CHAPTER 63
I walked into the back dining room two days after Maria’s arrival, and found my girls in what looked like a conference, and quite a serious one. They looked up, almost simultaneously, and then Nicky and Tiff led the new girl away. Patricia seemed the most sensible just then, so I looked to her for an answer, but when I asked her if there was something going on I should know about, it was Charlie who replied.

“Something we saw on the telly, Nana. That Alkies Anonymous thing. Just us in here, nobody else, so we have a little chat together. Hi, my name’s whatever, and I’m here because people at my school were shits. Hi, my name’s someone else, and I’m here cause Dad started buying me stripper’s knickers”

“This isn’t being, whatever, forced? Compulsory?”

Patricia did answer that one.

“No, Debbie, not at all. It’s just that some of us understand some things better than other stuff, or better than other girls. This gives us a chance to sort our heads out, share stuff with people who understand. Not shrinks, are we? Doc Thomas does that bit, but not the same as sharing stuff, is it?”

Suddenly, she was giggling.

“Anyway, one thing she can’t share with us, especially not with Gemma, nor Nell and Cathy and Kim!”

“What’s that?”

“Boys, men, even when they’re all pointless in cold water. Maria’s a lezzer!”

I looked round at the grins breaking out, and I simply felt proud. Bert had been absolutely right in his words, and these girls were indeed a gift. I did make a little mental note, though: watch the new girl when we next went to a certain pub. The lesbians there seemed to have come to a sort of acceptance of my crew, but I had no idea how they would react to one of the girls claiming to be on their bus. Ah well.

“One of you able to go and shout those three back? Got some stuff we need to sort, all of us”

Emma did the honours, and once we were all settled, I began.

“You may be wondering why I have called you here today…”

A cushion flew towards me, Maisie grinning as she threw it.

“Get to the point, woman!”

“Okay! Now, most of you have got your exams in a few months. I need to sit down with you and work out what you will be doing afterwards—no, I can see it in some of your faces, and no, I am not looking to kick anyone out. Maria, I will be talking about girls who have left, and the others can explain later. No, what I say is that people stay here until they feel ready. Still home for Nell and Cathy, even though they’re off at university, just further away than Patricia. Still sort of home for Kim, though she’s living with her boyfriend. And Alicia?”

That girl was smiling shyly.

“Yeah, still home here, isn’t it? I mean, Dad, that stuff, I’m hoping, but… I want to stay at school, where I am, cause it works, and later, if I get the right marks, well, university, I hope”

She looked around at the others for a few seconds.

“I know I am being really lucky, with my family, especially… especially after things that happened. I want to be HOME home some day, with Dad and that, but this place, you lot… I’ll always have two homes, and that’s special. So that’s me, what I want”

I was nodding in complete agreement.

“Exactly what I wanted to talk to each of you about. Not a date for leaving, but setting up a sort of calendar for things like getting your name changed, if that is what you want, sixth form and university for those it suits, jobs and stuff for others. But not all work and stuff, of course”

Maisie was leaning forward, eyes wide.

“The perving rocks?”

I found myself laughing out loud at that one.

“Yes, Maisie. The perving rocks. Maria, just to clear this one up, it’s a camp site with all sorts of huge mountains round it, but out the back is this big bit of rock, and there’s somewhere to sit with a picnic and just watch”

The younger woman looked puzzled.

“Watch a bit of rock?”

Several girls were answering that at once, and I caught phrases like ‘tight shorts’, ‘fit as anything’ and ‘you can see all the way up their…’. Maria was smiling more easily by then, and when she asked “Aren’t there girl climbers too?”, Maisie sighed, putting the back of her hand to her forehead.

“How would we know? Too distracted to look at unimportant stuff, weren’t we? So little time, so many fit men to ogle”

Patricia was the serious one, yet again.

“When are you thinking of, Debbie?”

“That’s the point, Tricia. I want to have some time with some other friends as well”

Maisie perked up again.

“The biker do?”

“One of two I have in mind, Maisie. The rest of you, Maisie came out to a do with me, and it’s the one I am thinking of. The other is the one run by Wildcat’s Dad, but the one I fancy going to is a really laid-back one in a lovely spot. It means a camping weekend for motorbikers, with live rock music, silly games and a lot of very silly and drunk people, smiling drunk, not nasty drunk. Yes, Maisie? Got your hand up? Want to share some memories?”

“Yeah, and it’s got its own perving, cause they tie lads out on the grass with no clothes on at all”

Tricia was staring at her, open-mouthed.

“You are insatiable!”

“Well, like I said: so many backsides to ogle, so little time”

A pause for effect, before she added, “But it’s frontsides there!”

I looked at Maria, who was shaking her head.

“You getting the idea now? Yes, Gemma?”

“I’ll be busy over the Summer, so if… I can look after… Charlie? Tiff? You want to go with Debbie this time?”

Tiff tucked her hands into the pockets of her cardigan, but I had already spotted their trembling.

“Think we’d probably be best staying home again, Charlie and me, if that’s okay”

I left that one for later, and turned back to Maria.

“Idea is to do one of the rallies, probably the one in the hills, then drive up past Cathy and Nell’s university. They may want to drive up with us, or might have other plans, and I need to tell you that they are both in a, that they each have a man in tow. Nice boys, no threat. We then go up to the big mountains and, yes, the camp site is lovely. Anyway, that’s my proposed Summer break thing. My boss has offered to sort me out a minibus again, so there’ll be room. What we do up there is walk on the hills, maybe go down the coast, and there might be a music night on at a local pub”

Maria was still smiling.

“You talk about music a lot, Debbie”

“Oh god yes! Which reminds me: please tell me you are not into Country and Western or rap!”

“Um… Muse? That sort of thing?”

I shook my head.

“Never heard of them”

“Got some downloaded on my Walkman”

I was definitely getting old. Whatever the band might be like, Maria fitted in almost seamlessly, despite her sexuality, and I made the usual round of the shops for walking boots and sleeping bag and mat.

Had I really considered turning down the grants from Heidi’s people? How stupid had I been?

In a completely different mood, we introduced her to the difference a hot drink could make to those without hope, where she met Paul, and a month later, Dr Thomas added her to his list before mentioning he would have another doctor along by August to share the case load. That had brought some genuine good humour from him.

“Debbie, think of what you are saving the Government here. Places like Charing Cross, the gender identity clinic there, they have to pay London rents for a building, and staff and stuff, and here you are, covering all that for free. With nicer refreshments, as well!”

Once more, the year sped past, with another set of exam results I felt personally proud of, as Alicia became the fifth of my girls to make it to university, gaining a place on an English Literature course. As with Cathy and Nell, she had turned eighteen in my care, and that was the day Heidi dropped a bombshell onto us.

“It’s her father, Debbie. Wants to know what name she’s using”

“What for?”

Heidi laughed down the phone, far more happily that she had been able to manage at the start of the year.

“Wants to help her sort out a deed poll, is all! I really think we have bloody cracked this one, my love! That’s point one, of course. Other one’s trickier”

“In what way?”

“Alicia is an adult now. Not in our care, just like Cathy and Eleanor. Don’t worry; same arrangements at our end, but if she goes home, he gets the financial hit, not you. Not that you get a hit, but you know what I mean. That’s not the issue. He has asked us very directly what her holiday plans are”

“Oh. What exactly has he asked?”

“Sounds like the girl has given him some hints, nothing detailed, about a camping trip. He wants to know if he can visit the site”

“Shit. To be honest… I don’t have a clue on that one. I would really need to talk to my girls, all of them, just to see if it would be acceptable. You won’t have told him where we go, will you?”

“Course not. If it helps, the more they interact with each other, the happier I am. Lifts my heart when I see a family sorted again. It might work well for them”

“Yes, but it is the other girls’ say. No promises”

We ended the call, and I sat there holding the phone as I tried to come to some sort of decision. As I fretted, Alicia came into the room.

“Was that Mrs Milton?”

“Yes, love”

“She said she would call”

I looked up at her, trying to read her mind.

“You know what it was about, then. The call”

She nodded, looking a little apprehensive.

“Dad”

I went to say something further, and she simply carried on talking.

“I told him we would be camping, and he said where, and I said I couldn’t tell him, but I talked to the others, and asked, and they said it would be okay, and it would mean he could see me with my friends, and… and I’m an adult now, so he has to respect that”

“Mrs Milton says he is sorting out a legal name change for you”

“Yes. Alicia Ingrid Wallis”

“Ingrid?”

“Nana’s name. Dad’s mam”

If the others were fine… Dear god, a less complicated life, please! I had to admit to myself that I was finding the idea attractive.

“Where would he stay, love? I wouldn’t want him in a tent with you. And how many days?”

“I can ask. Meeting him next week”

“Well, don’t tell him where just yet. Please”

Three weeks later, and Alicia’s name was confirmed with a piece of paper and an embossed seal, and four months after that, we were making our way out of Llanddeusant heading north, all girls very tired, and several memory cards, I was absolutely certain, holding pictures of the two men whose rally virginity had been recognised in the traditional unclothed fashion. We would meet my students at the camp site, but before that, Mr Wallis would be waiting in the car park opposite the Waterloo Hotel in Betws.