CHAPTER 25
Nell sat quietly for a few moments, staring at the photo of three of us gathered at the little wind shelter, the sweep of the Carneddau behind us, her eyes downcast. I noticed her hands trembling slightly. Her voice was so quiet I had to strain to hear her words.

“I’ve never had this, you know. I always wanted to see the hills, the big ones, but Mam and Dad, they never went any nearer than that holiday camp out past Harlech. The do weekend specials there, country and western ones. We would drive up, or Dad would, man’s job, and all I saw of the mountains was out of a car window. We… I…”

She paused for a couple of deep breaths, but before I could say anything, she was speaking once more, eyes locked on the photograph.

“It was everything I hated, the music, the line dancing they made me do, the way they came back drunk to the chalet every night. I had to wear stupid clothes, check shirts and jeans and a really stupid hat and knotted hanky round my neck, and I hated every minute. I had a tape player, for my own music, and some earphones, and one night, on one of those stupid trips, I said I was ill, so they let me stay in the chalet rather than going out with them, and Dad was drunk of course, when they got in, and he grabbed my cassette player and threw it out of the window. On the first floor, we were, so it smashed to bits on the concrete path, and shredded a tape I had of Bruckner’s eighth symphony, so I lost that, and then I had nothing to listen to while they snored all night

“So we get home, and he promises me a new cassette player if I just start being a proper lad, all football and stuff, but that’s not me, so… So I said I was sick one day, not up for school, and after they were both gone, left for work, I got out an old tape I had, copied off Radio Three, Beethoven, Leonora Number Three, it’s an overture, meant for his opera Fidelio, but he wrote three, and then another, which he decided to use, but he kept the others and…”

So much detail; I recognised what she was doing, skirting what she really wanted to say, but the dread was already building in me.

“It’s gorgeous, you know? Such a soaring tune at the end, so hopeful, so I set it to play, and I got Mam’s sleeping pills… And Dad came home for some reason, no idea what, and he found me, so I ended up in an ambulance, which I don’t really remember, and then they put a tube down my throat, which I DO remember, and that was when they got social services in, or rather the hospital did after Dad had said how I just needed a bit of a slap, to bloody well man up and that. Someone visited, and they were a friend of that Heidi, and she came round and had a talk with me, and it was the first time anyone had ever listened, so I couldn’t help it, and I told her everything, and it was just two of us in her office, so she… she held me till I stopped crying, and just said that she knew somebody, and if I could trust her… So I said I’d try to, and…”

The rush of words ceased, and she looked at each of us in turn, tears trickling down her face. Kim took her hand, and Nell smiled at her with genuine warmth.

“Yes please. I’d like to stay. I think I need to stay, if that’s OK?”

There was a cough behind me, as one of the waitresses moved to stand by our table.

“Are you all right, love? Is she OK, madam?”

Kim smiled back at the woman.

“Nell’s just had a bereavement, couple of family members. We were just looking at some photos, good times, you know?”

She quickly spread the panorama pictures, as the waitress murmured “There’s beautiful, isn’t it!”, and Kim kept the lead.

“Yup. Family trip we had, so once we sort out a few things, we’ll take her back up there. When it’s warmer, of course!”

The older woman smiled sadly, reaching out to squeeze Nell’s shoulder.

“You look after yourself, love. It gets better, trust me”

Nell smiled up at her.

“I’ve got my favourite aunty here, and my best cousin, so how can I not be OK?”

“Would you like something nice, to cheer you up? I could do you a slice of chocolate cake, on the house?”

Once again, Kim did the steering, impressing me enormously.

“That would be lovely, but we were promised a Maccy D on the way home, so it’s up to Nell here…”

The other girl shook her head, mouthing her thanks, and the waitress smiled, much more easily.

“What’s the Nell short for, love?”

“Eleanor”

“Lovely name for a lovely girl. You look after yourself, love”

We put the photos away carefully, and made our way over to the van. Once we were underway, Kim held up the envelope.

“Could we ask Pat to do us a favour, Deb?”

“What sort, girl?”

“Get us a blow-up of the group picture. I know somewhere that can frame it, and they could always do an enlargement from this one, but I think it’d be better from the negative. I’ve got an idea”

“What’s that?”

“If Nell really wants to see the mountains, if she’s up to it, we could take a photo there again, and they can go on the wall in our bedrooms. Give us some good times to look at when we need them”

So we continued along the main road back to Cardiff, and we did indeed drop into the burger place for grease, the photos staying safely away, and once again, Kim’s mind was working away.

“Not that warm, Debbie. You think we should take a drive out with the urn?”

I nodded, and Kim turned to Nell.

“This is how we met, girl. We go out some evenings, when we can, and we give out warm drinks to rough sleepers. We need to speak to one of them, anyway. Sparky, Deb? Bring your cheque book?”

“Makes sense. You up for that, Nell?”

“I think so. I need to lend a hand if I’m staying”

I caught a little nod of triumph from Kim, and asked her the obvious question.

“Cheque book?”

Kim nodded.

“Yeah, what Sparky said. He hasn’t got anywhere to put any money, and he said… He said it would all just go on booze if we gave him the folding stuff. There’s a café he knows, a greasy spoon place, and the owner is a decent bloke, he says, so what Sparky suggested was that we give a cheque to the man, and then Sparky or anyone he thinks needs it can get a hot meal while the money lasts”

“Sensible lad. OK; I’ll do that. We need some more work done, anyway, in the other house. Nell?”

“Yes?”

“Sparky’s sound. He did the security doors and that, so if we get him to do more work, he’ll be sleeping in the back yard. He has issues with sleeping indoors. Ex-army, Falklands stuff”

Kim laughed at my words.

“Don’t let him hear you call him ex-army, Debbie! He was Royal Marines, Nell. Trust me: he is absolutely sound. Was right there when my Dad did that to Debbie’s eye”

“That was your Dad? Will he be coming round again?”

Kim’s laugh had a real edge to it, a clear touch of darkness.

“Er, I don’t think so. Debbie has some other friends, and they had a chat with him, and he’s fucked off to live in England. He won’t be back, trust me”

I changed the subject quickly.

“That reminds me: Nita said she had someone in mind as a liaison person for her. We’ll need to sort that out as well”

Back home at last, a cup of tea to clean some of the grease from our burger meal, and I started the business of mounting the urn and getting everything else ready for our own little bit of social work.

“Girls?”

“Yeah?”

“Warm stuff for tonight, OK? Nell, I would wear those jeans, cause you’ll be in and out of the back of the van, and a skirt would be a faff. Woolly hat will hide your hair for now”

Off towards Splott and areas around it, the temperature dropping quickly, as a light rain began spoiling the evening even more than the cold. Definitely a hot-drinks night. We parked up in one of our usual places, and to my delight, Sparky was one of the first to arrive.

“Hiya, Kim love! Looking good, girl! Who’s this lovely lass?”

“Hiya yourself, love! This is Nell, our new friend, come to help with the drinks and shit”

“Hiya, Nell. Always glad to see a new smile. How’s the eye, Deb?”

“Hurts like hell, mate, but it will heal. Got some more work for you, if you want it, and Kim filled me in on your idea about the cheque”

He nodded to the girl.

“Ta, love. It makes sense, Deb. Too tempting for me if it’s in my pocket. Not saying I’m, you know, but sometimes life here can be more than a bit shit and, well… You understand?”

I just nodded, remembering my own early days in the city, days that had worried Harry so much.

“Let me know what you think is a fair payment, butt, and I’ll sort you that cheque. Let me know when you’re free to have a look at the rest of the work”

He howled with laughter.

“Free, love? Every bloody day!”

He cast an eye over his shoulder, suddenly tense, as a shadowy figure approached.

“What do you want? This is charity work, and I know the driver, and I KNOW the van’s all legal, so do what you need to, then leave us alone, OK?”

Of course it just had to be a fucking copper. I motioned the two girls into the van as he walked up to me, my inbuilt suspicion of the filth setting so many alarm bells ringing that I couldn’t hear the rest of my thoughts.

“You Debbie Wells?”

“Who wants to know, and why?”

“Um, I’m PC Welby. Paul, if you want. Nita Harris said we needed to talk”