I slowly awoke feeling nauseous, in the darkened bridge, lit only from a couple emergency lights. I was still holding the large switch. I looked slowly around the room. Everyone was unconscious. Without the dampening field, all loose objects were drifting about the bridge. I looked out the forward observation window and could tell we were rotating, having lost all lateral control. You could hear debris from the destroyed ships bouncing off our hull. Inside the ship, it was eerily silent. The constant background drone was gone.

There was some coughing as others on the bridge started to regain consciousness. In a very weary voice, Admiral Yamato said, “Ensign. Return the power switch to its normal position.”

I took a deep breath. “Aye sir.” I threw my whole back into the switch and a moment later, it popped back to its normal position. Nothing happened. All the control panels remained dark. I drifted over to Blake. It was weird being on the bridge with no up or down.

I touched Blake’s arm. “Blake? Blake wake up. Answer me.” He uttered a low groan. At least he’s not dead.

Still belted in his command chair, the admiral asked in a weary voice, “Why are all the systems out? Has anyone reported from engineering?”

Looking over at my dark communications console, I said, “All ship-wide communications seem to be out, admiral.” That’s when I noticed the temperature seemed to be dropping. Without power, we had no way to heat the interior of the ship from the extreme cold of interstellar space.

Admiral Yamato growled, we need to get operational again immediately! If we’re attacked now, we’re all dead.”

A young man drifted up through the ladder well next to the elevator. He looked around trying to spot the admiral. “Seaman Wilson from engineering reporting.” He paused to wipe some sweaty grime from his eyes.

Admiral Yamato looked over at the seaman. “Well, report.”

The seaman nodded. “Aye sir. The engine room is a mess, sir. Several backup cooling systems failed. The Flex engine is off-line. We’re trying desperately restart it.”

The admiral leaned forward to get a better look at the seaman. “Estimated time to repair?”

The seaman shook his head. “Unknown at this time, admiral. Possibly three to four hours at least. The Flex engine has a lot of blown circuits.”

Feeling panic set in, I shouted, “We’ll all be frozen before that!”

The seaman looked over at me, surprised at my tone. “I’m sorry, ensign. But we’re working as fast as we can.”

My mind raced. Seemingly random thoughts spilled into my brain. Crazy ideas. I turned to the seaman and pointed to the aft portion of the ship. “Turret three is destroyed, but the Flex cannon should still be intact. You should be able to salvage the circuits you need so we can bring power up until the main circuits can be repaired.”

The admiral turned to the seaman. “Is that true? Can we salvage what we need from turret three?”

The seaman looked confused. “I don’t know sir. Everything is down. We don’t know the status of any part of the ship!”

The admiral looked over at me. “Are you sure, ensign?”

I swallowed audibly. “I’m positive, admiral! But we must hurry! Can’t you feel the cold seeping into the ship?”

The admiral turned to the seaman. “Make it happen. Now!”

The seaman looked confused, but said, “Aye!” and disappeared back down the ladder well.

Blake was awake now. He just stared at me, looking a bit terrified. “Tyler. How do you know these things? What’s going on?”

I started to cry since I didn’t know either. “I don’t know! I just know them! I… I… the princess! She’s weak, but she’s speaking through me. She sent us the instructions on how to build all this shit, I’m sure she knows how to fix it.”

Blake nodded. “That explains how you would know to switch the Flex power.”

I closed my eyes for a few seconds. “Yes. Now that I’m aware, I can feel her presence in my mind. It’s tiny, but definitely there. It takes a lot out of her to talk to me at this distance.”

We sat in darkness and waited. It got cold enough to see our breath. Blake put his arm around me and held me close to try to warm me. We were worried any moment the Gahjin would launch a final and deadly attack on us. Or we might just all freeze to death. I tried not to cry.

I jumped. There was a sudden “womp” sound as all the lights suddenly turned on brightly, then quickly dimmed to normal. All the panels lit up. Blake and I had apparently been “sitting” on a wall and when the inertial dampening field re-activated, we slid quickly to the deck, with me falling on top of Blake.

The speaker on the admiral’s chair came to life, “Engineering to bridge. Power restored. Flex engine and Flex cannon are charging up. Jump coils are charging as well. We are affecting repairs on the main circuits.”

Blake grinned broadly. He kissed me and then said, “You did it, honey!”

Admiral Yamato said from his chair, “The lieutenant will refrain from kissing the bridge crew. Can you take time enough away from the girl to stop our spin and get us back on course?”

Looking sheepish, Blake said, “Aye, sir.” He ruffled my hair as he got up to take his seat at the control console.

“Hold still,” said Helen. “I just can’t believe you’ve never worn false eyelashes before.”

I shrugged. “Never really came up before.” I’m a boy, I thought to myself. Why would I ever choose to wear such things?

Helen shook her head. “Didn’t you date in school? Go to prom?”

I shook my head and laughed. “No. Didn’t really have time.”

Helen leaned back to look at me. “Well, you have time tonight. You look gorgeous. Now go change, girl. I have to do my make-up.” Helen had been doing an evening look for me, with smoky eye shadow and the false eyelashes, highlighted my cheekbones and a more reddish pink lipstick. She explained what she was doing so I could do it myself next time. If there was a next time.

I left the common area to return to my rack to change into my dress uniform. I was wearing the skirt and heels with the dress uniform for the event tonight. As crazy as it sounds, the admiral decided we should have a formal dance to blow off steam for the crew. Everything seemed pretty quiet just a few days away from our destination. I was going to volunteer to take duty, but Blake insisted I come to dance with him. He’s really taking this whole girl thing way too far. We wanted everyone to believe I was a girl, but Blake now believes it himself. Crazy!

I spent some of my off-duty hours to practice walking in heels. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. I caught myself stopping in front of mirrors and striking poses or fluffing my hair or unnecessarily checking my make-up. I actually had to force myself to walk away from the mirror. I doubt the hormone injections I’ve been getting would cause that type of behavior. Maybe I’m believing I’m a girl too.

The auditorium had been set up to be a dance floor. My heels clicking on the steel deck, along with a dozen other women. I craned my neck around looking for Blake.

“Tyler!” called Blake. “Over here!” I looked around and saw him chatting with Captain Jennings. I waved and walked towards him. Several couples were already out on the impromptu dance floor. I saw the pilot who got shot rescuing me. He had a make-shift prosthetic leg and was dancing with that girl from logistics. I still feel bad about his leg.

Blake met me halfway as I walked towards him. He stopped and placed his hands on my shoulders. He gave a low whistle. “Tyler, you look absolutely gorgeous. All these years how did I miss what a beautiful girl you were.”

I shook my head and frowned. “Because I’m a boy?”

Blake didn’t take his eyes off me as he shook his head. “No. You’ve changed somehow, Tyler. You really are a beautiful girl.”

I smirked, “You hit the booze a bit early tonight.”

Blake laughed. “You know there’s no booze on this ship. Especially after that last attack destroyed all of Dr. Lujan’s stash.”

Blake led me out on the dance floor. He took my hand and put his hand on my waist. I put my hand on his shoulder and we started slow dancing. At first I had thought the admiral was nuts. But I was really enjoying dancing with Blake. The ship, the Earth, the crew, all faded away and it was just Blake and me, dancing with the music swirling around us. I rested my head on his chest. I am going crazy because I felt I was in heaven.

Blake looked deeply into my eyes. He started to say, “Tyler, I lo…”

I put my finger against his lips. I whispered, “Don’t say it. Please don’t say it. How could we ever go back to the way we were if you say that?”

Blake kissed my finger tip. “Do you want to go back?”

I looked into his eyes. “I… I…”

Blake smiled at me. “I’ll take that as a ‘no’.” He studied my face for a moment, looked into my eyes and said in a low voice, “I love you, Tyler.”

Before I could react, his lips were pressing against mine with a love and passion that surprised me. I slid my arms around his neck and returned his passion with my own. God so help me, I truly loved this man. I closed my eyes and rested my head on his chest again. The universe was reduced to just us and I felt a happiness I’d never felt before.

“What are you doing out here, girl?” Helen sat next to me in one of the small observation lounges. I was watching the stars jet by as we blasted through space using the thrust from the Flex engine as the jump coils recharged.

I looked over at her and smiled weakly. “I couldn’t sleep. Why are you up?”

Helen looked up at the observation window. “I was making my rounds and saw you weren’t in your rack. I thought I’d better find you. Are you okay?”

I nodded. “I’m just scared, Helen.”

Helen looked at me with concern. “About tomorrow?”

I took a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah. Tomorrow. We land on the Gahjin world tomorrow. It and Ishkar are the same place. What if this has been a trap all along?”

Helen stroked my hair. “What would be the point? And this princess has been helping us defeat the Gahjin all the way here.”

I nodded. “And then we have the fact that the whole mission rests with me. Me. I’m why everyone is on this ship. I’m why people have died. Just in that last attack when the hull was breached on turret three. That whole gun crew was vented into space. They all died because of me.”

Helen hugged me. “They all knew what the dangers were, Tyler. Everyone on this ship volunteered.”

I grunted a laugh. “Except me. I didn’t volunteer. I was the last one on the ship. I got here by accident. I was drawn to the ship before it launched.”

Continuing to hug me, Helen said, “She led you here. You had to come. There’d be no mission without you. They were having trouble getting the engines running… and then you showed up. She was waiting for you.”

I looked over at her. “You really think so?”

Helen smiled encouragingly at me. “What else could it mean?”

I looked at the floor. “It’s still going to be dangerous there. We could all die.”

Helen touched my hair. “You’ll be surrounded by soldiers and I’m sure that Lieutenant Anderson would give his life for you.”

I snorted. “Blake has been protecting me my whole life it seems.”

Helen looked surprised. “You’ve known him?”

I nodded. “We grew up together. Seems he was always protecting me from bullies or some such.”

“And you two never dated that whole time?” asked Helen.

I laughed. “No. We were just friends is all.” Everyone thinks I’ve always been a girl.

Helen shook her head. “I think he’s loved you this whole time, but couldn’t find a way to say so. But you really need to get to bed, girl.” She kissed me on the cheek.

I nodded and glanced up at the observation window. I turned to say good-night to Helen but she was gone. That totally unnerved me. Did I imagine all that?

I got up to return to my rack. I looked in at Helen’s rack and she was asleep. I felt a shiver down my spine. And then a thought occurred to me. Did the princess choose this hallucination as a way to talk to me? We were very close to her home world after all.

I climbed up into my rack. Exhausted, but still very much shaken, I fell almost instantly to sleep.