CHAPTER 35
I suppose that Maisie’s arrival was the start of another new life for me. I had managed to get through to Kim by a simple process of empathy, for she was me, in so many ways. There was a fire in her, one I had seen when she had called me a nonce and issued directions about sex and travel. Each time she snarked at someone, I heard myself passing a comment about a horse to a woman whose looks were more Clydesdale than filly. I realised how much I depended on her support only when things took a little turn for the worse.

Nell and Cathy seemed joined at the hip, and I could see why. Both were bookish, as well as feminine in their own individual ways. Once they had come to understand what the House was about, they settled into their new lives with an almost audible sigh of relief, their former selves shed like a snake’s old skin, their vision clearer than before. I suppose that the regular visits by Doctor Thomas were a help, but the main driver seemed to be their studies. They were there for each other at college, so any potential bullies would have been faced with both of them. That meant that I had to rely more and more on Kim’s innate good sense to settle Maisie in, as I worked my shifts for Bert.

Cathy was the girl who really surprised me, to be honest. She had seemed far too quiet when I had first collected her, but that had blossomed into what I could only describe as serenity. Her treatment of poor battered Maisie had been mature beyond her years, and her influence on Nell was an inspiration. I caught her on her own one evening, working through some book or other on rock formations or erosion or something like that, in the other living room/study, bringing her a hot chocolate.

“How are things going with the new girl?”

She put a bus ticket on the page she was reading and closed the book, pushing a lock of her steadily-growing hair back behind an ear.

“Not wonderful, Debbie. I don’t think she’s got there yet?”

“Got where, love?”

Her head tilted to one side.

“I know that Mrs Hughes told you about my little box. You tried to get me to talk about it on the drive here, remember? Not that subtle, Ms Wells”

“Well, yeah. I needed to get some idea what to expect, and it isn’t the easiest thing to bring up, is it? Cold?”

“Well, that’s actually the point. When I was… when I used to do things to myself, you know what it was? It was control”

“Eh?”

“My life… I had nothing that was mine. I had nothing I had a say in, just told what to do. You’re a boy, this is what boys do. This is how boys dress. Nothing from me, no choices. When I was… when I got my little box out, it was a little space, a little moment, where I was in charge. I could choose where, how deep, how many. I sound mad, don’t I?”

“No, Cathy. You don’t. I know all about things happening to me without consent. Are you still… Do you still feel the need for that stuff?”

She smiled, in a completely natural way.

“No. Not any more. I have control now, at least until Kim starts complaining about kitchen work needing doing. Look at this dress”

It was a pretty thing, completely not to my own taste, and it was typical of hers in being flared in the skirt, fitted in the bodice, in a soft rose-pink print, with a cream cardigan over it.

“What about it?”

“Well, remember fumbling in the back of the van to get changed, and then going up into town with you all to pick my own stuff? I picked this one out. I chose it, I decided to put it on today, I chose what I’ll wear to college tomorrow. Control, Debbie. More control than I ever dreamt of. That answer the question?”

I nodded, and she grinned.

“Got a question of my own now! How’s that for control?”

“Go ahead, O Mighty One!”

She snorted with laughter, then looked at her mug.

“Too much of this and I’ll be the Fat Controller. Anyway, Maisie first. She’s terrified someone will find out where she is. Terrified of going out. I was thinking: do we have some time to take her right away, be herself? Kim and Nell were talking about your friend Pat, the mountains and stuff. Nell said you mentioned biker parties as well. They told me how protective the bikers were. I think that’s what might work for Maisie”

“What? Loud music and camping, or long walks and camping?”

“Either. Just being somewhere that is either closed off from outsiders, or so far away that there’s no prospect of her being found by someone she doesn’t want to see”

“I may have just the do. We’ve missed the Fumble, but I know one almost as good. You want to run it past her and the others together?”

“Will do”

“And your own question?”

“Yeah. Me and Nell, really. Uni. It’s…”

She grinned suddenly, happily.

“Control, Debbie! And a future worth waking up for. I want to do geology”

“Ah. I wondered why you were reading schoolbooks at this time of year”

“It’s actually the first year set book for Aberystwyth. Getting a head start. Nell and me, we’ve been looking at places. She wants to do history, of all things. I asked her why not music, and she said cause she can’t play anything. That’s another thing. We take our A-levels in a year, and when we’re eighteen, well, we’re both eighteen before we sit them, and we can change our names at eighteen, legally, and it means no silliness with certificates, and we go to Uni as ourselves and not in the wrong names, because if we pass our A-levels, then that’s the name the Uni sees, and, well, stuff”

I stared at her for a few seconds.

“You’ve really been giving this some thought, haven’t you?”

A sharp nod. I took her hand.

“Tell you what, you speak to the others, and I will give Rosie a shout, see if they’ll be at the Welsh Coast do, and if there might be a couple of pillions going free, and I’ll also see what Pat’s doing later in the month. That do?”

I stood, collecting the mug as I did so.

“Oh, yes: those books are expensive. They come out of house funds from now on, okay?”

A sharp nod once again, and I headed for the phone to give Rosie a shout. The ensuing conversation alleged that I was an idiot, of course they would be going, both clubs, and the women would have some spare pillion seats, anyone playing rally virgin games would end up eating their own teeth, and did I need a spare tent?

The weekend before the do, Rosie and Rockrose dropped a bundle of spare clothing off for the girls as well as some helmets, and I found a small rucksack for each one.

“Tip for you three: Once on the bike, loosen the shoulder straps so that the rucksack sits down onto the bit behind you, but keep the chest strap fastened. That way, it won’t dig into your shoulders, nor force your head forward. Maisie? We need a little chat, OK?”

I took her into the dining room so that Cathy and Nell could dig into their books in the study, and as if by instinct, Kim followed us a couple of minutes later with two steaming mugs, then left us to our chat.

“The others are worried about you, love. That you’re scared of men getting in, men who know you, that is”

She started trembling, and as always, I reached out for a hand. Mam and Dad had taught me so well.

“The general opinion is that you need to get out into the world, but do it somewhere nobody might see the person they thought you were. Am I right? Are you up for this?”

“Who will be there?”

“A lot of really scary bikers, but that’s not just the women, but my sister and her girls. Her old man will be there with his own club and they will have people watching for problems, all day and all night. My sister told me that anyone who bothers any of you will be eating their own teeth before they finish opening their mouths. Trust her on that one”

“What do we do there?”

“Arrive, put up a tent, get drunk or don’t get drunk, play silly games, eat unhealthy food and dance ourselves into exhaustion to loud music. Oh, and the site is absolutely gorgeous”

“If it rains?”

“Big marquee. You up for it, love?”

“Who will I sleep with? Not on my own?”

“No, not at all, unless you want to. Me and Kim, it would be. The other two will be in one of Rosie’s spare tents”

“Okay, then”

I could feel the tremor in her hand, so once more, by instinct, I took another hurting child into my arms.

In the end, the weather stayed fine, the usual suspects found someone else to strip naked, and I found a few moments, and a quiet spot up one of the lanes heading for the mountains to shed some tears for Mam and Dad. I stayed sober(ish), as did Kim, while Cathy got merry, Nell got VERY merry, and a succession of prospects and patches of the Falkiri MC, Rosie’s newly formed club, stayed within close reach of Maisie as she slowly settled into the mood of the place, relaxing enough to dance to the early disco, before really letting rip when the band came on.

What really seemed to break through to her was the simple presence of children. Carl was on ‘business’ again for part of the weekend, once more with that big Englishman I remembered from so many years ago, but this time he had a dark-haired woman with him and three kids. I could read Maisie’s mind: kids; families; safety. That was what sent me up the lane for a solitary bout of weeping, because I could see myself there. Two girls and a boy were what he had, and it wasn’t just myself I saw there, but Rosie and poor, murdered Sam.

Class, woman. Whose weekend is this, in the end? Maisie to look after. Find some backbone, show some class, but let the tears run their course.