The following is a rant. I'm in a pretty sour mood...
Just thought I'd mention that you might not see much output from me for a while. There's just too much for me to concentrate on to doing any writing, so several sequels and new stories I have percolating in my head just won't come out. I bring up the third and final Ka-Pawli story and just stare at it. A new story I was doing for fun just doesn't want to work, even though I have it completely thought out. My last story, in a fit of typing got banged out in about 2 hours. Everything else has just kind of dried up. I'm not having trouble yet in prepping some older stories for publishing.
There are several reasons I guess. This week my brother's house gets foreclosed on. There wasn't anything realistically I could have done to stop that. I really wanted to sell it. Not to make money on it -- it was priced at break even. I just wanted to do right by my brother. I waited too long to put it on the market. The house is still full of stuff, mostly furniture. Last weekend, I stood in the house for the last time. If my youngest son hadn't come with me, I probably would have collapsed to the floor and cried. I tried to get as many photos and other personal items as well as his electronics out of the house. There were a couple of pairs of his glasses that he left on his desk his last day in that house. I couldn't bring myself to take them. All in all, I feel I've failed my brother and have been a pretty lousy representative of his estate.
Work continues to bedevil me. I had my interview for the other job back in July and have yet to hear from them. I asked about it, and was told they're still interviewing for the position. That was middle of August. And while some may actually enjoy my current job, it's just not anything I'm interested in, but I'm working for a couple of morons. No. Seriously. My job went from finding problems and providing solutions, saving the company both time and money to figuring out why Susie's password is locked. When I get home, I feel my day has been a total waste.
Another point of depression is that in two weeks, I hit 60. Up until now, I always felt I had time to do things. Get fit and get rid of certain body parts, to seeing the world, etc. Now I don't. While I'm not incapacitated or yelling at kids to get off my lawn yet, I do feel my best years are way behind me. The only bright spot is getting published, which I've been wanting since high school. (I wish I could find this one story I wrote for English class in high school. It still has one of my favorite endings...)
There's also the lawyer I have to deal with on my brother's estate. Trying to find a place to store what I salvaged. Trying to make ends meet. Trying to keep my kids happy and fed. That's not all, but I've spent too much time on this as it is.
So forgive the rant. I seem to have to be either pissed or happy to write and right now I'm more like, do I really have to get out of bed?
Melanie
Comments
hey
hey, sweetie don't give up the world doesn't end at 60. I know, ive hung on for an extra almost 17 yrs. keep your chin up.
robert
If I correctly recall?
By the time this task was placed in your hands, the situation was already almost irretrievable? And you did not have the resources to make things better. I imagine that you did as much or more than anyone could do. And you have honored your brother, Please remember that in the broad scheme of things, you can look at the enjoyment and encouragement your writing has brought and continues to bring your readers. If you were my sister, I would consider myself blessed indeed!
Love, Andrea Lena
sending you some extra huggles
and offering of a shoulder to lean on, should you need one.
Real life always comes first
Real life always comes first and you should never apologize for doing something that is so personal, so emotionally heart-wrenching. You are trying to do right by your brother, you can't be perfect and it isn't your fault that issues come up. Just try to keep positive and take time to have a cry, gather thoughts, remember good times. But above all, don't try to do something for us. Write if you feel the urge but don't write because you feel you have to.
I'm told STFU more times in a day than most people get told in a lifetime
Thank you for all you have written
I hope things improve for you soon, but wanted to convey to you how much your writing has influenced my life. I have read and reread all of your stories and have enjoyed many hours of bliss because of your scribblings. You have done well sharing your skills with all of us. When you publish I will be there to purchase your writings, a reward to you for your efforts for us. Try not to worry as much about the past and concentrate on your future, a bright and successful one, I am sure.
Hugs
Francesca
- Formerly Turnabout Girl
Life sometimes seems overwhelming
and as we age the energy and confidence ebbs a little, but we have experience and that sees us through most things. The downside is seeing people reinvent the wheel and other items that didn't work before and aren't going to again but they have to find out the hard way and we have to sit there and watch without saying, 'told you so.'
Many of us, if still working are in jobs we don't like or have changed into something we no longer get satisfaction from. For women, job satisfaction, is worth more than huge salaries. It seems often that big money means you have to sell your soul or your whole life to them, so it's often not a better life just more upholstered.
Creativity is affected by mood and tiredness and that can be positive or negative, but generally speaking it never goes away unless some catastrophe happens to damage the mind, but the urge to make the time to express an idea may wane slightly with age. As I move through my sixties, I can't postpone sleep to finish things like I used to, because I'm tired for days instead of hours. At the same time, although still busy working, I've taken on a part time degree, so don't see my life as anything like over, or my future behind me but there may be a little more urgency to complete things or to try them.
Life takes its toll on us, families and friends take from us and sometimes give back to us as well, but we need to keep in mind a sense that we have a purpose beyond paying taxes and filling the fridge, it might take years to fulfil or we may never quite get there, but we have to try. It may sound a little self absorbed, but we have to keep the germ of our need to do whatever is in at least one of our dreams alive, and to follow it as long as we can, because ultimately, that's all there is in life.
Angharad
I can honestly say
...that the best years of my life have been in my sixties. I'm lucky in that I have a good pension and reasonable health.
I have more really good friends now than maybe I've ever had in my life. Never write life off. It really is what you make of it.
Charlotte
I'm always so excited to see
I'm always so excited to see you've posted new material; however, on this occasion I was sorry to learn things currently feel a bit of a struggle. I'm sure a new chapter of Drag Queens would work wonders! ;)