Do I really need to say it? What! FINE! I can't believe this keeps happening to me!

Saturday morning dawned bright and sunny. Ha I wish it was cloudy and cool. Getting up was a necessity as I really needed to go to the bathroom. Waking up to find yourself in a really oversized nightie when your a boy is...well lets say till the fog disappeared I was a little shocked.

Last night when mom woke up Sam explained what happened, amid her laughing, to mom. Mom figured it out soon enough and while giggling a lot helped me by finding some of her old maternity clothes. The stretch pants and large tshirt top were a godsend. At least it gave me some semblance of masculinity anyways. She even got me her old maternity nightie as well.

In some ways I got closer to my mom as she pulled out the photo album and showed us the previously banned pictures of her pregnant with Sammi. It was weird to see a young mom in clothes very much like what I was wearing. She and Sam could easily be sisters they look so similar. What was worse was how much like my aunt, dads side, that I look like. Aunt Peggy is one of those aunts you get presents from but never see. She is somewhere in Europe with her air force husband.

Not a huge deal but this was the first picture of her I had seen that didn't show a woman who was ...overweight. Oh yeah she is fat with a capitol f. The last picture she sent us for christmas she took up most of the picture. The idea that I could one day look like her was there. As mean as it may sound I vowed then and there to stay in shape somehow for the rest of my life. The small fact that at the moment with the belly thing I looked like she did a few years ago didn't help.

Sleep didn't take much and I did have a weird dream with me running with a baby while wearing a denim skirt running from girls armed with very large cosmetic products. The large mascara even glowed like a lightsaber. The baby was demonic as it's head, I never did find out its sex, turned around to face me calling me mommie before I woke up.

After I got up washed, yes I had to shower with the darn thing on not fun at all, and dressed I went to help Sam get ready. It was a Saturday and we were going to the hospital to visit those girls in the ward. We did sort of agree to it. My choice in attire was limited. I was loath to wear a dress. So a pair of Mom's stretch jeans and another tshirt. Sam was sitting at her vanity waiting for me and after a comical time of making my face look like a clown first we got her face done up. I even managed to get the mascara on her without poking her, I only needed to use a Q tip twice.

Mom came in at one point and commented on my "darling face" before she fell off the bed laughing. I took it in good nature and used the remover before we left. As we were driving away mom did comment on how good my eyes looked. Sam spent the rest of the ride apologizing for forgetting about the staining factor of mascara. I pouted, here I was trying to NOT look like Belle, belly aside, and I was in fact making myself look even more like a girl. I just can't win it seems.

One thing I was not expecting was to see dad on the mower cutting grass. We stopped the car and mom made dad get in. Seems he spent the whole night cutting grass boulevards. Mom explained what the belly was and dad relaxed in the front. By the time we got to the hospital he was snoring, loudly, against the side window. We locked up the car leaving a window open. He never even moved. Poor dad.

We went into the hospital proper via the parking tunnel because of Sam's wheelchair. Mom inquired about maybe seeing a doctor when we found out that my doctor was doing a stint in the emergency. His face when he saw me was priceless and worthy of a picture. It took a bit to explain things to him before her broke out in laughter I'm sure they heard in the waiting room. After removing the top of the belly he examined my breasts. Checked a few things and pressed here and there gently with the old."Does this hurt?" it didn't really which was nice.

He had a nurse take vials of blood to do some checking but he believes, as the pharmacist said, that it was a reaction to the solvent or the glue. The nipples were anyways. He said it did not appear that I had any glandular breast tissue just an accumulation of fat. He did prescribe me some cream to help if I got any itching in the area. I was to keep it covered and to avoid use of the forms especially the glue for them if possible.

Mom helped me to reassemble myself, I feel like a barbie doll, and we made our way to the foyer/waiting room. Who do we run into but the jerk from tv. Complete with camera. And it was on! I wanted to tear him a new one but Sam and mom kept a tight grip on me and I just sneered at him the entire time. Mom did have a few terse words with him. I don't think he believed that I was not a trans girl at all. I mean here I was standing with mascara stained eyes, in maternity clothing with a pregnancy simulator on. Mom did mention something about possible harassment charges or slender or something.

When I think back on it as mom was talking with him I don't remember his face once showing anything but amusement. I suspect him of doing something to me later but I have no idea what. As we approached the ward we heard a piano playing and I assumed the kids were getting some music played to them. The tune was familiar but I couldn't place it. The jerk followed us the whole time with that camera of his.

As we got introduced to the ward, not that I really needed it, we and I do mean we, got cheered on by the kids who were suspiciously all lined up in their chairs off to one side. The electronic keyboard explained the piano and it was played by the same lady that plays at our church too. I just knew that she would gossip about "Belle" to the church before tomorrow was over.

Before I could really start my visit the nurse pushed forward the one little girl with the bad wig who presented me with a card that all the ward had signed. It was touching and brought tears to my mom's eyes, Sam was making a mess out of my mornings work. I got some dust in my eyes. But that wasn't it either. The children had spent the week learning something just to play for me. Darn dust.

They had watched an older film called Sister Act. I remember the film with that actress Whoopi... ermmm Goldburg? They sang as a choir, which was fairly impressive from 8-12 year olds btw, the first part of Oh Maria (Hail oh holy queen) till the lady really goes ape on the piano. Mom and Sam were already singing along so was some of the nurses. I have no idea why or how but at one point I did join in with my wacky mimic voice.

I did a few of the parts that were close to what the movie had. The solos part you know the Mary Roberts and the one that sings to the rafters and the hard nun? Oh just watch the movie I don't remember all their names. It was fun and the children were jumping up and down in there seats. Did I remember about the camera? Nope nor did I see the cameraman leave. The reported that had my life hell for the last week did go hug his daughter. Yep the one in the bad wig. She was happy to see her Daddy and me.

I just about lost it when she claimed to her daddy that she would but just like me when she grew up. The tears standing in his eyes as he assured her that he would be proud of her when she did told me volumes. She never would. I waved mom over and we left to freshen up. What else was I gonna do I mean here was a proud little girl fighting for her very life and making all these plans for something that wouldn't happen. It hurt and I bawled my eyes out in the hall a ways away from the ward. We were joined by her father not long after. The jerk of a hour before was gone, in his place was the father of a little girl he loved very much. Her name was Bethany. He treated us to lunch in the hospital cafeteria, Sammi was apparently reading all the kids a story or something and had Bethany sitting on her lap.

Bethany it would seem had inoperable leukemia. Stage 3 or something. He explained how it started one morning with her unable to walk. They had thought at first she was trying to get out of going to school but quickly realized that was not the case. The doctors didn't find out it was cancer till 2 months had passed. They tried various treatments to cure her. His small career at the station didn't pay much but what he did make was used to try and save his daughter. Her mother, his wife, was not taking it well and had withdrawn or something. He would go visit her after he got through here he said.

Do you have any idea how hard it is not to cry when a grown man, especially a man who is a minor celebrity, breaks down infront of you crying? No well trust me the three of us used a lot of napkins. Amazingly enough I was the only one not wearing makeup. He was using some to hide the dark bags under his eyes. I could see that this was a man who didn't get a lot of sleep. I may be young but even I'm not that stupid.

After he left to go to the men's room or something I asked mom about him. She said she believed he hid himself in his work to try and deal with it. I asked her if it had affected his judgement and she agreed that it probably had. She left me sitting the cafeteria as she needed the ladies room she said. Really I think she needed to go and cry badly. It left me with time to think.

I walked back to the ward to find Sammi all cuddled up with a sleeping Bethany in her lap. The children had signed her casts with crayons. I lifted off Bethany who woke up briefly to tell me she loved me with a very weak hug. I handed her off to a teary nurse and pushed Sammi, who was crying silently, and we got out before I started sniffling. Sammi gave me a hug as I kneeled beside her telling her how hard it was and she agreed. Samantha is a lot stronger than I it would seem. I never expected that from her.

We eventually made it back to the car where we found an awake dad holding a sleeping mom in the back. He told us, quietly, to give them a few minutes. Seems mom had gone to him in the car. While he was in no shape to drive being exhausted he was still our dad. The love in the air was thick. I don't think we have ever been closer.

Samantha and I went for a walk, err well waddle, around the hospital. Not inside but outside. The overcast day gave us spots of warm sunlight but I doubt either of us felt the temperature at all.

"Bill you really don't want to be Belle do you?" she asked me after we walked for a bit.

"No."

"If you had the chance to do everything over and not be Belle would you?" it was a pointed question and it took me a surprising amount of time to answer.

"No"

"If I didn't say it before. Thank you for being my lil sister Belle for me."

"No problem" I wasn't really in the talking mood much. On one hand it was true that while causing me a fair amount of grief the past week it was not all that bad I had learned a lot. I even got closer to my older sister Samantha.

We eventually got back to the car to find mom and dad both cuddled up in the back seat totally asleep. Samantha whispered to me that she had the key to the house in her purse and we pooled our funds together. The cab ride home in a wheelchair van was interesting. If your in a wheelchair its great. The booster seat, as its called, is not all that fun to sit on for the short ride.

Sam did what she could but mostly bossed me around, friendly but still bossy, into making us some sandwiches for supper as we didn't think mom and dad would be home anytime soon. That night there was nothing on the news even though we knew that the cameraman was there.

The baby kicked me out of my sleep twice that night.