CHAPTER 42
I will freely admit that I was terrified. The girls had not been living as themselves for that long, and so far it had been in a protective bubble. Their sixth form studies had been just down the road from the rest of us, and there had always been an available escape route in the forms of Marlene and Ruth. Their new place would be without such safety nets, as well as being a long way away from us. Oily and the rest had gone above and beyond the expected in sorting out their little car, and they still had each other to look to at University, but I was still sweating blood until their first return home for a weekend.

I was gratified by the reaction of the other girls that Friday, who pushed the boat out a long way in the welcome they extended. Maisie explained it in simple terms.

“Nothing complicated, Debbie. Just that those two, they’ve done it, got into the real world. Tricia was saying it, that if those two can do it, so can the rest of us”

She snorted out a sudden laugh.

“Silly sod then gets all embarrassed. “Didn’t mean it like that’, she says, didn’t mean they look crap or stuff!’, so we all took the mick, but I knew what she meant”

With a slight frown, she turned her face to her knees.

“Big thing, isn’t it. Two kids from a home, two perverts, like people say, and they’re off to college and a proper life. You need to know what you’ve done for us, you and Kim and the rest”

“Kim?”

“Yeah, her. Who is it keeps this place running when you’re at work?. Anyway, it all means I have to do more work, at school, like”

“Why’s that?”

She grinned, looking up again.

“Can’t let those two down, can I? They’ve opened the door for the rest of us, end of story. Anyway, glad rags for tomorrow night, woman. Marlene’s got us a room, and Ruth and Kim have done us a buffet”

That was my first inkling that my girls were steadily making their own lives outside the front door. Yes, we had a party. No, Marlene didn’t seem to mind when we laid out lots of food that she hadn’t sold us, and no, she didn’t hold back on helping us clear it off the tables.

There was the usual Saturday night disco, and I noticed that Nell seemed to be rather less beige than she had previously presented to the world. Over a beer for me, and a bottle of some hideous blue concoction for her, her cheeks slightly flushed from the dancing, she gave me an account of their first weeks at college.

“It was scary, Debbie, really scary. First week, we went down to the Freshers’ Bazaar, see what clubs there were. Just the two if us; felt like everyone was staring, like we had a target on our backs, and then Cathy made a stupid joke about Mods, that roundel thing they used to paint on their anoraks, parkas, whatever. Got me laughing, and she says ‘Target’s on the tables, Nell; let’s find a decent club or six, and get well-rounded’, so I had to play along, and I’d just said ‘Does my bum look big in this, then?’, and some rugby type calls over that it looked OK to him”

She took a swig from her chemicals, and grinned.

“Kim did that, Debbie. Teased me, tricked me at that party, but she was right. I don’t have to flash anything about unless I want to, but if I do want to, and it’s the right place, then why not?”

I could see her point, sort of, but I suspected that if I pushed it, we might end up in territory more maudlin than anything else.

“So what clubs did you join?”

“Oh, usual stuff. Film club, book club, music club, climbing club”

“You what?”

“Cathy’s idea, that one. She looked at the lad behind the table, and she whispers to me, ‘Fancy looking up at him from underneath, or doing it from on top?’ You have unleashed a monster, Ms Wells!”

I shook my head.

“Really? She wants to go crawling up walls like some bloody crawling thing?”

“Yeah. They’ve got an indoor wall there, with ropes and stuff”

“You OK with that?”

“Not at first! But there were so many fit boys there…”

Shit.

“You know you need to be careful. Remember Maisie, what happened to her”

She was nodding.

“Yeah, I know. We thought of joining the gay club, but it’s not us, not really. Not lesbians, are we, nor blokes?”

I shook my head, puzzled as to where she was going.

“So we found another group; please don’t laugh”

“What’s funny, then?”

“It sort of mixes with something we did in the mountains, that music night in the pub. It’s a dance club, folk dance thingy”

I forced my mouth shut, as she was clearly worried I would ignore her request, and laugh out loud. She swallowed a couple of times, then started again.

“It was Cathy’s idea, Debbie, and before you say anything, it was a good one. It’s a way of learning to be… to be normal. We’re just normal, both of us. It’s OK dancing, like we did at the new year, but, well, I wasn’t sure about that dress, but never mind. That sort of dancing’s OK, cause it’s solo. I… we… Debbie?”

“Yes, love?”

“Boys, Debbie. Men, I suppose, now, our age, isn’t it? Cathy said we could dance, and it would be as girls, and that sort of dancing, it’s where you have to dance as couples, and it’s…”

She broke off again, shaking her head in frustration, almost in tears, then looked me in the eye once more.

“Is it wrong for us to want to be held by someone nice?”

I took her into a hug, naturally, and she almost whispered, “Someone nice that isn’t you, I mean”

I felt a stab in my heart.

“No, love. It’s never wrong”

She clung to me for a few seconds before sitting back up again.

“So Cathy and me, we’re learning to dance, and that means boys. Men. And they are nice, some of them. And… Well, it can’t go any further, can it, not yet, anyway. So Cathy and me, we say we’ve still got our bloke L-plates, still provisional drivers, and that’s OK, cause provisional means some point we get our full licences. Want another pint? Old enough to buy a round now, aren’t I?”

So she went to the bar, the subject was changed and the following afternoon we waved them both off again. Even with all the others at home, the House felt empty. Stay safe, love.

I had a meeting with Nita and Heidi a few weeks later at their office, as they had some regular report for their managers to complete, and naturally the main topic of conversation was the two flyaways. Heidi, for once, went straight to the point.

“The two are legally adults now, Debbie, so there’s going to be some rearrangement of the funding. Has been, in fact”

“I had noticed!”

“Yeah, sorry about that. Automatic systems and stuff. I have been working on it, trust me, and it’s been in two parts. The first part was actually the easiest, which wasn’t what I expected”

“What was that bit?”

“Tuition fees and student grant stuff. I know there’s no grant system these days, but we’ve managed to rejig some of the benefits they’d be due. Who got them the car, by the way?”

“My sister”

Nita looked up sharply at that, but clearly decided not to push the point, allowing Heidi to continue.

“The awkward point is that if we pay the girls for being at college, we don’t have the wiggle room to pay you for them. Sorry”

I actually laughed out loud at her apology.

“Heidi, butt, you’re looking after them, which is all that matters. I’m not in it for profit, am I?”

“Um, no, but we’d like to redirect that payment back to you, if you don’t mind. Neither girl has had any experience in the wider world, so we think, while they’re at college, it would be best if you handled it, paid them an allowance, like”

“Oh, you cheeky so and so! You could have spoken to them directly!”

Nita coughed.

“Um, we did, Debbie. It was Cathy and Nell who suggested we do it this way. They seem to be remarkably realistic about life. You have done a bloody good job with them, Debbie”

“I don’t see it as a job, Nita”

“I know you don’t. Now, how are you doing for space? You’ve had a rush of new arrivals. Can you handle one more?”

“I think so, but it’s getting tight”

I barked out a laugh of my own.

“Unless you are willing to buy next door for me?”

Heidi shook her head, but she was grinning.

“Not miracle workers, are we? Like that old joke: the difficult done today, the impossible might take a little time. Seriously, we’re heading for the cold months now. The debris always turns up as the temperature drops”

She sighed, her mouth twisting in her usual way.

“Debbie, I think it’s lack of strength that does it. Some of the broken can cope while it’s sunny and warm, but when the days get shorter, life just feels that much more crap, and that’s when they break. Of course, they get outside, and they already lack the reserves, isn’t it?”

Nita nodded in agreement.

“Little bird, or a big Welby, tells me you’re helping out the sex workers in the city. Thanks, Deb. Really thanks. Told you already what it means when we find, you know. Too many of our honest ratepayers think they should die, I sometimes dream of taking them along to bag and tag one of the bodies. Anyway, enough on that. Girl called Alicia, and she is one of the rare ones who can spell it. Fifteen, a runaway; Dad is a bit anti, but Mam’s a full-on pray-away-the-gay ranter. When they took her to a shrink, I am told her Mam asked if they could do electroshock stuff, although I don’t know where she thought they should stick the electrodes. We’ve got her in a hostel, at the moment”

“I can fit her in, if you want. Just”

“How’d you get here?”

“The van. I’m doing a big shop after, and there’s not enough room on the bike”

“Good. I lied. She’s downstairs”

“Shit! It’ll be either Cathy’s or Nell’s for now, until I can sort another pair of bunks”

“Debbie?”

“Yes, Heidi?”

“You do know that those two have moved out, now? Adults, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, but it is still their home. Always will be, I think”

The two women both kept their replies to a nod, but Nita gave my hand a squeeze as she rose.

“I’ll get the girl. She’s just got the one bag”

Alicia turned out to be a skinny kid in tracksuit bottoms and a hoody that seemed at least four sizes too big, and she looked worried on seeing me.

“I’m not going to eat you, love. What’s frightening you?”

“Going into a home. Bullies and stuff”

“These ladies told you what sort of place I run?”

“They just said it was a safe place”

Nita handed the girl her rucksack.

“Debbie runs a specialist place. Everyone there is a girl like you”

“But I’m not a--- really? Everyone?”

I nodded.

“All of them, love. What you got in the bag?”

“Couple of T-shirts, and some… some makeup”

I turned to Nita.

“Usual funding for this one?”

My old friend, as I now saw her, laughed happily.

“Like you’ll wait for that? Yes, of course. Oh, take this”

She passed me a cheap mobile phone.

“Alicia, I actually suspect that your Dad isn’t as hard line as your Mam. I have reasons for that, but not for right now, OK? This is a pay-as-you-go, and if your Dad keeps being sensible, I will let him speak to you, but only with your agreement. I need you to promise not to call him unless we can be sure it is safe. Can you give me your word on that?”

Alicia nodded, looking rather lost, and after a couple of hugs we were out of the door and into the van.

“Buckle up, kid. Where are you from?”

“Briton Ferry”

“You won’t be used to the fresher air around here, then”

That brought a slight crack in her expression. Good; let’s open it a little more.

“Got to do some shopping first, food and stuff. Kim’s doing a communal cooking session tonight, with the rest of the crew. Kim’s one of my girls; works in a café during the day. You cook?”

“Only simple stuff. Wanted to do Domestic Science at school, but Mam says that’s only for girls, and… What do I call you?”

“Debbie. That’s all”

“Debbie. Right. When Mam said that, it was what caused the problem, cause I said well, duh, and she said what do you mean duh, so I said, well. It’s when things went… It’s when it went bad, with the Parch and the psychiatrist. Can we not talk about it, please?”

“OK. You a vegetarian, anything like that?”

“No”

“Good, cause Kim is doing a big shepherd’s pie tonight. We need lamb mince, stuff like that. Grab my handbag, please. List is in the outside pocket. Your first job is to tick off what we get”

Her second job, of course, was to follow me through the clothing session for night clothes, slippers and a couple of skirts and tops.

Yes, there were tears; there were more when we arrived at the House, and Nita’s description was shown to be absolutely correct. Kim was waiting for us, and as I dumped the shopping in the kitchen, she picked up the bag of clothing, grinning as she saw the contents.

“Where’s new girl here sleeping, Debbie?”

“Nell’s room for now, Kim”

“Emma!”

A head poked round the door.

“Hiya. Who are you?”

The ‘new girl’ in question looked up at me, and I nodded my approval.

“Um, Alicia”

Kim pushed her gently forward.

“Em, can you take her up to Nell’s room for now?”

“No problem!”

“Alicia?”

“Yeah?”

Kim threw an apron at her.

“Changed, down here, that pinny on. We need to get this meal cooking, because I will be off out after, and I do NOT want to be late!”