CHAPTER 82
Cathy didn’t speak much as she drove us home, but I suspect that was simply the way she approached her driving, like everything else she did: measured, methodical, cautious and then, after all options had been weighed, decisive. It wasn’t until we were safely on the M4 that she offered a comment.

“What was it Peggy Hughes said to you as we left, Debbie?”

I laughed, as my mind compared the confident young woman driving me to the nervous child I had first taken along that road.

“Getting a bit familiar, girl!”

Her eyes didn’t leave the road, but I still caught her grin.

“No girl, me! Responsible adult woman and fiancée! Allowed to be familiar with other adults, I am”

“Well, do you remember when you left there, the first time, and she hugged you> What she said”

She nodded.

“I remember that day very, very well, Nana. I think you saved my life just then”

“Bit melodramatic for me, Cathy”

“Yeah, well. Can’t be sure of that bit, but one thing I am certain of is that you gave me a life. No arguments, because I know exactly what you want to say, about me being my own person, making my own life, and my point is that without you, that would never have happened. End of that discussion. What did she say?”

“Stuff, Cathy. Good stuff. It was… she said to me, that first time, how she couldn’t get her head around the transgender stuff, but she was trying, and doing it for you. That’s a very, very different place to the one I was in”

Her head turned, just for a second, her lips pressed tightly together.

“Yes. That, I fully understand now. I never thought… No. I have been a remarkably fortunate woman. I recognise that”

“Yes, love. I really think you have, and she is part of it. What she said, to answer your question, was really simple. She told me she remembered every word of what she said to me that first time, and now, she looks at you and sees how right you were, how right you are now, right in your skin, that is, and how glad she is that we all met”

She made no reply for a few minutes, before almost whispering her next words.

“I have a provisional appointment next year, Debbie. In London”

“Job?”

“Um, no. Surgery”

“Oh, shit! Sorry: I didn’t mean it like that! We need to get sorted at the House, plan who goes with you, all that stuff”

Another long silence.

“Um, Scott’s parents have offered. In Cannock. Yes, they know. They watched the news from Chester, so they would have worked it out, but we had already decided to tell them. There’s more”

“How much more?”

“His Mam and Dad also saw the Evans trial. Charlie’s one, that is. They were asking if she had any family up their way”

“Why?”

“Charlie’s surname. They had a couple a few doors away from them, same surname, Surtees. Hippies; had some tinkers used to spend the winter the other side of them. Long gone, though, both couples”

My mouth was suddenly dry.

“What’s the name of the street they live on, Cathy?”

“Longford Road”

Shit.

“Cathy?”

“Yeah?”

“The hippies were Peter and Carol Surtees”

“That sounds right. How do you know?”

“Because the tinkers were my Mam and Dad. That was our winter home”

“Oh shit!”

“Decades ago now, Cathy, but yeah. How small is this bloody world? Well, that will make the gossip at your wedding tasty! Assuming I’m invited, of course”

“Stupid question, Nana! Anyway, we need to think what to ask Charlie”

I shook my head, which was stupid, as her eyes were fixed firmly ahead once more.

“Enough on her plate at the moment, love. Let’s just get this out of the way for now, and, well, it could just be a coincidence. What she has told me about her father sounds completely unlike the Peter Surtees I knew”

I could feel the old ghosts stirring, a Northumberland wind rising to shake my memories loose. Not now, Petrie. Back home, in the door and a meal, and then Cathy was off, on her way to the Lakes and her lover.

Small world.

We didn’t see a lot of Diane over the next months but she was steadily blooming as her child grew within her. Blake was round a few times, Jon many more, and so we kept up to speed on all the various bits of gossip, even though, following a sneaky announcement, I actually had a rather juicy chunk of my own to share. Charlie and Tiff had their own, very much delayed, as their exam results had arrived via a convoluted route by way of Heidi’s office, and they were good ones, especially given their unconventional circumstances. Paul, though…

“Are you sure you want to share it this way, love?”

He had grinned.

“Big news, big do. More the merrier’ if you are all available, I’ll book Angelo’s”

A pause, then a far more sheepish grin.

“And yes, I am shitting myself. This will be one way to keep me on track”

“If you are not sure, mate”

A shake of his head.

“Absolutely sure, Debbie. Only doubts are whether I am the right man, aye?”

All the reassurance I could give went into the hug, and as soon as he was gone I went to the phone to sort the final details. To be honest, it wasn’t him I was worried about, but the announcement I had received from two of my charges. That was a much longer decision, and of course I had to involve Heidi, but the girls were determined. Life was refusing to stand still, but the Holiday Inn had a room deal that helped ease one of my worries.

We took up a whole room in the restaurant, Di and Blake arriving early, her bump showing quite noticeably by then, and as we all said our various hellos and caught up with minor gossip, Tiff and Charlie appeared, followed by Gemma, who looked terrified but still clung tightly to Marty’s hand. The lad looked terrified, and I understood that being with her on a student night in a pub might feel rather less intimidating than facing down her entire family.

Paul and Paul were close behind them, followed by Jazz and Nell, and I grinned across as Benny whispered “Few more friends with you than when we first met, my love!”

I whispered back to him, with a wink, “Same goes for you, Benny! These are your friends too”

Up I rose, tinging on a glass for attention.

“Hiya all of you! Tonight is a bit of a celebration, and I am glad I was lucky enough to get the last two I needed to make this evening complete. So, sod introductions, but a couple have to be made. Benny here is an old friend from my childhood…”

Kim twitched, and I could read her mind, and Cooper was there, but fuck him. I was free, I was with the friends Benny had mentioned, and he was never seeing outside a locked door, ever again. Breathe and continue.

“His husband, there, is Peter. We were out of touch for some years, but thanks to the two couples there—Di and Blake, and Jon and Rhys---we are back in touch and, as is the way of things, finding out all sorts of things to share.

“So, why are we here? Lots of reasons, but all good, all things to bring a smile. So, first: Charlie and Tiff. Congratulations are due on two fronts, the first being their A-level results, which are excellent. Charlie and Tiff!”

What a difference in their confidence; I felt Peggy Hughes’ embrace once more, her affirmation of right paths for women with awkward starts to their journeys. Keep the smile going, Petrie.

“The second thing is just as important. You all know why I run the House, and you all know that it is a place of refuge. That doesn’t mean it is a final place to hide, and so once again, we say so long, but not goodbye, to a couple of girls who have made their life their own. Kim?”

My first girl was on her feet now, grinning away as another example of that validation Peggy had spoken of. Phil was beaming away happily, no shyness there, no reservations: this was his woman, his partner. Kim ducked her head for a second, then looked up.

“I suppose I am one of the lucky ones here, the first Deb ever took in, and without her, I have no idea where I would be. Well, actually, I have some very clear ideas of where, but that didn’t happen, and Deb is why. Charlie and Tiffany here are two more. They have moved out, found their own flat, and left room for other strays to be helped. Congrats, you two. Life starts now, starts properly. So let’s drink to two girls who are showing others the way! Charlie and Tiff, once again!”

I waved Paula to her feet, and she almost bounced up, with encouragement from my two.

“Hi from me. I feel a little odd standing here like this. You all know where I was, apart from the two gents over there, so I suppose I should spell it out. Peter, Ben, I was on the game, after… events in my childhood. Many of the people here were also victims. Those four Deb mentioned, they dug me out of that, and Nell and Jazz here, well, I have had some really shitty times with things like getting straight, withdrawal, stuff. Always there, those two, always at the end of the phone when I needed them. Sisters, that’s what they have been to me. Anyway, part three of this celebration is my book. Written, published, serialised in the Grauniad. I am an author, now, a woman with a story to tell, not just a whore and a smackhead. Four coppers who supported me, who listened, who never condemned, and two sisters to help me through the dark places”

I could see the tears start to show at the corners of her eyes, and almost regretted not warning Benny and Pater. She took a few seconds to gather herself, then continued her speech.

“There’s one more, though, and he is sat beside me. I don’t know how many times he nicked me, how many times he took me off the streets, but never with a sneer. I suspect he saw something in me, and in the end what he offered me was protection. I was asking myself the other day if Paul and Deb there were separated at birth!”

Her smile was warm, it had one recipient even though it warmed all of us, and then she held up her left hand.

“Sod it, there you are. Yup! He asked, and I said yes. I am finding it difficult, I will admit that freely, as I have a lot of issues about intimacy that will never go away, but sod it. Carpe diem and all that! We will set a date when his bosses are clear about all the propriety shit, but he asked, and I said yes, and that is all we need”

She sat down, and I rose once more.

“Well, the next bit should be an obvious one. Please raise your glasses: I give you Charlie, Tiff, Paul and Paul. May life continue to smile on them all!”

Di was crying, and one perverse part of my mind was rubbing its hands in glee: still not done yet, woman. Once the toast was gone, I simply grinned at her then indicated her colleague, scarfaced Rhys. He actually looked slightly embarrassed. He raised a hand, showing Jon’s in his own, and then grinned.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, all that stuff, so I will keep this bit short. Thanks to all round this table, so on and so on, and especially to the fat woman—sorry, Di! Thanks to that wonderful and caring pair Di and Blake and yeah, me and Jon here. I asked, he said yes, and that’s my news. Our news”

I sorted another toast, of course, and realised Benny was now crying along with Diane, so we ate, we drank, and we shared. I ended up at the sink in the ladies’ with Diane as she complained about bladder pressure from her passenger, and I was watching her face in the mirror as she spoke, and there were shadows there.

“Di?”

“Yes?”

“What is getting you so wound up?”

“Not easy, Debbie. Expecting”

“Not working, Di. Too old and nasty for that, I am”

She looked down into the sink, away in that odd zoning-out way of hers, then looked up again.

“Not an easy one, Deb. Start from… No. Old flame of mine, okay. Went to England”

I stared at her, but I wasn’t seeing the expression I had expected.

“This isn’t doubts about Blake, then. You’ve got the wrong face on for that. What is the punch line, woman?”

She shrugged, looking back down into the sink.

“Got me, Deb. Simple: turned out my crush was one of your type”

“Oh hell!”

“Yup. Straight girl, as well. Me and Blake have seen her other half, Eric he’s called, and he seems like a good bloke. She’s a lucky woman, Deb. Or she was. I know you follow the news. Did you see that about the explosion in Sussex?”

“That car bomb? Oh hell!”

Di nodded.

“Exactly. She’s sort of all right now, or so people tell me, but I am still… Am I an obsessive, Debbie? I just can’t seem to let go of things”

I hugged her, as always, and kidded her cheek.

“No, love. That’s my job. You just don’t, can’t stop caring. That’s a compliment, by the way”

“Fine. Well, for once, I am putting caring to one side, and yes, I know about pregnancy, bloody obviously, but for once I resent my child, because I want to get pissed, and I daren’t. Any ideas?”

I pulled her closer.

“Go out there, watch Charlie and tiff, see how close Paul and Paula are sitting, not to mention Rhys and Jonny Boy, and then you think about what you said about your old friend and her man Eric. Does she love him?”

Her smile broke through the shadows.

“Oh, absolutely! Her face, when he walked in… shit, woman, how are you always so right?”