Totally Insane 13– Exception.
by Angharad

Brian accompanied us back home, whereupon, Philip kissed me good bye and went to his own home. Brian stood and watched, shaking his head in disapproval.

“He’s not gay is he?” Brian asked me about Philip.

“No, why did you think he was?”

“He was kissing you.”

“So? He sees me as a girl.”

“Better imagination than me,” he said and leant back as I tried to slap him.

Mrs Johnson was getting into her car, she waved to us. “What time tomorrow, Kylie?”

It suddenly occurred to me what she was asking about. It was Monday tomorrow and I was going to help her, or she was baby sitting me, I wasn’t sure which. “Erm, what time is convenient for you?”

“About nine?”

“That’s fine with me,” I called back.

“See you then,” she started the car and drove off waving as she went.

“You jammy bugger,” commented Brian, ”I have to go to school and you get to play with one of the hottest babes in the road.”

“What Baby Sarah?”

“What? What are you talking about, that bit of pure delight, driving the car.”

“What? You fancy Mrs Johnson? Eewww, Gross.” I screwed up my face in mock disgust.

“At least she’s the opposite sex,” he fired back at me.

“So is Philip, and so are you, you big lummock. But you’re still my big brother.”

“Looks like we’re stuck with each other, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah, it does. When did you tear your jeans?”

“Oh shit!” he looked down, “Mum’ll kill me.”

“Come on in, I’ll see if I can sew them, it looks like a seam has split.”

“I didn’t know you could sew?” he looked astonished.

“We did it last year, I was better at it than woodwork.”

“Why doesn’t that surprise me?”

“One of the things we did was repairs.”

“In which case, little sister, you can fulfil your role by fixing them.” I followed him into the house. We managed to avoid my mother, or Brian did, I chatted to her while he sneaked up stairs.

“Was that Brian who came in with you?”

“Erm, yeah, we met down the road.”

“And you were civil with each other?” She looked faintly bemused.

“Yeah, I know, he’s unstable.”

“He’s what?” she said looking incredulous.

“One minute he likes me, the next he doesn’t. Oh well fifty per cent of the time is better than not at all.”

“Kylie, a few hours ago you were exhorting your father to have him sentenced to life imprisonment.”

“I thought it was a girl’s prerogative to change her mind?”

She shook her head, “Sure it isn’t you that’s unstable?”

I affected a twitch and began blinking rapidly, “Nah, I’m okay, master.”

“You might be quite correct there, Missy; have I helped to create Frankenstein’s monster?”

I clomped up the stairs with a ‘monster style’ walk, at least until she was out of sight, then I galloped the rest.

“Where have you been?” asked Brian holding out his jeans.

“I had to get past the Gestapo.”

“Well ‘urry up, I like, need these this evening.”

“Why are boys always in such a hurry?” I sighed.

He glowered and riposted, “Why are girls always so bloody slow?” My reply was to stick out my tongue and duck when he made a half hearted attempt to swat me.

While Mummy was in the kitchen I grabbed the sewing basket and dashed upstairs again. In half an hour I’d pinned and sewn his trousers. I was tempted to leave the pins in, but as he had saved my bacon, I relented. He didn’t even say thanks when I gave them back to him, but that was okay–he wouldn’t turn into a human being overnight, would he?

I returned the sewing basket to its place and went to see Mummy in the kitchen. “What are you doing?” I asked as she was busy at some sort of culinary thing.

“Making fresh parsley sauce, why?”

“I just wondered, that’s all.”

“Oh, I just wondered what you were doing with my sewing basket?”

I glowed bright red, a bit like the warning light on the oven. “Erm, I needed to sew something.”

“Oh, I thought maybe you were gardening.”

“Ha ha, yes, very good, Mummy.” I think I overdid the hilarity.

“Well?”

“Yes, I’m fine.”

“Kylie Mosse, I will ask you this once and you will tell me the truth immediately; what were you sewing?”

“Brian split his pants.”

“And he asked you to sew them for him?”

“I, like, sort of volunteered.”

“Why?”

I was now on the verge of tears, “Do I have to tell you?”

She stopped making her sauce and motioned me to sit at the table. “I think you’d better had, don’t you?” I nodded, how could she do this to me? Was I getting so weak willed?

“We ran into some bigger kids in town.”

“And?”

“They gave me some hassle, calling me names and things. One of them threatened me with a knife…”

“He did what?”

“I don’t know how serious he was, but he said he was going to cut something off and make me a proper girl.”

“What’s this got to do with Brian?”

“He saw it and rescued Philip an’ me.”

“He rescued you?”

“He knocked the boy who had the knife down, and another who tried to attack us.”

“Let me get this straight, Brian got into a fight in order to save you from a boy with a knife?”

“Yes?”

“Please go and get him.”

“Mummy, please don’t be cross with him, he did what he thought was right.”

“Go and get him and then go to your room. I’ll deal with you later.”

I slunk up the stairs, “Mummy wants you.”

“What for?”

“She knows about the fight.”

“Shit! You didn’t tell her did you, you stupid cow?”

“I tried not to.”

“Geez, bloody girls,” he pushed past me and I went into my room and sat on the bed and cried. The last thing I wanted to do was get him into trouble, it was exactly what had happened.

“Why did Kylie have to mend your trousers?” I heard my mother say loudly.

“I tore a seam.”

“How did you tear it?”

“Dunno, probably just badly sewn.”

“She tells me that you got involved in a fight.”

“It was on a bit of a misunderstanding, some kids were ganging up on her and I told them to stop it.”

“You just told them to stop?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

“Why are your knuckles grazed?”

He looked down at his hands, “Erm, I dunno.”

“I think I can guess. Kylie said one of the boys had a knife, is that so?”

“I don’t remember, he mighta done.”

“Which is why you got involved?”

He shrugged, “Maybe, like, I don’t remember.”

“Thank you for protecting her, but please, no more fighting.”

“Is that it?” he asked.

“I’ll discuss with your father, but should any of the other children’s parents complain, at least I know what they’re talking about. Go on, clear off, but no more fisticuffs.”

“Yeah, okay.”

“Brian, I mean it. Oh send Kylie down, will you?”

I snuck back into my room. “She wants you, watch out for the thumb-screws.” He shook his hand in mock pain.

“Yes, Mummy?”

“I want you to ask Philip to come over.”

“What, now?”

“Just that, or I could ring his mother myself?”

“No, I’ll get him.” I almost ran to the phone. It took me some persuading to get him to come. In the end, I told him that I would be in trouble if he didn’t. About a quarter of an hour later he arrived.

“Philip, I hear there was a bit of trouble in town this afternoon?”

“Erm, yeah, a bit.” He looked even more guilty than I did.

“So what happened?”

“A couple of big kids thought it would be fun to hassle us, or Kylie.”

“They did what exactly?”

“They pushed us around and called us names, then one of them got a knife and threatened to cut of Kylie’s, erm–you know what.”

“He had a knife?”

“Yeah, he had a knife.”

“What happened then?”

“Brian came busting into them and decked about three of them.”

“Let me get this straight, Brian, single-handed, knocked down three other boys, including the one with the knife?”

“More or less, yeah.”

“I see, what happened next?”

“He challenged them all and they walked away, then he walked us home.”

“So he didn’t start it, they were already pushing you around and drew a knife?”

“Yeah, they started it, but he finished it.”

“Do you know who they were?”

“Dunno their names, but they were big kids from our school.”

“Could you identify them if necessary?”

“Yeah, from the lack of teeth and broken noses,” he smirked and I tittered nervously. My mother gave me one of her stares and my laughter was replaced by a blush.

“He damaged their teeth and broke someone’s nose?” Mummy sounded horrified.

“Dunno, but there was plenty of blood.”

“Neither of you were hurt?”

“No, Mrs Mosse, but we coulda bin, if Brian hadn’t rescued us.”

“Okay, thank you, Philip. Kylie, why don’t you make some drinks and take some of the cakes we made the other day and go into the dining room.”

I nodded and got two cans of cola from the fridge and the cake tin. “You’ll need some plates, my girl.” I gave the tin to Philip and picked up the two tea plates Mummy was holding out to me.

“Did you make these?” Philip held open the tin.

“Yeah, with Mummy’s help, why?”

“Are they like, edible?”

“No, I poisoned them so boys can’t eat them.” I then picked one out peeled down the paper and started to eat it. Philip hesitated then took one and tasted it.

“Hmm, maybe this having a girlfriend thing, has potential?”

We had boiled ham with parsley sauce for dinner after which Brian went out. Mummy gave me Jane Eyre to read, saying all girls should read it. So I went off and left her to talk to Daddy, I think I knew the topic of their conversation.

I didn’t much like the book, preferring something more modern, like Twice Upon A Time where a boy goes back in time to World War Two, and turns into a girl on the way. Maybe, I could be a governess to Baby Sarah?

“Kylie, I’m a bit worried about these thugs that attacked you. Do you know who they were?”

“No, Daddy, I don’t.”

“Philip seemed to think they were from your senior school, is that right?”

“I don’t know, Daddy.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Daddy.”

“I might have a word with the Head tomorrow. Don’t forget the clinic on Tuesday.”

“Clinic?”

“Get with it girl, how many clinics do you go to?”

“Erm, Dr Shrinkwinkie?”

“I thought it was Schlessinger,” he said laughing at my comment.

“Yeah, that’s the one.”

He shook his head. And you behave with Mrs Johnson, tomorrow, do you hear me?”

“Yes, Daddy, I will.”

He nodded and left me.

I did some more battle with Charlotte Bronte before we called it a draw and I fell asleep. If being a girl meant reading this stuff, I wasn’t sure I’d pass the test, but I would take it to the clinic with me.

I was in bed when Brian came home, I heard some raised voices downstairs but decided I’d stay out of things. Brian came up a few minutes later. “You awake?”

“Yes, what do you want?”

“Hee hee, Dad’s given me back some of my lost allowance for saving your skin.”

“What was all the shouting about, then?”

“He felt he had an obligation to give me a bollocking, ‘cos I was in a fight.”

“You okay?” I asked.

“Yeah, course. Talk to you tomorrow, fairy face.”

“Goodnight to you, troll features,” I called at the empty doorway.

That night, I woke several times seeing the boy with the knife and feeling a sharp pain in my groin: each time I woke, I had to run for a wee, as I was in danger of wetting the bed. In the next dream, I not only felt the slash of the knife but also the warmth as my blood flowed. I awoke in a sweat, felt the warmth and wet and realised, this time I had wet myself.

I went and got a spare towel and shoved it in the bed, I would wash my bedding tomorrow and hope Mummy didn’t notice. Unfortunately, when she came to wake me up to get ready for Mrs Johnson, she saw the towel and asked why it was there. She seemed to understand and told me to put strip my bed and put the washing in the machine, once I was dressed, then hopefully, I could get it out on the line to dry.

I wore my embroidered jeans and top with my denim jacket to go round to Mrs Johnson. I could see the washing blowing on the line and felt quite pleased with my efforts. I rang her doorbell and waited.

I was just entering her house when a police car drew up outside my house. “What’s going on?” said Mrs Johnson, “go on in, I’ll speak to the police.” She hurried out of the house to speak with them.

She returned several minutes later, “They want Brian for something, I told them to call your father’s mobile number, because your mother will be teaching now.”

“Oh dear,” I said, feeling the butterflies circling around like king condors in my stomach.

“What’s the matter, Kylie?”

“I think I know what it might be about.”

“Oh what’s that, come and tell me while I get the washing on.”

I followed her into her utility room and told her about yesterday and Brian’s dramatic rescue of both Philip and me. She was horrified, especially when the word knife was mentioned.

“Goodness, Kylie, it seems not a weekend passes without some stupid teenager stabbing another. Tell me, why do they carry knives, you don’t do you?”

“No, I have one in my lock picking kit, but that’s all.”

“That’s a very unusual hobby for a young lady, how did you get into that?”

“Mummy used to have a set of locking drawers in her dressing table, when I was a kid, I used to try and open them, imagining all sorts of things they might contain. When I did manage to open them and discovered they were full of her better jewellery; I had the fiddle of locking them again. I found that I could open and shut them when I wanted. Then one day I wondered how the lock worked and took it apart.”

“Could you put it back together again?”

“Erm,” I blushed, “not quite. Daddy was very cross, it wasn’t a cheap dressing table. Between us we did manage to repair the lock, he showed me how it worked and from then on I was hooked. I try to take them apart to see how they work and then it’s easier to pick them.

“What about these modern doors, are they difficult?”

“You saw how long it took the other night.”

“Of course, you’re quite the little expert, aren’t you?”

I blushed and shrugged my shoulders.

“Right, that’s the washing on, let’s have a cuppa and then we can bathe bossy boots. Have you ever bathed a baby before?”

I shook my head, I hadn’t.

“Okay, it’s good fun as long as you have the bath somewhere safe and you don’t have the water too warm, then keep a careful hold of your baby and everyone enjoys it.”

I was looking forward to this; it sounded like real fun.

~~~~~

Thanks to Gabi for more head hitting and various other violent suggestions.