Totally Insane 36–Ramifications.
by Angharad

On the Tuesday morning the headmistress sent for me. “Come in, Kylie, do sit down,” she pointed to a chair in front of her desk.

I said, “Thank you,” and smoothed my skirt as I sat down.

“I hear you saved our sports day, yesterday.”

“It was nothing.”

“Oh I don’t know, fiddling with locks isn’t a skill we teach here, so we were lucky to have you.”

“I try to help.”

“I hear you were trying to opt out of the sports day?”

I blushed, “I was worried about the changing rooms.”

“I see, but you will be taking games and gym, won’t you?”

“I’d prefer not to.”

“Tough, you are required by law to run round and get all hot and bothered for so many hours per week–it’s the law.”

“But I–um–have a medical condition...”

“As far as I’m aware, being transgender happens between the ears, so it shouldn’t prevent you from exercising.”

“So I have to do them?”

“I just said that, didn’t I?”

“I was just clarifying it, Miss.”

“Quite a coincidence wasn’t it?”

“What was, Miss?”

“Those locks being super-glued and you just being able to take them apart and repair them instead of doing sports.”

“I don’t understand, Miss.”

“So you subscribe to the theory that a sixth former did it?”

“I don’t know who did it, Miss,” I said blushing.

“I’m sure you don’t, but it remains quite a coincidence–off you go.” She gave me a funny look as if she didn’t believe me protesting my innocence. She’d be right, but without evidence, she’d be unable to prove anything. I went to my geography lesson and explained to Miss Erskine that I’d been sent for by the headmistress.

“Very well, Kelly, we’re doing volcanoes–did you do your homework?”

“Yes, Miss.”

“Okay, you can tell us all about volcanoes then.”

I stood there transfixed, yeah I did the research for the homework and did a nice diagram of how a volcano erupts and the ring of fire with a map of the world showing where they occur.

“Um,” I started and she looked at me.

“Hurry up, Kelly, or we’ll run out of time.”

I opened my bag and withdrew my book and started to show the pictures I’d drawn and she said, “No one can see those–here,” she handed me a marker pen and pointed at the board.
I took the pen and shrugged, oh well, here goes... I spent half an hour drawing diagrams and showing how magma erupts and pressure from tectonic plates where there are fault lines under the continents or where they all join. I’d just finished when the bell went and I could relax.

Phew, I felt like a wet rag. If teaching is that much hard work, I’ll go and do something easy like politics. No wonder Mummy is always so tired, she does it all day long–and she’s a deputy head. Maybe I should try to help her a bit more–although compared to Brian, I already do ten times as much as him, which isn’t difficult.

He’s been in a funny mood for the last few days, he hasn’t tried to kill me or even just disable me–is he going soft? I mean it’s nice having him almost acting like a human but he isn’t one–he’s a Brian–Homo proctalgia. See education isn’t wasted, except on Brian.

I went back to Gemma’s for lunch and gave her mum the chocolates that Auntie Em had given me for looking after baby Sarah while she was dealing with Uncle Kit’s broken leg.

Mrs Smith was very pleased to receive the chocolates and I was quite pleased to eat the homemade soup she served, leek and potato. I asked her how she made it and she made light of it, “I just chop a couple of leeks and peel and chop a few potatoes and boil them up together with a bit of stock–it’s really quite so easy.”

I was nodding and taking on board everything she said. “At least you show some interest in cookery which is more than Gemma does.”

“I enjoy cooking and helping Mummy in the kitchen.” I said and Gemma glared at me, I knew I would pay for that later. Her mum made another pointed remark and Gemma kicked me under the table.

“I enjoy helping Mummy in the kitchen,” said Gemma when we got back to school.

“Well I do,” I felt really wounded by her remark and wasn’t that far away from tears.

“Ah, it’s volcano Kelly,” said Gina, who is in my set for geography.

“What?” gawped Gemma.

“Miss Erskine got her to show us what she knew about volcanoes, which was more than that short sighted old bat. And she thinks her name is Kelly.”

I blushed and Gemma chuckled, “Volcano Mosse, yeah I like it, lock, stock and smoking mountains.” The two or three other girls who overheard it thought it was funny. I didn’t particularly, but apart from blushing I simply stood and took it. At least they weren’t beating me up–yet. Had I jumped from the frying pan into the fire-in trying to escape this in a boy’s school had I discovered that girls can be just as vicious?

“I just did my homework and showed them.” I protested but no one took a blind bit of notice.

“You realise that she’ll be setting homework and you’ll get to teach it to the class the next day. She caught Karen with it years ago. Mind you Karen did get an A in geography GCSE.”

“So I might get one pass then.” I shrugged and Gemma laughed.

“You’re no retard, I mean they didn’t suspect you for the athlethic’s store lock did they?” Gemma made me blush again.

“Shush, I only repaired it, I didn’t do anything else.”

“Come off it, Kylie, we all know you did it.”

“I thought it was some of the sixthformers.”

Gemma rolled her eyes, “Good job they don’t have CCTV in the corridors, isn’t it?”

“That would be invasion of privacy and against our human rights,” I protested.

“We don’t have any, we’re teenagers, remember?”

We had double Chemistry after lunch. I thought I’d like it but it was boring and I was chatting with Danielle when the teacher caught us. “Ah Miss Mosse and Miss O’Donnell, perhaps one of you would like to explain the difference between Organic and Inorganic chemistry?”

Danni and I just looked at each other. She was blushing as red as I felt I was, and she shook her head. “Miss Mosse?”

“Um–inorganic is when they use pesticides, sir.” The rest of the class rolled about laughing but Mr Condrey the chemistry teacher was anything but amused.

He called on another girl and she said it was about compounds of carbon and the rest was inorganic. “Perhaps you’ll sit down and listen from now on, next time I catch you chattering I’ll put you in detention, got it?”

I nodded and tried not to talk for the rest of the class. It was sheer blooming murder. I also knew that within five minutes of school ending my answer on chemistry was going to all round the school.

When I got home, I resolved to help Mummy more than I had before. Brian was home first–he’s nearer but the most he’d do is eat all the biscuits and drink all the coke. He goes up to his room and plays on his computer or gets on the phone and dear Philip can’t call me then.

I checked the fridge, there was a note to me, could I start cooking the mince with some onion and then add the tomato puree and to boil some water for the pasta. Looks like we’re having spag bol, one of my favourites though I’d never cooked it before only opened a tin.

I washed the mince and dropped it in a saucepan then peeled and chopped and onion and added it to the minced beef. Common sense told me to add some water once I’d browned all the meat. I let it simmer for about twenty minutes and added the tin of tomato puree. I also added some garlic–well, Italians add to it to their cornflakes don’t they? Soon the kitchen was smelling decidedly interesting and my tummy rumbled.

I’d changed before I started the dinner because I realised that getting bolognaise sauce out of my school blouses would not be very easy. I’m sure that Brian wouldn’t have thought of that, not that it would apply anyway, he never cooks anything.

He came down as I was doing my chemistry homework. “What’s the difference between organic and inorganic chemistry?” I asked him.

“Organic is carbon compounds, why?”

“We were doing it in chemistry this afternoon.”

“Yeah, good stuff,” he lifted the lid of the saucepan, “Smells good, what is it?”

“Organic bolognaise.”

“You doin’ pasta as well?”

“Yes, that’s why it’s called spaghetti bolognaise.”

“Woss in this one?” he lifted the lid on the boiling water.

“The spaghetti goes in there, it’s not time yet.”

“Keep your ’air on, Delia,” he said before looking in the fridge. “Cor that cheese absolutely stinks–shouldn’t we chuck it?”

“That’s the Parmesan, if you do, Mummy’ll kill you it costs a fortune.”

“Geez, I don’t want any on my dinner, smells like your old knickers,” he grabbed a chocolate bar and went back up to his sty.

Mummy eventually came home, she still had a bit of a cold about her and she hugged me and thanked me for making the dinner, she’d got some fresh cream chocolate éclairs for afters–yummy.
Mummy went and changed and grumbled she’d got extra marking to do ’cos that pregnant teacher was still off with her pre whatevers. “Oh as soon as you finish your dinner can you pop over and babysit for Emma, she wants to pop and see Kit.”

“Is he still in hospital?” I asked, which I suppose was rhetorical because if he wasn’t she wouldn’t have asked me.

“Of course he is, you silly noggin’.”

“Bugger,” I said under my breath.

“That sort of language is not terribly becoming in a young lady.”

“She’s not one is she,” offered Brian.

Mummy froze him with a stare and he blushed, “I thought we’d dealt with that, young man.”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” he said trying to dig his way out of the pit.

“What way did you mean then?”

“Um–I–oh never mind,” his feeble mind had just realised that if he’d tried to say something funny it was going to fall as flat as a pancake. I smirked, for once I’d got the better of him without saying or doing anything. He glared at me but said nothing.

“How’s your toe, Brian,” I asked holding my textbook of chemistry.

“Better than yours’ll be if that comes anywhere near me.”

“Brian stop threatening your sister, she’s only asking how you are. You should be glad someone does think of you–she’s about the only one,” she said very quietly to herself.

I collected my homework, I had French to do, and went across the road to Auntie Em’s. She let me in and thanked me. “I’ve fed and watered her, so hopefully she’ll sleep unless she knows you’re here.”

I have that effect on people being such an all-round nice guy. I did wonder why Philip hadn’t called me. I’d sent him a text a day or so ago and he’d not replied to it. I went and checked on the baby as soon as Auntie Em left, baby Sarah was fast asleep sucking her thumb. I went and got my homework and set it out on the dining table–I hate French–have enough trouble with English.

I was half way through doing a translation of the piece we had to read, when my mobile peeped indicating a text message. I checked it, hoping it was from Philip. It wasn’t, it was from Gemma telling me that two of the sixth form girls were as good as accused of gluing up the locks before sports day.

I called her as Daddy had just topped up my credit, “What’s this all about?” I asked her.

“Two sixth formers have been accused by the games mistress of gluing the locks to stop sports day.”

“We know they didn’t.”

“We know that but Karen seems to think that the games mistress, who isn’t too bright seems to think Hannah and Michelle did it.”

“Well the headmistress doesn’t.”

“Oh, did she accuse you during your little interview?”

“As good as–of course, I remained aloof and she has no proof.”

“Hey that rhymes, Kylie.”

“Yeah, so it does.”

“So are you going to fess up?”

“What for? So they can expel me?”

“But you can’t let Hannah and Michelle take the rap, can you?”

“I don’t think they will.”

“Promise me you won’t.”

“I’ll try to make sure they don’t.” I switched off my phone. I had gym tomorrow and Tarzan would be there–that’s what we call the games mistress, she’s twice the man I’d have ever been, and there are all sorts of rumours about her ogling the girls during games, but no proof.
I went back to my homework and by the time Auntie Em came back from the hospital, I was pretty well Je suis-ed out.

I helped her change baby Sarah, who was due another feed, and then I asked for her advice about the sports day thing.

“I can’t believe you did that,” she said shaking her head.

“Well knew I could fix it.”

“You cunning little minx, I suppose no harm was actually done in the end.”

“No I cleaned it all out and reassembled the lock. It’s what happens if they actually accuse these two girls.”

“That’s different. But you said you thought the headmistress thought you had done it.”

“She sort of like, implied it but didn’t ask me directly.”

“What would you do if she did?”

“I don’t know. I mean it was intended as a wheeze to get me out of sports day.”

“I appreciate that–but in the clear light of day, it doesn’t seem so clever, does it?”

“If I tell Mummy, she’ll go beserk and make me fess up.”

“Better not tell then unless you have to.”

“I can’t believe I could get expelled or suspended and I’ve only just started there.”

“Worse, Kylie, what if someone starts asking why you didn’t want to take part in sports day?”

“Like who?”

“I don’t know, but if you were to be suspended might questions be asked as to why?”

“Now you’re frightening me, Auntie Em.”

“Look, Kylie, go home and try not to worry about it, it will probably all blow over in a day or two and as you said, no real harm was done.”

I spent a sleepless night and felt tired and irritable the next day. Mummy dropped me at Gemma’s and her mum took us to school, where I heard that Hannah and Michelle had been suspended. I was horrified and felt sick–and it had nothing to do with my pills.

At lunch time, I spoke with Gemma and resolved to go and see the headmistress. I caught her just before she went off to lunch.

“It was me, Miss.” I said feeling tears forming in my eyes.

“What was?”

“The locks–I did it so I wouldn’t have to do sports day.”

“I know, Kylie.”

I looked up at her, “I’m sorry.”

“So you should be, but it was a very clever ruse all the same and you fixed it as well, doubly clever.”

“Can you cancel the suspension of Hannah and Michelle?”

“Why should I do that?”

“Because I owned up to doing the locks.”

“I haven’t suspended them for that, so the grape vine has got it wrong, hasn’t it?”

Talk about embarrassed, I could blush for England.

“Thank you for owning up to the locks and promise me you won’t do anything like it again. I appreciate that you came forward once you thought we’d accused someone else of it. That was pretty decent of you, but no more shenanigans, okay?”

“I won’t, Miss.”

“Good girl, now go and have your lunch.”