Wheels and wings 20

Character List.

Jack Thomas Later AKA Ellie Transvestite/intersexual and keen cyclist.
Amanda Thomas AKA Amie Jack's sister.
Charlotte Dawson Keen girl cyclist and Jack’s soon-to-be girlfriend.
Bob Cycling club captain.
Mr Thomas Weston School games master and keen rugby player.
Billy Davies. Rugby ‘jock’, kind to Jack, he fancies Charlotte.
Marjorie Spencer. Holder of unofficial ‘Prettiest-girl-in-the-school’ title.
Miss Elizabeth Postlethwaite. The English Mistress.
Aunty Olwen Where Jack changes for school and leaves his bike.
Mandy. Olwen’s daughter, Jack’s older cousin.
Mr Griffiths The County solicitor.

Chapter 20

By the time Ellie had arrived home on her bike Elizabeth Postlethwaite had spoken to Charlotte and she was talking to Ellie’s mother. Amie was also home because Ellie had taken a long way home to do some thinking as she rode. Normally, Ellie beat the bus home because the bus went ‘around the houses’ but this day was different. As Ellie dismounted, Amie met her at the door.

“Miss Postlethwaite is here.” She announced as Ellie wheeled her bike into the back yard.

“I know I saw her car. What does she want?”

“She’s talking to mum.”

“Any idea?”

“Not sure. But she’s come about you. Are you really going to live with Mandy?”

“Yes.”

“I think Miss Postlethwaite wants you to stay on here.”

“Duuuh! Pigs‘ll fly! You’ve been eavesdropping.”

Amie dropped the subterfuge and confessed.

“Yeah, sorry. But she’s dead keen for you to stay. Say you will.”

“Why? You know the shit I’m getting from Weston ... and others.”

“Well speak to Miss Postlethwaite. She’s all for you. Listen to what she’s got to say.”

Ellie sighed; she knew how persuasive her English teacher could be. She locked her bike to the floor of the shed then kicked her shimanoes into the corner of the shed and prepared to face Miss Postlethwaite’s charm offensive. Amie grinned as she followed her new big sister into the house. Then she hesitated in the doorway and watched as Ellie shuffled into the living room. Gone was the aggression that Charlotte had described to Amie when Ellie had confronted the games master in the Mall.

‘My new sister’s like a pussycat!’ Amie mused. ‘She doesn’t respond to threats or aggression you have to tease her, please her, and stroke her like a warm kitten.’

Miss Postlethwaite’s smile was reflected by Ellie as the pair retreated into the kitchen while Amie and their mother were forced to fret outside.

“D’you think she’ll stay home mum?” Amie wondered.

“I just don’t know. Your English teacher can be very persuasive.”

“But Ellie’s very frightened and worse, angry. The school is going to have to sort out its attitude towards LGBT if Ellie is going
to even contemplate staying.”

Mother and daughter strained to hear what was being said but Elizabeth Postlethwaite knew her job. She understood the techniques of argument and the secrets of successful theatre. After first admitting the failings of the school she next offered Ellie some deals like promising more support for her when bullying and other transphobic issues erupted Next she opened up the important subjects of gender and sexuality; firstly by openly revealing that she Elizabeth Postlethwaite, the most loved and respected teacher in the school, was gay. Ellie frowned and stared out of the kitchen window. Then she turned and asked.

“I’ve suspected that for a while. Well actually I was pretty certain. Why haven’t you come out before now?”

“Frankly Ellie, I didn’t have the courage and I was afraid I might lose my job. The headmaster is not the most forward thinking of men.”

Ellie glared then snorted derisively.

“Pah! Forward thinking!?!!! He’s a bloody Neanderthal!! I doubt he thinks at all!”

“Well, I’ll not enter into that argument but as to my supporting you, well; you’ve made me feel guilty. You’ve shown so much courage you’ve shamed me into taking a stand. The other good thing to come out of all this is that Mr Weston has had a change of heart. Why didn’t you tell him you were at junior national standard in cycling?”

“I did but he just ignored me. , I don’t think he even heard my words and he made it abundantly obvious he didn’t care. I suppose your talking to him finally persuaded him.”

Elizabeth Postlethwaite wagged her head and smiled slightly.

“Perhaps my arguments had an added effect but truly Ellie, you didn’t pull any punches did you? Mr Weston’s not a complete idiot but more importantly he’s not a complete monster either, and he is fanatical about sport. Yes, I know he’s keen about rugby, indeed fanatical; as you so succinctly put it in your essay; but I think the shock of finally realising just how good you are at cycling made him realise the gravity of his mistakes. I think the parts of your essay concerning your cycling did more to persuade him. He’s offered to argue your case at the next staff meeting. I’ll be backing him.”

Ellie’s jaw nearly hit the floor as she shook her head with disbelief.

“You’re joking!! Stop bull-shitting, this isn’t some game you know! I’m on the edge here you know.”

Miss Postlethwaite wagged her head but said nothing.

Ellie turned again to the window and her eyes fell upon two crows duelling in the sky behind the cottage. Miss Postlethwaite waited until Ellie returned to face her. Ellie asked.

“Are you using me as a stalking horse?”

“Partly Ellie, yes. Your coming out at the mall was a providential act for it exposed a lot of shortcomings at the school, not least being the fact that a fourteen-year-old transsexual felt safer coming out amongst her female peers than amongst the teaching staff. That’s an appalling indictment of the school and frankly, I’m ashamed of my part in not addressing it.”

Ellie sneered her disbelief and contempt.

“Yeeah! But will you be able to change it? I don’t think you will. You know, the whole culture surrounding the school.”

“Eventually, I hope to change it; the culture that is, yes.” Elizabeth ventured.

“I haven’t got an eventually; nor a ‘hope’. Doctor Williams, my GP has already scheduled me to see the psychiatrist, trouble is I don’t think I’m fully a transsexual, I just don’t know.”

“Why. What’s the problem?”

“I’m a girl in my head most of the time but I like girls all the time.”

Miss Postlethwaite stared uncomprehendingly at Ellie.

“I don’t understand you. What d’you mean?”

“Exactly, you don’t understand me, nobody understands me; I don’t even understand myself. There’s a shed-load of stuff going on in my head that I never even touched on in the essay. I’m frightened of it all cos’ I just don’t understand it. I’m a girl in my head but I’m not sure how far I want to go. I didn’t lie in the essay but there’s a whole lot of stuff I didn’t mention!”

Elizabeth Postlethwaite struggled to keep a hold on her emotions for she had just sensed an opening! A tiny wedge of light had just slipped through the fractional chink in the door that had firstly been seemingly slammed in her face.

‘So the girl Ellie wasn’t sure how far she wanted to go.’

Elizabeth did not ‘seize’ the initiative; she gently played with it like a fly-fisherman feeling the first bite of a salmon. Cautiously she probed Ellie’s uncertainty.

“You’re not sure. Are you saying you don’t want the op? You don’t want to transition?”

Ellie fell silent and Elizabeth could read the distress in the girl’s face as tears started to force their way down her cheeks. The lower lip started to wobble as Ellie turned away to hide her despair. She had no answer.

Elizabeth’s heart just ached. She thought back to her thirteenth year when she was starting to come to terms with her sexuality, then the middle teen years as she fearfully probed her way through complex and sometimes explosive social occasions, almost impossible equations.

Even with two decades of gay experience behind her, Elizabeth could not see a clear way forward. She summated Ellie’s obvious problems using the lesbian maths of her own sexual algebra and realised her skills were totally inadequate.

The girl in front of her had not only to come to terms with whatever sexuality issues she had but she faced a huge double ‘whammy’ of an uncertain appreciation of her gender. Yes, Ellie’s problems were infinitely more difficult than her own had ever been and Elizabeth knew with a painful certainty that she was hopelessly ill-equipped to help steer Ellie’s ship through what were bound to become very troubled waters.

As Elizabeth measured her own personal limitations, she saw the girl’s shoulders start to heave. She debated risking gently embracing the girl so she reached out tentatively and placed cautious fingers against the girl’s arms then hesitated. There was no immediate rejection so she carefully closed the embrace. It was then that the dam burst and Ellie slumped in Elizabeth’s arms as the tears gushed forth.

“I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I want. I don’t know who I am. I don’t know where I’m going anymore.”

“Elizabeth counted the girl’s declarations and drew a deep uncertain breath before whispering.

“Do you still want to be friends with Charlotte?”

Ellie stopped crying as she tried to get a hold on her feelings. The effort distracted her from her sobbing as she wrestled with this idea. Then she answered.

“She’s not my friend any more, so I can't still be friend with her can I? I haven’t got any other real friends either. I thought Charlotte was only the one but now, well ... it’s totally over between us. When I move to Manchester she’s not going to be there. What would Charlotte want with a freak like me.”

“I didn’t ask what you feel I asked what you want. Do you still want to be friends with Charlotte?”

“I, I’m not sure,” Ellie sniffed. “I think so but it’s up to her isn’t it. I mean, what girl would want a fucked up tranny with gender issues?”

“There’s no need to swear Ellie, your vocabulary’s better than that! So we know what you want. That’s one of your questions answered. D’you think Charlotte still wants you to be her boyfriend?”

“What, when I’m all girly and stuff? I don’t think so; she didn’t seem very enamoured of the idea last time we spoke at the Mall.”

Elizabeth wagged her head as she explained.

“She wasn’t sure because she thought then ... and still thinks you want to become completely a girl. She thinks you’re going to transition.”

Ellie shook her head.

“I don’t think so, but I don’t really know. Well, not yet. I just want to live as a girl; at least for now that is. I need to get my life in line with my head and my sexuality, but while I need to keep my plumbing in line with my gender but I don’t know yet what my gender is. It’s a crazy mess.”

Elizabeth was inspired by Ellie’s insight. She gasped with astonishment.

“Good God Ellie, that’s a stunning conclusion. You want to get your life in line with your head — your gender that is; but keep your plumbing in line with your sexuality. Have I got it right?”

Elli paused, she was so distraught at that moment that she could see no better summation. Elizabeth checked once more to confirms the relationship between Ellie and Charlotte.

“Have you told Charlotte this?”

Ellie wagged her head.

“No! No I only got to this now, talking to you. Do you think I’m making sense?”

“Well you’ve certainly given me some sort of insight, more importantly; I think it helps me see a way forward.”

Ellie turned and looked up at Elizabeth. “How.”

“Tell Charlotte. Tell her exactly what you told me. Tell her you want to keep your plumbing. If you keep that, I think she will be able to see a future for herself and you. She’s a girl Ellie, when push comes to shove when she thinks of a boyfriend she’s subconsciously looking for father material. Oh she may not know it yet, she’s only fourteen but that’s the bottom line with most women. Babies, children, families.
So these are my suggestions Ellie.

One; - what to do? Tell Charlotte what you’ve just told me.

Two; - what do you want? That is to be Charlotte's boyfriend irrespective of your external appearance.

Three, - therefore I suggest that you resume that relationship then you know who you are, and I’m thinking that’s probably Charlotte's boyfriend.”

“D’you think she’ll want me?”

“She desperately wants you. I spoke to her about you before I saw your mother this afternoon. Charlotte wants you it’s just that she thinks you’re going to transition. She wants Jack.”

Ellie fell silent as she mulled over Elizabeth’s answers. Finally she found an answer.

“Jack’s gone, gone forever, all that’s left is Jack’s plumbing. If Charlotte wants me back it’s Ellie the girl who’ll be going out in public; Ellie the girl in a dress or skirt. There won’t be much of Jack save what’s left in his knickers. That’s how I see it, that’s how it is. Charlotte will have to take Ellie with the boy bits, that’s the best I can offer and that may not stick; Ellie might want to move further in few years, I don’t know! I just don’t know!

In Ellie’s immature, teenaged mind, the answers seemed simple and straightforward. She did not have enough maturity or experience to foresee the inevitable complications of the future. Elizabeth was counting on that immaturity to get over the immediate hurdle she had originally come to address namely getting Ellie to stay at home and stay at the school. She realised she was being selfish in these aims and she was using Ellie as a stalking horse but Elizabeth was still convinced that Ellie would be better off with people she knew, people who were coming to understand the issues facing their first outwardly transsexual or transgendered pupil.

Ellie’s case would force the school to become LGBT Friendly because of the law and that had to be a good thing for Ellie and the school — and Elizabeth herself. As Ellie reached for her mobile, Elizabeth quickly intervened.

“Are you going to phone Charlotte now?”

“Yes.”

“Well before you do, just remember, if those three answers are going to work, it means you’re going to have to stay here at home, and you’re going to have to see your doctor.

“Oh Doctor Williams already knows.”

“Yes but you’re going to have to formalise your life-style; that is get it certified. Despite all the support I and the other teachers can give you, we’re still going to have a problem forcing that old rhinoceros of a head-master to bend. Fortunately, Mr Weston is already working on that.”

Ellie’s jaw sagged.

“What! Old Weston, but he’s ...”

“Yes, I know, a bastard. Well he’s changed Ellie, he was a bastard but he’s seen the light. Your essay did a lot towards converting him. You’ll find him a changed man and he’s a good ally to have. D’you know, it’s embarrassing and hurtful for a teacher to realise he or she is less tolerant and more bigoted than the thirteen-year-old pupils he or she teaches.”

Ellie smiled nervously. She wasn’t entirely convinced.

“I’m not so sure, deep down I’ll bet he still hates me! He says I’m a girly boy; he even calls me Tinkerbelle in front of our own rugby team, not to mention the opposition team.”

“Yes Ellie but he didn’t know why you were avoiding rugby. He’s stunned that you’re being considered for the national cycling squad.”

“I don’t care. I still hate him! If I go back to that horrible school he’ll only want me to play bloody rugby again. He won’t be able to resist the temptation to have me on the wing. He’s a bully! I hate him, I hate him!!”

Elizabeth stopped arguing. It was obvious that Ellie was getting seriously distressed and any further argument might destroy what progress Elizabeth had made. Silence reigned briefly and Ellie’s mother took it to mean some sort of agreement had been reached. She knocked on the kitchen door and put her head around.

“Time for some tea perhaps ladies?”

Elizabeth sagged with relief and nodded. She was emotionally drained.

“Yes. I think that would be an excellent idea.”

~~ooo000ooo~~