Life and Love are far more complicated than we can possibly understand. For one young cop, a journey of self-discovery will teach them that true strength was inside them all along.

The next morning, Harry drank his coffee as he waited for Anderson to bring their car around. It felt decidedly odd to be male again after his feminine weekend. Everything felt suddenly far more clunky and out of place. It would be a useful reminder to kick some of the behaviors he had found himself noticing over the past few days. After leaving the locker room he’d caught himself walking in a more feminine gait and had to deliberately butch up his stride to compensate.

Behavior, he realized, was like accents: Exaggerate one long enough, and you begin to sound more natural when you relax rather than trying to nail that perfect tone from the beginning. Mia’s behavior was feminine but exaggerated. It was nowhere near as over the top as some queens but it was femininity at full volume. Olivia, he reasoned, was so easy to slip into because it required so little thought.

Anderson pulled up in their cruiser and he climbed in beside her.
“So like I was saying,” she continued their earlier conversation from the squad briefing. “The dude nearly took my fucking head off. It took three of us to get him in cuffs.”

“That’s what you get for messing with junkies with power tools.” Harry deadpanned with a smirk. “One wrong choice and…” he made a neck-slicing gesture.

“Working over the river sucks man, I hate picking up mandatory overtime shifts.”

Harry nodded. The east of the city was considerably rougher than the majority and often required additional manpower after payday when the local population went on an excited binge.

“So…” Kelly asked changing the subject as she pulled out into the city traffic. “How did your date go?”

“Oh, it was fine,” Harry offered dismissively. “Pretty average actually.”

Kelly looked across at him trying to work out if he was lying. “You are so full of shit. Tell me everything!”

“It was good,” he admitted cautiously. “Dinner was lovely, he was a real gentleman. We had a really lovely time and he took me home.”

“Was that it?” she pressed.

“Well no,” he admitted. “He had a really cool car, a Porsche.”

Kelly looked at her partner and rolled her eyes so dramatically that Harry feared they might fall out.

“He came in for coffee and… we might have slept together.”

Kelly let out a whistle. “You move fast,” she chuckled.

Harry felt defensive. “No, it wasn’t like that, it just happened ok? It felt right, we were caught up in a moment and it was really special.”

Kelly lowered her mask of bravado for a moment and looked more serious. “He called you, right? Afterward?”

Harry nodded. “We actually went out again Saturday, pizza and a movie.”

“From glitz to the pits huh? Maybe you sucked in the sack?”

Harry slapped her arm and shook his head. “Nope.”

She gave him a knowing look and grinned. “Ok, so you two are compatible in a biblical way, how’d he deal with your nightlife?”

Harry blushed. “Yeah, he was ok I guess. Didn’t mind.”

Kelly didn’t buy it for a minute. “No way Missy, you’re holding out on me, spill! How long have we known each other?”

Harry sighed. “Well he’s bisexual, you already know that. It doesn’t bother him like it might if he was full-on gay.” he paused, staring out at the passing buildings. “He wanted to see Mia.”

Kelly pulled the car over and parked before turning to face him. “And?” she prompted with a look approaching a child on Christmas morning.

Harry stared at the dashboard with a frown.

“Well, I asked him in for coffee and we fooled around a little, and then he wanted to see Mia. I didn’t want to leave him waiting for the full Mia so I kinda toned it down, more normal I guess.”

He couldn’t look at Kelly. He closed his eyes and took a breath. “He didn’t sleep with me, he slept with Mia.”

Kelly squealed and covered her mouth. “What?” she whispered. “He slept with you in drag?”

“Yeah.” Harry admitted glancing at her cautiously. “And it was the best sex I’ve ever had in my life,” he admitted quietly.

“Aren’t you reading into things a little?” she asked, “It could just be Mister Gentleman being a smooth operator.”

Harry shook his head. “I felt different; it was different. It was nothing like the other guys I’d been with. He was sweet and gentle and so caring. I thought I was going to cry. It wasn’t him that initiated things with Mia, it was me.” he added shyly.

Anderson leaned back in her seat and thought for a moment. “Your date Saturday was as Mia too wasn’t it?”

Harry nodded. “I didn’t want to jar his memory of me and risk him running for the hills.”

“That’s why you were acting oddly this morning,” she observed. Seeing Harry’s questioning glance she continued. “You’re walking a little differently, holding yourself a little differently, and small mannerisms are a bit softer than usual. It’s not much, I don’t think the guys will think you’re any fruitier than before but I can see it,” she said simply.

“You think I’m crazy don’t you?”

Kelly shook her head. “No sweetie, but I think you’ve got some serious mental gymnastics ahead of you.”

“What the hell do I do?” Harry whimpered.

“Do what makes you feel happy,” she answered softly. “I’m your friend and I’m here for you, whoever that is.”

Olivia pulled out of the strip mall and joined the flow of traffic. Returning from work she realized that she lacked any kind of workout clothing and needed a quick stop to remedy the issue. A surf shop up the coast in Malibu and a sporting store had solved her issues. Traffic on the coastal highway was extremely heavy even at that late hour. One of the country stations was blasting out one of the older Shania Twain tracks and she was drumming her fingers to the beat as they crawled forwards.

The welp of a siren and a flicker of lights behind her snapped her reverie. Glancing in the rearview she saw a cruiser with its lights on behind her. A shiver of panic ran through her as she slapped the radio off and pulled over to the shoulder.

The car was a Sheriff’s Department vehicle which only made her situation worse. There was a reasonable chance that she might know them or they’d know someone she did. Pulling her license and paperwork from the glovebox she held them in her lap and waited for the deputy to approach. A younger brunette woman stepped from the car and started to make her way along the side of the vehicle until she drew level with the passenger window.

Olivia smiled weakly and waited for the woman to speak.

“Hi, sorry for stopping you but you have a left rear tail light out.” The deputy explained. “License, registration, and insurance please?”

Olivia sat still for a moment. “I have a firearm in the vehicle,” she explained quickly. “Bag” she added gesturing with her license to the passenger seat and her handbag. The woman’s eyes flicked to the handbag and nodded. “Thanks, can I see those please?”

Olivia froze and contemplated explaining herself. She knew the woman by appearance but not by name, the stripes on her sleeve marked her out as one of the department’s training officers.

“Problem?” She asked, there was a look behind the smile she still had on her lips.

“Ah, no, sorry,” Olivia replied, handing the items. “This is going to look a little strange,” she explained as the woman took her documents. “I… can explain.”

The deputy took the paperwork and held up the license and glanced across at Olivia. Her raised eyebrows meant she had made the connection. “I see,” she replied with a quirk of her lip. “I’ll be right back,” she answered, returning to her cruiser.

Time seemed to pass extremely slowly on the side of the highway. Traffic was starting to ease up and flow faster beside her. Despite the cooler evening temperature, Olivia was sweating. Once the deputy returned, she handed back the documents and gave her a look. “I think you have some explaining to do, Deputy.”

Olivia pointed at her door and the woman nodded. Stepping down from the truck, she made her way around to the side of the shoulder and stood in front of the woman. “I…” she began not entirely sure what she was going to say. “This isn’t what it looks like.”

“And what does it look like?” Replied the woman, hooking her thumbs into her belt.

Olivia shrugged, “I’m not sure honestly.”

“Are you transgender?” she asked more gently.

“I don’t know,” Olivia replied honestly, her cheeks turning red.

The woman shrugged. “It’s not a crime last I checked, but you’re going to land yourself in hot water with those documents. I’m betting the department has no idea, do they?”

Olivia shook her head. “I… I know you need to file a report, but does it need to include this?”

The woman shook her head. “Not really, but if my footage is reviewed it might. It’s not exactly a controversial stop and I’m not citing you so I don’t expect so.”

“I think I’ve seen you around,” she added, giving Olivia a closer look. “Dalton sounds familiar, you work third up in West Hollywood right?”

Olivia nodded. “With Anderson.”

The woman smiled, “I trained her, she’s a good cop.” She looked at her again and smiled. “You do look very pretty, I wouldn’t have known if you hadn’t shown me your license.”

Olivia blushed and dropped her head. “Thanks, I guess.”

The woman patted her shoulder. “Look, get out of here, get that fixed, and try to not get pulled over again. Here,” she added, handing a card. “Give me some time and you can explain some more of this to me, I get the feeling you’re going to need allies.”

Deputy Sheriff Abigail Taylor.

“I’ve heard of you.” Olivia answered with reverence. “You’re the one that handled the Orson Crowe cases?”

Taylor smirked. “Yeah, that guy’s unique.”

She walked back to her cruiser and stood holding the open door. “What’s your name?”

“Olivia,”

Taylor smiled and gave her a quick wave before slipping back into her car and pulling away from the stop. Olivia hugged herself for a moment, she was starting to create a real mess for herself. She shook her head and climbed back into her truck and pulled back out into traffic and headed for home.

Letting herself into her apartment, she changed into her new surf gear, grabbed her board and made for the beach. It was a liberating experience to ditch the wetsuit. She’d always worn that to hide her frame and bulk herself up to fit in. She’d also never felt comfortable without covering up. Now she wore a one-piece swimsuit with board shorts over the top. Her wig was securely glued in place so she wasn’t afraid of losing it if she bailed.

Dusk was starting to settle as she jogged into the waves and began to paddle. The heat of the day had kept the water warm enough to be pleasant and the tide was coming in. Olivia grinned as she dug deep and hauled her way out into the swell.

Exhausted and with darkness falling, Olivia waded ashore and grabbed her towel. Her balance had been all off and she had fallen more than she would have liked. She wasn’t sure if it was long wet hair or her boobs, but she felt like a beginner again.

A wolf whistle from further up the beach caught her attention.

“So that’s why you didn’t pick up your phone.” Richard’s voice called in the darkness.

Recovering quickly, Olivia smiled as the man approached in the fading light. “Hi,” she replied, continuing to dry herself off.

“This is a new look.” he offered with a raised eyebrow.

“Trying something new with my hair,” she quipped.

“I was going to see if you wanted to grab a bite, nothing super formal.”

Olivia shrugged, “I was about to make dinner if you want to join me?”

Richard smiled, “I’d like that.”

The two chatted as they made their way back up the beach toward her apartment. Richard carried her board at his insistence. He’d gotten off work late which appeared to be a consistent trend. Trial preparation tended to result in long hours and little free time. That he wanted to spend a little of it with her made her feel special. Olivia let them in and grabbed Richard a beer before setting the oven to preheat. Grabbing a quick shower, she dried and dressed quickly in sweats and a tank top before returning to the kitchen to prepare the meal.

Richard watched her move around the kitchen as she prepared the food. She was singing softly to herself and moving her body to the music on the stereo. This wasn’t the gawky shy boy he first met that day on the beach, this was a woman. He sipped his beer and simply watched as she moved around unaware of his gaze.

“This isn’t a stage persona is it?” he asked as she stirred a pot.

Olivia glanced up at him with a look that reminded him of a deer in the headlights of a semi-truck.

“I just want you to feel comfortable,” she answered meekly.

Richard walked through to the kitchen and leaned against the counter next to her. Reaching over, he stroked her cheek gently. “I don’t care what you look like. I want it to be what you want.”

Olivia raised her hand to touch his and held it against her face. She stared into his eyes as though trying to find an answer to an unspoken question.

“I do,” she said flatly.

“Why?”

“You’re too good for me,” she answered softly. “You deserve someone better and someone that won’t embarrass you.”

Richard cocked his head to one side. “Why would you embarrass me?”

Olivia shrugged gently and stirred the pot absentmindedly. “You started dating a boy, then things happened and now I’m in a mess and I can’t keep switching back and forth on you. It’s not right.”

“This isn’t a performance,” he stated matter-of-factly.

“No,” she admitted sadly.

“This is LA,” Richard reassured. “Nobody cares and if they do then it’s their fucking problem. I’m not a celebrity, I’m a lawyer. You should see the crap my clients and colleagues get up to. This is honestly nothing. I’ve never hidden who I was and I’ve dated men and women very publicly. I don’t give a damn.”

“People would talk if you were with me one day and Harry the next.”

“Let them, it’s our lives.”

Olivia stared into the sauce she was stirring and sighed. “I don’t know why, but this feels so much more real than any relationship I’ve ever had.” she admitted. “I want this to work out so badly.” she added, looking pleadingly into his eyes.

Richard kissed her fingers. “I do too. You’re very special and I care about you. More than I have for anyone in some time. But I insist you be happy. Don’t feel you have to change who you are because of me.”

Olivia occupied herself with serving their meal and led Richard over to the table. They both ate in silence for a moment before she spoke.

“At first, I created this persona to make what we did that night easier for you… and me.”

Richard tried to comment but she held a finger up. “The more serious this began to get, the more I felt I owed you consistency. I didn’t plan for this to happen, but there is perhaps a little more to it than I first thought.”

She gestured towards herself. “I spent my entire weekend like this. Not Mia, but someone different, someone… in-between Harry and her. Right now I’m not sure what it means, but if you’ll put up with me I’d like to see how I feel about all of this.”

Richard stroked her hair and smiled sympathetically. “Regardless of what you wear or who you are on the outside, you’re the same person inside. That’s who I’m quickly falling for. Do what makes you happy; I’m not going anywhere.”

He paused and smiled. “Would the lady care to grace a gentleman with her name?”

The girl smiled and cocked her head to one side, “Olivia, a pleasure to meet you.”

Richard left later that evening after spending a few precious hours with Olivia on the sofa. They had done little more than hold each other and kiss, choosing instead to spend the time enjoying each other’s presence. She felt comfortable there;. his warmth and his scent lingered long in her heart long after he had departed.

His touch and presence excited her. She felt a heady rush when he was near that she hadn’t experienced before with any man. Olivia glanced into the hallway mirror after he had left and sighed. The dejected image of a girl hugging herself uncertainly looked back. It felt incredibly real to her at that moment.

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