Don’t Blame Me I’m A Martian-11

Chapter 11

I’m standing there stunned at the sudden rush of the girls laughing and squeeing and running all over the place. Hillary’s laughing a bit too. But she’s pointing at various girls and shouting out orders.

“Bring all your clothes even the good stuff and the stuff that you’re not using that might fit Dylan!”

“Hill.”

“You three get all the different make-up stuff we have and bathroom stuff!”

“Hill.”

“You two junk food!”

“Hiillll.”

“You two Movies!”

“Yo, Earth to Hill.”

“Deidre, mud masks and cucumbers!”

“Hillary!”

“Yes Dylan?”

“What the hell? Are you losing your marbles?” I cross my arms and stare at her.

“No…This is a crash course, all the stuff you wanted to know about girls and being a girl and were too scared to ask.”

“I never asked to be a girl!”

“Well You’re doing a darned good job at being one.”

She gestures up and down me with on hand and when I don’t get it she does the whole cross her arms just under her breasts and frigging mirrors me. Dammit.

“Dammit, that doesn’t mean anything Hillary where else am I going to put them?”

“Yeah and you do it so naturally.”

“I do not!”

“Dylan just be real for a minute okay? We don’t know just how this whole thing’s going to turn out but right now like I said you’re risking coming home and being one of the Oh WoW girls and you’re not going to have us around that much to rely on.”

“So?”

“So, well so what if some thing changes and you start changing? Even if it doesn’t happen you’re still whether you like it or not are turning into a bit of a babe.”

“I am?”

“See, part of you reacted to that, part of you and part of your brain is female.”

“Don’t remind me.”

“I am reminding you because you’re going into junior high. You think girls are complicated now with the stuff you know there are going to be some really nasty scunts out there that’ll hate you just on principle, some will hate you for the whole being different and some will hate you seriously because you’re better looking than they are.”

“Okay, Hill you’re scaring me.”

“You should be scared. You hear a lot about gay kinds and stuff getting cyber bullied but that’s news, there is so much girl on girl bitchy hate for no good reason shit that goes on you need to be taught to hold your own.”

I stop and I stare at her and she’s got this look like Mom has when she’s dead serious about something. She’s definitely not going to let go of this at all. I raise my hands.

“Okay, okay but no freaky stuff with me having to insert stuff where things should absolutely not be inserted.”

That gets her and a couple of the girls close by laughing at me.

“And No perms or other drastic like stuff okay?”

“Okay, Okay but we might do stuff like that with the other girls.”

“I’m fine with that.”

It really doesn’t take that long before the place becomes girly central. I’m stripped to my boxer briefs and my bra but they’re in not much more really quickly and the odd even less and the few younger girls in their Pj’s or nightgowns and stuff.

It becomes this whole event really, popcorn’s being popped and junk food is being brought out and we start to go over all these different clothes that they bought and this whole near department store of stuff and it begins.

Holy molley I had no idea that there were so many colors and that there’s dozens of kinds of shirts. Oops sorry their not shirts a shirt is a whole different thing and the really freaky scary thing is that it’s filtering itself into my brain.

I like a lot of the long sleeved tees, even the girly ones. I can see those becoming part of my clothes I guess. I like the girly print plaid shirts. I’m not a big fan of the poet sleeves on anything or those puffy sleeves.

Nikki one of my cousins stares at me as I pass back the poofy short sleeved blouse. “What it’s cute and the color looks good on you?”

“No, thank you.”

“Why?”

“Look at the sleeves, I just can’t do it, it’d make me look like I shoved my arms through two cupcakes.”

Of course that got the girls laughing and I’m laughing too. And Anna, yes another cousin there’s like forty of us and three quarters are girls. Well Anna’s going. “See! See! That’s why I won’t wear that retarded stuff either.” And she high fives me.

And that turns into me because “I’m A Guy” to actually give them the guy opinion about the stuff that they wear.

And while that’s going on because there’s a lot of arguing over cuts and shapes and color and the way that we guys see things I’m trying on bra’s and other things….even panties.

Oh not really into them so much, they fit good and stuff around the butt and the hips but their designed for someone un equipped, some are okay, some are just embarrassing, those boy cut panties aren’t cut for my boy. Hipster cut panties…well the racy looking ones make me look like well one of those she-male ad’s in the porn mags. I…I…I’m not sure I’d ever want a guy or anything to be into me like this…but a girl…Kaylee maybe…?

I have to grab a towel and cover up. I’m getting stared at by the girls…ever have like a dozen girls staring at your crotch, yeah my daydream boner went away pretty quick. They’re still staring. “What1?”

“Holy crap Dylan you’ve got a dick!” Sherry another cousin blurts out then covers her mouth with both hands.

“I’m a guy of course I’ve got one.”

That starts a babble of stuff from most of them all at once. It’s as bad as when they all wanted to see and touch my boobs when they first started.

“I thought it’d be smaller.” Tracy.

“Why?”

“It looks weird.” Amy she’s thirteen…gawd….what? Wait!

“What? Why? What’s wrong with it?”

“Nothing Dylan, it’s normal looking.” Thank god that was from Hillary.

“Can We see it?” that’s several of the girls.

“No! I’m not a stripper!”

“How Big is it?” The same ones that wanted to see it.

“That’s none of your business!”

“I think he’s a good seven plus inches maybe eight.” That was Deidre.

“Deidre, fuck off!” I slap her shoulder and cover my face with my hands and I’m hot in the face I’m that embarrassed. And apparently that does interesting things to your boobs when you have your arms up.

Anna looks right at my breasts and has a big frown. “How the hell is that fair?”

“What?”

“You’ve got perfect boobs.”

“I what?”

“Perfect boobs, look I know you’re not exactly thrilled with having them Dylan; and their still kind of new and all perky and stuff but you have like perfectly symmetrical boobs.”

“Huh?”

That leads to me getting measured again and huh? It’s true, both breasts are exactly the same size and apparently that’s either extremely rare or man-made.

I apparently also like the higher end bra’s or a sports bra, I like the Jessica brands and the Jezebelle stuff and as cliché as it is Victoria Secret….hey if I got these things the I want to look good in what I’m wearing, yeah I’m not really sure what that makes me. I also like Haynes her way stuff too. But yeah the breast thing really strike home in a stunning way when Hillary get’s me into one of her Victoria Secret Miracle bra’s. You know the ones that boost you up so you look like you have up to two extra cup sizes. I go from a really good high B Cup to looking like a heavy C cup and…

“Whoa…holy crap…I’ve got…”

“Boobs!” several of the girls say at once.

I’m staring in the mirror and I think I broke my brain. There’s one thing having breasts and then there’s this. It totally changes my profile the way I look. It not so much scary as this stunning shock to my identity.

Hill grabs me and moves me to a chair and she starts fussing with my hair and some product and adds some make-up, a bit of foundation, eyeliner, lipstick, she passes me this long-sleeved tee and helps me into it and tells me to put on a skirt she gives me. I get into it kind of like a robot and she walks me over to the mirror.

“Oh…no…no…no, oh holy fuck.”

There’s a girl there that is me. Not just a girl but it’s still me, but me like this in a way that just…it’s me, still me but it’s me minus everything I’ve ever known to be me….They wanted me in girlyemersion? I lose it and sink to the floor bawling.

And that’s when there’s this whole change in the event and the dozen or so of the girls that are there descend on me and pull me up and hug me and pass me from one hug to another until I’m on one of the sofas and the music gets turned down and everything becomes about me…about making me feel better and part of them and wanted.

Guys rarely do this, when we…no right now it feels like them or they, when they do it it’s for those people that you’re really, really close to. We can handle the physical pain a whole lot more than we can the emotional stuff where you just can’t stand on our own. That, that helplessness even to pull ourselves out of those emotional holes is what keeps us away from them.

No brakes, no chute…and it’s scary because when we go there for whatever reason we fall and we can’t stop ourselves.

Girls, women they don’t even try to bottle things up like we do, they feel with so much heart they’re born on the roller coaster of emotions and they trust other girls to get close enough to catch them when they fall.

Just like now, they dropped everything to let me freak out and cry and hold me through the whole thing as I lose my shit. It’s fear and hormones and longing because I liked her this girl that’s me but isn’t me and then there’s the fear of the future, and school even my sexuality just everything is so completely up in the air and I couldn’t handle it alone.

They ask, of course they ask and I open up, emotionally vomit all over the place like my psyche just exploded.

Okay there’s a lot of stuff I dump out about my fears and likes and dislikes and even my chimera thing and the fact that this whole girl thing part of me could have been my twin sister it means stuff to me. It’s something I need, I need to let her live with me. Part of me thinks that it’s crazy and another part wants that connection to her because of just…I don’t know. I even ask them if they think that like this I might look like my birth mother.

It’s like three hours of just this heart and soul draining emotional pour out. I’m leaning on Deidre and Hillary or they’ve got me comfily sandwiched in between the two of them and other’s sitting on the couch’s arms or the back of it and I blow my nose finally one last time into the tissues in my hand and Hill leans over and kisses my temple.

“Better?”

“Yeah a lot better, I actually feel like I’m lighter maybe?”

“Yeah a good cry can do that.”

“I never do this I’m sorry.”

“Hey that’s you never used to do this. You’ve got a whole lot of girl in you now literally Dylan it’s part of how we cope with being girls and all the hormones and feelings and pressures and stuff. We get to do that as a release valve.”

“I know I can feel it and normally I’d have taken off and gone like rollerblading or hit the punching bag or slap pucks until I burned it off to where I could handle it but this was different.”

“Good.”

“Yeah…” I reach out to hug them and touch everyone close to me and say “I’m kind of getting this whole sisterhood thing too…”

I get hugged some more and there’s a chorus of “Goods.”

The night spins on from there and I really feel a lot more relaxed. There’s this bonding thing here now. They were here when I had my freak out and that means a lot to me as a girl, but…but…it’s the guy me that is actually more touched and effected. Like I said we don’t go to those places easily, sometimes it’s only one or two most trusted friends will get to see another guy really open up, or really special girlfriends or wives. Sometimes not even then if the previous hurts were enough for the guy to hide behind the biggest walls he can make. But all of that stuff just got bi-passed because they were here for my freak out, when I was most vulnerable right up there to everything in the hospital.

For them to have my back like this and to not make fun or look down on me and just be cool about it, better than cool about it means a lot.

It’s a huge thing.

I get up and move to one of the fluffy chairs where I can see all of them. “Hey Girls…this means a lot you know, more that a lot…I know you girls just do this stuff that it’s part of you and I’d be damned honoured if I get to have that as part of me too in time but I just wanted to really explain it…”

There’s a bunch of nods and stuff and they sit and get comfortable.

“Guys do have these feelings but we’re taught to hide them, there’s stigma and shame sometimes to them and it’s all mixed up from stuff in our past. Every guy has something or things that had happened where they are open, vulnerable for those first times and it’s like a kid learning what hot is for the first time. We get the message really quick once we’re hurt and we’re taught to not let stuff like that to get to us.

Why are we so hard to get to know, to get into? Every Guy that like that feels alone, is taught to be alone and he’s been hurt so up come the walls. Some of us build them so good we can’t get out ourselves.

The thing is it’s lonely and scary even if we’ll never admit that. There are so few people who ever get through those walls we really treasure them but we’re always testing them and pushing them away because they could hurt us all over again or worse.”

There’s a collective quiet for a few minutes and then tears and sniffles and even a few of them going. “Okay that makes sense…” and a few that are really thoughtful and Deidre looks like she’s kind of smug happy and Hill’s nodding.

I’m surrounded by these girls who did that for me. I’m still a little teary but guy teary I guess as I make my rounds hugging them and thank them and tell them how awesome they are and I’m told that no guy has ever just simply laid out why we are the way that we are before.

We still sort of keep going and it’s clothe I’m more willing to try on and I’m even schooling them in some of the stuff that I’ve found sexy about a girl. I like a dressed down girl just as much as a made up one to the nines.

Show me a girl just being herself in the sweats or the yoga pants and a simple shirt and stuff like that and it’s just as sexy to a guy because the girl is being real. “It’s really simple girls if he doesn’t thing you’re as hot and special and funny in this stuff then he isn’t really serious.”

“Why?” several of them ask.

“Maturity, walls, just raised in an unhealthy way towards women.”

“Unhealthy?”

“Yeah Y’know it happens a lot abusive homes and drunks or drugs or just something as shitty as settling just so you’re not alone. We all pick up on the stuff we were raised in. There’s w huge amount of people that really have no idea what a real loving and healthy relationship works. Unhealthy.”

“Wow, you kind know a lot about this stuff.”

“Uh-huh, guy brain and girl brain even if I didn’t know it and there’s me and Amy, and the stuff about our relationship every year and that cycle of breaking it off and getting together then dating back home and getting into all of that. I couldn’t help but to think about it a lot.”

“So what are you looking for? Like the decent guys.”

“I talked about that with Hillary once. It’s actually simple we want our best friend, that person we can do anything with, will try anything with and will tell them anything. It’s more than friends, it’s not friends with benefits…its love, there’s someone out there that you just click with and have more faith in and hopes for than anyone else.”

There’s some big sighs at that and I even join in and lean against the wall. Okay I’m just as mopey over love as any girl and you know what, under the bullshit so are most guys. I just I guess get to be extra into it.

Clothes lead to a few fun or sort of fun things. They strap me into a corset which I don’t mind to much actually, I like the look I don’t think I can pull off princess but yet the sort of goth thing…maybe. I’ve got dark, dark brown hair so a red corset top and a choker but guy it up with a suit jacket and a nice neck tie…?

That heads to working on my look. Make up and stuff, I actually look kind of either in the face a pretty girl or a way too pretty boy. Just a bit of a unisex hair style, some really light lip-gloss and some eyeliner and I sort of push the edge of that look and feel.

I’m having fun to when I start to get it.

Hair, clothes, make up, all of this is a form of language to and for women. It says what their about, how their feeling that day, showing their hopes and not just advertising those things but asking to be seem as that too.

The girl in the sexy business suit feels good and powerful dressed like that, it armors her from the daily minutia, she wants still to be seen as a woman and as someone beautiful but serious about the stuff she’s doing and respect and….

It’s like art, a woman wears and outfit for herself, then the world but all of it put together is this huge symbolic palate.

There’s a periodic table of femininity…holy shit.

The more I’m getting it the more this idea makes sense too. I can almost feel the way that the different outfits look on the different girls in different ways and just like art there’s stuff that moves them like my youngest cousins getting this whole female boost when they get to learn and get accepted into the whole make up and heels thing and that stuff for the older girls that they don’t get to do.

There’s stuff right here that just makes so much sense. Huh, maybe I’ll take like anthropology or something like that when I get to university. There’s something’s that are so coming of age here I’m seeing and really important events to a girl.

I’d have been really a poorer person if I hadn’t gotten to have this experience. I can feel the changes sort of in my head as yeah I’m kind of getting a bit more alright with this.

I get a whole bunch of. “No fairs!” when I’m better on heels than half the girls and I even take some of the younger girls aside and whisper my secret to them in their ears.

Okay…getting a being a big sisterly sort of hug really rocks. I’m watching them motoring around in their heels to the annoyance of the few older girls they’re getting a lot better at faster.

Hill comes over and passes me a hot chocolate…scalded milk, nutmeg and melted Caramilk bars in it for the chocolate.

“Okay spill how are you doing that and what did you tell them that they got that so quickly?”

I sip my hot chocolate and purr a bit at how good it is. I have the whole girly chocolate thing going on. I smile and lean against her. “I’m not telling, you’ll just have to send your girls to me when it’s time for them to walk in heels.”

“Come oooonn, I’ll keep it to myself, pinkie swear.”

“Okay…” we hold out our pinkies and I do my first ever pinkie swear. I do actually pick up this does mean something.

I lean on her and whisper into her ear. “Ice skating.”

“Huh?”

“Yeah, you do hockey or figure skating you’re on two thin blades higher in the air than normal and there’s a lot of times were you have to walk in skates.”

I point to the girls. “Their just walking in skates.”

Hill looks at me and bursts out laughing and we hug. I actually hang closer with her and Deidre during the night. I mean there was tonight, and then all the stuff me and Hill have been through since all this started and me being there for her and her freak out…I think I might be closer to Hill than Jax now. And Deidre she had my back tonight and the other night sticking up for me and she’s always been a pretty good cousin but now she’s pretty damned cool too.

There a few more things like the junk foods…oh I’m getting girly with the junk just as much as them, crunchy…Potato chips and popcorn we make hot dogs in the toaster ovens and go through a bunch of those cheap mini pizzas, and the chocolate…Hillary makes these squares that are just damned evil. Mini marshmallows, and you coat them in melted chocolate and you add to it crushed peanuts and cashews then rice crispies and then cool it in the fridge like squares. I ate three really big ones. Hill says her first year roomie put chocolate covered espresso beans in hers…wow…that’ll help you study.

You know after a good freak out and crying there’s this whole thing that just really badly fits. Bawling and chocolate should not go together like smokes and booze. I’m so getting the emotional eating thing that a lot of people have. Dangerous stuff.

And then there were the movies. I didn’t care for The Notebook but I liked Dear John and I liked Ghost and Dirty Dancing even if they were old and I’m really not seeing what they saw in that Swayze guy but whatever (Shrugs.) and we even watched The Princess Bride and that Disney movie Tangled.

I showed the girls a few guy things, Guy stuff every girl should know and a guy will be holy crap about when she does know these things and can even do them. Like throwing a real punch, we use pillows…and turns out most of the girls in my family are pretty well already schooled in that, sports it does turn out they wanted to know some of the stuff about the games like basketball and football and Hockey, baseball they mostly knew. I also didn’t know that most of them were scared of sitting down with their dads and brothers and saying teach me. Between me and the jockettes in the group everyone got good crash course in the basics of the game.

I’d like to see when one of my thirteen year old cousins yell about a ref making a crappy call in front of her dad or brothers.

It was a really good night. Even the spa stuff and the face creams and stuff were pretty tolerable. We all crashed together about five AM all in the main room with the TV and stuff on air mattresses and sleeping bags and quilts and kind of all over the place and all over each other.

I did end up letting out a squeal in the morning when I got up and got dressed.

The little so-and so’s frozen my bra! You’d think you’d notice but by the time you slip your arms through the straps icy effing cold’s settled right on super sensitive boobs. It made my friggin nipples hurt.

I’m chasing them around the yard and their laughing and giggling and stuff and I notice a flicker of blue?

I go over to it and there’s that weird necklace hanging off my tent trailer door. It’s on this weird rope chain necklace like bit kind of like it’s steel or nickel or something but the pendant in this crystal twenty sided spike kind of like a long diamond but obviously not and inside the middle of it is this weird blue green pearly orb. It still looks like something kind of rave like, I mean I can sort of see the orb giving off light like this well …weird bit of stuff you’d like see in one of those oil sand paintings…it’s oddly hypnotic and the more I stare at it the more there looks like there’s light inside of it.

“I though I garbaged this thing?”

I shrug and Dad’s calling so I shove it in my pocket and jog over.

***

~Good, they have it back. It took me three days before I found it in that refuse place. But they…They are not at all what I expected? This place is weird, I need to go and really slip into regen. ~