The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 2593 by Angharad Copyright© 2015 Angharad

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This is a work of fiction any mention of real people, places or institutions is purely coincidental and does not imply that they are as suggested in the story.
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I got James into the kitchen and told him that I thought there was a camera in my study. He told me to wait while he went out to his car. He came back with a funny looking gadget and over the next hour he went all round the house. There was one in the study, the dining room and the kitchen.

“I’ll bet Edward did that.” James had found them all and I watched as he stamped on each one. They were quite small though what sort of life the batteries had was another matter. “Why did he do it?”

“Why don’t you ask him?” suggested James.

While I was thinking about it, I wondered how he knew about the shooting. I asked Sammi to check the computer system for the external cameras while James and Simon got the ladder out and looked at the actual system. Someone had intercepted the signals through the wiring and a small transmitter had been attached. James took it inside to have a better look. “Looks like it’s made in Germany, probably the Brits, the Russians use their own stuff or Chinese.”

“So MI5 have been spying on us?”

“Looks like it, Cathy. They’d probably say for your own protection.”

“Except they know you or your friends are watching over us.”

“If they didn’t they’d be more stupid than I thought.”

“I don’t think they’re stupid—disgusting perhaps.”

“Pity you didn’t vent before we removed their hardware.”

“I suspect they knew well enough what I think of them without having it repeated several times. Will they be back to try and replace it?”

“I doubt it. I’ll get you a scanner just in case. I suspect they’ll up their surveillance of you and probably Sammi and Simon as you’re the best targets.”

“What about the children?”

“I hope they’d honour the code there.”

“If they touch your kids we have carte blanch to grab some of theirs. The children are innocents.”

“If they touch mine they’d better start building large cemeteries because I’ll be filling them very quickly.”

“Cathy, calm down.”

Si grabbed my hand and squeezed it. I returned the squeeze. “Hey, I thought you were a peace-lover?”

“Yeah,” I blushed which must have looked silly with my tearful eyes. “I am, but I just get so angry when they threaten my family. If anyone hurts any of you, I’m going hunting Russians.”

“Cathy, calm down—you sound silly. Now nothing’s going to happen to anyone, which is why we employ James and his friends. If we need some more troops he has my agreement to call on them. We should be adequately protected.”

“If they’re caught carrying guns, they could get a ten year jail sentence.”

“Relax, tell her, James.”

“Because of who you are, that is, very important people, we’re seen as an extension of the diplomatic protection squad. They know we’re armed and as long as we don’t abuse it, they turn a blind eye because they’d otherwise have to protect you out of the public purse.”

“Given the taxes we pay, maybe they should have armed police outside,” I felt a little cross at the double standards.

“Look, babes, don’t rock the boat too much, eh? James and co have done a pretty good job so far.”

“What about the man who was going to kill me?”

“As soon as he had, Chas would have shot him.”

“Oh thanks, that’s so reassuring.”

James smirked. “You were in the way, he couldn’t get a clear shot at him until you dropped him and ran for it. As the guy was lying on the drive shooting at you I thought Chas did a good job just wounding him.”

“Don’t tell me, he meant to hit the horse.”

“What horse?” James looked perplexed.

“Never watch films?”

“When I have time, why?” James was still bemused.

“Magnificent Seven.” I named the film from which I’d part lifted the quote.

“Ah—I think I understand.”

“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.” I pushed past him and put the kettle on. It was a mistake, not the tea but quoting film scripts. Simon it appears has a brain not only impregnated with Pythonesque silliness but also dozens of quotes from films. If I heard the one about all the gin joints in all the world again, I was either going to scream or borrow James’ gun and make myself a widow. He also did a very poor John Wayne, addressing everyone as ‘Pilgrim’. James did a more passable James Stewart, ‘Waal’, every so often, but Julie’s , ‘Bond, Jamesh Bond,’ brought the house down.

I suppose I should be grateful for the light relief it afforded but I wasn’t. I was stressed and angry. I had loads to do, the exam season was almost upon us with Easter in three weeks or thereabouts, so the last thing I needed was a squabble with the KGB or whatever they called themselves these days. A silly thought went through my mind, I wondered if they called me the pension wrecker, like certain forces of law and order over here do?

Wondering if I should resign the university to give more time to the children and hopefully their protection, I went to find Daddy who was enjoying his single malt nightcap.

Explaining what was on my mind I asked his wise counsel. He gave me a look of astonishment. “Since when hae ye listened tae me?”

“I always listen to you, Daddy, though I don’t always do what you suggest,” I thought I sidestepped it quite well.

“Whit fa’ d’ye ask then?”

“To get a more experienced opinion on whatever the issue is about.”

“Aye, plenty o’ experience, mair than ye’ll hae if ye’re no mair carefu’.”

I paused before answering. “You think they’ll get me?”

“Wha—Sussex?”

“Sussex? What are you on about?”

“Yer future tae pit it bluntly. I thocht ye were takin’ aboot settin’ yer hat at Sussex.”

“Sussex?”

“Aye, Ezzie Herbert’s gang tae America.”

“He’s leaving Sussex?” I gasped.

“No, they’ll jest cut him in hef and take part tae Harvard and leave thae ither hef here?”

“But I thought he’d only give his university up if he died.”

“I think they made him an offer he couldnae refuse, an’ he’s twa ex wives chasin’ him f’ maintenance payments.”

“When’s he going?”

“Next year, ye thinking o’ applying?”

“I doubt I’d have a prayer.”

“That isnae whit I’ve heard.”

“Oh?”

“No, he’d like tae propose ye as thae anointed one.”

“What?”

“Like auld kings an’ emperors.”

“Oh, I see—but that’s a huge department.”

“Aye, I ken.”

“They’d need someone better than me, I can barely cope with Portsmouth, Sussex has to be three or four times as big a university.”

“Sae?”

“Three or four times the responsibility. I can’t do it, Daddy.”

“Sae whit did ye come tae see me aboot?”

“I think I should resign from Portsmouth and look after the girls more closely.”

“Whit aboot yer furry wains?”

“Perhaps it’s time for someone else to take on the role of dormouse protector in chief?”