Better Parents

Monday, January 2
Dear Diary.
My name is Austin, and I am 10, my birthday is in July, so it’s ages until I am 11.
I got you for Christmas. I was not happy at the time. I mean while other boys get sports things, iPad, cell phones, games and fun things, all I got was you. To be honest I think mom and dad forgot my present as when I looked for my package they were staring at each other whispering, “I thought you would buy it”. Then mom got up and went to her room and after a lot of noise and swearing, she came with you. I threw you under my bed in disgust.
I feel bad for how selfish and spoiled I was at expecting great presents. I am sure God meant that I would get you for a reason. I decided that I would use you and make the most out of it.
I understand my parents do not have time to buy a present. They are executives at some bank and work is very important for them. I am their only child. I think after they got me, they decided that they were too busy to have other children.
Sighs… it would be nice having a small brother, as I have no friends. I do not know why. I am very shy at times and I really do not like sports. They also tease that the skater's hair have is a decade out of fashion. I am the only boy that has hair to his shoulders.
Mom and Dad are extremely busy and even when they are home, they have their laptops open and they constantly tap away at them. Once in a while, they would smile at me. They never have time to play. All in all, I am a quiet boy that knows my parents love me but do not have time other parents have. I am grateful that I have parents that do love me.

Tuesday, January 3
Dear Diary
Today we had a visit from Mr and Mrs Jonson. They are an elderly couple that moved in next door.
Mom and Dad found the visit an inconvenience as they were busy. Dad got a promotion in November so this meant he had to work.
The Jonson’s are nice, but it’s a shame they have no child. When they saw me, they thought I was a girl which was embarrassing. After that they were nice. Like as if they were my grandparents.
It was funny watching mom and dad. They tried to be polite, but I could see dad look at the clock all the time.

Wednesday, January 4
Dear Diary
I am not so happy today. Mom and Dad are over the moon with happiness because mom got a promotion.
It means less time for me and more tapping at laptops.
I will pray that I am not so selfish and happy that my mom and dad are a success.

Friday, January 6
Dear Diary
Today was strange. We actually had dinner around the kitchen table together as a family. Mom and dad were not reading or working. We actually talked.
To be honest, we did not talk a lot as Dad and Mom never know what to say to me. Talking about interest rates and loan risks are easy for them but they simply do not know what 10 year old talks about.
Mom told me her job meant she will be home at 7 pm every day and this means I need a babysitter. The Jonson’s offered to do it, which is very generous of them. This means I have to go to their house after school and sometimes at weekends.
I felt my eyes well up with water and begged them that I could take care of myself.
Dad told me to be a man about it and not cry over such a small thing.

Saturday, January 7
Dear Diary
Mom worked at home today. She must have thought I was in the way as in the afternoon she told me I should take a nap.
I refused, as I did not take naps since I was 6

Monday, January 9
Dear Diary
Today was the first time I was babysat by the Jonson’s. When I knocked on the door, they both answered and were so happy seeing me.
Then they gave me cookies and milk and sat down with me while I spoke with them. They talked about how my day was at school and if I needed help with my homework.
Mrs Jonson said my hair was a bit too long but was worried it was getting in my eyes.
I was very shy as usual. In my defence, I was not used to being the centre of attention and two people showing an interest in how my day was. It was like I had no time to be by myself and I was not used to this.
Mrs Jonson asked me if I was uncomfortable. I explained that I was not used to so much attention.
She told me my parents worked very hard and career people often did not have time for their children. They often did not have time to ask how their child’s day went.
Mr Jonson said I could feel at home there. They had money but did not have to work, so they were honoured I would spend time with them. I was to consider their home as my home.
Mrs Jonson came over and gave me a hug. This shocked me and I clumsily let her hug me. She told not to worry. She knew my mom and dad loved me and gave me lots of hugs. I looked at her with a tear in my eye. My parents never hugged me.
After that, I went around to explore the house. They had nice things and the house was like any house grandparents would have.
I looked at a painting over the fireplace. It was a picture of a girl that was in a pretty petticoat dress. She had pigtails and a pretty face. She was the same age as me, which was a bit strange, as she had a pacifier in her hand. Mr Jonson told me she was their daughter. I had about 50 questions, but they changed the subject.
The rest of the time was used when they gave me a colouring book. I didn’t use one of these since I was 7. I was polite and started colouring flowers and rainbows.
It was quite fun
When mom came to pick me up, I sprang and gave her a hug. She looked embarrassed and politely pushed me away trying to make some excuse for what got in me.
Mrs Jonson sighed.

Wednesday, January 18
Dear Diary
I should be better in writing. But I feel like one day is like another day.
I still am being babysat by the Jonson’s. I like them now and I am no longer shy. I actually look forward to visiting them.
Today was no different, when I visited them, they were waiting for me and had cookies and milk waiting for me. I told them about the day. They always thought it was strange when I said I had no friends and was a bit of a loner. I had tears in my eyes, and Mrs Jonson put a pacifier in my mouth. I spit it out saying that I was not a baby.
Maybe it was a joke, as adults do have a strange sense of humour at times. They started talking to each other how carefree a baby is of any stress or peer pressure. Mr Jonson said he wished sometimes he could be a baby and someone takes care of him. It would not matter if he had friends or not. Mrs Jonson said she would rather take care of a baby, no matter how old they were. I did not say much as I found the whole conversation weird. Why would anyone want to be a baby? Maybe it would be nice to have someone to give me lots of attention and I wouldn’t have to care that no one at school liked me. Still, the thought was very strange indeed.
I looked at the picture of their daughter. She must have used a pacifier as she had one in her hand.
Mrs Jonson turned on a DVD. It was a 3d Barbie film. The story was about Barbie being a princess. It was so girlish and cute. I imagined thousands of girls stuck to the film imagining themselves in princess dresses and playing with Barbie dolls. The story wasn’t that bad, in fact, I became engrossed in it. I snuggled up against Mrs Johnson.
After the film, she asked me if I snuggled with my parents when we saw films. I said no, I saw them alone and wore earphones so I would not disturb them. This must have shocked Mrs Jonson because she said I was not a trophy or decoration. She asked me if I thought my parents loved me. They didn’t spend time with me, or give hugs, or cuddle and see TV, play games, say good night…. Ok, she went on and on what they did not do.
I said they do love me and Mr Jonson asked how they show it.
There was silence.
Mrs Jonson broke the silence by saying mom has been trying to give me hugs when she picks me up. They both commented that this is what a parent should do
When Mom did pick me up, I noticed she was a bit uneasy giving me a hug. It was as if it was a chore for her

Wednesday, January 18
Dear Diary
Mom found the pacifier in my pocket. I told her I never used it and she got all upset saying she was worried about me.
I tried to make her smile by snuggling with her while she saw the news. She was a bit surprised and asked if I was sick. She did not push me off and to be honest, I felt like I was being a burden as she really did not want to do it.
At bedtime, I tried to give mom and dad a good night hug, and again I shocked them as they asked what got into me?

Monday, January 23
Dear Diary
I was so happy when I came to the Jonson’s and was happy when we sat down to have some cookies and milk. I told them what happened at home, which must have confused Mrs Jonson as she did not understand why my parents considered me a burden. I have never thought about this myself. Over the last week, I have been thinking if they loved me, and started thinking I am just a burden.
Tears came to my eyes at the thought.
We stayed at the table and talked, but the idea my parents didn’t love me made me so sad that tears were slowly going down my cheeks. Mrs Jonson stood up and said not to worry, they loved me. She put the pacifier in my mouth and said that will take my troubles away. I did not spit it out. I do not know if it took away my problems, but it felt soothing.
She said she wanted to fix my hair, so it did not get in my eyes. I told her I asked mom to take me to the hairdresser, but so far she was too busy. Mrs Jonson said it would be a shame to cut such nice hair. Mom never said I had nice hair and it was years since she brushed it. In the end, Mrs Jonson was happy about her work. She put it in a ponytail and told me I look pretty.
Pretty?
Mr Jonson said I reminded him of Hannah, which I found out was their daughter’s name. When I asked why they said it was time to see a DVD. They asked me what DVD I wanted to see, and I begged to see the Barbie one.
When we started seeing the DVD, Mrs Jonson gave me a gift. I explained that it was not my birthday. I was told sometimes it’s good giving a present to someone you loved. I opened the present and nearly thought it was a joke when I saw it was a Barbie doll. I did not want to hurt their feelings so I gave them a hug and soon I was engrossed in the film.
Tonight, Dad saw me holding the Barbie doll. He sighed and said I was one strange boy. He made it worse by saying my ponytail made me look like a sissy.
I didn’t even bother trying to give him a hug goodnight. I said I was going to bed.
So you understand why I am in tears writing this, at least the pacifier stops me from screaming

Friday, January 27
Dear Diary
It’s Friday and that means I do not get babysat tomorrow. That makes me a bit sad, as I look forward every day going to them. I know I don’t write every day. I have no excuse.
Today I told them that dad does not like my hair in a ponytail and he thinks I am a sissy. I said I did not like when he worried that I am not like the others. The older pair would not accept I was weird. They said I was sensitive, and in many ways like a girl. This was nearly too much for me and I had tears in my eyes again. Mrs Jonson gave me a hug and told me it was not an insult. She said I was like an angel put on this earth and I was a delicate flower. Then they went into a huge discussion that the perfect boy is like a girl, as it brings some special things out. I was confused as hell.
Mrs Jonson told me about daughter while she was brushing my hair. I loved when my hair was being brushed. Her daughter’s name was Hannah and she was a precious daughter that was sweet and happy. They loved her a lot and were one great family. However, Hannah was killed when she was cycling. A man speeding to get to work on time drove her over
Silence
I could hear sniffing as she continued saying that I reminded her lot of Hannah. Hannah was teased a lot at school because she was most happy when she was treated like a baby. At the age of 10, she wore diapers, slept in a crib… in fact, everything a baby did.
Mr Jonson said that my parents do not appreciate that they have me, they do not love me, I know that he and his wife loves me.
My hair was finished and they were put in pigtails. The same style as Hannah’s picture.
Mr Jonson said enough of being serious and he started tickling me so I felt to the floor. I hate being tickled as it is torture but it was also nice laughing so much after such a serious talk. The problem is he would not stop tickling me and I was squirming on the floor. I felt myself get wet and before I could stop, I realized I just peed in my pants.
I started crying and Mr Jonson said it was not my fault. It was his fault. Mrs Jonson came and said she would help me change. I was embarrassed because she took off my wet clothes. She told me she was used to it. She then put on white panties with cute ladybugs and a ribbon. I gasped that I was wearing girl panties. But I also knew they did not have a son. She told me she only had a skirt and did I want that. I said panties are fine.
When mom came, she did not think they were fine. She shouted why my hair was in pigtails and why the hell I was wearing panties? When Mrs Jonson said that I wet myself, my mother exploded.
I hid behind Mrs Jonson as she explained that some children have accidents, and some boys even are little girls inside.
Mum was now blowing steam. She asked if I am a baby sissy. Mrs Jonson said as she is my mother, she should know.
Mom and dad did not speak to me since. They did not even say goodnight.

Saturday, January 27
Dear Diary
Today when I opened my school bag, I found a pack of panties. The Jonson’s must have put them in my bag. Did they want me to wear panties?
Mom came in and saw them on the bed. I was brushing my Barbie’s head. Mom told me she had a long talk with my dad, and they have to respect that I liked the Barbie doll. She said even if I wet myself all the time, I would get as much help from them as possible.
She brushed my hair as she said she was sorry for getting mad yesterday, but she was shocked when she saw me in panties and pigtails… like a girl.
After she brushed my hair. She held me in her arms. She said she never wanted me to grow and if I was a sissy. She would enjoy being the mum of a princess.
Why did people think I wanted to be a girl?
I looked in the mirror and seen a small girl staring back. Was this the true me? I was confused and yet so happy snuggling in moms arms, while she talked about things that were not important
Do babies or do girls get more love than boys?

Thursday, February 2
Dear Diary
I thought Mr and Mrs Jonson would be happy that mom apologised and promised to help me, but they said it’s because mom is trying to be politically correct, whatever that means. She said she could see that my mom was embarrassed with me. I wanted to shout no, but Mr and Mrs Jonson understood other adults and I trusted them.
Did my parents love me?
They showed me their daughter’s room. It was a nursery with a crib and changing table. There was also a dollhouse. I knelt down and started playing with it. This made the old couple happy as they said their daughter loved that dollhouse
I asked why was she a baby when she was the same age as me.
Mrs Jonson sat next to me and asked was it nice when I wet myself by accident? I said it was embarrassing. She said that’s because I was worried about what others would say. Hannah knew that little baby girls were spoiled and cared for. Baby girls do not care what others thought and just wanted to be loved and given attention. Hannah was most happy and secure when she was treated like a baby. She started wetting herself on purpose and when she was put in diapers, then she got the nursery and was treated like a baby.
One day, she wanted to be a 10-year-old again, and she asked to go for a bike ride. This was when an executive who was speeding because he was late for work drove their daughter over.
It was sad seeing Mrs Jonson wiping a tear, saying she was safe when she wanted to be a baby. Then she looked at me and said she could understand if I wanted to be a baby again, but she said my mom would never allow it, as she could not sacrifice the love and attention she gives to her work
I do not know why she thinks I want to be a baby.
When mom came, she asked if the Jonson’s could take care of me on Saturday as my parents had to work. Of course, they said they would love to.
I gave my mom a quick hug and ran over to Mr and Mrs Jonson a long hug.

Saturday, February 4
Dear Diary
I went to the Jonson’s and gave them a huge hug when I came. Mom asked for a hug when she was going. I reluctantly gave her a hug and told her not to speed. A young girl can be out cycling,
Mrs Jonson asked what we should do. I asked could we see “Cinderella”. So we all sat down and cuddled while we saw the movie. I liked when Mrs Jonson brushed my hair when we saw the film. She put my hair back in pigtails and this time put ribbons at the end of them.
At noon, Mrs Jonson said I looked tired and should nap an hour. I protested and said I was too old. Then she said naps could also be fun. I could dream I was in the Cinderella movie. Maybe I could dream I was the prince. I smiled and being obedient, I said I would take a nap. We went to Hannah’s room and Mr Jonson lifted me in the crib. I should have felt bad about it, but it wasn’t that bad, besides the bars made it look like a jail. They put a pacifier in my mouth and I fell asleep holding my Barbie doll.
When I woke up, I was so happy. I never felt so happy before. It was like I had a perfect dream and I never slept so well. I thought to sleep in a crib would be like a jail, but it was like a safe zone, where I was protected. I realized that I also wet myself and that was very embarrassing. It was not all that comfortable and I started crying.
Mr and Mrs Jonson came and lifted me out. They carried me over to the changing table and started helping me out of the wet clothes. Mrs Jonson was asking how I dreamt… did I find Cinderella at the end and did the glass shoe fit her? I blushed and said I was Cinderella in the dream.
Mrs Jonson put some panties on me. This did not surprise me as I wear those most of the time anyhow. Mom did not even mind me wearing them as they were hidden. Dad would not say what he thought. I just thought they were pretty and comfy.
She put a silver t-shirt on me with little shiny fake diamond sown in them and it had a golden glitter crown and said, princess. Then she put white tights on me. I never had tights on me but they felt so nice. It’s hard to explain, but they were like a cloud was massaging my legs. The last thing she put on was a skirt. It was a short denim one.
Mrs Jonson said she only had her daughter’s clothes. I looked in the mirror and said they were so pretty.
Mr Jonson laughed and said I was pretty, and I should watch out, as some prince in my class will come and snatch me as his Cinderella. He asked me was there any cute boys in my class. I answered without thinking that Sebastian was very cute. I nearly fainted when I realized that I just admitted a boy was cute. I was beginning to think like a girl.
I played with the dollhouse. I could see Mrs Jonson was worried and asked her was she sad? She said that she was convinced I had a gender identity problem and explained that this meant in my mind, I wanted to be a girl. I thought I was a girl in a boy’s body. She said my parents would never accept this, as they did not love me the way that she or her husband did. I gave them both a hug.
Later when my mom picked me up, I was sad and asked was it already that time. I expected mom to be mad. She did go white when she saw me dressed like a girl. She stood still for a few minutes. Mrs Jonson explained that I wet myself when took a nap and these were the only clothes they had. Mom did not comment but quietly asked where her hug was. She asked the Jonson’s to take care of me tomorrow.
When we were home, she said nothing except its good dad was on a business trip. She also said that she should find a new babysitter for me.

Sunday, February 5
Dear Diary
When I came to the Jonson’s, the day started badly. I told them that mom was talking about getting a new babysitter. This made Mrs Jonson collapse on a chair and start crying shouting that they did not love me like the Jonson’s did. They did not accept me like the Jonson’s did. I went over and gave her a hug and said I like the ribbons in my hair.
When they composed themselves, we went out and baked some cupcakes. The icing was pink, which made them too pretty to eat. I told them that pink was now my favourite colour.
It was soon time to take a nap- However, Mr Jonson read a story for me. It was about a girl that was always ignored by her mom. This made the girl very sad and she started wetting herself to get attention. She got it and the more she acted like a baby, the happier she was because she was not ignored anymore. She even got hugs and her parents told her that she was loved.
Mrs Jonson was tucking me in and I told her I was afraid I would wet myself. She asked me what I was thinking. I stumbled and whispered that maybe I should wear a diaper while I took a nap. She smiled and lifted me out and before I knew it I had a baby diaper on me. It looked pretty as it had flowers and fairies on it. However, it was bulky and big for me. I tried walking over to the crib but I had to spread my legs a lot. Mr Jonson laughed and picked me up saying it’s easier crawling.
I was a 10-year old wearing a girls diaper taking a nap in the crib.
I slept and woke up needing to go for a pee. I remembered the story and decided to wet the diaper. It was hard to do as my body kept telling me I was potty trained. I picked up my pacifier that fell out my mouth and put it in and slept on.
It was strange after the nap that I just got my boys clothes on and panties. I did not feel so pretty.
It was the dad that picked me up. I asked if it was already time. He told me to hurry and get my things. I told him that I only had my Barbie with me. Dad looked at the Jonson’s and said they were good people and must have hap patience taking care of such a weird an mixed up boy as me.
I put my thumb in my mouth to stop me from crying. Dad thought I was weird.

Tuesday, February 7
Dear Diary
When I was eating cookies at the Jonson’s, they asked me how things were. I told them that I was wetting the bed at home. They did not ask if I did it on purpose and I was happy, as it would have been embarrassing admitting I did. I told them it felt weird wetting the bed when I am so old. Mr Jonson said children are different. The fact that I may be regressing to a baby did not mean I was weird. I need parents that love me like Jonson’s loves me.
They asked me what we should do that day. I was quiet and Mrs Jonson said not to be embarrassed. I looked at them with a tear in my eye and silently asked if I could wear a dress.
They asked if I felt happier with girl’s clothes on. I nodded
They asked me if I wanted to be a girl when I was here. I nodded
Mrs Jonson helped me put a red satin dress on with a big bow at the back. I was also wearing a satin bow in the back. When I looked in the mirror, I started crying, I looked like a princess and my heart was jumping up and down
I played with Hannah’s dolls.
Later I heard mom at the door. I did not go and meet her, as I did not want to go home. I heard Mrs Jonson tell her I was changing clothes, as I was playing in other clothes. This confused mom as she said she thought the Jonson’s only had a girl, not a boy.
At last, I went out and gave mom a quick hug saying nothing. I gave Jonson’s a huge hug and told them I loved them.
When we were home, mom looked up from her laptop and asked did I know that she loved me. I did not answer. She asked me how it was at the Jonson’s. I said I don’t want another babysitter. I felt happiest at their house and today I felt like I was really me for the first time. It was the best day I ever had. Mum went quiet, sniffed her nose and went back to work.

Thursday, February 9
Dear Diary
When I was walking home from school, I needed to pee. Guess what I did? I just let it flow in my pants. It was like I was having a lot of emotions in me. I was a child. I deserved to be loved and hugged and doted over. So by the time I knocked the Jonson’s door, I was totally wet. Mrs Jonson did not get mad and did not say a lot except poor me
She started taking off my clothes and asked me how often I was wetting.
I told her this was the first time in the day. I have been wetting every night and this made mom mad, as when she had to rush in the morning, she did not have time for a bed wetter. I said it made me sad when my mom got mad.
Mr Jonson said it was horrible my parents did not love me to take care of a problem I have. Love means supporting someone no matter what.
I told them dad wanted me to see a doctor or shrink. This upset Mrs Jonson that said I just needed love and respect.
She asked me if I would wear a diaper while I was being babysat. I thought about their furniture and said I didn’t mind, in fact, it was a good ideal.
So when mom came, she lost her temper. She saw me wear tights and a yellow petticoat dress with ribbons in my hair. She asked was I playing dress up again and was told no. She went totally berserk when she was told I wore a diaper because I wet myself
“Stop acting like a faggy Sissy Baby” she shouted.
It’s good I didn’t know what faggy meant. I gave Jonson’s a hug but refused to give mom a hug.
At home dad was furious. I was sent to my room.
I could hear my parents fighting, blaming each other blaming I was so weird. I heard mom say that they really do not know me and should get to know me and accept I could be transgender. That was another new word I learnt
I heard a door slam and a car speeding off.

Wednesday, February 15
Dear Diary
Daddy left us so now its only mom and me. She says she is getting a divorce. I do not really care. Mom has been very quiet and is getting used to seeing me as a girl when she collects me. She said when I am at home or school, I am to dress as a boy and that even meant no pigtails or ribbons.
Otherwise, she is always quiet and when she looks at me, she looks at me like I am some alien.
I am happy with the Jonson’s. I wear girl clothes and am treated like a baby. They even put me in a highchair when we eat and I love when I lay on the sofa on Mrs Jonson’s lap when she gives me a drink in a bottle. I love when she dresses me and especially brushes my hair.
When I was at the Jonson’s, I was not treated as a baby girl. I knew that I was a baby girl. I was the centre of their world. I felt happiest when I was a girl. I was happiest when I was in pretty clothes and could play with girl clothes.
I am not a rebel. I am really a girl in a boy’s body.
I am most happy when allowed to be a girl.
Maybe this is why I had a tantrum today and refused to go home with mom. It ended that she nearly had to drag me home.
By the way, yesterday was valentines. I only got one card but I know who sent it, as I see the person put the card in my bag. It was Sebastian. I am so happy

Thursday, February 23
Dear Diary
Tonight my mom told me to come to my room before bed. She said that she spoke with the Jonson’s and I have been wetting all the time. They suggested that I wear diapers all the time until I didn’t need them anymore. She was saying this as she put a diaper on me and told me I was now a diaper boy until I could learn to be like any other boy that was normal.
This was like a knife in my heart. Mom thinks I am weird.
The problem is that I started wetting on purpose. I don’t know why I did this but it just felt like it’s the right thing to do. Now I wet myself without even knowing it. I lost control of my bladder
I know I will be teased at school because of the diaper.

Tuesday, February 28
Dear Diary
Today, the Jonson’s dressed me up as a girl and told me we were going to the mall. I was wearing a diaper and a yellow dress with tights and a pink coat. I had Mary Janes on and ribbons in my hair. When we came to the mall, they put me in a stroller and we walked around the mall. I am small for my age, so people must have thought I was a big toddler. At first, I was so afraid they would see I was a boy, but they all gave me smiles saying I was cute.
We went to a jewellery shop and I sat on the chair. I was told this would be a present. The woman working there said I was very lucky my parents were doing this, as I would look like a princess. Before I knew me, I had earrings
On the way home, Mrs Jonson said it was strange when the woman called them my parents. She thought it felt good. Mr Jonson said they may as well be my parents
I was thinking of my earrings and was so proud of them. It was a sign that I now was a girl
Mom was not so proud of them, she asked what was next?
The Jonson’s asked mom to come in and chat. They said I have been there for two months and they loved me as their own daughter. They respected and supported me that I regressed as a baby and they allowed me to find myself as a girl. Then they said my home life was not good for me. I had parents that were getting a divorce and loved their job more than me. I had parents that did not know how to love me and considered me a trophy.
My mom was speechless
Then Mr Jonson said they would like me to live with them. They would provide a house with love and attention, something she could not provide.
Mom looked at me and said I sure do not want this,
I didn’t answer. Deep down I wouldn’t mind being their daughter.

Monday, March 6
Dear Diary
The last week has been strange. I was being asked to live at another house and get new parents. They were getting impatient and kept on telling me my mom didn’t love me.
They must have lost their patience because today Mrs. Jonson said, “Hannah, when are you moving in to be our daughter.
They called me Hannah, their daughter.

Thursday, March 9
Dear Diary
I couldn’t sleep and I walked out where mom was on the sofa looking at a picture of me. I sat down next to her.
“They were right. I am a bad mom. I never gave cuddles and spent that most time with you. I never realized you could consider yourself a girl. It’s all my fault you wet and act like a baby. You did it because you want my attention. The fact is my work was more important to you. Even when you were born I was annoyed as I had an important meeting that day.”
Mom was silent and said
“I want you to be happy. If you are not happy and feel most happy with the Jonson’s, then you can live there. But I want you to visit me every day. Maybe you can spend weekends here; it will be hell for me. As I will Miss you so much.”
Now I cried. Despite moms many faults as a mom, she was willing to sacrifice and she just wanted me to be happy. This is true love. I snuggled against mom and told her I was staying with her as her son. The Jonson’s called me Hannah which meant they just wanted me to replace their daughter.
Mum hugged me tight and said we were going to have a fresh start…. As a mom and daughter.

Saturday, April 15
Dear Diary
A lot has happened last month.
The day after mom and I talked, we told the Jonson’s we were no longer needing their services. Mrs Jonson cried and tried to tell me how bad mom was. I told her I did not want to replace their daughter and I love mom and she loves me.
Mom and dad have started divorce procedures. Dad does not speak with me. That is his loss.
I moved to a transgender friendly school where everyone considers me a girl. I also see a doctor that helps with hormones and all that. I even have friends at the new school and I am about to start ballet
Mom got rid of all my boys’ things and my room is a girl’s nursery. It was really fresh start as she treated me like a baby girl. Now we agreed I should potty train. I am trying my best as I can’t wait to wear panties and have a princess room
You may ask who babysits me. Mom does as she got another job. It pays less but she has lots of time with me. She says she is happy now.
Today we are cooking a meal. Mom says it’s important to forgive others and the Jonson’s does miss me. So we agreed we would invite them to dinner and they could always visit me if they don’t play the games they done before.
I have to go, as mom wants to brush my hair. She has new ribbons so I look pretty for dinner tonight.