CHAPTER 29
I handed the hammer back to Nell, setting the frame as square as I could. It was only the second we had placed by the stairs, but it was a good one. Pat had set her timer to capture all four of us at the top of Carnedd Llywelyn, sun brightly shining and our jackets covered in lumps of snow from our silliness with axes and polythene survival bag. Just down from that picture, three of us grinned on top of Y Garn. The sunlight in the photos could do nothing to illuminate the staircase, but the memories did exactly that. Nell chuckled.

“What’s funny, love?”

“Just thinking, yeah? Climbing pictures, next to stairs. Fits!”

That Sunday morning had been misty, and when I took a mug of tea to Pat’s tent, it was clear that she wouldn’t be in the best state to lead us up and over anything serious that day. I called Kim over.

“Want to show Nell your lusting place?”

Her confidence was growing wonderfully, as she grinned at the other girl.

“Can’t promise you no naked men today, but I can show you the best place to sit!”

Once they were gone, I quietly asked Pat if she was okay, as I was still worried about her unpleasant revelation on Foel Grach. She shook her head sharply, then groaned.

“Shouldn’t do that after a night like that. No, Deb. I’m fine, as fine as I’ll ever be, if you catch my drift. You do that, you know?”

“Do what?”

“Debbie, love, I don’t need to know all the details of what you got away from. I don’t really want to. I have seen how it has screwed you over… Sublimation, that’s the word. Finding another focus. Those girls, that’s yours. You’ve got nobody else, have you?”

Stick the knife in, woman, why don’t you.

“No. I have family, my sister and her man, but no, not really. Those two up the hill, they’re my focus now. I get what you’re saying, and it’s something I worked out a while ago. Not so much a reason to live as a reason to keep on living”

She nodded, more carefully this time.

“yes. Not so much something to make life worthwhile, rather something to make dying a non-option. Hang on…”

She wriggled in her tent for a few moments, then emerged with her unlaced boots on.

“Thanks for the tea; I really needed that. What I said, sounds horrible as I replay my words, and then I think of those two, hear them laughing, and it’s not quite as nasty as I phrased it. You heading back this evening?”

“Yes. It’s not a long weekend for me, and I’m on local drops tomorrow, so I need to be home. What do you want to do today?”

“Birds suit you? Usual places? Be an idea to drive my car for me; I don’t think I’ll be safe for a while. I’m staying on a couple more days”

“And you’ll be all right?”

She cocked her head, then looked away towards the gleaming white top of Pen yr Ole Wen.

“I think so, now. Thanks, love. Thanks for being there. Could I have another brew, please? And shall we grab breakfast from a Little Chef or something? I can’t be arsed to cook right now”

I had made the tea for her, and when the girls stumbled back down to us, laughing like drains at some stupid joke or other, I had done exactly as Pat had proposed. Breakfast outside Bangor, then South Stack, Malltraeth, the amble out to the beach at Newborough as a recovering Pat explained the name along with the folly of cutting down the trees that had secured a mobile dune system, before or final farewells at the long lay-by outside the farm.

I had held Pat for a long time before driving off, extracting, almost extorting her promise to stay safe, to ring me if those old ghosts of hers came calling again. Our drive back was uneventful, apart from passing the ginger fiddler as he freewheeled a heavily-loaded bicycle down the long slope towards Betws. What had his own hangover been like?

Pat’s gifts had arrived a week later, a cardboard tube holding some enlarged prints and a smaller package holding a set of more normally-sized pictures. The three of us spent an evening filling another photo album with sweet memories before heading out in the van for a hot-drinks session. Nell took her new self-confidence for a trip into the city centre the next day, returning with a couple of picture frames for the two enlarged prints, and that led to our little session on the stairs in the second house.

Life wasn’t too bad. More news came from Heidi a week later. After a general catch-up, she came to the point.

“I had a word over in Swansea, Debbie. The shrink there was a Doctor Thomas. I have pulled a couple of favours, and he’d like to come round to your place some time, have a chat with the girls. He’s not offering to take them on; he just wants an idea of where they stand. Got any times to avoid?”

“I’m on a weekend in ten days, so I’ll have midweek free. I assume he doesn’t work Saturdays?”

“You got that bit right. If you can give me an idea of best time of day… Oh, and Nita wants a word, if you can hang on while I transfer you”

The phone clicked before playing some crap tune or other, mercifully cut short by Nita picking up.

“Debbie?”

“That’s me”

“What are you up to around New Year?”

“Got a party on with my sister, but that’s about all”

“You up for a drive out by Monmouth? And how many spare beds do you have?”

“You got another girl for me, then?”

“I think so. She’s in a care home at the moment—no, Debbie. Not like that”

She had clearly heard my hiss of breath at those words.

“What reaction did you expect me to give, Nita?”

“I know, woman. Trust me, though, this isn’t like those places. No nastiness from the staff, but it’s a boys’ home, and she isn’t fitting in that well. Can I send you the details for after the holidays?”

“Go on, then. I know you wouldn’t be waiting till then if there was an issue with the place, so I suppose I’ll trust you this once”

“This party, then. At the biker place?”

“Might be”

“Will those two be safe there?”

I surprised myself just then, by snorting with laughter.

“Nita, there’s nowhere safer for them! My family, isn’t it? Now, I need to run all this past the girls. Got the details of that shrink? Heidi forgot”

I scribbled down name and number, before ending the call with Nita and immediately ringing the number she had given me.

“Castle Medical Centre. Can I help you? [Something in Welsh]”

“Could I speak to Doctor Thomas, please?”

“Who shall I say is calling?”

“Debbie Wells”

“One moment… connecting you now…”

“Miss Wells? I have been expecting a call. Your colleagues’ proposal intrigued me”

“In what way, exactly?”

“I have only engaged with two transsexual patients, professionally. It was an area that I studied in depth, as I find it fascinating, but without upping sticks and moving to somewhere in England, I have found few opportunities to , um, well, practise”

“I heard about one of them. Sarah Powell. That’s why we came to you”

“I can’t comment on other patients, I am afraid.”

“Not asking you to, just letting you know why we thought you might be able to help”

As it turned out, Dr Thomas had a day that fitted in with my roster and he didn’t mind the drive, so it was all coming together. I decided to hold a ‘household meeting that evening, sitting both girls down with a hot chocolate, all electronics switched off.

“Right, you two, we have a few things to sort out, the first one being Christmas and New Year.. I’ll explain, and then you can ask questions, OK? There is time off available over the holidays, but he runs a ‘one on for one off’ policy. If you grab time off around Christmas, he expects you to work New Year, and vice versa.. I went for New Year, as my sister has a party planned, and Christmas is really for people with younger kids than you two, although I’m not too sure, the way you two were giggling together up by those rocks”

Kim gave me an arched eyebrow and a very, very straight face.

“Trust me, Miss Wells; what Nell and I were discussing there was definitely NOT for the ears of little children”

The whole thing was spoilt by her collapse into giggles, followed immediately by Nell’s own laughter. I waited until they had wound down before continuing.

“Well, that is actually very relevant. How do you two see yourselves? Be honest, please”

Kim looked at Nell for confirmation, then turned back to me.

“I think I get what you mean, Debbie. Like you said in the Summer. Straight girls, both of us, isn’t it?”

I nodded.

“Yup, I know that. We just need a little extra, all three of us. There are ways that we can move on, become more the way we should be, but the law is a twat. We can’t change what they call us, but we can do something about matching our bodies to what they should be. You both know what I mean, so I won’t go into details, but to do that you need a doctor. We have one coming for a visit, a Dr Thomas. He knows about girls like us, and I am assured he can keep his gob shut. He doesn’t guarantee he can do everything you need, but it’s a starter, at least. You up for that? He’s coming on Wednesday, as long as I confirm things with him. I need a yes or a no, from each of you”

Kim took the lead, as always.

“You know my answer already, Debbie. Nell? You up for this? It’s a big step”

Nell’s voice was once more nearly inaudible, but there was a touch of a smile as she stared at her knees.

“Soonest started, soonest there. Will there be needles, Debbie?”

“What? Oh. No, no needles. He’s a shrink. Just wants to talk to each of you”

“That’s OK, then. So what is this at New Year, then?”

Kim grinned at me.

“This the sister we went on the bikes with, when I first got here? Who might have had a little word with someone we both know? It’s a biker party, Nell. Be a lot of loud music, dancing, and all the men will be big ones”

I snorted as Nell blushed, and pointed out that the men in question would also be an awful lot older than either of them.

“You up for that, Nell?”

“It’ll be safe?”

“I expect Rosie or Carl will assign a prospect or two to keep an eye on you, so I will now make my own apologies”

Nell looked up sharply at those words.

“Apologies? What for?”

“Well, it is highly likely that I will get very drunk, dance until I drop, and spend the night talking utter crap to anyone who’ll listen. The apologies are in advance, for anything I might end up doing on the night itself!”

That brought more laughter, before we settled down with a bundle of OS maps to show Nell where each of our photos had been taken, trying to give her a feel for how the views matched the marks on the map. Over the next few days, Kim kept her friend’s self-confidence increasing by taking her to help out at Ruth’s. Before I knew it, Wednesday came around, and with it a knock at the front door.