Looking at the note left me with a feeling of dread. Here I was on holiday on this lovely cruise ship, trying to get away from my problems and enjoy myself for once and some weirdo has sent me more flowers than at a rock stars funeral.


Working Girl ~ Life Goes On! 4

By Susan Brown

Chapter 4

Looking at the note left me with a feeling of dread. Here I was on holiday on this lovely cruise ship, trying to get away from my problems and enjoy myself for once and some weirdo has sent me more flowers than at a rock stars funeral.

I heard a noise behind me and jumped.

‘Bugger me with a pitchfork!’

‘I would rather not,’ I said as I turned to see Sheila walking through the door. Mind you, you don’t walk through the door do you? You sort of walk through the doorway, otherwise you’d mash your nose or something. I’m burbling. I know I am, back to the present Toni, get a grip!

I looked at Sheila; she was opening and closing her mouth a bit like a goldfish waiting for her food.

‘Close your mouth, Sheila, you’re creating a draft.’

Her mouth shut suddenly. I noticed that her lipstick was somewhat smeared and hair looked like it had been dragged through a hedge backwards.

‘You look a mess; been playing tonsil hockey with some poor bloke?’

‘Erm, yes, a double glazing salesman from Bolton.’

‘Is he still alive?’

‘What do you mean? I don’t kill every man I have a relationship with. I may scar them for life if they cross me, but I’m a pussycat really.’

‘You mean tiger.’

‘Never mind about that. What the hell is going on here?’

I silently passed her several of the notes. She scanned them quickly and turned a lighter shade of pale.

‘Blimey, someone’s either got the hots for you or is even more warped than me!’

‘That’s saying something.’ I mumbled.

‘Pardon?’

‘Nothing.’

‘Right; we need to do something.’

She went over to the phone and picked it up.

‘Hello, can I speak to the florists shop? What do you mean, you don’t have a florist shop. We have had some - no let me change that - a ton of flowers delivered to our room, where did they come from? Yes I’ll hold.’

She tapped her feet as she waited. I cleared one of the chairs of some flowers and sat down. It was good to see Sheila in full flow.

‘Hello yes, what?’ she looked at me, a puzzled look on her face, ‘no, OK thanks.’

She put the phone down and looked at me. I was a bit disappointed as I had expected a grade one rant from Sheila.

‘They don’t know anything about the flowers. They don’t have a florists, they do have some flowers for general use about the ship but they are limited and fully accounted for.’

‘What’s this all about, Sheila?’

‘I’m not Miss Marple; I haven’t the figure for it. Look, I think we need help. It might just be a wacky admirer but then it could be a stalker and I can’t watch you all the time. We have to call in the cavalry.’

‘They can’t have horses on boar…’

‘I know that I was talking metaphorically.’

‘Does it hurt?’

‘What?’

‘Metaphoriwatsit.’

‘Don’t sprain your brain dear. I’ll explain later; anyway, we need to talk to security.’

She went back over to the phone and picked it up.

‘Hello, can I speak to security please…. Hello, is that security, we have a problem, Huston… sorry; I always wanted to say that. Could someone pop up and sort out a problem for us? No I don’t want to say anything on the phone as walls have ears…I know that walls don’t really have ears, stooped; look, are you coming or not? Good do you know which rooms we are in? That’s it, see you in a mo then.’

She put the phone down and came and sat next to me.

‘Don’t worry; we’ll get to the bottom of this. You never know, it might be a rich eccentric multi millionaire who wants to rush you off your feet and whisk you away to a life of luxury and debauchery.’

‘There again, he might just want to kill me.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I remember the look on ex step daddies face in the court. I got the impression that he has crossed me off his Christmas list — permanently.’

‘Come on, what can he do, he’s sowing mailbags or crunching rocks in prison.’

‘Yes, but he may have friends outside.’

‘Look, there is no need to worry. On a ship like this, they would have top-notch security. Blimey, it’s like a mini city and they would be aware that some shady characters might get on board. The security staff are probably the best in the trade — the David Beckham’s of their trade…top of the profession…’

There was a knock on the door and Sheila went over and opened it.

‘Oh shit.’

I looked up and saw.

‘Bugger,’ I said with feeling. ‘It’s you!’

‘Hello ladies, you called security?’

There in the doorway, in all there glory or lack of it was Britain’s answer to Starsky and Hutch — our old friends Mick and Dave!

They came through the door, looking around at the mini garden that was our suite. They both had sunglasses on, which looked ridiculous as it was hardly sunny in here. They were out of uniform but the Hawaiian shirts and Bermuda shorts clashed horribly with…just about everything.

Sheila was the first to speak — she often is.

‘What are you two doing here?’

‘I bet you’re surprised to see us; we was surprised when we found out that you too were aboard. Funny how thing turn out, isn’t it?’

‘Hilarious,’ said Sheila, ‘I thought you were a long way away, nicking people for parking on yellow lines.’

‘We are on secondment.’

Not firstment?’

‘No secondment; we won the raffle down at the knick to be the onboard police presence on this trip.’

‘Why do you need police here; what about the security staff?’

Dave spoke up.

‘There has been a tip off vis-á -vis the possibility of drugs being on board. We have had info from a grass that some wacky backie is on here. Also some hard stuff like coke and amphets. We are here to nab the slimballs and make them do some hard time without the option.’

I only understood a few of the things that Dave had said so Sheila interpreted.

‘What Dave is saying is that they have been told by an informer that there may be some drugs on board. They are here to try to catch them and then take them back to the UK where they will be put in prison.’

‘Well, why didn’t he say that?’

‘Because he can only talk in cop-show speak.’

‘Oh.’

‘Well ladies,’ said Mick, getting down to business, ‘what have we here?’

‘Flowers,’ said Sheila through gritted teeth.’

‘’Yes, madam…I am aware of that, but what is wrong with having a few flowers?’

‘Firstly, I’m Miss or preferably Ms not Madam and secondly, these flowers were delivered without our permission by some nutter who has written loads of cards, all with the same message on them, look.’
She passed a few of the cards to Mick and Dave.

They had to put their sunglasses on the top of their heads to read the message, reminding me a bit of the girls at work.

‘Hmm…suggestive, eh Dave?’

‘You’re right there, Mick.’

‘Suggestive of what?’ I said.

‘Erm… well…now that you have brought this to our attention, we’ll take the cards away for fingerprint, saliva, DNA tests and that jazz; but don’t worry about it; we are top notch investigators, not much gets past us, eh Dave?’

‘True, very true, Mick.’

‘We’ll get back to you on this ladies, in the mean time, enjoy you holiday and if anything else untoward happens, let us know.’

Sheila showed them out and I just sat there.

‘Well Toni; feeling better now that the dynamic duo are on the case?’

‘No.’

‘Me neither.’

‘There was another knock on the door.

‘What now!’

Sheila went over and yanked open the door. It was Buttons, or whatever his name was, the perky bellboy with a trolley thingy.

‘Ullo ladies, ow are yer doin?’

‘Yes?’

‘Sorry ladies, I been sent up to ask yer if yer wants me to take away the flours?’

‘Flours?’

‘Yea, you know flours,’

‘Oh you mean flowers. Do you want to keep them Toni?’

I shook my head, the sooner they were gone, the sooner I could try to forget all this.

The chirpy chappie picked up the all flowers, put them on the trolley and with a cheery wave that sickened me a bit, left us whistling a happy tune.

‘Is he on drugs or something?’ I asked.

‘Too much cola, probably.’

‘What do you want to do now?’

‘Do you fancy eating anything?’

You’ve not long had something.’

‘I know, but I’m still a bit peckish.’

‘It’s those men you go after; saps your strength.’

‘I don’t go after them, well not much anyway. Look, fancy a drink down by the pool, I might grab a sandwich too.’

‘OK, might as well try to enjoy myself.’

As we walked down the corridor, I had that strange feeling of being watched again. I looked around and, of course, there was nobody there. I shrugged my shoulders thinking was being paranormal about it and carried on.

When we got to the pool, half the loungers were covered in towels, “must be a lot of Germans about,” I thought as we found a quiet spot where we wouldn’t get too splashed by the overweight belly-floppers.
A waiter came over, all glistening teeth and Latin charm.

‘What would you charming laydies like today?’

‘You please.’ said Sheila.

‘Behave!’

‘Sorry Toni, just being friendly.’

‘Can I have an orange and lemonade please?’

‘Of course, with ice?’

‘Yes please.’

‘And you Mees?

‘’Coke please, plenty of ice and can I have a ham sandwich too?’

‘Of course, anything for a lovely laydie.’

I could have sworn that Sheila sort of simpered as the Latin lothario loped off.

After a short time he returned leaving us with our drinks and Sheila’s sandwich.

‘Goodbye, lovely laydies. If you need anything just snap your fingers and I will be with you in a flash.’

‘I’d like to see you flash!’

‘Sheila!’

‘You make me blush,’ said the waiter with a grin cheesier than White Wensleydale.*

Looking at him,; under the tan, I saw no signs of blushing and as he walked away, I could see that Sheila had some unfinished business at a later date.

I sipped the drink through the straw, feeling the cold nectar hitting the back of my parched throat.

Looking up at the sky, I could see that apart form a few scudding clouds, it was a fine clear day. The sun was high and I could feel the heat through my thin sun dress. I didn’t know if I would get up the courage to get a swim suit, I was worried where I would put Percy as, lets face it, I couldn’t unscrew him and stick him in my handbag.

I closed my eyes and sighed, relaxing in the warm sunlight.

After a bit, I could hear a sort of slurping noise. I opened one eye and saw a small boy looking at me. He a chocolate ice cream cone in one hand and was busily picking his nose with the index finger of the other one. He had ice cream over half his face and down his arm and he was staring at my chest. He must have been 4 or 5 and I supposed that his mother loved him.

He reluctantly extracted his finger from the mining expedition and pointed at my chest.

‘What?’ I said.

‘Your lumps are wonky.’

‘What lumps?’

‘On your belly.’

I looked down and saw that he must have meant my chest. I noticed with horror that one of my false my booblets had come adrift from it’s moorings and was about 4 inches higher than the other one. I placed my hand on top of it and pushed it down to its natural resting place.

I looked up at the boy who now had wide open eyes and a rapidly melting ice cream dripping down his arm.
I put my finger to my lips and just said ‘Shh.’

He looked like he was going to cry but before I could say anything else, he ran off crying for his mummy.
I shrugged my shoulders and shut my eyes for a while and all was relatively peaceful.

I must have sort of dropped off as I was suddenly and violently awoken by the af

ter shock of a tidal wave, as some large plonker decided to land on his ample stomach in the deep end.
I wiped my eyes to prevent chlorine poisoning or something and glanced up.

My heart sort of flip-flopped as I saw the man looking at me from across the pool. It was him, tall, dark hair, wearing a business suit. He was looking straight into my eyes and had a sort of a sad smile on his face. I turned around and jabbed Sheila in the ribs, she shot up two feet and then glared at me.

‘WHAT?’

‘It’s him, the man who stared at me, look, there he is…’

I pointed over and realised that once again he had disappeared. What was this, some magic trick or something?

‘Where?’
‘He’s gone again.’

‘Are you sure it was him?’

‘Yes, I would know him anywhere.’

‘Well, never mind, he probably just fancies you. Let me get some beauty sleep. If he turns up again, wake me gently or I might accidentally on purpose give you a right hook.’

Sheila shut her eyes leaving me to worry about what had happened today. What more could go wrong and it’s not tea time yet.

I shut my eyes and waited for my heart to stop racing. Just then I heard a young child.

‘Mummy, here she is, her lumps were wonky and I…’

To be continued...

* White Wensleydale cheese has a mild, slightly sweet flavour with a honey aftertaste.

Please leave comments as it's soooooooo nice to hear from you.