The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 2521 by Angharad Copyright© 2014 Angharad

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“So Ingrid and Hannah have gone?” asked Simon clarifying what I’d just said.

“So it would seem.”

“Permanent, like?”

“That is my understanding.”

“And no one told you?”

“Not until I blundered into asking David about Christmas.”

“Shouldn’t they have told you? I mean you are their landlady.”

“I don’t know, Si.”

“Typical, you go out on a limb to help them and they just push off without so much as a how d’ya do.”

“That would seem to be how much of the world operates. When did you last receive a thank you note from anyone you gave something to?”

“Let’s see,” he said rubbing my breast, “ I gave you a good seeing to on Monday and the thank you note hasn’t arrived yet...” He paused, “Ouch, what was that for?”

“Semaphore. Your note was semaphore.”

“Semaphore—that’s done with flags—that was a slap, missus.”

“I left my flag behind and had to extemporise.”

“A likely story...”

“Please yourself, now are you going to tickle my tits or let me go to sleep?”

“In the absence of a better offer...”

Thank you note—ha ha, he should be sending them to me not the other way round—bloody cheek. Still he was very attentive and so I’ll forgive him this once—very attentive—ooh that was nice...

I struggled out of bed and had to run to the bathroom as I needed to wee rather badly, or saying it in English, I badly wanted to wee. I’d like to say I leapt into the shower, but crawl would be closer to the truth. I hadn’t been that athletic, had I? Couldn’t remember, but I was stiff as a board this morning. The hot water eased things—one of these days I’ll have a bath instead of a shower, that would relax me even more until I had about four extra bodies trying to get in as well. In fact of the female population, only Kiki and Stella were guaranteed not to want to share the bath.

Dried and dressed I watched Simon watching me. I was sitting at my dressing table doing my hair and then my makeup, I could see him watching me in the mirror. I poked my tongue out at him and he reciprocated. “Wot you lookin’ at?” I asked in as deep a voice as I could manage—it still sounded like Minnie Mouse.

“The most beautiful woman in my world.”

“That’s nice, where is she, you’ll have to introduce us.”

“Cathy, one of these days...”

“Right, I’ll take Danielle and Trish off to their fitba’ matches, you can look after the rest. I have to go to the university to check the dormice and do some more Christmas shopping afterwards.”

“Don’t I get a say in any of it?”

“You just did.”

“Can’t Jacquie watch them for you?”

“No, she’s out all day.”

“So I have to slave all week then come in home to have to supervise the children while you lot gad about doing what you want.”

“Yeah, terrible isn’t it? Tell you what, discuss it with Trish and put it in writing to Livvie, she runs the complaints department, but make sure you get your grammar correct—she’s something of a grammar fascist.”

“Not intransitive verbs again?”

“Fraid so.”

He slid under the bedclothes.

“You can run but you can’t hide,” I offered spritzing myself with Coco—the perfume not the drink. I left him to his fate, while I collected the two stars of the football teams.

We breakfasted and they collected their kit. They each had some tidier stuff to wear shopping but set off in tracksuits—team GB ones, I got reduced on the internet. They were designed for cyclists rather than footballers but they do the same thing for both groups. The girls thought they were super smart, though I wondered if it was as it identified them as individuals.

I watched half of each game as I promised. The first half of Trish’s game and the second of Danielle’s. Both scored goals. Trish hit a cracker. It was lofted towards her and it bounced and she volleyed it on the rise. The goalkeeper didn’t see it fly into the top corner of the goal. They won two nil.

Danni also scored with a long range pop at goal. She lobbed one at the opposite goal keeper who was late coming to intercept it, consequently it bounced over her head and into the goal. The second goal was typical Danni, she took the ball on the run and dribbled past three defenders before wrong-footing the goal keeper, who dived the wrong way. They also won two nil.

After showering they changed into smart casual and dumped the rest of their kit into the boot of my car. Next stop the university.

There are always a few cars about in the car park here, although you don’t always see anyone else about. I waved to the security man on the gate before we all three strolled towards my department. Suddenly I feel quite proprietorial about my department, even if my tenure is only temporary. I did the code on the alarm and unlocked the outer door, the girls trotted in.

“Ugh, what’s that smell?” said Trish.

I recognised it immediately, told Danni to stay put and keep Trish with her. I dashed to the labs, which was where it was emanating and after fumbling with the lock on the door rushed in expecting to see dozens of dead dormice instead I found one deceased lab technician, lying on the floor with a nasty head wound. The smell was awful and I threw up in one of the sinks. I left the room and shut the door behind me. Then composing myself, I called the police on 999 and reported what I’d found. It looked suspicious to say the least. I then called Tom and explained to him. His response—“I’m on ma way, hen, dinna touch onythin’.”

After that I led the girls out of the department and into the fresh air of the carpark. We walked across to the security guard. I explained I’d found something unpleasant in the laboratory wing and the police were on their way. He nodded an understanding which I tried to keep away from the girls.

“Police? Wassat all about?” Asked Danni of her younger sister.

“She’s found a body,” was the reply and it shouldn’t have surprised me, but it did. The security guard smirked.

“She always like this?” he asked.

I nodded, “If the police get stuck we send her in.” He roared with laughter.

Tom and Simon arrived moments before the police, who came with bells and whistles. “Who called us?” asked the bloke in a suit.

“I did, look my husband has just come to take my two girls home, can I quickly say goodbye?”

“Quickly then,” was his curt response.

“Aww, Mummy, can’t we see the body?”

“Certainly not, it’s not a nice thing to see.”

I hugged and kissed them both and Simon took them off in his Jaguar. I introduced Daddy as the Dean of the faculty and then showed them to the pertinent laboratory. The smell was still dreadful. We were told to wait as once they’d removed the body, a part time technician called Bernard Black—I’d only met him once or twice before, we’d be asked to see if anything was missing. Oh shit, I don’t come here much my dormice are in a different lab and besides I’m not a lab bunny.

We were allowed to check the dormice—thankfully, they were all okay. Then Tom and I repaired to his old office, now under my temporary occupation, where I made us some tea. Just what I needed for Christmas—a murder mystery.