The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 2539 by Angharad Copyright© 2014 Angharad

---

I felt quite sad depositing the girls at the school. They’d been home for the best part of three weeks. I waved as they went into the building, then turning away, I got back into the car and drove to the university.

My first priority after asking Delia to make me a cuppa was to check the dormice. It appeared everything was working and all twenty four mice were alive and hibernating. I hoped they were all fertile and hopefully we’d have four times that number by the middle of summer. A plague of dormice—how wonderful that would be.

No researcher that I was aware of had ever tried to devise a way to learn how dormice navigate or understand the area in which they live. Unlike humans who you can brain scan while contemplating certain tasks, one could hardly ask a dormouse to think about a specific subject while a huge machine whirls around it or huge magnets are placed beside it.

I was tempted to get a post grad student to research it, it would certainly be worth a doctoral degree if they solved it. I wonder what funding we could get for it. I mused on this as I drank my tea. If the bank introduced a dormouse account—save for six months and leave to hibernate for six months, they could pay a higher rate of interest for the second six months. I was happy to be associated with the account.

I sent Henry an email with the idea of the dormouse account, it then being used to sponsor the research project of how dormice find their way around. The bank could use this research as publicity for its green credentials. High Street, the bank that puts its money where its dormice are.

I got one back from him an hour or so later. He could be interested, how much sponsorship did it involve and what age group was the target client group. I suggested children and young teenagers who could get an introductory pack.

He asked for more definite plans and a paper for the board meeting next week. I’d forgotten that. I’d also forgotten that I had a university council meeting the day after next, which would be chaired by the Vice Chancellor. I hadn’t forgotten him or my earlier opinion of him, but I’d been too busy to think about a coup d'etat. I wasn’t looking forward to the meeting because I’m one of only two women on the board and we tend to be ignored. I was half thinking of things which could delay or stop the meeting, when Delia came in after rapping on my door.

“The council meeting for Wednesday has been postponed for two weeks, the vice chancellor is ill.”

“Nothing terminal I hope,” I said meaning the exact opposite.

“Dunno, Professor, more tea?”

“Good idea,” I agreed and wondered what other things I had to endure the rest of the week. She brought in my diary and I had a staff meeting on Friday. The following Monday I was lecturing on the ecology of woodland. I had that more or less under control but I needed to know numbers.

Daddy called at eleven to ask if I was available for lunch. I agreed I was, he came down at twelve and we went in my car. Amongst other things we spoke about the scheme I was trying to create for the dormouse account. To my astonishment, he thought it was a good idea and asked what sort of goodies the children would get.

I hadn’t thought too much about that, but after a pause while we ate, I came up with a CD ROM or DVD of dormice, a small book of dormice facts, with some photos and either a small soft toy or a plastic key ring fob. Perhaps a photo and letter from Spike—I’d forge her signature.

He thought that was hilarious. Back at my office, I did a quick research trawl of the major banks and none seemed interested in attracting children as customers. I suppose much of the time, they were more bother than they were worth. Tell that to the Jesuits.

I spent the rest of the afternoon refining my idea. The DVD would be of Alice in Wonderland and they’d get a teapot moneybox—the equivalent of a piggy bank. They’d also get a copy of dormouse facts with some glossy pictures. The bank would have to set the interest rate but I suggested two per cent. I sent it off to Henry, then went to collect the girls from school.

Danny was all of a twitter. Apparently, Sister Maria had announced that one of her girls had been invited to try out for the England school’s team and had progressed to the next level. She was pleased for the individual and wished them well for the remaining stages. Then apparently, she said the school would be privileged to have an England cap amongst its pupils. Some of the staff began to clap and in seconds the room was full of applause. Danni declared she nearly died from embarrassment.

Livvie brought her down to earth by suggesting that she needed a tougher skin if she wanted to play for England ladies, let alone captain them. Trish smirked at that.

I pointed out that it was common knowledge that the Cameron girls were the best soccer players in the school, so they all knew who the headmistress was meaning. Danni accepted that and so did Trish. That Livvie was also in the team showed how average the others were. Of course, in being transgender, any tabloid would have a field day were it to come out, probably claiming Danni and Trish had a biological advantage over anyone else, except the FA were signed up to the difference and diversity protocols and that both would be eligible to play as females because that was what they were legally. Jason was happy to remind them if they forgot.

Henry emailed me that evening and liked the dormouse account idea. He wondered if we had enough unused film of the dormice to make our own DVD with a new voice over. I told him it would cost as I’d have to speak with Alan. He agreed for me to cost it. He also asked for a draft paper for the board meeting.

I discussed it with Simon who felt it was more a publicity stunt than anything. The reason none of the big banks did much for children was because the profits were minuscule. I suggested they monitor how many of the children went on to become adult account holders.

“But that’s years away,” he protested.

“People are remarkably loyal to banks, even when it isn’t in their interest.”

He groaned at my unconscious pun. “But it’s still so far away.”

“Tell that to the Jesuits.”

“What’s that got to do with banking?”

“Nothing, but they used to have a motto that suggested if they got their paws on a child, he’d be a Jesuit for life.”

“Sounds a bit unsavoury.”

“Decidedly so, but it could work for banks too.”

“Hmmm, I like it,” he smiled.