baby kicked and Shari placed my hand to feel the kick. As I felt the kick I let up a prayer and my hand and Shari felt warmth move through to the baby.

Nurses were in to check her every 3-5 minutes and within a half hour, they felt her crisis has passed. It had been thought that Shari could not get pregnant. She was tired of hearing, “She was lucky to be this far and should not get her hope up too far.”

I heard the voice say, “You have a mother’s heart and I hope that your joy sees a healthy girl born full term.” Shari told me she too had the feeling it would be a girl and now the glimmer of hope continued. She had fallen asleep by the time that the private-duty nurse arrived.

I too was happy and felt it a treat to be involved in this area of a woman's life. I was to allow my body time to heal and make the changes. With my hand just on the inside of my legs, I could feel a response that was much different. Even a light touch of my breasts caused a warm sensation, bumps formed around the aureoles and my nipples to swell a bit and become hard.

We were across the George Washington Bridge and traveling I-95, when I asked my Mom, “Mommy, when I see a girl’s nipples through her clothes does that always mean she is aroused by something?”

“That’s a good question and the kind of question I like you to ask when we have some privacy as now. No, there are a number of reasons: it could just mean that the fabric is sheer or thin enough that their form shows through; some women have nipples that just naturally have enough form and substance to them that they tend to show more. Clothing like a wet tee shirt, a swimsuit without extra fabric or padding and some clothes without a bra being worn might be some other reasons. There are other reasons that it might happen.”

“I saw a nurse who often had extended nipples why would that be?”

On an OB floor, it could be that she was recently handling a baby; some babies are quick in learning to reach for a breast and it doesn’t have to belong to their mommy. It could have meant that she was finding you or someone attractive.”

“But I am not any longer a boy.”

Mom says, “Well you may not have stopped being attracted to some women?”

Well, that is just because there hasn’t been very much time since I was a boy and it is just out of habit.”

Mom asks, “How might you feel say in 3-5 months or a year from now; maybe you will still be attracted to Julie or Cami?”

“I am not a lesbian Mom.”

“Dr. Christy says there is a good possibility that you will have some lesbian tendencies at least for a while and maybe forever.”

I say, “That sounds like a bad thing, not a good possibility.”

“You mean your prejudice against those you know who are lesbian or gay? As much as I loved your father, there are things that I find attractive about other women. I feel bad that you could so easily judge people like that.”

I remember someone says, “Brenda at Camp is a lesbian and she is a friend.”

“So if you come to know them it is alright that they are lesbian or gay? What if one of my friends was gay and they stayed with us at the beach house?”

Susan chimed in, “Mom, I think you should take it out of the theoretical and help to bring it home of Patti!”

There was silence and then Mom pulled the car to the side of the road. All three of us got out and walked to a spot we could sit down. “Patti, Susan discovered early last spring that my friend Kris and I are more than good friends. As I told her I will tell you; your Father was one of the only men I ever had feelings for. I loved him as much as he loved me. But I always have had a stronger attraction to women and after your father died I tried hard to stay out of being in love.”

I'm surprised, “Mom, you’re telling me you are in love with Kris and that you are a lesbian. I am trans…”

“Yes, and more, we and others like us are neat beautiful people. Kris will be spending some time with us at the beach. She will either come up tomorrow or Tuesday. I am not asking you to become a radical feminist, but your life has changed; your thinking and speech should reflect that. I do not want Kris’s feelings hurt because of your insensitivity.”

“Wow, Mom my world is changing quite a bit.” We were shortly back on the road when I asked her “How old were you when you first realized you liked other girls?”

“I was nine and a half and I was to a birthday party. We were playing spin the bottle when a girl spun the bottle and it pointed at me. When I spun the bottle at it pointed at Jeff. I was surprised that I like the girl kissing me better. I was twelve when my body began to change and girls caused me to get more excited than the boys I was interested in. But it would be a long time before I accepted how I felt and thought.”

I asked, “So how come you got interested in international business?”

Mom says, “Because others told me a girl couldn’t do it. It wasn’t until graduate school and your Dad believed in me that I felt any encouragement from a man other than my Father.”

Susan asked, “What was special about Dad that excited you and caused you two to fall in love? Aunt Shelia once told me it was because Dad had three sisters.”

“I heard that too but I have never talked to her about what she meant. Your Dad and I kind of agreed with her; I think having sisters made him more sensitive, sometimes I swear he thought more like a female.”

“What do you mean by that” Susan asked? “I bet you had him love you as another woman.”

“We are not going to go there, young lady… He not only noticed small things and complimented me like women are more likely to do. He was willing to grow in our relationship, where most men are goal or conquest oriented.”

I say, “My biggest goals were to see pass a subject, pull something off without getting caught and being able to get my way out of trouble or into what I wanted.”

Susan said, “You ended up in Mr. Brokaw’s office quite a bit. And at Camp Rainbow, you met your Waterloo.”

“Vice Principal Brokaw wanted my hide, he even followed me to the High School to get it, but the one time he got me good. The first time it wasn’t me and the second time Dan got hurt and I stopped to help him.

”At Camp Rainbow, Lisa got hurt and I needed to help; and getting caught was probably the best thing that happened to me. I really thought I would get away at the platform. Sharon anticipated me trying to dive deep and go under the platform.”

We arrive at the shore community where we would be staying, and the address put us on the road next to the beach and the odd number meant it was on the beach side. It was not the first time we stay near the ocean for a week of vacation. But never this close, our bungalow was more spacious than many. It was clean and all the appliances including the AC worked well.

“Which room do you want Susan?”

“Let’s room together until Lisa and Julie come on Thursday; I want to get used to having a little sis. I really would like to have some time with you.”

It was interesting to open a suitcase and find the girl clothes packed for me. I said, “Susan must have your suitcase this one has short shorts, strapped tops and short wrap around skirts.”

“Guess again Squirt, wear them and learn to enjoy them. Your wardrobe will take on your taste in time but you need to try things to find out what you like and what looks good on you.” Susan came over and showed me how to hang some of my clothes and how to fold and keep other clothes. Learning to hand wash panties and other delicate things would also one of my lessons.

Both of us were surprised that Mom led the making of the Butterfly Sanctuary and realized that since our Dad’s death we were seeing new parts of her, i.e., her love of plants and nature. It was interesting while we were both surprised to learn Mom loved Kris in a romantic way neither of us was put-off by it. We like Kris and knew their friendship was good for the two of them.

Susan had started on this journey before camp and then I make a snafu and I end up at Camp Rainbow donning girls’ clothing as my discipline. Then more and more I take on the persona of becoming Patti. Both of us wondered how we would now be doing if we did not go through it step by step. I knew I was rattled taking it as it came. Doing so was probably the only way it became such an appositive experience for me.

The bungalow is a nice three bedroom house and not a cramped place as we anticipated. Mom surprised us with a quick change and perishables put away. She was in the room ready to go to the beach. Susan and I both let our jaws dropped as neither of us realized how good Mom was looking. She smiled as we took it in. We’ve had over two weeks with her but we were wrapped up in our world and hadn’t noticed.

We pull out our swimsuits and are changing as we ask about the weight she lost and the shape she's in. “I wore bulkier clothes on purpose, but I was surprised you did not catch on as I was more active.”

I was slipping on the bottom of my suit as it hit me “I am a girl and I am changing with my sister in front of my Mom… Mommy looks at me, "I’m a girl getting ready for the beach in front of you two.” Mom and Susan both are giggling at me.

“Mom did you do this to impress Kris,” Susan asked?

Mom smiled, “Patti was as important as anyone in keeping me on track. Yes, dating again and Kris has me thinking about how I look and wanting to take better care of myself.” Having our suits on and picking up towels we both give Mom a big hug.

“I bet someone asks if Mom is our Aunt?”

Susan asked, “And why would they do that?”

“Look at her someone is going to think she is too young to be our mom,” I said. We soon had a bet between us.

Mom asks, “Which of you is going to have the first guy visiting with her?”

I thought it was no contest, certainly, it would be Susan since she was the true girl and pretty at that. I have a top and shorts on as we place our blanket and beach bags down. I start to get down to my swimsuit.

Mom and Susan had stopped and are watching me as are a group of guys nearby. I hadn’t noticed as I was taking off my shorts a camera went off. “What was that for,” I asked?

“I will show you later.” Mom moved a little as I took off my top and shortly after I heard the camera click pictures again. This time I looked up and realized they hadn’t even begun to take their clothes off.

“What’s up,” I ask? Mom calls me over and shows me the pictures. Each time I look at a picture, I then raise my head to look at the guys that were in the background. “Mom, were you encouraging that?”

Susan laughs, “No you were; you were a little exhibitionist shaking your bottom as you took your shorts off.”

“I didn’t do that Susan, don’t tease me. Mom tells her not to tease me.”

I look at Mom as she did not immediately say anything. Susan looks at Mom, “Mom are you going to answer her?” We both look at Mom for her answer.

“Patti, you have a cute little bottom wiggle.” I started to turn red as I was embarrassed. Mom spoke up, “Would any of you guys mind helping her with some sunblock for her back?” I was embarrassed again, but it wasn’t over. “Patti, here” she tosses me a tube, “There are three volunteers, choose which one is to help you.”

I'm surprised when I looked and without much thought ask the guy in the middle if he would help me. I took some sunblock to do my front and hand him the tube. He introduces himself his name is Roger. I would guess he's a year or two older than me. I took to looking at Susan as I applied the lotion, and gather she too found him attractive.

Roger starts with my shoulders and it felt nice, both the attention and his hands on my shoulders. I lifted my hair and collect it into a ponytail as he spreads some lotion on my neck. He has a nice light touch using his fingertips. He's continuing down my back. It is distracting as I try to remember what I was doing.

“Would you mind lightly lifting my straps and putting some lotion under them,” I said? “If the straps should shift I wouldn't want to get a sunburn there.” He said yes and as I looked to Mom, I gathered that might not be a thing a girl regularly asked a guy to do. My experience was from Camp Rainbow and there we had another camper do it.

He continues below my top to the top of my bottom and I could sense him hoping I would ask him to a little more in case my suit would shift. I had missed the enjoyment of doing the tops of my breasts. I turn around and thank him, “Thanks Roger you're a dear and good help. I was rude forgetting to introduce myself. I am Patti, this is my sister Susan and this is Marie.”

Roger said hello and then asked me, “Is Marie a cousin or an aunt.”

I giggle and say to him, “I kind of set you up this is my mother.”

“I am sorry but you look too young to have two girls in high school,” Roger says apologetically.

I say, “It’s okay Roger as long as you do not ask her out. My sister owes me big time so I want to thank you for asking.”

“Would you mind if I went down to the water with you when you are ready or we walk down the beach if you rather?” Roger noticed a change of expression with each of us, “I’m sorry to be forward, but there are enough guys around I didn’t want to lose out for waiting. I guess I blew it.”

Roger turned to walk away when I spoke up. “You weren’t rude actually you have refreshing manners and openness. You’re one of the nicest guys to treat me like I would wish.”

“That is a nice compliment in light of the attention guys must give you,” he said. Susan was taking a drink of water and choked with the statement.

“She’s the one who usually gets all the attention; I think she found your words a little hard to swallow.” With that, I heard Mom break out with a laugh.

I say, “I would like some time with my family and sunbathing if you don’t mind. But a walk down the beach or on the boardwalk would be nice a bit later. Would you mind?” I was ready to lie down when Mom suggests I still need to put sunblock around the bottom of my suit.

Susan says she's going to go in the water first and Mom decides to go with her. “What happens if I fall to sleep with no one here?”

“Lie on your stomach and read a girl’s magazine and then roll onto your back when you should; we should be back in time that you should be okay,” Susan suggests. With that, they went to the ocean and more than a few guys decided to do the same.

I find an article on changing periods that I find interesting and news to me. I'm ready to roll over and I look and there is Roger. There were two other guys there, but Roger is lying alone and is not in their discussion. I ask if he was ready to walk the beach. He smiles and gets to his feet.

I ask, “Would it be okay if we jumped into the water before we start walking the beach.” He grabs my hand and he asks if I liked diving into waves. I smile and we begin to slowly run. We pause and point out to a wave we agree upon. Holding hands we trotted as the wave approached and without a cue or sound we drop hands and each made our dives into the wave.

I came to the surface experiencing new areas in which I am now collecting sand. Paddling my feet below me, I give the sand a chance to drop out of the bottom of my top. Roger swims over to me placing one hand on my hip. It had both firmness and tender feeling to it. I put one hand on his shoulder and wrap my fingers around the base of his neck. We swim in toward the beach until I can stand and we walk out together.

We walk toward a jetty of large boulders extended out into the ocean. It is a good walk and we climb and find a nice boulder to sit on. It allows us to watch boats coming in and going out of the inlet. On the eastern horizon, we see ships coming and going to and from international ports in New York and New Jersey.

We talk and I find out Roger was some 30 miles from where I lived and he has a nice balance of scholar, athlete, and musician. He's sixteen soon to turn seventeen and to get his driver’s license.

Roger is impressed that I'm getting my horse April as well as a new home. We figure the new house would be about 5 miles closer to where he lives near Netcong. My good feelings are changing as I realize he's looking more and more at my boobs as we talk. I suggest it is time to walk back, but he says he wants to sit a little longer. “Fine, but I am heading back now.”

Roger asked, “Did I say or do anything to offend you?”

“You have been talking to my boobs the last few minutes, and I have become uncomfortable with that.”

He apologizes and asks if he could walk me back to the blanket. When we get there he apologizes again, “I’m sorry and I will leave you alone, I won’t bother you again.”

“I accept your apology. I am not asking to be left alone but to be treated with respect. If that's all you are interested in, maybe you are right.”

“I will leave you alone for a while, but if you are open to it I have an idea for later. I could see if one of the guys would be happy to ask your sister to go with us up to the boardwalk. Do you like miniature golf or the arcade area?”

“That sounds like a nice idea, but Susan thinks for herself so the guy better is good looking and sharp.” I see Mom and Susan coming back to our blanket. I quickly get up, greet Mom and take Susan with being back to the water.

“Susan, a friend of Roger’s is going to ask you to go on the boardwalk with us, please say yes as I want to go, but I am scared to go alone. You know what to do and I need your help.”

Susan giggles, “I could go for that idea if the guy is right, but it doesn’t look like you need any help. I am sure we will have plenty of sister spats, but I want to say you are a very very pretty girl. I will usually like helping you if you want me.”

I gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek, “Patti, we are in public, cool it.”

“You mean you don’t want to be seen as my girlfriend.” She swatted me on my behind and a lifeguard blew a whistle and called us over.

“We don’t know if you are just trying to get the attention of some guys or two girlfriends, but no inappropriate behavior like ‘butt spanking’. Do we have an understanding or do we need to ask you off of the beach,” said the woman lifeguard. There was both a male and female lifeguard.

“Sorry, but this is my sister and she was trying to embarrass me in public,” Susan said.

“You were the one to swat her butt so what did she do that was more embarrassing,” Julie the lifeguard asked.

“She gave me a hug and a kiss in front of everyone; they’re going to think we are a couple.”

Julie responded, “My girlfriend and I aren’t usually that affectionate in public. I am sorry that you are offended if someone thought she might be your girlfriend. But then you find swatting her behind as less offensive, that is a bit more offensive to me.”

Susan apologizes and I knew she wanted to say ‘our Mom is a lesbian’ to not look so bad but she resisted. I thanked Julie and we ask to receive permission to get back to the water. We talked after we got into the water. Susan found the male lifeguard to be cute, but we both liked Julie and were wondering if she really was lesbian. I ask, “I wonder what Mom would say if we both dated and had girlfriends?”

Despite the water being a cool 69 degrees F, I was feeling warm and tingly about our talk and Julie in particular. I talk about it with Mom later and she reminds me I need to give myself time. “Realize as the doctor said it is going to take some time for you to adjust to really being a woman. It will be months or longer before you better discern what is Willy and how you are feeling and responding as Patti a young woman?”

Mom says, “It is not readily visible if Julie or I am lesbian. I am sorry if my revelation has caused you some confusion about yourselves or causes you to see your actions in a new light. Then again, I am not sorry, but glad for you.”

We look at each other to the realization our world is changing even more than we thought. It is a bit later and a sandy-blonde guy, Steve, came over and asks Susan if he could talk with her. Susan came back asking Mom if the four of us could go up to the boardwalk with the guys.

Mom says we need to help her to take things to be beach house and then we could have two hours with the guys. Steve suggests he and Roger could help if we didn’t mind. Mom says it isn’t needed and gave them our address and suggests they come by in 45-60 minutes.

When we got back to the house Susan said we could either quickly shower and change or put on our wraparounds and a light top. The first would be a bit more comfortable but would lose the beach look. We decide together to go with the wraparounds. It's not until I pull mine out that I realize how short the skirt is.

“Don’t worry Patti about how short it is; I am sure you will soon find it in your favor for the right times such as this.” It's a pretty powder yellow making it easy to tell when a brighter bottom is showing through. I find a cut-off T that left a good gap between the top and skirt.

Susan encourages me to wear my sandals with the 2  ½” heel saying “It gives your legs a better look, plus they're screaming girl.” Mom commented back as she looks in to check us out, “I don’t think Roger needs her shouting girl any louder. I am seriously considering getting a German shepherd to escort you girls and keep you safe.”

“Really Mom,” we said together. It is sometimes hard to tell when she is serious or joking.

I said, “That would be a good guy magnet as well as protection. It would be good to have her with me when riding April in the woods.” I could see if Mom was thinking of the idea. She went back to a newspaper looking for something.

Roger and Steve are soon there and we walk down to the boardwalk as a group. Steve asks Susan if it's okay to hold her hand and soon they are. I held out my hand and Roger son took hold of mine. Not only is he two years older, but he is also more of a guy then I had been. I could feel my hand is that of a girl and his that of a larger, stronger boy.

One time we play an arcade game and he wins a medium teddy bear that he gave to me. I give him a hug as well as a kiss on the cheek. As we hug I could smell what I never noticed before, the smell of boy. Some of it was from the ocean, sweat and whatever he used as a deodorant or aftershave, I am not sure but I like it. Part of me is still saying I shouldn't and I am upset with myself.

We have enough time so we started a round of miniature golf. Even such a simple game and I find I'm different it is easier to aim and focus. Roger hugs me or squeezes my hand each time I made par or beat it which is about every hole. Roger did very well on most holes but bogeyed or double bogeyed on two others. His ego is on the line until I just hug him and we drop out of the game.

“Roger it’s just our first time out and this is just a game. I would rather walk the beach or just sit.”

He says, “I don’t do well with being patient; I think it is a guy thing I doubt if you would understand.”

I smirked, then I remember something I heard Susan say, “Girls live in a guy’s world all the time, you will do well to learn.”

Roger is puzzled, “Are you suggesting I try to be a girl?”

“I'm suggesting,” I said, “for you to be patient, but being a girl would be a good start.” I pause and eyed him and said, “I dare say you could make a nice girl.”

Roger says, “Are you making fun of me?”

“Not unless you think being a girl would be a put-down. Maybe you shouldn't be walking me home as I am one of them.”

Roger realizes he's sinking in quicksand, “I am sorry, I have put my foot in my mouth and that is what I was afraid of.”

“Roger being afraid of someone's being tough when trying to be a friend. Being a friend will get you to first base and trying to hit a home run with a girl at the shore quickly will likely result in a quick out.”

“Would you happy if all I hit is single?”

“All I am comfortable with right now to be a friend, but for me with a guy like you is special enough.” Before he realizes it we're back to my house. Roger wants a big kiss but I cut him off. “Close your eyes and relax… Now feel my hips but don’t get too friendly.” I lightly kissed him on the lips. “Open your eyes, now how does it feel to be on first base.”

“I wanted to do more,” he said. “I didn’t know a single could feel that good.”

I said thanks and went into the house and Susan's home a little later. She too had a good time. Mom had gone shopping and fixes dinner while Susan and I shower and change. Susan says I would do well to just keep my hair simple except for something special.

Mom begins talking about school. The idea is I could go to another school where I would be new and people didn’t know me. “Whether I go to my old school or another school; people who know Susan will figure it out eventually. I don’t want to wait and be afraid of when people to figure out who I am. I know I’m different but I don’t want to act like I am ashamed.”

“So whether you go to Mountainside or with Susan you want to just be you.”

“Yes Mom, I think some kids will accept things, others won’t and most won’t even care.”

Susan agrees, “Trying to keep it a secret will make us look like we are ashamed and have more we are hiding. I agree with Patti that we just live with Patti is who she is. We need to accept that for ourselves.”
We talked some more and decided to wait on any decision until we were close to going home.

The three of us walk up to the boardwalk. The boardwalk at this beach comes to life at night and since it is warm and humid I wore a mini-skirt and a pink top, but my bra is getting tighter. “Mom, I am already getting fat and I didn’t eat much.”

Mom giggles, “Patti you’re not gaining weight, but you will experience that as a girl your body is in transition. Your breasts are growing and in time so will your hips while your waist and weight might actually get smaller.”

“Unfortunately it means you better learn to enjoy shopping because you are going to have to do it even if you don’t like it." Mom and Susan are both smiling as they know I'm adjusting well to that part of being a girl.

We enjoy a good night on the boardwalk. Susan and I giggle as our Mom turns as many eyes as we do. One married man even pushed himself upon our mom in front of his wife, saying he wished she was as beautiful. Mom slaps the man for his advance and addresses his wife, “I am sorry Miss as I find you are plenty beautiful” and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

The crowd laughs and when the husband tries to pull his wife away, she too slaps him and asks him to leave. The police are present and he left quietly. Mom calmed Ms. Parker down and sat with her as Marsha is both embarrassed by what her husband said to her and ashamed on how he behaved.

“Susan and Patti go have a good time and give us 20-30 minutes.” We walk aways down and we stop to listen to one of the boardwalk musicians; she's a lot better than the average. She's singing a blend of pop, retro rock, and contemporary Christian crossover music. I carefully sit down in my mini-skirt to listen and she smiles.

She has a Stevie Nicks sound that I like and she sang one of Nick’s songs with Fleetwood Mac. I check my purse and place three dollars into her guitar case. I wasn’t the first but it reminds others to give as well.

She soft peddles her faith, yet shares her name “Tea” was inspired by a man of one faith and background to help the education of girls from a different faith and nation. I knew the book “Three Cups of Tea”, my Mom had insisted Susan and I read it two years earlier. She, I and a small group of other talks when she takes a break to rest her voice and drink some fluids.

She shares her name was Tala which meant ‘stalking wolf’; I look at her features and can see she's at least partially Native American. I ask if she was born in New Jersey and did she know early settlers of the state had a poor history on how they treated the Native Americans.

Tala said, “Yes, I know our peoples' history, I am from the Munsee Delaware nation and I was born and grew up in Ohio. My great ancestors, however, lived here and fished the river and the great water.”

She needed to be singing again but she gave me her cell # and told me she was staying in the area. When I ask where she is staying she just responded here and there. Either she did not want to share or she was making do with whatever she found.

When she starts to sing again it is past time for Susan and me to get back to Mom. When we got back to her there 's a small group of people around them. Marsha had revealed she and her family had been abused, so officials were now present to help her and to get her children to a secure shelter.

Officials warned my mother that she too needed to be extra cautious for a day or two in case Marsha’s husband would retaliate against her. Mom smiles and says she's a Jersey girl and knew reality. The officers and Marsha thank Mom for staying with Marsha and calling for help.

After they left Susan and I told Mom about Tala and we went to hear her again. Tala was on her last break for the night, so my mother asks her about where she is staying and tells about the place we had. Tala said, “I am grateful for the offer but I do not want to be obligated. To be truthful, I am a bit suspicious of people who would open their doors so readily. It is contrary to what I hear.”

“The truth is, it is contrary to how we regularly act, but since both my daughters like you and consider you a good risk, so do I. I would just ask that you not leave before we are up and to be back to the house before 1 in the morning or have called. We will not be offended if you turn us down, but the offer is genuine and still there.”

She asked to be with us for a bit before she decided. She asks about what our dad and husband would say and mom explains. “Come tomorrow I will have a friend and stay with me,” my Mom said, “Thursday my friend will leave and three others will be with us.”

Tala decides to stay with us but to take it day by day. Tala is 20 and a student at Rutgers, but on her own during the summer. Susan went with her to her car and to show her where we live. We settle back in for the night but stay up to visit.

Tala enjoys a good shower and she is even more beautiful after she is cleaned up. Susan and I had changed into our night camisoles and shorts. Tala was in her bra, panties and jean shorts not fully fastened.

Susan has a message: “Lisa was coming tomorrow. And she wants to know if she is safe, not to be harmed by Patti.” We laugh and have to explain to Tala. Susan gave her the Reader’s Digest version. We could see the puzzled look grow on Tala’s face. She looks down at her shorts trying to decide if she needed to close them up.

Tala looks at me, “Patti, I need to know you as a human being. I don’t know how to say it, but what can we do together that could help me to relate to you.” I smiled but I felt uncomfortable inside.

“Tala, if it’s going to work it needs to be a two-way street. I could use your help in singing better, but I would like to learn songs from your nation as well.” Tala smiles saying, “I like that idea.”

Mom went to bed but the three of us stayed up. Tala shares she's a sociology and history major. She enjoys music and is interested in becoming professional, but only if she could make a good living and enjoy it.

Susan and Tala continue to talk, but I'm going to bed after I say goodnight to Mom. Mom is finished her shower and putting up her hair and ready to care for her skin. “I am sorry Mom, I will just excuse myself and see you in the morning.”

Mom smiles and says, “Sit and visit it is a special time for a mom and daughter. I have enjoyed plenty of times with Susan; I have actually been looking forward to times with my new daughter.”

I say, “I use to be jealous of Susan and angry that I didn’t have such times with Dad or you. …Can I change the subject and ask about tonight? …Were you attracted to Marsha or did you kiss her just to irritate her husband after he was so rude? I don’t mean to be rude but I didn’t…”

“Good question young lady, it was the latter and no I am not attracted to all women, actually not that many. I do like being around women more but not exclusively.” Mom changed into her nightgown and sat down on the bed with me.

“Mom, will I like Susan have characteristics like you as I continue to develop as your daughter?”

“What do you think? What characteristics do you hope to have or develop?”

“Susan and I are not the same, yet she is developing well like you and I wouldn’t mind that either.”

“Do you mean by that my breasts?”

“I am hoping I could have your whole figure, but yes, Susan’s breasts are better developed than many of the girls in her class. I didn’t notice that it is something Lisa said at camp. Actually, I am hoping that it is not too late for my legs to grow a little longer.”

“Mom, could you give me a manicure as you do for Susan sometime?”

“Thank you for bringing it up, sit down and we will do it now. I noticed your nails and a good manicure would be my pleasure. …Now as we do your nails, let me ask what you like about Tala? You have more than a passing interest, is it puppy love or are you really interested in her?”

“Mom, I like her singing and her faith; yes she is an attractive young woman, but I am shocked you would say what you did?”

“Patti, you took a shower, but I can tell you are aroused. I don’t mean to embarrass you, but Tala noticed it and I was not sure if you did.” Mom was correct I didn't realize it, but it was Willy who was excited about her.

“Mom, you’re right I didn't realize it; Patti wasn't excited, it was as Willy that I was attracted by her. It gets me back to the idea of school. Part of me is afraid that after people know the only close friends I’ll have will be lesbians and gay guys. I think I will be okay with them being my friends but I want boyfriends and girlfriends I can just talk too.”

Mom gave me a hug and said, “That is the kind of healthy talk and conversation I want to get into with you. …There is a whole range of things like personal hygiene and fashion. Many of those life lesson moments you had at camp are good starting points for a deeper conversation with me and your new girlfriends.” It was long, we hugged and I went to bed.

I didn't quickly fall asleep as my mind was racing, the idea of dating boys excites me, but there is this girl Darla that turns me on and she’s lesbian. As I thought of dating her I could feel the warm dampness return as well as my scent. With that, I calmly fell asleep anticipating the future.