Wheels and wings 15

Character List.

Jack Thomas Later AKA Ellie Transvestite/intersexual and keen cyclist.
Amanda Thomas AKA Amie Jack's sister.
Charlotte Dawson Keen girl cyclist and Jack’s soon-to-be girlfriend.
Bob Cycling club captain.
Mr Thomas Weston School games master and keen rugby player.
Billy Davies. Rugby ‘jock’, kind to Jack, he fancies Charlotte.
Marjorie Spencer. Holder of unofficial ‘Prettiest-girl-in-the-school’ title.
Miss Elizabeth Postlethwaite. The English Mistress.
Aunty Olwen Where Jack changes for school and leaves his bike.
Mandy. Olwen’s daughter, Jack’s older cousin.
Mr Griffiths The County solicitor.

Chapter 15

It was all of Lunch time before the first whispers of Jack’s forthcoming Saturday started to drift around the school. By the end of school Jack had been approached by several girls in his own class who had learned from the girls in Amie’s class.

“Is it true?” Was the most often asked question.

Jack just answered monosyllabically, “Yeah.”

The only girl who hadn’t approached him was Charlotte. She just glared at him and stalked away every time their paths accidentally crossed. This didn’t happen often because Jack made every effort to avoid her whilst in school. The situation changed after the school bell however. He was getting his bike out of his auntie’s shed when Charlotte appeared unexpectedly by the garden gate. She and Amie were the only ones who knew his cycling routine to and from school. As Jack emerged from the back garden he looked up surprised to see Charlotte waiting by the gate. She looked knowingly at him and asked bluntly.

“So it’s true then, you don’t deny it?”

Jack shrugged. He felt he had no duty to answer to Charlotte for his actions. He said nothing and occupied himself strapping his books to the bike’s rack. She snapped.

“Answer me! Why are you doing it?”

“It’s nothing to do with you. It’s between Amie’s friends and me.”

“Oh yes it is. I’m the only one who really knows! You’re not just a transvestite are you?”

Jack wasn’t sure how to answer Charlotte’s accusation because in all truth, he didn’t know what he was or where he stood in the transgender spectrum. He pursed his lips and refused to be bullied. He was sick of being pressured from inside and out. Outside, everybody wanted first call on his speed whilst inside the pressure to dress was getting stronger. Jack understood the former but could not understand the latter. He just felt an overwhelming urge to live as a girl. He enjoyed girl’s company and preferred their interests. The only activity he enjoyed outside of his sister’s friends interests was cycling and that was asexual from the socialising aspect.

“You’re sworn to secrecy on that stuff. You’re father forced you to keep silent about it. He could lose his job if you tell people. You’re not allowed to tell anybody about my trans stuff.”

“I still want to know; I want to know why ... why now?”

Jack snapped back.

“If you want to know I’m just bloody fed up with everything. Weston’s always putting pressure on me. He made me play rugby now he’s pressured me to do track this term. Weston’s got some big issue about my having fun with the girls. You know I’m a bit girly, Amie and her friends all know, but they’re not bothered; and we have fun. I'm not harming anybody but Weston treats it as though I’ve got the plague. He’s a bloody homophobe and it’s getting me down. How long am I going to have to live a lie? Well I’m bloody sick of it. Next Saturday is the first small step. I don’t care anymore and anyway, what bloody business is it of yours? I just don’t bloody care, now excuse me please, I want to get on my bike. I’ve got to finish that essay tonight and there’s stuff I’m going to put in it that’ll shock Miss Postlethwaite.”

Charlotte gasped and stared fearfully as Jack pushed passed her through the gate and pedalled away furiously. She watched as he disappeared around the bend then phoned her dad.

“He’s going to come out Dad. He’s getting worse. I’m worried about what will happen to him at school.”

Doctor Dawson made some soothing noises but there was little he could do. Jack was not his patient.

On the Tuesday morning Jack handed in his essay with the rest of the class and prepared to face the day. He had decided to let it be known in his essay that he was dressing as a girl on the Saturday. His main reason was just to upset Mr Weston so when other students approached him about the rumours circulating the school he just told them bluntly; yes. In many quarters it began to earn him respect amongst the more cerebral kids; conversely amongst the jocks it caused confusion and confusion caused misunderstanding and that caused abuse.

By the Wednesday he was accused of being a poofter but he refused to rise to the bait. The last thing he wanted was a fight that he would probably lose. The last thing he wanted was bruises or cuts for when he went dressed to the Mall on Saturday he was determined to pass as a pretty girl and make a bold statement.

On the Thursday he was working in the library during the break. It was a sunny day and the library was empty but he sensed a presence behind him. He turned slowly; prepared for anything and expecting some stupid jock come to bully him. Instead he was relieved to find Miss Postlethwaite standing over him holding his exercise book in her hand. She spoke softly.

“Is this the truth, you’re going to the Mall dressed as a girl?”

Jack nodded and replied softly ‘Yes’.

Miss Postlethwaite pressed further.

“And the reasons you’ve listed ... here, in your essay. Are they all true?”

“Yes. I think so — well as best as I can work out..”

“You’re a transvestite.”

“Yes but I might be a bit further along the spectrum than that.”

Elizabeth Postlethwaite looked thoughtful. ‘Obviously the boy had done some research.’ She wondered about his sexuality.

“You write that you’re not gay.”

Jack became a little angry at what seemed like her making a questioning assumption. He snapped back sharply.

“No! No I’m not!”

Elizabeth did not know how to pursue the issue for she had little experience of transgenderism. The issue was a relatively novel one in her experiences.

“You don’t have to hide it Jack. It’s not illegal you know. You’re allowed to be gay.”

“Dammit Miss! I’m not gay! I know it’s okay to be gay and I wouldn’t be ashamed to admit being gay. Gay is no longer an issue, look at the literature club. But trans is obviously still an issue; well around here anyway. I’m not gay!”

“Okay Jack, you’ve convinced me; you’re not gay. Those reasons didn’t worry me much anyway Jack but the next two certainly do.

“Why? Gay is every bit as real as the other reasons.”

“You’re doing it to upset Mr Weston, why?”

“He’s always getting at me for being girly and accusing me for being a wimp. I can’t help it if I’m girly; he even criticizes my giggling when I laugh. He also calls me Tinkerbelle on the field.”

Miss Postlethwaite frowned as her ire rose. What Jack had just told her put her in a tricky position. She felt compelled to report it to the head. Jack sensed her anger and moved to stop her from escalating what was already a problem for him and her.

“If you’re going to go to the head-master can I ask you to do it next week?” He’s as homophobic as Mr Weston so I’d prefer any issues to arise after the end of term. This Saturday is important to me. It’s all there in the essay. You didn’t really have to ask those questions.”

“I wanted it from your lips; I had to make sure you were not coerced into writing this.”

“Who would coerce me? No, that’s all my own work, that’s my life, that’s my shit existence in this school.”

Miss Postlethwaite fell silent, Jack realised she was slightly hurt by his description. He moved to ameliorate her hurt.

“It’s not you Miss, nor the Maths or Science teachers. It’s just the way this school is. If it’s to become common knowledge that I’m Trans’, I want it to become public outside of school first. That way, if I’m seen around the town people who know me will recognise that I’m not some sort of threat or monster. That’s why I’m going to the mall dressed on Saturday.”

She nodded and asked finally.

“And the fourth reason, your own feelings.”

Jack nodded.

“I feel like a pressure cooker.”

“So you want to live as a girl, dress as a girl but not be a girl.”

“Yes! Well something like that ... I think.”

Miss Postlethwaite fell into a thoughtful silence before shaking her head. Jack spotted a slight glistening in her eye but said nothing. It was obvious she was wrestling with something. He waited for her to make the first move. Finally she spoke.

“That is going to be the hardest part of all Jack; trying to live as a girl.”

“Yeah; as if I don’t know. It’s not going to happen immediately is it? Leastways, not here, not in this school; not in homophobia-ville. Not with West — sorry Mr Weston and the head-master setting the rules.”

“I see and sadly I feel I have to agree with you.”

“Yeah. That’s the trouble with the law. It works for transsexuals, they get the backing of their doctors and ‘bob’s your uncle’. Live in the roll, get the necessary corrective surgery and legally become girls. With us trannies it’s different. We want to live as girls but don’t want our bits and bobs cut out. That makes for complications in a place like this — this school. Can you imagine The Head master or Mr Weston agreeing to me appearing in school in a skirt? Can you imagine the kerfuffle about changing for games or gym? It’s still shit for Trannies and we’re every bit as ‘Bo-orn this way’ as transsexuals.” He parodied Lady Gaga’s song.

“Yes. I read all about that in your essay. So you’re determined to go on Saturday?”

“It’s the only place I can get some sort of relief. At least Amie’s friends will accept me. They’ve all said adamantly that they’ll support me — keep the jocks away.”

“How will they do that?”

“There’s places the jocks can’t go but I can, like the ladies loos. If I’m dressed as a girl, it’s allowed, I’ve checked on the internet and I’ve already asked the local LGBT people. They even offered to support me but there’s an age thing. They can't really do anything unless the doctors say 'yes' and doctors can be pratts. So this is just me; me and my peers, my school colleagues.

Amie’s friends are only thirteen yet they’re more supportive and friendlier than the flippin’ adult teachers. It’s jus’ not right. They’re supposed to be our mentors, our tutors and they’re more uptight than us kids.”

“Are you sure the girls are supportive and not just laughing at you?”

“I dunno’. That’s how it is for trannies. Like I said it’s a shit life but I’ve stopped caring. Some will laugh WITH me, some will laugh AT me. I can't do anything about that. I just ignore the latter, but what they can't do is hassle me in the street, I could go to a copper if they try that. That's what I mean about the jocks. If they come at me in the street I can seek a copper and he's got to do something, but in school, nothing, naader. They get away with murder courtesy of the likes of Weston. It's bllody crazy when I'm safer on the streets on a Saturday morning than I am in school. Provided they don’t attack me on saturday - well ... they'd be breaking the law and the police have got to act. That’s as much protection as I can ask.”

“What time will you be in the Mall?”

Jack smirked knowingly.

“Why, are you thinking of coming to the circus as well? Watch the clowns and stuff?”

“No. Definitely not! I will be there Jack but not to see the circus. I feel there should be somebody there who might be able to avert any abuse, especially from the — jocks, as you call them. If I recognise their faces I can at least report them ... to the police if necessary.”

“And if they’re under sixteen, as most will be?”

“There are the juvenile courts.”

Jack smirked scornfully.

“Ha! Do you honestly trust the courts, d’you have any faith in them?”

“I have to Jack. They’re the only protection we’ve got.”

Jack silently noted the expression ‘we’ve got’ but said nothing, instead he simply asked.

“Why are you doing this Miss.?”

She clenched her jaw and sucked thoughtfully. ‘The boy in front of her was only fourteen; the law would have her guts for garters if she came out to him.'

The words ‘Child abuser’, ‘Sexual predator’, ‘Pervert’ were ringing alarm bells in her head. If the governors got wind of her own sexuality, there was no knowing where it would lead.’ Instead she gave a non-committal answer, a cop-out that reflected her own fears about coming out.

“Well basically Jack it’s because I’m the only member of staff that knows about your issues. After all, you told me everything in your essay. As to any other reasons, well - when you’re older perhaps Jack. Not now and certainly not here.”

Jack immediately realised what Miss Postlethwaite was alluding to for the internet had opened the world to him. He looked her directly in the eye and nodded slowly to show he understood. Then he replied.

“Aah. I see now, I understand.”

Elizabeth Postlethwaite nodded her head slowly and precisely thus giving Jack a loud, silent message. Jack nodded back to confirm his understanding.

“I’ve changed my mind about you; I’d love you to be down the Mall on Saturday. Yes, I’d love that. Please.”

Miss Postlethwaite smiled partly through relief and partly through understanding. She felt she had made some sort of connection with the tormented boy. She had no idea exactly where Jack lay on the LGBT spectrum but he was certainly there upon it, some-where-abouts. Additionally, she felt she had made some sort of breakthrough in gaining the boy’s confidence and respect; That breakthrough now also nurtured the first tender shoots of her growing resolve to be a bit more open about her own lifestyle.

~~oo000oo~~