The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 2545 by Angharad Copyright© 2015 Angharad

---

I eventually got over my funk regarding the illegal killing of raptors—they’re all protected, though it still pained me that humans could see them as anything other than glorious aerobats, as most of them are. Sadly, most men are interested in money to a much greater degree than enjoying beauty. Many only see it as something to possess or despoil. That red deer on Exmoor, the Emperor or whatever he was called, with huge antlers, some twat had to kill just because he could. People like that should be destroyed too, they demean humanity by despoiling all they touch. It’s not as if he did so with his bare hands. He hired a gillie to find the stag and shot him with a high powered rifle. Anyone could have done that, even the dickless wonder who did it. I despised him and all of his ilk.

Seems like there are a growing number of total shits in this world. A colleague who crashed her car on Christmas Eve and was dealing with insurance companies trying to get her claim settled, related how a cold caller—one of these ambulance chaser types, coincidentally called her and she thought it was her insurance company. It transpired her car had been bashed a year before and he was trying to get her to claim for injuries she didn’t receive. She refused to play ball saying it would be telling lies and immoral. He didn’t seem to care and pestered her for several days.

I was as horrified as she had been; it just isn’t cricket to screw money out of others simply because you can. We both felt morally superior for a few seconds, until it began to rain and then it was more a question of trying to stay dry than worry about each other’s philosophy. I think I’ll stick to dormice, they neither cheat nor lie, but then they’re only awake six months of the year.

“One of your students has complained to the dean about you,” Delia told me. “She claimed you told her if she didn’t put her tablet away you’d make her eat it in front of the whole year.”

“Nah, just her class.”

“You’re so merciful.”

“Just call me Atilla,” I joked.

“She didn’t think it was funny. In fact she thought it was decidedly un-funny.”

“She’ll get over it.”

“What if she doesn’t?”

“Oh c’mon, Delia. I told her to write notes not jump off Beachy Head.”

“What if she can’t make notes?”

“She shouldn’t be here, or she should have told us if she had some difficulty.”

“She might be too embarrassed.”

I hadn’t thought of that. Did I overreact? “They’re not schoolkids any more, they’re young adults. If they can’t hack it, what are they doing here? If they have problems, we explain at the beginning of their course, they should come and tell us—we’ll help them.”

“I take it you didn’t have any problems, Professor.”

“If I did I dealt with them myself.”

“Which might have been what she was doing.”

“Get her name from Daddy’s secretary, then make her an appointment to come and see me.”

“The dean wants to see you.”

“What now?”

“I think so.”

“When you call Pippa, tell her I’m on my way over.”

I assumed it was because of this girl. Perhaps I’d been a bit hard on her but we are supposed to exercise a degree of stringency. We’re offering these kids a degree if they’re prepared to work for three years. The problem is, these kids are so spoiled, the first time they have to wipe their own bums, they complain. How are they going to grow up if they meet no challenges except avoiding date rape and pregnancy?

It was with a heavy heart that I trudged over to Tom’s office. “Hi, Pippa,” I said entering her office.

“You’d better go straight in,” she said. It wasn’t a good omen.

I knocked and entered when he called from inside. He was alone, so I anticipated I could talk my way out of this.

“Ye ken why I asked ye tae come?”

“I presume it was because I told a student to stop recording me.”

“Partly.”

“Oh?”

“Also thae fact that ye humiliated her in front of a full cohort of her fellows.”

“I told her to make notes instead.”

“I ken well whit ye said, she recorded it.”

“After I told her to stop.”

“Ye telt her if she couldnae make notes she shouldnae be there.”

I blushed. “Sorry, but it rankled me. If she’d asked me beforehand, I’d have let her on the proviso she didn’t share with anyone else.”

“She said she wis too nervous to ask ye—thae superstar professor.”

“What?” I gasped.

“Yer status, ye’re an aristocrat’s wife, a PhD, a successful film maker and author. This nineteen year old kid has never been away from home before and ye, thae big superstar just pissed all over her.”

“I’m sorry if that’s how she experienced it.”

“Tell her not me, if she hasnae left already.”

“I asked Delia to call her to come and see me to discuss things.”

“I’m disappointed, Cathy. I never expected ye, of all people, tae dae this tae anyone.” I felt about two inches tall and near to tears myself.

“Perhaps, you’d better accept my resignation, forthwith. I’ll do you a letter later.”

“Gang tae run away again are we?”

“No, doing the decent thing. I made a mistake, I’m now facing up to it and taking appropriate action.”

“Sae ye both lose?”

“What else can I do?”

“Whit d’ye think?”

“I don’t know.”

“Sae if ye resign, that maks it all better does it?”

“No, but I’ll be seen to have taken appropriate action.”

“By wha?”

“By everyone.”

“Including all the other students wha’er paying nine thoosand a year tae hear ye blether.”

“What d’you mean?”

“Whit aboot a’ thae others? They came because ye seduced them.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Daddy.”

“I’m no being ridiculous, I’m tellin’ ye thae truth. They a’ think they can study yer vermin an’ become rich an’ famous, like ye did.”

“Who in their right mind would believe that? This isn’t reality television, this is a university—they come to study, I come to facilitate that learning. It isn’t a finishing school, we don’t wipe noses and bums, this is the real world. If they don’t work, they don’t stay. If that’s cost them. Too bad, at least they’ll have learned one thing.”

“Sae wha stole yer lollipop?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Are ye gang tae tell me whit’s thae real problem?”

I felt a tear run down my face, “I can’t cope any more. I’m resigning before it kills me.” I went to turn to leave but he beat me to the door.

“Sit doon,” he pointed to an easy chair. “Pippa, twa coffees, please.” He sat next to me. “Noo, tell me a’ aboot it...”