Totally Insane 22–Hallucinations.
by Angharad

Of course, we were all shivering in our sleeping bags–not because it was cold but because of Gemma’s ghost story. Then when someone went, Wooooo, we all squealed and hid inside our bags. The one I was using, Brians’s, was a full adult size so, I just slid down inside it and shivered, with my fingers in my ears.

Did I mention that the rear wall of Gemma’s garden is a boundary wall of the church yard? Well it is, and hence the reason the ghost story was so frightening, it happens, the ghost walks–just the other side of it.

After a few minutes, I got too hot and began to feel smothered in my bag, so I slithered to the top again, just in time for another, Woooooo and we all squealed again. It went quiet for a moment and I wondered if I needed to go to the loo after all. I certainly didn’t want to go on my own. Then there was a knock on the patio door and a rattle as someone tried to get in but the lock held. We all screamed this time, and Mr and Mrs Smith came to see what was happening.

The lights went on and I found the courage with the adults about, to go to the cloakroom. Relieved, I went back to the party, where everyone was wide awake and still chattering.

The adult Smiths were concerned that it appeared as if someone had tried to get in, and were all for calling the police. They were puzzled that the security lights failed to come on. Mr Smith went outside and they stayed off, which annoyed him and disconcerted the rest of us.

He looked about the garden with a powerful torch but there was no sign of anyone, and he wondered if we’d dreamt it. Maybe one or two had, but all of us? Yeah, like we do it all the time–duh! His argument was someone dreamt it and shrieked and then we all did without knowing why.

I knew I’d heard the doors rattle, or at least I thought I did. Maybe it was my dream? Oo-er, I kept quiet when everyone was asking who heard what, especially as one or two weren’t sure they heard the knock and then the rattling.

It looked like it was going to be a night to remember, for all the wrong reasons. It was now one o’clock and we were still talking, or some people were, I’d drifted off a couple of times only to be woken by voices. Geez, teenage girls sure can talk.

A loud knock or bump against the patio doors woke me up, was it a dream or a real noise? “Are you awake, Kylie?” asked Gemma, who was lying next to me.

“Yeah.”

“Did you hear that?”

“I thought I heard a knock, like something hitting the door.”

“Yeah, so did I? Do you think it’s the ghost?”

“I thought they could like, walk through walls and things, so why knock?”

“Oh yeah, I like hadn’t thought of that.”

To be honest, I’d like only just thought of it myself. So what could be the explanation? Gemma and I crept to the window and peered out drawing the curtain just enough to see, except it was pitch dark and we couldn’t see anything.

“What ya’doin’?” asked a sleepy voice.

“We heard another knock on the door.”

“Oh, right,” said the voice and went back to sleep.

Just as we were getting back into our sleeping bags, there was another bang against the door. Gemma and I clutched each other tightly and shivered. Nobody else seemed to hear it. I suppose they were all fast asleep.

“What d’you think it is?” I asked her.

“Like, how do I know?” she replied.

“Well that last one sounded like something being thrown at the door.”

“So why didn’t Daddy find whatever it was?”

“’Cos he like, wasn’t looking for it?”

“If they’d thrown a stone or something, he’d have like seen it on the patio or grass.”

“Yeah, I suppose so.”

“So, Miss Wonderful, unless you can come up with something that disappears, we’ll like, need a better theory.”

“Yeah, like a snowball or something,” I chuckled.

“Oh yeah, like where is anyone gonna get a snowball in the middle of summer? Geez, Kylie, you get some crazy ideas.”

“Yeah, sorry.” I got back into my sleeping bag, and was just dropping off when I saw myself throwing snowballs. I wasn’t very good at it, my hands were too small and I couldn’t throw very far. But Brian was brill, he’d pack the snow down hard until it was like ice, and he could throw accurately for some distance. But it couldn’t be Brian, and there’s no snow. I sat up with a jerk. “I’ve got it!”

“Good, you like, keep it,” said one sleepy voice.

“You woke me up, noisy cow,” grumbled another.

“You got what?” asked a sleepy Gemma.

“Ice cubes.”

“Ice cubes?”

“Yeah, ice cubes.”

“Are you like mental?”

“No, I’m like perfectly sane. But if you threw an ice cube hard at the door, it would either bounce off into the grass, or smash and dissolve, so no one would see it.”

“Wouldn’t it bounce on to the patio,” yawned Gemma.

“Not if you like, threw it at an angle.”

“What about the security light?”

“It isn’t working.”

“It was yesterday.”

“Maybe someone’s tampered with it?”

“What just to like frighten a few schoolgirls?”

“Well if something bangs again, I’m like gonna go out an’ see.”

“What if it is like the ghost?”

“I’ll be back in faster than I went out.”

“Is that like, wise?”

“Can’t you two shut it?” said a grumpy sleepy voice.

There was another bang at the doors. My stomach flipped and I decided I had to go and see what it was. I found the torch, where I’d remembered Mr Smith had left it, and pulled back the curtain. There was no headless ghost visible.
I unlocked the door and stepped out with Gemma hissing, “Be careful,” at me. I scanned the garden, there was no one around unless they were hiding in the bushes, which they could be. Maybe this wasn’t such a clever idea? It felt cold and my teeth began to chatter.

However, my curiosity was piqued and I began searching the patio, there was nothing, except a couple of splashes of water. I suppose they could be melted ice cubes. Then I saw it in the lawn, bits of broken ice, obviously off an ice cube.

I picked it up and went back in to show Gemma my treasure. “Bits of ice cube,“ I said my teeth chattering.

“Yeah, so you’re a clever clogs, what do we like do now?” she asked me.

“Tell your parents if it happens again.”

“They’re like in bed.”

“So am I, so like, shut up,” an angry voice.

“Sorry, Kylie like, just saw the ghost in the garden.”

“What!” squealed the voice and a figure sat up.

“Oops!” hissed Gemma.

“Wossgoin’on?” asked a sleepy voice.

“Kylie saw the ghost,” said someone.

“Aaarrgh!” squealed someone else and hid inside their bag.

“You saw a ghost? Really?” asked Zoe.

“No, I don’t believe in ghosts, and I know what’s been banging on the windows.”

“I thought we’d imagined that.”

“No, someone’s been chucking ice cubes at us.”

“Like, why?”

“Presumably to like frighten us.”

“Stupid boys, I s’pect,” said Zoe.

“Who knew we were sleeping over?” I asked.

“It was like, no great secret, so like, lots of people,” said Gemma.

“Anyone like miffed, at not being invited?”

“What, like a boy?”

“Not especially.”

“Surely that isn’t a girl throwing ice cubes at us?”

“No, but it could be the brother of a girl you didn’t invite.”

“Oh, shit, Emily Richardson, she’s got a brother…”

“An’ he’s a right pig, too;” added Suzie who was now also sitting up.

“Is that Richard Richardson?” I asked.

“Do you know him?” asked Suzie in a surprised tone.

“No, but Brian has mentioned him, they call him, Dickhead Richardson.”

“I wonder why?” asked Zoe.

“We don’t know it is him, it’s all like guessing.” I wasn’t sure we should be condemning someone for nothing.

Just then another, Wooooo was heard. “I don’t like it,” said Rosie.

“It certainly sounds more like a dickhead than a ghost,” said Nicola joining the conversation.

“How do we prove it, then, Lockgirl?” asked Suzie.

“I don’t know, like do I?” I replied feeling peeved.

“How about a photograph?” suggested Nicola.

“Yeah, do you, like wanna stand out there asking them to say, ‘cheese’?” said Suzie

“No, course not,” replied Nicola.

“What if they’re in the church yard?” I asked.

“Yeah, like what if they are?” said Nicola.

“How do you feel about getting our own back?” I smiled.

“I’m not very good at throwing things,” said Rosie, withdrawing into her bag.

“What did you like, have in mind?” asked Gemma.

“We spook the spooks.”

“Like how?”

“We go round the churchyard with a sheet or two and out howl them.”

“No way, I’m like going into a grave yard after dark,” said Nicola.

“Could be dangerous, fall into an empty grave or something,” said Suzie.

“Yeah, one like the local zombie has just risen from,” I chided.

“Yeah, for all I know.”

“You’ve been watching too many horror movies.”

“Yeah, so–they could be real.”

“I suppose they like, have vampire bats in Guilford?” I teased.

“I thought it was Reading,” joked Zoe.

“Nah, they’re all zombies there,” chipped Gemma.

“Look it’s three o’clock, we either go back to bed or do something?” I said feeling fed up with the company.

“Like what, though?” challenged Suzie, “’cos I’m not going round the grave yard.”

“Well have you got a better idea?” I asked.

“Yeah, you go and we’ll stay here and watch.”

“What go on my own?” I spluttered.

“Yeah, why not?”

“You must be joking. I’ll go, but not on my own. Who’ll come with me?” The silence was deafening. I was about to say, they were a bunch of girls, but they knew that. Was my previous lifestyle reasserting itself? Did that mean I had to curtail it a little.

“I’ve got an idea.” I said after feeling things were going to be end in a farce. I found my mobile and speed dialled, the voice the other end was less than enthusiastic.

“Bri, hi, it’s me Kylie.”

“What the hell do you want, it’s three o’bloody-clock.”

“We’re getting some aggro from some lads, we think it might be Dickhead and friends.”

“What, Dickhead Richardson?”

“Yeah, they’ve throwing ice cubes at the windows and making ghost type noises.”

“Ice cubes? I didn’t think he’d be intelligent enough to know the recipe for ice cubes. So, what d’ya expect me to do about it?”

“Help me stop him. Frighten him back.”

“How?” he yawned, and I explained my plan. “Why can’t you do that with the girls?”

“I’d feel safer knowing you were there, and you’d get a chance to get one over on him for a long time.”

“Okay, do your preparation, I’ll be there in about twenty minutes.”

“Thanks, Bri.” As I switched off the mobile another cube of ice hit the windows. “Oh, goody, they’re still out there.”

Gemma helped me get ready and we’d just finished as Brian arrived on his bike. “Did you bring it?” I asked.

“Yep, God you look more ‘orrible than usual, Kylie.”

“Thanks, Bri, I can always count on you for compliments.”

“Come on let’s do it,” I said, “before I chicken out.” So we did, and it worked.

The girls all watched from the patio and heard the screams and saw the flashes. Then when we downloaded the films later, we saw that Dickhead had actually wet himself he was so frightened, there was a big dark patch in the front of his trousers.

Needless to say, no one was up very early and I hope Mrs Smith doesn’t miss the old sheet, we used. The Smith adults couldn’t understand why we didn’t wake up until after ten and why we were all still yawning.

Okay, so what did we do? Well, Gemma helped me paint my face and hands white with flour, then we put dark rings around my eyes and drew red marks like blood around my mouth and used a couple of bits of macaroni to make my fangs, then with a sheet suitably covered in what looked like blood, I stumbled around the grave yard groaning and moaning.

The two boys, who been illegally drinking cider, screamed and ran off while Brian, who was watching took some digital photos, including the one of Dickhead losing control of his bladder.

Brian’s reward was copies of the photos, to use as he wished. I didn’t ask too many questions, after all, I hardly felt well disposed to a pair of wasters who’d spoiled mine and the other girls’ beauty sleep–not that any of us really needed it that much, we’re all beautiful already.

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Thanks to Gabi for express editing and improvements, any mistakes - blame Bonzi.