CHAPTER 27
We didn’t stay out that late, as both Paul (which felt right) and I had work the next day. That was a worry, as Nell remained a little of an unknown quantity. I would be forced to take a risk, and that meant trusting Sparky with her. Kim would be at work as well, but at least she was someone I understood, who would be close by if needed.

I had spent several minutes just watching her, seeing how she was working in public, how she interacted with Harry and our new friend. While Nell sat in place like a frightened rabbit, Kim was bouncing her attention round the group like a game of pass-the ball. The spirit she had shown me on our first meeting was still there, and I suspected that her new confidence came at least partly from that rapidly=thrown ball landing in her lap with a load of someone else’s need.

We said goodnight to Paul after arranging a more formal visit, and I led the girls back to the house, getting a murmured ‘Good night’ from Sparky as we passed his little shelter. I left the two girls to settle themselves in bed while I composed a letter to Pat. I had been hooked by Kim’s idea of some framed pictures for the wall, and some old memories had dredged up trivia about Number Ten, where a staircase was lined with pictures of all the Prime Ministers from now back to god-knows-when. That picture of Kim was such a shout of joy; if I could find similar pictures of each girl who stayed with me… I found a way to explain that to our friend, asking for some larger prints.

I was pleased to feel a little surge of warmth at that thought, almost a recognition that the world did, indeed, hold a place for me.

I was on local runs once more for the next three weeks, which meant that I was home later than I would have been if working the longer runs out to the West, as Bert did his best to fill our days while still refraining from playing the ‘Just in time’ game he despised. I used the time to make sure I topped up our domestic supplies, especially in cocoa, as we seemed to have had a massive hit on our store of the stuff. Kim had given me a list of ingredients for some meals she was planning, including some pork steaks for what she was doing her best to make her ‘signature’ dish. I also took the opportunity to pick up some bras for Nell, after checking her band size, as well as a reasonable waterproof jacket. I had hopes, especially after Nell’s comments about the photos, that she would find the nerve to fit in with the three of us on a weekend, but I had some doubts whether a full-on winter experience would be the best introduction; certainly not in a tent.

Three of us had coped for years in a Commer; sod it. I started looking at a few adaptations we needed, and rang Pat.

Sparky was with us a week, and I felt as if I was letting him down when I dropped him back off in his usual place in Splott. The second house’s back door was now fitted with a crash-bar exit, and each front door was now backed up by a rack of fire-extinguishers. There were extra lights in the second living room for reading, and Ruth had known someone, who knew someone else… and the Transit had come in useful for picking up a scarred but still functional extending dining table for the other back room.. We may only have been three just then, but we now had seating for at least eight. Beds, bedding… my inheritance was taking a bot of a wallop, but Nita and Heidi were as good as their word, and as the grants started arriving, I put some aside for a pair of boots for Nell.

Sparky had taken me into a local café, whose owner could have doubled for my old friend Fester.

“Jimmy, this is Debbie!”

“I know who she is, mate. Hiya, girl. Heard good things I have about you. I also hear you’ve got an arrangement with this miserable bugger”

I nodded.

“You take cheques, butt?”

“I do that. Do me a favour, aye? Don’t let this soft idiot get away with feeding everyone else first”

“Who do I make it out to?”

We spent quite a while in the warmth of the little goon, as the drizzle filtered down through the low clouds, and when I left, it was with the clear impression that while the cheque would most definitely be going into Jimmy’s bank account, he wouldn’t be paying too close attention to how much of it Sparky might be redeeming. Once again, I saw the sense in Dad’s idea of obligations and paying things forward.. I suppose it was a viewpoint that stemmed from being among others with less fortune or luck than yourself: you either looked down on them, and then away, or you recognised your own good fortune and its fragility.

I hoped that message would get through to Nell and let her relax some of her nervousness. I started setting supplies aside for the trip.

We were sat in the living room one evening, the gas fire glowing away as Kim did something from her studies and Nell watched a bit of fluff on the telly, when I raised the subject.

“Nell?”

“Um?”

“You said you wanted to see the mountains. Fancy a trip?”

“This time of year?”

“Absolutely. Farmer I know says it’s when the real people come out”

“In a tent?”

“Not this time. I’m going to set up the van as a camper, if you don’t mind us all being cuddled up in one big heap”

“Will it be cold?”

“Probably and damp, no doubt. Half the fun. If it’s too bad, we stay low, and go to the coast, or see the waterfalls. I have some cash put aside from the grants, so we can get you a pair of boots and a fleece and that”

“What’ll we eat?”

Kim was listening, and she started to laugh.

“Won’t be top cookery, Nell, probably stew and rice and stuff, but it will be warm, and it will taste fabby. Deb?”

“Yes, love?”

“You checked with Pat? I liked that pub we ate in, the one with the mole on the sign”

“Already rung her, Kim. She’ll be there”

“Great! We might even have snow on the tops! Not done that bit yet!”

I grinned back at her.

“Won’t be any half-naked men on those rocks, though, will there?”

“A girl can dream!”

That told me all I needed to know about her own healing, even in such a short time with me.

“Reminds me, Deb”

“Yup?”

“Rosie called in yesterday, into the Olive that is. Said she knew we had a new friend here, and didn’t want to scare her. She asked me to remind you there’s a party at the clubhouse for New Year, and we’re all welcome”

That would be a juggling act. How would Nell cope with what was likely to be a serious debauch? I sent up a quiet prayer that life could at least make a show of offering me some peace and quiet.

“I’ll have a think on that one. Might be a bit much for our friend here. So, Nell: up to the hills? Your call”

She looked back at the screen for a minute, then simply turned to me and nodded.

“I need to get a life, Debbie. Been thinking of that, watching Kim come in each day. Can’t sit indoors rest of my life… Kim?”

“Yeah?”

“Half-naked men?”

Kim’s grin also told me a lot about her own recovery, as well as leaving me realising I might need to watch her a little more carefully.

“Yeah, fit as anything! There’s a big slab of rock behind the campsite, and all the climbers go there to play, and some of them, all they wear is short-shorts, and you look up and all you can see is thigh muscles and tight bums, and I would say I don’t know where to look, but I’m no good at lying!”

She sighed, theatrically.

“They’ll not be like that, this time of year, though. You can use this trip as a recce thing, reconnaissance. I can show you the best places to sit for when Summer comes back”

She paused, her face falling a little.

“Nell, if I got it wrong, sorry. Just, well, I’m straight, yeah, and if you, you know…”

Once again, and unsurprisingly, we got tears from the newer girl, as she stammered out a confused mess of words that included how she wasn’t sure, she couldn’t know, she had tried to be a boy, but, but, but yes, she did think she might, you know, boys… All of it wrapped in that deep sense of unworthiness I recognised all too well. I watched Kim rise from her seat, so I stayed back for long enough to let her deliver the hugs and the reassurance Nell still needed so badly, and I felt so much pride in her I almost burst.

Three weeks later, and the Transit was lumbering along the familiar roads, and this time it was Kim pointing out the landmarks for Nell’s benefit. I had fitted Nell with boots, buying gaiters and overtrousers for both girls, but my wardrobe held more than enough woolly hats and gloves for all of us, as well as a spare day pack. I questioned my sanity as the wipers hammered from side to side, but the rain started to ease a little after Corwen, and by the time we hit Pentrefoelas, it had retreated back into its low grey ceiling. I grabbed a couple of pints of milk from Roger’s garage in Capel Curig before the final climb up and around to what I was now calling The Valley, then paused in the long lay-by outside ‘our’ farm to tray and spot Pat’s tent—no joy, so I continued on down the A5 to the Idwal car park, where we grabbed some teas from the little kiosk. Once the drinks were gone, Kim and I led Nell to the hidden bridge over the waterfall, where we sat for what must have been half an hour, watching the water foam and churn beneath us as it headed for the plunge over the lip and down towards Bethesda. Kim took the lead, yet again.

“What you think, girl?”

“Is it always this wet?”

“What, water?”

“No, silly! The weather”

“Not always. Naked men, remember?”

“Half-naked, you said!”

“Well, I told you: a girl can dream!”

Once again, I was treated to the rare sound of a completely natural laugh from Nell, and after laughing at myself for even thinking of the idea of trying to play Pooh Sticks in that torrent, I avoided the slightly bad step by bringing them both out the same way we had come in. Back to the van, a wave to Dafydd and Dennis in their kiosk, and back up the road to the farm, just in time to meet Pat as she drove into the site. Our introductions were warm, and Pat’s judgement was brisk and to the point.

“Sod cooking in this. Pub tonight, ladies?”

Pat drove, claiming she didn’t fancy a drink that evening, after pointing out that the Transit would be harder to park up than her car, so I edged the beast onto the four offcuts of carpet I had brought to avoid bogging down (thanks, Dad) and we adjourned to the place Kim liked. It was nowhere near as crowded as it got in Summer, but there were the same people there, even if most of them were generic. Youth hostellers, a couple of bikers, some climbers waving their arms in a corner as they spoke, plus the man we had just bought our milk from, Pat’s friend the shepherd in the woolly hat, and that skinny man with the ginger ponytail again, sitting on his own without the slightest hint of a smile anywhere near him.

Sod him. The shepherd was as effusive as ever, the bar staff were cheerful, the banter around the pool table was extravagant, and the first pint went down smoothly and in as welcome a way as it ever could. That night, wrapped up with myself and Kim, all I heard from Nell was the sighing of her breath, until Kim opened the door the next morning to reveal blue skies and snow-capped tops.

“Wow…”