Totally Insane 12–Redemption.
by Angharad

The next day was Sunday, a last one with my parents before they went back to work and I went to Mrs Johnson and baby Sarah. Then the day after that, I had to go back to see Dr Shrinklinger and get my head examined some more.

Brian was still in bed–surprise, surprise–while Mummy and I did the laundry and then started the Sunday lunch. A while ago I’d have thought it odd to enjoy doing chores, but doing them with someone else was different, it was almost fun and I was learning stuff, too.

Daddy was up to his armpits in paperwork, so appreciated the coffee I took him. “You’re really into this little wifie stuff, aren’t you?”

I blushed and mumbled, so he asked me to repeat what I’d said. “I thought you might like a cup of coffee, and I like doing things with Mummy.”

He looked me up and down, and I wondered if the jeans and tee shirt were inappropriate in some way. “I did fancy a cup of coffee, so you must have read my mind. Your mother seems able to do it at times: I’ll have to be careful.” He smiled at me, “I’m looking at you in trousers and I can’t for the life of me, see my son in there any more. I’m beginning to wonder if he ever did exist.”

This made me feel very sad, and I could see some sadness in my father’s eyes, so I went to him and hugged him very tightly. “I’m sorry, Daddy.”

I felt his strong arms around me and he put his head alongside mine. “Never apologise for being you, just be the best you, you can.” He hugged me and I felt my eyes fill with tears and within moments I was sobbing.

“It’s okay, Kylie, it’s a bit sad for all of us, we’ve all lost someone, even you. It will take a while for us all to adjust to the new situation, but I think your mother and I have lost a farthing and found a sovereign.”

“What does that mean?” I sniffed.

“Back about fifty years ago the coinage was all different, they had pounds, shillings and pence. There were twelve pennies to a shilling and twenty shillings to a pound. A penny was worth four farthings, a little coin with a wren on the back of it. A sovereign was originally worth a pound, but they were made of gold, so even fifty years ago, they would be worth much more than a pound. So lose a farthing and gain a sovereign, means, we have gained a great deal more than we lost.”

“Does that mean you didn’t think much of me as a boy?”

“Not at all, it means we love you even more as you are, because you seem so much more at peace and so much more alive, than you did as a boy. It seems so natural, whereas, Kyle always seemed unfulfilled. When your mother told me about finding you dressed as a girl, she said, ‘I know this is a bit of a surprise, but he seems so at ease as a girl, maybe this is how he was meant to be?’ I’m beginning to think, she was right.”

“So Kyle was a farthing and I’m a sovereign?”

“No, that isn’t what I meant. What I meant was that the bits of you we’ve lost, were relatively small compared to the things you seem to have found in terms of fulfilment and happiness. Those appear to be pure gold.”

“Did Dr Shrinkfinger tell you to say that?”

“Ouch, such cynicism in one so young!”

“What does that mean?”

“You don’t trust me.”

“But I do Daddy, I love you.”

“So why can’t I say things as I see them.”

“You can.”

“No one has told me to say or do anything, other than to remember I love you as my child, irrespective of being a boy or girl. I’m just saying what I feel I am seeing, and that is Kylie is happier than I think Kyle was. Am I right?”

I nodded, still clasped to his torso, and still making his shirt wet with my tears.

“Hey, come on, girl, you’ll shrink my shirt and get your make up all over your pretty face.”

“I’m not wearing any,” I sniffed back at him.

“So, what happened to that big bag of stuff Lorraine gave you from the shop?”

“It’s upstairs, I play with it when I’m in the mood, it’s good fun.”

“I’ll take your word for it, now, Sweetheart, I have to get on with this paperwork or I’ll be here all day and all night.”

I nodded again, hugged him and he kissed me on the cheek. I left him to it, shutting the door of his study/office as I left. Mummy saw me as I left. “Why are you crying, Darling? Did Daddy say something nasty to you?”

I could feel her bristling, I shook my head, “No he only said nice things to me?”

“So why are you crying?”

“I don’t know.” I turned and fled up to my room and threw myself on the bed.

I heard the study door open and shut and muffled raised voices floated up the stairs to my room. I hated it when my parents quarrelled, which was a relatively rare event, but did happen.

A little while later my mother came up to my room and tapped gently on the door as she came in. “I’ve spoken with Daddy, and he told me what you spoke about. He said you burst into tears for no reason, is that right?”

Without moving from my prostrate position, I nodded. I felt her come and sit on the edge of the bed. “Look, Darling, it’s going to take some little while to adjust to your new life, so I expect you will feel tired and upset now and again. We all love you to bits, and will do all we can to help. You know that, don’t you?”

“Except Brian,” I sniffed from the pillow.

“Even Brian, he’s going through a difficult time himself. It isn’t easy to be a teenager, you know.”

“I’ll believe that when I see it,” I snorted.

“Come on, tidy yourself up and help me finish getting the dinner.”

I lay there for another five minutes before I went to the bathroom and washed my face and hands. My eyes were red and puffy and I didn’t want o make them worse, so I left off the make up. I felt quite tired and my enthusiasm for things domestic had paled somewhat. Mummy, however, took my wavering efficiency in her stride and encouraged me as always.

The phone rang twice, so I assumed Daddy had taken it in the study. Most of the calls are for him or Brian, and as it isn’t midday yet, everyone knows that Brian is still comatose.

“Kylie, it’s Philip for you,” my father called from the study, “Do you want to take it in the hall?” I tore out of the kitchen and picked up the phone, only to realise I still had a tea towel in my hand.

“Hello?” I cooed down the hand-piece.

“Hi Kylie, it’s me.”

“Hi me,” I said back.

“Wanna go out somewhere this afters.”

“I’ll have to ask, hang on.” I put the phone down carefully and ran back into the kitchen.

“Philip’s asked if I can go out this afters?”

“Where are you going?”

“Dunno, didn’t ask.”

“I don’t know, I don’t want you getting into trouble.”

“I can’t, can I?” I’d read the book Nanny had given me, and there ‘getting a girl in trouble’ meant pregnancy.

“Not that sort of trouble, you silly goose. However, you’re still quite young.”

“Philip will take care of me.”

“That’s partly what I’m worried about, sweetie-pie.”

I looked as confused as I felt.

“Never mind, if you promise me to take care of yourself and do nothing more than hold hands, and keep in public places, you can go after lunch.”

“Aw, thanks, Mummy.” I hugged her and ran back to the phone.

“Hi,” I piped down the phone.

“What have you been doing, negotiating a treaty?”

“Yeah, almost. Since I’ve been a girl, they get very protective.”

“Yeah, okay. Do they want a flight plan?”

“What do you mean?”

“Never mind, can you come out or not?”

“Yes, I can.”

“Oh goodie, see you about half two.”

“Yeah, see you.”

“Bye beautiful,” he hung up.

My day had just improved, and I went back to drying the dishes with a much lighter step, which my mother noticed and teased me about, but in good fun.

Brian, the dormouse–well they sleep half their lives–emerged as the food was being put on the table. We’d hardly spoken since the day before, when he’d insulted me at breakfast. He didn’t speak at all at lunch.

“Can I be excused?” I asked taking my plate to the sink.

“Yes you can be excused, but whether you may be excused is another matter,” said Mummy. Can’t she ever forget she’s a teacher?

“So, can I, I mean, may I be excused?" Preferably before I go off the idea.

“Yes, what are you going to wear?”

“Can’t I go like this?” I indicated the jeans and tee shirt.

“Not after you’ve been working in them all morning, go and change. What about your red skirt and top, with the red tights and black shoes?”

“Yeah, okay.” I hadn’t thought it was that important, but it seemed it was to her. But wearing a skirt to hang about somewhere, it was a bit much. I went off and washed my face and hands and put my hair into a better ponytail, higher on my head. I popped on some eyeliner and mascara and some lip gloss.

Then I changed my clothes, putting on my red jeans with my black slouch boots and a black top, which would go reasonably well with my fleece jacket. I had a quick squirt of smellies in strategic places and grabbed my bag.

Two minutes later, the doorbell rang and when I opened it I was met by Philip’s smiling face.

“Kylie,” called my mother’s voice from the dining room.

“Hang on, I’ll be back in a mo,” I left him at the door and went to see what she wanted.

“Oh, you’re wearing those?”

I felt like saying, ‘looks like it’ but that would have created consequences. Instead, I said, “Yes, it’s more serviceable.”

“Okay, behave yourselves and be back by six.”

“Yes, Mummy,” I said and left before she had a chance to say anything else.

I grabbed my jacket and rushed out to Philip, closing the door behind me. “You look great,” he said, “don’t I get a kiss?”

“Not here, if they see us, they’ll call me back in.” I shoved my hand in his, which he gently squeezed.

“Okay, where do you want to go?”

“Don’t care, as long as we don’t bump into Brian or anyone else we know.”

“Is Brian up already?” he asked smirking.

“Yeah, only just, but he’ll be out later on, he always is. He’s full of himself, Daddy took him to the football yesterday.”

“What game?”

“Chelsea and Man United, I think, doesn’t mean much to me.”

“Wow. That musta cost an arm an’ a leg. Kewl or what?”

“Kewl? Stupid football? you’re joking? I’d rather watch paint dry.” I wasn’t much of a sports fan, if you hadn’t guessed.

“Well, it’s gotta like be better than watching some mushie chick flick.”

“I’d rather watch the film.”

“Yeah, that figures, don’t you like any sport?”

“I like playing badminton, especially with you.” We’d now walked about a hundred yards and he stopped and kissed me. I didn’t do anything to prevent him, and my hungry mouth chased his tongue as he withdrew it.

I brushed his mouth with my fingers, which he attempted to bite. “Hey, stop it, I’m wiping the lip gloss off your mouth,” I said chastising him.

“I’ll lick it off, yummy, strawberry.”

I stood with my arms folded and pouted. He poked his tongue at me, so I did the same. Then we both laughed, held hands again and walked. We walked for ages, heading towards the town centre, stopping every now and again to kiss or to stare in a shop window. We passed the chemist’s shop my father had taken me to, where Lorraine had given me all the make-up. I told Philip about it.

“Oh yeah, I forgot your dad was a pharmacist. Maybe he could get you pills to make your boobs grow.”

“What hormones?”

“Yep, you know like birth control pills, they’re hormones.”

“Yeah, I know.” I didn’t until I read it in the book last night.

“So can he get them?”

“I doubt it, you have to see a doctor.”

“What, he can’t get a few for you to try?”

I shook my head vigorously. “No, they have to be prescribed by a doctor and she told me they don’t give them until I’m at least sixteen.”

“What? You can’t grow boobs until you’re sixteen, that’s like so unfair.”

“I know, but I can’t do anything about it. Dr Shrinkfinger, said, she might consider putting me on androgen blockers, to stop my male hormones making me more masculine.”

“Whoopee doo! It’s like, hardly the same, is it? They aren’t gonna like give you boobs, are they?”

“I know, but there’s nothing I can do about it, is there?”

“No, I suppose not.”

We walked on for the next few minutes. The atmosphere felt as flat as my chest. “What about the net?” said Philip excitedly.

“What net?”

“You dumb chick, the internet. You can get them from there, all you need is a credit card.”

“I don’t have one of those either.”

“Aw, shoot!”

“I’ve got a bank card.”

“Oh wow! Maybe that would do?”

“I’ll have a look next time I’m on the net.” It had opened a door in my mind. The consequences could be wonderful, to have my own boobs–and terrible, what would my father do if he found out? He’d be furious and I doubted Mummy would be too enthusiastic either. Then I thought of Brian, he couldn’t care one way or another. I wondered if I could buy different coloured slug pellets on the internet?

We walked on closer to town; we’d been out nearly two hours, and we were still holding hands and stealing occasional kisses. The shops all close at four on a Sunday, so the number of people about was fairly small, which made me feel safer.

Off the main street is a small shopping precinct, with Marks and Spencers and few other big shops, we headed down there. As we did so I noticed a group of kids hanging around outside a gaming arcade. I felt myself stiffen, this could get nasty.

“Shall we go back, now?” I said to Philip.

“Okay, if you want.”

We turned around and started to walk away from the precinct when we were face to face with some rather large boys and a girl from our school. “Well lookie here, it’s our girly boy and his poofie friend.”

My tummy flipped. I had never felt so scared in all my life, even sitting in the girl’s school was a joy compared to this.

“Look, Burden, we don’t want any trouble, okay?” Philip was trying to talk his way out of it.

“Oh, so you accusing me of being a trouble maker, Gonnersal?”

“No, I wasn’t accusing you of anything, all right?”

“I think he was, Burden, I think you need to teach him and the faggot a lesson.”

“Please,” I said, “let us go, we’re not causing you any harm.”

“Oh, it squeaks,” Burden said in a high pitched mockery of me. He was twice my size, possibly even bigger than Brian, and even nastier if his reputation was correct.

We tried to go around them, and they moved sideways to block us. There were no adults around to call for help, and my mobile was in my bag. This could get very dangerous, very quickly.

“Please let us go?” I felt tears running down my face.

“Aw, look boys, we’re frightening it.”

“Leave her alone,” said Philip, sharply. I squeezed his hand to try and stop him from being drawn into violence, which was what the others wanted.

“Her? He called him, a her, that’s another boy, pooffie, or you wouldn’t be interested, frigging queer.”

“She is a girl, she’s been to see experts, she is a girl, all right?” Philip was trying to reason with them. It was wasting his breath.

“This, is a boy,” said Burden, poking me in the chest. “No expert could change that, unless they cut its dick off. Hey, I’ve got an idea, maybe we can help. Grunter, you got your knife?”

At this, I began to tremble, “No, don’t you touch me,” I shrieked and they all laughed. The group from the arcade were no advancing on us as well. I could see them in the periphery of my vision.

“What’s going on, Burden?” called a male voice.

“We’re gonna give Pansy Potter here, a sex change.” He pushed me in the chest again and I nearly fell. Someone yanked Philip away from me and I felt terrified. I was sobbing and gibbering.

I caught sight of someone running hard towards us. “Let her go,” was yelled.

“Piss off!” replied Burden. The next moment, the runner exploded into the group and Burden was lying on the floor his nose bleeding, another flurry and a second yob was lying down coughing and spitting out teeth.

“Gonnersall, get her out of here, NOW!” The voice was Brian’s, he dropped another yob and the rest stepped back. “Anyone else wanna try it? Burden moved and Brian kicked him in the groin. The injured youth rolled about in agony. “Who’s next for the ambulance?”

One of Burden’s friends went to attack Brian from behind and Philip spotted him and kicked him in the knee. He yelled, Brian turned and his elbow caught the boy in the mouth.

“Let this be a warning,” said Brian, his voice full of venom, “Any of you touch my sister, and they’re dead meat. Got it?”

There were mumbles amongst the group, which began to disperse, the fun was over. “Come on, let’s get home,” he said and escorted Philip and me back home.

As we walked, I began to calm down although I was still crying. Brian put his arm around me, “It’s okay now, Sis.”

“Thanks, Brian,” said Philip.

“S’alright mate, just don’t take her down there again after the shops shut.”

“I won’t don’t worry.”

“What are we gonna tell Mum and Dad?”

“Why tell ‘em anything?”

“Well, your hand is bleeding.”

He looked down at it, “Bugger. Sodding Grunter must have caught me with his teeth.”

“What if they go to the police?” I asked.

“Yeah so, it was self-defence.” Brian smiled, “well, defence of my little sister.

“I thought you didn’t like me doing this?” I said.

“Maybe I don’t like it, but I’m not gonna like stand around while some tit beats you up, am I?”

“Thank you.”

“S’okay.”

~~~~~

Thanks to Gabi for more express improvements and head hitting.