I took in the rotund stomach, let’s not be gentle here — pot bellied, then the lobster pink of the skin that had not seen enough factor 30. The sparse hair, the drool on the lips that held the thorny rose, clenched between off white and brown teeth...
 
Working Girl ~ Life Goes On! 8
 
By Susan Brown
 

 
 

Previously on Working Girl ~ Life Goes On!

I went into my cabin, humming the last waltz. Sheila had obviously gone with Jake to do what she had to do, so I was quite alone. I went into the bathroom and went to the toilet. I yawned and realised how tired I really was. I looked at my face and realised that it would take several minutes to clean off my makeup and to be honest, I couldn’t be bothered. I yawned again and then left the bathroom and went into my bedroom. I couldn’t wait to go to bed. The light was off, so I searched about and found the light switch. I blinked at the sudden brightness and then screamed as I saw a naked man on my bed with a rose in his teeth…

My eyes focused on the vision sprawled on my bed; it couldn’t be!

The tale continues...

I took in the rotund stomach, let’s not be gentle here — pot-bellied, then the lobster pink of the skin that had not seen enough factor 30. The sparse hair, the drool on the lips that held the thorny rose, clenched between off-white and brown teeth.

It was the hated Davis!

For those gentle souls that have not kept up with my misadventures — Davis was Sheila’s landlord and my previous one when I lived as Tony. If you want to know anything more, you will have to read the previous instalments and get Sue’s (my biographer) hit count up a bit.

Anyway, there he was, larger than life, lying there with a rose in his mouth.

‘What..what...what?’ I said.

‘Hmmmmph,’ he said.

‘Take that thing out of your mouth.’

‘Ouch.’ he said as I pulled it and unfortunately caught him with a thorn on his top lip. I wondered fleetingly if that was what a fish felt with a barb in its mouth?

‘I said, what are you doing there dressed, I mean not dressed like that?’

‘You want me!’

‘No I don’t, I would prefer to have the plague rather than you.’

‘But...you wrote me a letter.’

‘I didn’t!’

‘You did; you said that you were going on a cruise and that you wanted to be with me. You put the ticket in the letter. You said that you wanted me more than anything. You lusted after my body and couldn’t wait to see me and have me. I knew that you liked me really; I could tell when you poured that drink over me in the restaurant — it was a lovers tiff, that...’

There was a knock at the door, I went out of the bedroom across the reception room and opened it, I was a bit distracted but thought that it might be Sheila without her key or something.

It was Tim.

‘Hello, darling, we hadn’t arranged to meet to tomorrow and I thought....’

He was looking past me. I turned around and there was Davis, rose in hand, Willy, moving slightly...in harmony with the rocking of the boat; a bit like a fleshy metronome...

‘Oh shit.’ I said delicately.

‘Sorry Toni, I didn’t realise you were busy.’

Before I could utter a word, he looked at me as if I was something he scraped off his shoe, and left.

I shut the door and turned around.

‘If you are not out of here by the time I get back, I will stick that rose up your bum and then feed you to the sharks!’

I wrenched open the door and tried to follow Tim. I had no idea where he could be as I wasn’t sure where his cabin was. To say I was upset would be an understatement. I was crying like a girl (well I am a girl...want to make something of it?) I didn’t know what was going on, but it looked like my dream holiday was turning into a nightmare. I ran up and down the decks, not easy in those heels but I couldn’t find him. In desperation, eyes streaming and heart sobbing, I went into the ladies and fixed my face, well a girl has standards... then I used my brain rather than emotions. I didn’t know which cabin he was in. Sheila, who would know as she knew everything about every eligible male on the planet, was doing what she normally does with men so she wasn’t going to be around until morning. I had to sort this out for myself.

A little light bulb went off in my head...The purser’s office! I had read in a pamphlet that all enquiries are handled by them! They would know where his cabin was!

I followed the signs and arrows to the purser’s office. There was a little glass window and a lady in a vice admirals uniform...well she had lots of shiny buttons and things...looked up, with a tooth glistening smile.

‘How may I help you?’

‘I need to find my boyfriend.’

‘Where did you leave him?’

‘Outside my room.’

‘Oh, dear, had a bit of a tiff, did we?’

‘We didn’t, I did.’

‘And how can I help you?’

‘I need to know which room he is in.’

‘Don’t you know?’

‘That’s why I’m asking. ‘

‘I am sorry; I can’t give out personal information.’

‘It’s not personal, you have about a thousand crew here, and I bet they know.’

‘Know what?’

‘What room he’s in.’

‘Why would they want to know that?’

‘If they needed to know, you would tell them.’

‘Yes, but they are crew.’

‘So it’s not secret is it?’

‘What isn’t?’

‘Where Tim is.’

‘Why would they want to know?’

‘You aren’t going to tell me, are you?’

‘I am sorry; I can’t give out personal information.’

‘Thank you.’

‘Don’t mention it.’

‘I won’t.’

I left her and wandered the decks, feeling sorry for myself. I didn’t look where I was going and bumped into someone.

‘Gor blimey, hold hard, what’s up then?’

I looked down and saw our cheeky chirpy bell boy, Arfer. He was out of uniform, wearing a hideous sort of Hawaiian shirt and shorts, he clashed with himself, colour-wise, but my thoughts were more about Tim than the boys’ sartorial elegance.

‘I can’t find, Tim.’

‘Who’s Tim then?’

‘My boyfriend.’

‘Where’d you leave him then?’

‘Don’t you start; I’ve just had the same conversation with the lady in the purser’s office.’

‘Old frozen drawers? She a bit of a one; having it off with the chef, she is, thinks she runs the place.’

‘I only want to find out his cabin number.’

‘What, up for a bit of night nookie, are we?’

‘Don’t be rude. We just had a misunderstanding and I wanted to clear it up.’

‘And here’s me thinkin' that you wanted my body.’

‘Not today, thanks.’

‘Never mind. want me to get your Tim’s room number then?’

‘Could you!’

‘It’ll cost yer?’

‘How much?’

‘A snog.’

‘In your dreams.’

‘Can’t stop a man askin'. OK, a peck on the cheek then.’

I bent down and kissed him...I was desperate.

‘And another when I come up with the goods.’

‘If you insist.’

‘Right, leave it ta me. Stay ere’ won’t be a mo.’

He scuttled off like some sort of forward moving crab, disappearing around the corner and leaving me in limbo.

I was getting a bit chilly as the sea breezes were playing havoc with my nether or should that be never regions. I wondered what Tim would be thinking of me. Slut, harlot, bitch, hooker prostitute...all things that came to mind as my goose pimples got goose pimples on them.

Girlie tip number 1: Don’t go out on deck without a cardi or faux fir coat.

As I waited, couples went past me hand in hand, whispering sweet nothings in each other's ears and annoying the hell out of me. I wasn’t one to moan about my lot, but let’s face it; I had more problems coming in my direction than Sheila had men going after her!

I heard the patter of tiny feet and around the corner came my favourite leprechaun, I mean bellboy, Arfur.

He skidded to a halt and was panting a bit like a Labrador puppy. I resisted the urge to pat him on the head and give him a biscuit and just said, ‘well?’

‘Piece a cake.’

‘Pardon?’

‘I said piece a cake, can’t yer speak inglish?’

‘Not like you, thank God. Did you get it?’

‘It’ll cost yer.’

‘I know,’ I said with a sigh.

He puckered his chapped lips and I thought of England and kissed him.

‘Loverly!’ he said with a sigh.

‘Well?’

‘Well wot?’

‘The cabin number?’

‘Oh yea, its 212.’

‘How did yer, I mean you do it.’

‘Used me obvious charms.’

‘You haven’t got any.’

‘Probly not. I just told her that her boyfriend was standing outside the kitchen and wanted to see ‘er about some sausages.’

And?’

‘She rushed off and I looked at the ship's rosta.’

‘What a good boy you are!’

‘Does that mean I get anova kiss?’

‘No.’

‘Worth askin; see yer later aligator.’

‘In a while crocodile.’

He sauntered off and I rushed down the corridors, up and down some stairs until I arrived breathless at Tim’s cabin.

I knocked on the cabin door and went, ‘ouch.’ as it was made of steel.

After a few seconds, a door opened and a pretty girl stood there. She was wearing a robe of some sort that left little to the imagination; in some countries, it would be banned. I hated her on sight.

‘Yes?’ she said, her plucked eyebrows going up about an inch.

‘Is Tim here?’

‘And who wants to know?’

‘Me.’

‘And you are?’

‘Toni.’

‘’Oh, you’re Toni, are you?’

‘Yes, that’s what I said.’

‘Well, Toni, he doesn’t want to speak to you.’

She slammed the door in my face.

After a few moments, I wandered off. I didn’t really care where I was going.

To be continued...

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